The Gospel Truth

If you have an important message or some wisdom to share it's best you write it down right? Diogenes, Polemon, Pythagoras, Plato, Socrates, Sallust, Aristotle and countless more going back 6 hundred years BC have ensured that their wisdom is spread to thanks to FB memes. 

Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life ~ Aristotle 

They were wise and did not rely on uneducated followers who may have been good at catching fish and spinning the odd yarn but no way did they trust their words of wisdom to them on the off chance that it got repeated. 

"I wasn't there but Billy's cousin's friend said he saw Jesus walk on water because footpaths are just so pedestrian and that he turned water into wine after brewing it for 3 weeks .... true story bro"

 Then I said to the private don't call me 'sir' you little tosser, I work for a living. 

While old Knudsen was in the army, a high ranking officer gave a speech and he told the famous tale that is most likely an urban legend about an order given in the trenches during WWI. The order was, 'We are going to advance, can you send us reinforcements?'

That message got passed on until it reached its target and due to the various people it went through the order was now, 'We are going to a dance, can you lend us three and fourpence?'

It didn't get a laugh, in fact we were quite the tough crowd. The life of Brian covered Chinese whispers with that blessed are the cheese makers scene. Did Jesus have a scribe follow him everywhere turning his adventures into dime store novels?

 What's he doing? Is it some words of wisdom?

Could Jesus even write? He was a carpenter and though some called him Rabbi that could have just meant teacher. Maybe he taught woodwork and substituted as the PE teacher too. Take yer shirts off, your team are skins .... um but what about our covenant with God?    

Which is why you play 5 a side, not four a side in case you had to be the four skins ... Ka-Chow!  

Can you trust the word of a carpenter? You can't even trust rulers and tape measures and they use those all the time. I thought the old expression was you measure once and count it twice, for years I've been telling folk (family, friends and the staff at Tesco) about my 8 inch penis, no wonder the shelves I put up always look weird. 

The real expression is measure twice, cut once then when you fuck it up hire a pro but claim that you did it. 

 The fucker just wrote his name!

If Jesus existed (no proof that he did) then why didn't he write down his words? You don't ride a donkey on a special day and hold outdoor sermons if you aren't trying to get a following. The fucker didn't even have a blog or maybe we'll find it in a cave someday. The Dead sea blog.  

Comments, John:  "First!"  

                  Genesis:   "Second :(" 

                  Revelations: "last"

                  Yummymummy: "I made 18,000 Shekels working from home"

The Romans were great at keeping records and accounts which is odd they didn't mention Jesus and all the trouble he put them through. Nope, not a word. 

 I would have put more dick chopping in it.

The Old Testament was written by who? Some semi illiterate drug addled blood thirsty rape and incest loving hack that hadn't even been to Egypt it seems. No one owned up to writing it cos it was sooo crap. 

You know nothing Jesus Christ

The New Testament came from stories told 30 years plus after the death of Jesus, the guy that no one had ever heard of. Complied by the Romans 400 later who picked what they wanted to go into it. Many chapters didn't make it into the book.

Not a single word was written by Jesus and because this old fisherman told me so isn't such great proof. The agenda at the time was to spread Christianity and to replace paganism as new trends appeared. It's funny how the Christians go on about being persecuted for their faith, maybe they were for a few years but there was never a sustained, targeted persecution of them. 

Nothing compared to what Christians did to Muslims, Pagans, women and yer basic heretic which could be anyone that wasn't them. 

Those stories we've seen of Christians hiding in caves to meet in secret came from about 6 colourful accounts written as late as 311 AD and written for various reasons that may have bent fact a little. People got executed for numerous reasons that wasn't their faith.

For 3 years 303 - 306 AD the Romans recorded that Christians were not allowed to hold public office. The main beef the Romans had was the divine status of the emperor. How could you trust people that didn't think the guy fucking his horse was a god? 

I'm pretty sure this isn't horse riding.

Back then Christianity was probably viewed as a crazy cult as followers still believed in the end of the world as they do today 2000 years on and often sought out martyrdom. Death by Roman. 

So not only were Christians in public office but they had temples and lived openly amongst the pagan Romans. The largest religion in the world today and they still whine about being persecuted .... they are fucken crazy and paranoid not persecuted. 

You can thank the Romans for making Christianity, not second hand stories from people that allegedly saw miracles and ghosts. Jesus didn't write down any of his important words because he didn't have any. 

The Gospel truth, terms and conditions may apply as truth is a matter of perspective. 

   

You Remind Me Of My Daughter

Remember when Donald Trump said, 'my daughter Ivanka has a great figure and is beautiful, if I wasn't her father I'd date her .... in fact I'd totally demolish her back doors and spunk all over her titties better than she's ever had.'

Or words to that effect. Yeah most probably thought that was well creepy, unlike the story of the father reuniting with his long lost daughter when she was 18 and having a sexual relationship because she felt 'comfortable' with him and who plan to marry and have loads of chinless kids, because that shit is just romantic. They'll be living in New Jersey because adult incest is legal there ... well that explains a lot. 

A senior solicitor aged 57, Alexander Carter-Silk got a friend request via Linkin from younger barrister Charlotte Proudman. He sent her a message saying something like, 'great to connect with you and your profile picture is most stunning' ..... she didn't appreciate being objectified by an old dude (so picky) so she posted his message for all to see. 

She can call her male friends on social media "hot" because well there isn't a 30 year age gap so that's acceptable hypocrisy and less awkward than someone she just wants to further her career with.   

When yer 57 yer standards of beauty change and weemen who were average when you were young are now stunning. Even a basic head and shoulders shot with a hair do straight out of the Lego box gives you the horn, especially if she is coming on to you by sending you a Linkin request .... glad to see it's not just Old Knudsen who can read between the lines. 

I can't remember my Linkin password so don't take offense that I never accepted yer friending on a service that I never use. I do accept friend requests from people all the time on Facebook (no trolls pretending to be real people please) and yes I do see them as giving me the c'mon and if they LIKE my status then that deserves a dick pic in their inbox. 

Is that inappropriate? My ASD or is it my apathy doesn't know or doesn't give a fuck cos that is how I roll. 

    A Dick Cheney pic for yer inbox. 

Alexander Carter-Silk is obviously a wanker though, I know this because he has a double barreled name. Those people think they are soo important they should waste yer time writing more names than usual, was Carter his maiden name? .... nope he's just a wanker so it's fitting that he's a lawyer, or solicitor as we Brits call them. You can get arrested for soliciting ya know. 

Carter-Silk did a Trump, he posted a picture of his 27 year-old daughter Ellie who is a fitness trainer and the same age as Proudman and typed, "While I should not encourage lascivious comments about my daughter… Yeee gods she is hot" it's a black and white picture, she is fully made up and doesn't look that hot in other pics but beauty is in the eye of the masturbator. 

Would it be appropriate to comment, 'I bet she's a right psycho hose beast that could suck the skin right off my pork sword with that horsey mouth' or would a discreet LIKE do the trick? 

Clicking LIKE is a way of saying, I've seen your post or I agree but can't say what I really think or if yer feeling too lazy to comment or think a comment might come over as being negative or if yer being passive aggressive. People take and use the LIKE button in so many different ways. Clicking LIKE on an animal cruelty post doesn't mean you condone animal cruelty, if you did I wouldn't think anything less of you ... could I think anything less? I reckon I'm at the bottom of yer barrel matey. 

 

Here is a picture of my daughter Angie from my 7th marriage maybe???? Was there even a wedding? I do black out a lot.  I'm always telling her to go and put some clothes on and have caught her many times not wearing any underwear, it's shocking ....  she never remembers to lock the bathroom door either, I rush in and take pictures of her to cause embarrassment so she'd lern a valuable life lesson. What if some old creepy guy kept waiting for her to take a dump so he could rush in with a camera? 

My daughter is at that age where she doesn't come round to visit, probably poisoned by things my ex has said about me, all lies obviously. So I miss out on cranking up the heat and just watching her sleep as she throws off the covers or watching the footage when she brings home a date, all the little milestones you all take for granted. 

However, saying that yer daughter is hot totally crosses the line, what a sick fucker. Those pervy fathers should remind themselves before they make comments like that, that those gurls are somebody's daughter.    

        

Proof That Jesus Worked In The Service Industry

Professor James Sebastian Willmott-Brown from the Texas university of Christ says that he has found evidence that Jesus actually ran a small fast food outlet and so feeding the 5000 was probably something he did on a regular basis. University archeologists have found remnants of a wall near Bethsaida, Galilee which could obviously have been his restaurant.

While burgers would have been on the menu his Fillet'O'fish would have been popular in the local fishing communities. 



It is Professor Willmott-Brown's aim to show Jesus in his real historical context. 

"Jesus was around 6 foot tall, a slim athletic build from years of wood working. From historical records we know him to have been quite pale in skin tone and with blue eyes. Being an ancient version of a motivational speaker he had an energy which would captivate his audience, even the ones there just for the free food. He would have course smelled like burgers and had greasy hair but this was accepted by many because he could heal through the power of touch, could fly and fire blasts of energy from his hands, there is no proof that he could turn invisable and that sounds totally preposterous to me anyway and nothing a true scholar would even suggest."

All historical records and evidence are secret as you just have to believe .... thems the rules.  

FAST FACT:   98% of Christians fall for the Nigerian e-mail scams.

It is thought that Jesus wasn't really killed by the Romans on behalf of the Jews as accounts of the crucifixion and the whole putting the body into a tomb rather than burying him just doesn't add up to what was normally done at the time. It is thought that Jesus fled to France and became an alcoholic dying of heart failure aged 53 which explains why he has never returned. 

A secret French organization called the Plume de merde can trace it's members back to the Christ family of south east France. Jesus lived with Mary Magdalene who kept getting mysteriously pregnant (by God) as his mother had done.  

The clues are all out there. Jesus had a twin with whom he had an incestuous affair with. We believe the twin's name was Christian .... Hence the expression Jesus fucking Christ. Living with 12 blokes shows Jesus as being a man's man though he loved his mammy and even had the odd fag hag tag along.  

If you came here looking for half naked weemen today, here, have some Middle Eastern tits. Female breasts are a sign of God's love for us.    

Tune in next week for a celebrity death and after life match. Unwanted baby cast aside to live with primitives as the ultimate illegal alien battles a child of deity rape who was allowed to be tortured to death by his father, who has the most anger? Who has the most issues?    

Will Superman's arrogance as the man of steel be his undoing? Will natural Middle East rage and blood lust be enough for Jesus to win? 

Who knows, who cares?

 

Kim Jong-un Calls For World Peace

Showing America how to control a crowd.

Kim Jong-un the dictator of North Korea stopped starving and oppressing his people to take a swipe at the US. 'Look at you America, you've imprisoned more people than anyone, you number one laughing stock' 
Yes America does have the world's largest prison population and that is why the US is so safe, because the criminals are all in prison. Also because everyone have guns that adds yet another layer of safety and protection.

Most Americans feel so safe that they only lock the doors to their hooses in case of hungry bears or racoons getting in and stealing their burgers and hotdogs. 

 Christopher Buckner, 20, and her brother Timothy Savoy, 25

America is so peaceful and full of love that brother and sister often fuck in their trailers inspired by such movies as The Notebook ..... You should have seen what these two did after watching The Waterhorse and why is a gurl named Christopher? to remind her that her parents wanted a boy?

If found to be acting suspicious by the police, never volunteer that you just fucked yer sibling in the ass .... three times cos twice isn't as romantic .... 3 times is Ryan Gosling romantic.  

I came, I saw, I pointed.

Lil Kim also expressed his disgust at the Ferguson riots, ' You shoot black people dead, you no love your people as I love mine, we never kill black people'  Yes America should stop shooting black people, especially out of season. North Korea imports American black people like Dennis Rodman to play basket ball ... does that sound racist to you?

  Russian police get stuck in after someone muttered a complaint about queuing for food for 3 hours.

Russia ... that cuntry ruled by yon ex KGB agent complained about the heavy handed US police and described them 'as the Ku Klux Klan dressed up as law enforcers'  aye Russia would never harm its minorities, just ask the Georgians Chechens and Ingush about that .... not to mention the gheys.

The EU have threatened sanctions on Russia if they don't stop invading the Ukraine, 2,500 people dead but all those who recently yapped about Gaza have been very quiet ... oh right, trendy activism, I called it you are a load of moronic hypocrites.
Ukraine are fighting a war for all of us, they gave up their nukes in return for Russian protection ..... nicely played, only Hitler could have pulled that off.
  

 12 outlets were temporarily closed to try to find faults



Russia have started to pick on the 400 McDonald's restaurants they have. Locally run and employ thousands of people the Russian food hygiene department have decided to examine their procedures after 10 years, before that they just let them get on with it.

KFC and Subway have been spared this unwanted attention so far. If more sanctions hit, Russia may pick on all western owned businesses as they have done with fruit imports from Poland.  You can't sanction Russia, Putin doesn't give a shit what the people eat, he sanctions himself and laughs.    

When  cuntries like Russia an North Korea call you on yer poor human rights record there must be something wrong.

Some free advice to the US, send yer convicts to places like Australia or to some lovely islands in the Bay of Bengal, it worked for us and as for police brutality in low class communities, try building walls around all yer ghettos so the people inside feel more secure.

Oh and yer leader should never go to a press conference and declare to the world that he doesn't have a clue what to do ..... that sounds more like DUP leadership and isn't very inspiring.  

The Racist Spides Of East Belfast

 Loca is only!

East Belfast is yet again showing the world what a lovely and inviting place Northern Ireland is not. We are tribal and closed on Sunday, that says it all so fuck off! Nothing here for us so don't be thinking you'll get anything.

We don't want foreigners coming over here and doing the jobs that we are too lazy to do, whats next shagging our weemen? You fuckers with yer chins and lack of hereditary illnesses make me sick, as does me family history of  marrying his first cousins and uncles.

 Don't be fooled, there is no music playing.

First there was the feces thrown over the Romanian who was on the bicycle and now 3 homes where Polish people live got attacked. Along with the several attacks on the office of the political party the Alliance party, it's been a pretty full week for East Belfast. 

It's a Protestant area which means high unemployment, low education levels, confusion with their national identity and bitter resentment about the need to hide their sexual orientation.

Locals only!

Yep East Belfast people like to keep it in the family. The problem is that a population with reduced genetic material finds it difficult to adapt to changes in environmental conditions such as flags being flown on designated days instead of everyday.

"It's stripping away my heritage, It's chipping away at my British identity" ...... what the fuck does that mean? ...... "Uh I dunno I heard someone say it on the telly .... so I did." 

Facial deformities and mental deficiencies are common in East Belfast and many other hamlets of homely love throughout Northern Ireland .

During the Troubles the rest of the world shrugged at Northern Ireland's stupidity, Protestants against Catholics????? How very 17th century, white people killing white people what the fuck is that about? 

Now we carry out racists attacks against white people because we white people don't want white people around here, especially ones who don't speak through their noses and can speak English better that us. 

Aye it's all just a warm up for 11th July which is like yon movie The Purge in which it is acceptable to take out personal grudges on them uns and others who are different or looked at you funny once.  

When will we learn from history? World War I was caused by inbred fuckers, we think WWIII will be because of North Korea having a bad hair day or Tensions rising in Ukraine but no, it will be because of the incest lovers of East Belfast. 

    

In Space No One Can Hear You Incesting

A Jewish princess and a goofy blonde dude, they make a lovely couple.

Carrickfergus Clown Pussy

When you think of the wee seaside town of Carrickfergus it's probably along the lines of 'shit! I have to go through Carrick, I hope I don't break doon'  ::::::banjos play in the distance:::::::

Isn't odd that right wing Protestants and Catholics come together against abortion and for incest? well I think it's odd. 

Carrickfergus fact file: Due to the air pollution from the nearby power station, the average IQ of a Carrickfergus adult is just below that of a retarded spaniel.

The place is full of child diddling, drug selling, window breaking, dog eating clowns.

The town has recently make it into the news because ...... well someone dressed up as an actual clown. It wasn't even an orginal idea, some bloke did it round Northampton  a few weeks back.

Calling himself Carrick killer clown with his sidekick Gimp boy they go round to houses of people they know and take a blurry photo in front of it and maybe tape a red balloon to the door.

Hilarious stuff, I can't stop laughing ...... no thats not right, I can't start laughing. Like I said, simple folk who are easily amused.

Since it's not funny and going by the hooses visited they have to be Loyalists ... is there anyone else in Carrick for fucks sake?

Carrickfergus fact file: 8 tourists a year die of boredom in Carrickfergus ..... Carrick only gets 8 tourists a year.   

Gimp boy acts like a paramilitary, waving a gun about and posing while wearing a balaclava ..... by the pink knickers it must be UDA or UDghey if you go by their past.

As the marching season winds doon and the flag protests fizzle out, the no chinned gurls and boys of Carrick have to have something else to do.... so another group called the Carrick clown killers has appeared though no dead clowns have been found in the Carrickfergus area so far.
Did I not say UDA? well yon mural is Ulster Defence Union (UDU) which is allegedly the retired members of the UDA.

If the shit fits, wear it.

The flag protests has had it's fair share of clowns.

Out to protect their culture of small cars, flowers that squirt water and falling over ..... usually due to the drink or the water canon.  They took the joke that was the flags protests and they repeated it and now they are the joke.

Carrickfergus the home of the upside doon flag has not just led the world with inbred clowns but has also dabbled in mime. Yon drunken fella who was arrested when he mimed firing a machine at the police was just class ..... Only in Carrick.