Everbody Spies

Old Knudsen cannae tell you about everything hes done in his past, the only person hes ever told EVERYTHING to was a young psychiatrist who ended up going insane and to this day remains a slobbering wretch of a man .... it didn't affect his career any and I hear he practices medicine in London.

Keep practicing lad, someday you'll get it right.

Old Knudsen AKA The Storm Bringer AKA The Grim Raper AKA Death From Kilamory serial number 57- 84C security rating at time of retirement TGA - 17 with a level 4 rating in Extra Terrestrial negotiation and human enslavement processor grade 3 used to be a super secret spy working for the good guys, MI5, MI6, MFI, ASIS, R&AW, MOSSAD, KFC, CSIS, NSA, CIA to name but a few and loads of private contract work, gotta pay me rent, and me dealer etc. 

If I told anybody that, their lives would be over. Just a matter of when and how violent. I let it slip in a conversation with a prostitution I was trying to hire for a job but was short on the amount of funds she requested which I thought at the time to be quite high and I know about being high.  She was found a week later chopped up in a suitcase .... strange huh, but because of my past I can't go to police stations and tell them this, besides I was having some serious varnish related blackouts around that time I wasn't in a good place in me life and peelers are idiots, they would probably blame Old Knudsen or something just as dumb.
The reason why I was in such a bad way was because my wife left me for another man .... and took the dog, fuck I loved that doggie not just as a pet but in ways mere mortals cannae comprehend.

So here I am blabbering on and

You only read my blog for the chance of seeing naked weemen online cos yer too lazy to go searching for porn and yer wife checks yer Interweb history .... domestic spying.

The whole spying thing going on at the moment with Eddy Snowden is giving Old Knudsen flashbacks to the cold war .... fuck it was cold.

 

Nipples popping up like corks. 

The US spying on it's allies ..... terrible so it is.

Even Brazil came out and harshly condemned the US for spying ..... then it turned out that they themselves had been spying on those same allies.

    Carlos from Rio wants to know what you are wearing.

So Brazil came out with a very good reason as why it would be spying on the likes of Germany. 'To see if they were spying on Brazil'  as Dr House says, "Everbody spies" well he might have said it, I stopped watching him after a while, like Monk like Desperate hoosewives like psyched like Dexter ..... they start getting old after the joke/novelty has been played out.  America has so many TV shows they throw out without a clue on how to get to season 2 and so get cancelled, some shows like Lost get lucky and stick it out till the end.

Ryan Fogle of the US embassy in Russia with his Shaggy wig after the FSB somehow figured out he was a spy. Could it have been the shaggy wig?

Anyway everybody spies and anything goes that you can get away with, you do know that Germany is no doubt spying on everyone too right? if you don't believe that then you live in a cushy middle class sheltered life bubble of inexperience and denial, and you know it otherwise why do you get so worked up when someone accuses you of being middle class? 

Oh but Germany is the victim ..... Germany was asking for it, the way it dresses .  

Old Knudsen has long since retired, the game has gotten way too high tech for him, now they have robots following and assassinating robots, no one needs disinformation jockeys anymore, but what if we do spy-ception a lie built on a lie but based on the truth that actually didn't happen the way people think it did, and then just deny everything? 
You can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time but those who aren't fooled can have their credibility destroyed and maybe have a nasty accident or happen to be in the same place that some teen goes nuts with his assault rifle.

No one asks the right questions anymore but when they do stumble upon the right question to ask the Interweb is waiting to give them the "proper" answer.

The sky is more grey than blue these days, too many cloud-based applications no doubt.
 
    

Power Mad Germany Goes On the Defensive

 

In light of Edward Snowden giving out wee 'yes we knew already' secrets about the US spying on it's allies Old Knudsen, who having had centuries in the security sector feels that he must address the subject.  

The Wintery soldier the brown star legend

Why America and it's allies must spy on Germany .

In January 1917, a British naval intelligence officer named Petty Officer Knudsen intercepted what became the most important telegram in all of American history. It was a daring proposition from Germany's foreign secretary, Arthur Zimmermann, offering German support to Mexico for regaining Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona in exchange for a Mexican attack on America. Five weeks later, America entered World War I. 

The US was trying it's best not to interfere in foreign affairs as they enjoyed a life isolated from all that crap by distance. The sinking of the ocean liner the Lusitania off the coast of Ireland by a U-boat almost got America to join World War I as 159 Yanks went doon on that day in 1915. The telegram in 1917 may have influenced their judgement to enter the war as they were looking for a good excuse that suited the American public.

 The Slutty soldier

Kaiser Bill had even sent guns to the rebellious Loyalist UVF in Northern Ireland so they could fight the British but since they were all talk, "Blah blah blah Orange blah Protestant blah Rome blah not really loyal" the Germans went to work on the Irish doon south instead which was a far better distraction.

Germans are a strange people who get the urge for world domination from time to time. Old Knudsen isn't judging them for that as he respects the very good tries they have made. The Japs are also quite strange but losing 2 world wars got Germany rebuilt and is now doing better than everyone else in Europe and Japan helping them in the sequel has made Japan quite wealthy too ..... now that is something to be resentful about.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel became the face of the BlackBerry Z10 in Germany, her suggestive pouting sent sales through the roof. Did the US hack her phone?

Meanwhile during WWII.

The Wintery soldier Old Knudsen and his sidekick Captain Slutty did become weary of fending off the Hun during those war years. Armed with a shield and a 45 caliber M1911 handgun he and Captain Slutty stopped Operation Scary Scary in 1943..... hold on, a fucking shield? A BAR (Browning Automatic Rifle) would have been nice .

 Ach well ya don't want to make it too easy.  

As any scholar of history will tell you, Operation Scary Scary was Germany creating the world's first 'true' cyborg, probably with the help of aliens as Hitler was known to be in contact with them since 1934.
Criminals were taken from prison and experimented on to become extreme killing machines for the 3rd Reich.        

Unstoppable cyborg killing machines with just one weakness, they could never say no to dessert.

We stopped them of course but at a price (desserts aren't cheap especially during war time) I lost Captain Slutty.
That poor lass with her well defined abs, I'll never forget the way she bent over to pick something up. Aye I lost her somewhere in Bavaria.
We were out celebrating wiping out a legion of these abominations and we got totally pished, most of that night is a blur to be honest. I woke up the next day around noon covered in blood but with no sign of Slutty. I marked her doon as a deserter and made sure everyone in her home town knew about it ..... shame on her family I say.

 

 Killing Germans is great fun but with so many other nations to kill and oppress no one wants selfish cunts hogging all the world attention, it spoils it for everyone else. Do you see a British empire ruling 22% of the earth? no you do not because we had to waste money stopping the Germans twice. Thanks to the Hun the British have been kicked out of dozens of cuntries all around the world.

The US has cyber intelligence far more superior than anyone else. The US is Daniel Day-Lewis while the rest of the world is Robert Pattinson when it comes to cyber espionage and technology.

Everyone spies on everyone else unless they have a treaty not to but the US can do it better and harder than everyone else ...... so why not?

The orders for all the spying habits upon the allies and enemies of the United States have been decided long before Obama, it's a set procedure that grows with the advances in technology however having government contractors knowing all the NSA secrets is a little dumb.
 

Davis Cameron reports directly to Obama so there is no need to hack his phone. Recently it was discovered that David Cameron is soul-less and will not show on many recording devices.  

David Cameron posing with Billy Hatcher, Britain's youngest head transplant recipient.

So yes, America does need to spy on such nations as Germany cos they'll probably start invading any day now with their solar powered tanks. Why the outrage Angela? did they find out that you play FarmVille?  Shame on you if you do ...... some nasty animal porn or a plan to take over the world would be far better.  

 

Obama:  "Angela, I hear you need materials to build a barn, maybe we can help you with that."
    

Shaken Not Stroked

Thank fuck Andrew Parker is going to be the new head of MI5, ol Johnny Evans was an ok boss and made sure we got plenty of smoke breaks but the man was a little scatter brained.  

Mr Parker says:

The Irish dissident republicans are ragged remnants of a bygone age, we have the beggars clearly in our sights. Those Al-Qaeda chappies are a dire threat to the UK but no fuzzy will have us quivering in fear, we shall stand strong against those nasty wogs and give them a taste of British steel! The thin red line has been drawn!   

About time, someone modern with a finger on the pulse of current events. We'll kick yon Irish terrorists and their Islamic friends in the arse..... then we'll take on Germany again. 

Gog save yon Queen!