Dying Man Gets To Watch Batman V Superman and Spoils the Ending

Tom Wallis who says he is Batman's biggest fan was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Not given long to live he really wanted to see the Batman v Superman movie that will be out next March but he didn't think he had that long.
Loved ones contacted Zack Snyder the director who confirmed that the movie was ready they just needed to add some more CGI explosions, make the editing a lot worse than it is and to make the fans wait even longer for no reason .... they might even just shelf the movie, depends how well Marvel does. 

Tom got to see the movie at a private viewing in Hollywood. "It was meh, too long and slow paced, I get it already, Superman is like a christ figure, bored now. Affleck was ok though he's no Christian Bale. I can't believe they had to kill off Lois Lane after she seduces the both of them in order for the two to become friends, you didn't even see her topless. I wanted Batman to beat Superman to show all those morons who think that Superman would win but now I go to my death without that question answered .... thanks a lot Snyder."

Still hanging onto life Tom has contacted Marvel studios to see if there was any chance of letting him watch Captain America: Civil War before he died as he is Captain America's biggest fan. 

Proof That Jesus Worked In The Service Industry

Professor James Sebastian Willmott-Brown from the Texas university of Christ says that he has found evidence that Jesus actually ran a small fast food outlet and so feeding the 5000 was probably something he did on a regular basis. University archeologists have found remnants of a wall near Bethsaida, Galilee which could obviously have been his restaurant.

While burgers would have been on the menu his Fillet'O'fish would have been popular in the local fishing communities. 



It is Professor Willmott-Brown's aim to show Jesus in his real historical context. 

"Jesus was around 6 foot tall, a slim athletic build from years of wood working. From historical records we know him to have been quite pale in skin tone and with blue eyes. Being an ancient version of a motivational speaker he had an energy which would captivate his audience, even the ones there just for the free food. He would have course smelled like burgers and had greasy hair but this was accepted by many because he could heal through the power of touch, could fly and fire blasts of energy from his hands, there is no proof that he could turn invisable and that sounds totally preposterous to me anyway and nothing a true scholar would even suggest."

All historical records and evidence are secret as you just have to believe .... thems the rules.  

FAST FACT:   98% of Christians fall for the Nigerian e-mail scams.

It is thought that Jesus wasn't really killed by the Romans on behalf of the Jews as accounts of the crucifixion and the whole putting the body into a tomb rather than burying him just doesn't add up to what was normally done at the time. It is thought that Jesus fled to France and became an alcoholic dying of heart failure aged 53 which explains why he has never returned. 

A secret French organization called the Plume de merde can trace it's members back to the Christ family of south east France. Jesus lived with Mary Magdalene who kept getting mysteriously pregnant (by God) as his mother had done.  

The clues are all out there. Jesus had a twin with whom he had an incestuous affair with. We believe the twin's name was Christian .... Hence the expression Jesus fucking Christ. Living with 12 blokes shows Jesus as being a man's man though he loved his mammy and even had the odd fag hag tag along.  

If you came here looking for half naked weemen today, here, have some Middle Eastern tits. Female breasts are a sign of God's love for us.    

Tune in next week for a celebrity death and after life match. Unwanted baby cast aside to live with primitives as the ultimate illegal alien battles a child of deity rape who was allowed to be tortured to death by his father, who has the most anger? Who has the most issues?    

Will Superman's arrogance as the man of steel be his undoing? Will natural Middle East rage and blood lust be enough for Jesus to win? 

Who knows, who cares?

 

I Know You Want It

If you are going to do a poll on sexual abuse in bars the best place to go to is Toronto, Canada. The Canadians have had an image of being friendly, quirky and polite but we all know that friendly people hide their dark side so they can strike when yer guard is doon. Fuck .... Old Knudsen hates nice friendly people. 

 

I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two

Remember when the man of steel became the pervert with wood?  I don't mean the wooden acting that goes along with the role. He pretended to be a nice guy, basing his character on Canadians no doubt but we weren't fooled. 

 

Researchers at the University of Toronto and the University of Washington did a study to see if man's sexual aggressiveness in bars matched his level of intoxication .... it didn't.

I don't know why the University of Washington (DC that is .... like Superman) got into it, might as well do a study as to why the capitol is full of tweaker crackheads ...... and thats without Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness's visit to promote trade with Northern Ireland.  

The aggression witnessed by the trained researchers had 25%  of all incidents involving sexual aggression and that 90% of victims were women being harassed by men.

The aggression was physically touching women without consent, threatening contact and verbally harassing their targets.

Ya know, foreplay ..... boys will be boys. 

 

Did the researchers get it wrong?  Well grabbing someone's breasts and disappearing into the crowd gives out a certain message. 

Men didn't get pished and then tried it on, they tried it on when they saw a vulnerable drunken female.

Bar staff didn't step in to help these weemen and so maybe that shows that training should be given to promote safe socializing areas. 

Why should this behaviour be tolerated anywhere?

Again it goes without saying that weemen should not get so pished that they cannot look after themselves or don't have trusted people looking out for them. It's common sense. 

You should be able to dress like Honey Boo Boo and go out on the tear safely, it's yer right. 

 

There are cunts out there who appear normal by day but as soon as they see an opportunity they pounce. It's a pity people do not listen to their instincts anymore. Just give listening to yer inner voice now and again a try and it will be like angels whispering to you, keeping you safe.    

Men choose their targets as drunken slappers are less likely to be able to fight back  and things can be laughed off cos she is totally blootered right?

I'm not going to make excuses for my fellow man, there are good and bad people of both sexes, especially those hoors that turn doon Old Knudsen but my instincts told me how to sort them out. 

The study was published  in Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research. if you want to read about how lame and rapey men are when they think they can get away with it. 

Stay safe, if you can.