Dying Man Gets To Watch Batman V Superman and Spoils the Ending

Tom Wallis who says he is Batman's biggest fan was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Not given long to live he really wanted to see the Batman v Superman movie that will be out next March but he didn't think he had that long.
Loved ones contacted Zack Snyder the director who confirmed that the movie was ready they just needed to add some more CGI explosions, make the editing a lot worse than it is and to make the fans wait even longer for no reason .... they might even just shelf the movie, depends how well Marvel does. 

Tom got to see the movie at a private viewing in Hollywood. "It was meh, too long and slow paced, I get it already, Superman is like a christ figure, bored now. Affleck was ok though he's no Christian Bale. I can't believe they had to kill off Lois Lane after she seduces the both of them in order for the two to become friends, you didn't even see her topless. I wanted Batman to beat Superman to show all those morons who think that Superman would win but now I go to my death without that question answered .... thanks a lot Snyder."

Still hanging onto life Tom has contacted Marvel studios to see if there was any chance of letting him watch Captain America: Civil War before he died as he is Captain America's biggest fan. 

Sausage Rolls Of Death

 

 WHO announcing something probably important ... to them.  

The World Health Organization which as you've probably guessed is full of vegetarian hippies says yer at risk of getting cancer if you eat processed meats ..... well they used the word probably because this medical stuff isn't fucking science.

Remember when AIDS used to scare people and you'd shun all queers and burn them out of their homes after you end up drunkenly snogging some bloke then you find out he's ghey? .... oh, just me then. Well cancer is kinda like that, it's been the big bad for years. It robbed us of cunts like John Wayne, Steve McQueen, Walt Disney, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and even some people I liked such as Lana Turner, Paul Newman, Vincent Price, Deforest Kelley, Elisabeth Sladen and George Harrison. In fact IMDB have 4,689 names of famous people that died of cancer, far more females than males.

With WHO putting processed meats onto its list of terrorists it forgets to get mentioned that you "probably" won't die of cancer unless you eat processed meats from cans, jars of sauce, bacon, sausages and chicken Mcfucken nuggets every day washed down with 10 ciggies and a pint of Round up and lead a generally unhealthy lifestyle.
What do WHO actually do anyways?  I've never met anyone from WHO yet they think they know what is best for me. 

 Enjoy life .... at yer dead end low paying job because there is plenty of time to be dead later.

Chances of you being murdered because yer a cunt are way higher or maybe the screaming banshee will get ya. If you go through life worried about what might possibly kill you then are you really living?

WHO are a bunch of fun sucking twatwaffles. Next year they'll be discussing if coffee is harmful too. For years coffee has been accused of causing cancer or coffee enemas are being touted as a cure for cancer .... make up yer minds.

Chances are that coffee enemas don't cure cancer .... going by all the people who went with alternative medicine.

Mobile phones probably don't give you cancer but video games makes you want to shoot people and being religious makes you want to molest children ... it's a fact! Or might not be, do we really want facts if we don't like what they say? 

If you werk night shifts, have a coal fire or live near a power plant, get Hepatitis from prison sex, use hormonal birth control, drink alcohol, live with air pollution, smoke tobacco or hang around with a smoker, have an x-ray, lick bars of lead, spray the weeds in yer garden, eat pickled onions or gherkins, do handyman werk with wood or with metal, werk in a dry cleaners, are a firefighter, eat red meat or hotdogs then don't bother reading this, yer dead.

 

How does this picture make you feel? Inadequate, horny, angry, jealous, curious? If it made you feel anything then yer not dead yet so well done defying the odds.   

WHO won't make me change my eating habits, what is the alternative, being vegetarian? If Old Knudsen became a vegetarian he'd have more energy and would probably end up running a European cuntry and before you know it he'd be throwing some minority group into ovens or something. Famous vegetarians have been Hitler, Genghis Khan, Ted Bundy, Margaret Thatcher, Darth Vader and Sauron Lord of Mordor. 

Never trust a person who 1) turns down a bacon butty and 2) thinks that snot is a food group.

Some people smoke 100 a day and live until they are 150, life is a crap shoot. They told Old Knudsen he'd go blind because he wanked so much but no, his vision is just a little blurry so fuck all those anti-wank people who knew nothing. Sure he must shave the palms of his hands every week but it's a small price to pay.



   

    

Faith Healing On The NHS

People are stupid, when stupid people become fearful or desperate that stupidity only gets worse. Throw in some religion and you have stupidity more closer to drain bamage.  The horror it must be when parents are told that their child has cancer. Unless their kid is a cunt of course and they never wanted children anyway.

Josh Martin aged 14 from Northern Ireland was rushed to the hospital a year ago and had some tumours removed from his abdomen. Then what followed were months of chemotherapy, surgery and hospital stays.

It turned out that he didn't need any of that shit. What the fuck do doctors and nurses have to do with healthcare anyways? Would we even get ill if we didn't have hospitals? Those places are germ factories where you go to die, Ben Carson told me.

Josh and his parents had something far stronger than surgeries and chemo, they had faith. Well obviously their faith wasn't very good a year ago for him to get cancer, maybe Josh started to play with himself more or maybe his parents who are pastors at Bangor Elim Church were cheating on each other or gambling or something, anyways God sent cancer their way probably to make them stop being so fucking smug and pious as pastors tend to be.

So thousands of people prayed for Josh and his hashtag and his cancer is now totally gone .... for the moment. The question is why did they waste so much tax payer money? Why did they just not pray to start off with? I hope that those thousands with the praying have all stopped going to the doctor every time they are ill, just pray that unwanted baby away because God is listening.

 Is she real? 

 

Josh has said that he knew that God was looking out for him and that he would be ok .... Wow Josh, aren't you just so special, you must be going to do something great like um cure cancer or herpes. Maybe you'll design a really realistic sex doll, yeah, God wants that.

When Malala Yousafzai was shot in the head at the age of 15 she was flown to the UK for surgery and healthcare, when she got better and talked to the press she thanked God for her recovery, she didn't thank him for the bullets though.

When will we learn our lesson? Teenagers are ungrateful fuckwits that have their heads up their holes. Many people, not deities saved the lives of those two twatwaffles. Doctors, nurses, cleaners, caterers, the guy at the powerstation, whoever invented surgery, the bloke that delivered the meds, blood donors, tax payers blah blah blah .... the people that taught those people how to do their jobs and above all some good fortune.

God had nothing to do with it unless you go with the whole 'we are god' thing but religious people are usually one dimensional thinkers and need to have a being called God. This is God's will, this is God's word, Obama is horrible I will make America great again, death to the great Satan! .... oops sorry, I got carried away with the forced soundbite of the fanatic.

Seriously people, give credit to those who did the werk.      
       

Dr Dick Says Cancer Is Fab!

Dr Richard Smith .... reality expert.

Dr Richard Smith, a former of the British Medical Journal and now the chairman of a health technology company said that cancer is 'the best way to die' and that we should 'stop wasting billions' trying to find a cure.

Did Smith just forget to take his meds that day? If only there was a cure for stupidity.

His logic ... if you could call it that, "So death from cancer is the best... You can say goodbye, reflect on your life, leave last messages, perhaps visit special places for a last time, listen to favourite pieces of music, read loved poems, and prepare, according to your beliefs, to meet your maker or enjoy eternal oblivion."


"This is, I recognise, a romantic view of dying, but it is achievable with love, morphine, and whisky. But stay away from overambitious oncologists, and let’s stop wasting billions trying to cure cancer, potentially leaving us to die a much more horrible death."

His comments were made in relation to filmmaker Luis Bunuel’s fear of over treatment in his dying days.

Cancer specialists and charities have come out to say a collective 'wise the fuck up' as many patients with cancer suffer horrible and would not say it is the best way to die ... 'we're not dead yet ya cunt!'

There are many different types of cancer with varied amounts suffering. Actress Lynda Bellingham who died last year,  gave up treatment for bowel cancer because the agony it caused was so great and the results non-existent. Should we give up on trying to cure cancer then? 

Deaths from breast cancer have gone down from 17,500 just 25 years ago to 11,700 .... if we had the dark ages reasoning of Dr Smith (PhD in geography doesn't make you a doctor) then so many more women would have and would be dying unnecessarily.

Deaths from Childhood leukaemia have also gone down, no thanks to Dr Death and his 'cures, do we really need them?' 

Stephen Sutton died of colon cancer just last year aged 19, he was first diagnosed aged 15. He raised £4.96 million for cancer units in 7 hospitals and for education and awareness. Before he died he met numerous famous people including Prime minister David Cameron and he got into the Guinness Book of World Records for The most number of people making heart-shaped hand gestures, he had 554 people doing it ..... you'd be a right cunt if you tried to break that one.  Yeah 555, in yer face!

After his death he was awarded an MBE, his mother collected it for him and said that he didn't do his charity work for recognition.

Dr Smith might say that those 4 years when he wasn't in hospital or too weak to even give a thumbs up that he was experiencing life more vividly than any of us. He might even look upon Stephen's short life and say, "he got colon cancer and died .... the lucky jammy bastard, I bet he enjoyed his death. "

I don't think anyone will say congratulations for getting cancer. Hallmark don't even do a Happy Cancer Diagnosis Day card so no, not great news.

 Lord Byron, best death EVER!

If this had been the 1800's he'd have gone on about how TB was the best way to die closely followed by dying in battle for yer cuntry.  It was just so romantic how he coughed up that blood.

Lets hope David Cameron doesn't hear about this, he'll get a think tank together of "experts" to find out if cancer patients are really bluffing with all that pain they "claim" to be experiencing. Maybe all those dementia sufferers and disabled people are just trying to use up resources and get out of working .... the government already thinks this way, don't encourage them.

People who suffer from pancreatic cancer can have up to 2 years of severe pain which cannot be eased by anything they are given. Very difficult to enjoy a fucking poem when yer in pain and haven't slept properly for days, usually you just want to die .... but unfortunately that's illegal.

Seeing the slow decline of a person is very difficult for the family, especially the children, then you yerself feel the guilt cos you almost wish that the person would die to end their suffering.
Doctors see death and suffering very differently than the patients and maybe Smith is just ignoring all the bad bits and the fact that children and young people die prematurely in favour of the last few days in which the patient is flooded with a cocktail of drugs and made to drift off to death .... any death like that is the best but getting there is not worth it.

Smith's callous professional detachment has distressed many people with cancer and families of those who have lived with it. His article on his blog was probably designed to show that doctors are trying too hard to cure patients that they can do more harm than good so don't bother treating them. Yeah I've had that attitude myself where they say, "you'll be fine" when I've tried to get better treatment and it doesn't work.

"Rather than trying yo treat you we'll just ride it out and see what happens, hey you were going to die of something someday anyway ... lol!"   Not their life, not their problem.

Doctors do not always know best and in this case Dr Richard Smith has shown he's a total Dr Dick.

 

Cutting Off The Left Doesn't Make It Write

Mark Goddard has a reason for looking like this. I don't just mean bad genetics or the fact that he is English, the man is in a world of pain and the NHS won't help.

His left arm has been in pain since a motorcycle accident in 1998 but doctors won't do anything except put him onto 40 pain killers a day. He asked them to cut his left arm off but because he had an in tact, useful hand they refused to.

I can just imagine him talking to himself as he puts his master plan into action, "I'll teach you, like my hand do you? oh boy, I'm crazy .... like a fox, you can't outwit me." I would have used a guillotine for cutting paper. A handy tip for you ... at the end of the world merely unscrew the single screw holding the blade on and you have a handy curved sword.   

So the miserable looking fucker cut his hand off. People in chronic pain can smile for the 5 seconds it takes to take a photo, not that it would be an improvement. C'mon lad, worse things happen at sea.

It was after receiving a letter saying they would not amputate his arm that he started to make the guillotine, maybe he has never used an axe before or maybe he believed how easy it was to cut bits off thanks to the Walking dead and other zombie movies.

He planned it that his wife and son were out and laid plastic and paper doon in the garden. The axe only cut half way through with his hand hanging off backwards and since he wasn't able to reset his machine single handed, he grabbed a scalpel and cut through the rest of the tendons and arteries.

He had a bucket with charcoal burning away and threw his hand onto it so the doctors couldn't sew the hand back on.
After he bandaged his stump he texted his wife to call for an ambulance as the blood still pissed out.

He dragged his machine into the shed and cleaned up his drop sheets a bit. Fair play to the crazy fucker he did sit on the bench outside rather than get blood all over his hoose.

When his wife got there he got her to hose off the patio while they waited for an ambulance. It took a while so he then got her to mow the lawn and put up some shelves ..... hey you can't expect a one handed man to do it.

So now the doctors don't have any reason not to cut off his arm ... or so he thinks. Maybe having a useful hand was merely an excuse for not cutting big bits off yer body off as it's kinda dangerous surgery.

He says he'll cut off more bits of his arm if they don't, how about some psychiatric treatment for the lad. Maybe a chin implant and a hair graft .... the things he does to get out of putting shelves up.

The NHS is full of incompetents and many who just don't care, being in pain is never taken seriously as it's yer word about the level of pain yer in and hey, everyone just wants drugs right?

There are some good people in the NHS but they are fighting against a terrible system and the incompetency of many others.  

Good for him, he may be a crazy fucker but it's a crazy system with crazy standards.

Kris Hallenga has become a spokesperson for breast cancer after being diagnosed with it at the age of 23. When she was 22 she went to her doctor with a large lump in her breast and the doctor said it was hormones, you'll be fine.
After 6 months she still had it and went to a different doctor who said, ach it's probably the pill yer on, go home you'll be fine..... cos that's what doctors do.

She is young and breast cancer in young weemen is not common. It's best to go home and have a cup of tea instead of worrying about tit lumps.

NHS doctors aren't used to thinking outside the box and the last thing they want to do it to raise costs by ordering tests. They don't even weigh you or even take yer blood pressure for fucks sake. The second doctor didn't even re-examine Kris as she had been examined 6 months ago .... huh?????

Kris' mother told her to insist on seeing a consultant and a referral was made for that. By the time all of this took place her breast cancer had spread to her spine.  You can read about her amazing self right here. Kris is now 25 and is living life to the full as you never know how much time you have left or when the drugs will stop working.

It's bad that you have to insist and have to take matters into yer own hands as Mr Goddard did, so to speak.  In the US they would do tons of tests in order to rule things out and it wouldn't takes weeks to get the tests. Of course if you don't have medical insurance or money then yer fucked. The NHS may be crap but it's better than nothing.

If you have to navigate the NHS then here is Old Knudsen's advice.

GP's and other doctors only like things they can see and treat which is why chronic pain and mental illness gets brushed aside and you don't get help. If they can't treat you they may just refer you to someone who can or it's just their way of getting rid of you .... passing the buck.


Be yer own health advocate, if you aren't getting help then insist on it. If you have a lump or strange discharge make sure they do tests. If you aren't happy then see another doctor but demand treatment.

It's in yer best interest to speak up.  Old Knudsen is past caring about the feelings of doctors and surgeons who should know better. If you don't want to do yer job properly then go work at KFC.

When a doctor keeps a stack of blank wills in his briefcase then maybe you should change yer doctor. 

Doctors do not always know what is best for you, they are overworked and underpaid so it is you that must make sure they are doing their jobs. If yer referral is taking too long then check that it was actually sent. If you are told that you are fine but find that hard to believe then don't.

Going into a doctor's office with depression only to be told that you don't have depression is a load of cock.

Doctors do not like people taking time off work and would rather send you back to work even though you'd suffer and get worse. Don't suck it up, don't know yer place. Being a martyr will get you no thanks from anyone .

There will be no statues built to you for going into work and doing yerself more damage and who has time to go to the doctor when there is work to do?   Yer family need you more than yer work colleagues.    

Insist on treatment, be pushy and check up that they are doing their job.


Yer job is to check yer bits and yer tits. Men can get breast cancer too. Any lumps where there shouldn't be lumps, blood coming out where it shouldn't, fever, fatigue, pain, skin or eyes looking jaundiced or skin looking darker, white patches in yer mouth, odd moles or warts, odd weight loss .... if in doubt, get it checked it out.

The sooner the better as catching most health problems early gives you a better chance of being cured.


The NHS isn't free, you pay taxes to support it and so you are the customer. Demand customer satisfaction.  You shouldn't have to threaten legal action or cut bits of yer body off.