Olympic Fun In The Jungle

Pitbull (I don't really know this guy) opened the RIO Olympics with his song taste it good bitch. 

Is everyone as glued to the Rio Olympics as I am? When I say glued I really mean sticky as any Pornhub viewing red blooded male associates Rio with chicks with big oiled butts getting triple penetration by the pool as 10 others look on as they tug their lads. 

"Old Knudsen, yer such a pre-vert, how dare you judge others by yer own standards" .... wha? angry random citizen voice in my head. 

That reminds me, got to get my barber to shave my nuts.    

Explain this then. I found this image on yer computer .... er my computer, fuck these voices, they startle and confuse me. Am I you are you me then who are the invisible time travelers that watch me at the foot of my bed as I sleep? .... I always have my fake eye open recording just in case. 

So Olympics .... quit getting side tracked. 

I like the barely legal events. 

I usually only watch the female events because I like seeing weemen do well, glass ceiling and all. Oh I watch the male diving cos how do those banana hammocks stay on then when they hit the water? 

You won't have heard of Hugo Parisi, if he was serious about his "sport" wouldn't he shave his body hair? He's a Brazilian diver that enjoys long walks on the beach and pumping chicks by the pool ... sometimes he just watches and spits on his cock. 

Old Knudsen has shaved all his body hair because all that back hair really does slow you doon. 

  

The female ass grab event was intense, once pinned to the ground they start making out as Careless Whisper is blasted out over the speakers and then cums the strap on round. When did ass grab become a sport, maybe I should give it a go. I'm always doon at the YMCA on ass grab night .... that's any random night when they least expect it BTW. 

What do you mean I only watch it to perv out. You want me to watch muscle men in Lycra with their huge packages bouncing about? Those that personally know Old Knudsen knows his troubles. For years I've battled with the demon drink, drugs, Skittles and fornication. Tempt not least ye be tempted yerself ... oh ok, I'll just do a little. I can quit at any time ya know.

What a terrible shape Old Knudsen would be if he was a poofter too? Ya have to draw the line somewhere. If I was in prison, in the military or on a long sea voyage with Danell Leyva he wouldn't stand a chance, his back doors would get so destroyed that when he does his gymnastics he'd leak bum gravy everywhere. 

So no, Old Knudsen refuses to be ghey, me pastor says it's sinful and that child molesting fuck knows all about sin. To quote him, "do as I say, not as I do" I'd report him to the police but he reminded me about the pastor/flock confidentiality thing.  My hands are tied ... like yon mail courier in me shed. 

Knocking one out because Captain America is fighting Iron man isn't ghey so quit judging me. Oh look Winter soldier turned up ... hey mind if I join in? I'll use my robot arm, it's like a stranger is doing it.

The Rio Olympics has a serious side. While half the cuntry is starving the government built the Olympic stadium and village at great expense in the jungle. How do you shoot street urchins and protesters without the media seeing it? Vans snatching people to do the job elsewhere is what is needed. Is it really a crime if it doesn't make it to social media? 

Being European the loud bangs that guns make frightens me so I hope they do humane things like put a plastic bag over their heads or slit their throats in the bath tub. You don't have to worry about ISIS, they were on Twitter complaining how much tickets cost .... better get selling that oil and those young gurls then.

  

Zika virus is also a concern so they enlisted the help of the Ghostbusters .... all female of course because um that glass ceiling thing. Native Americans Muslims Asians Blacks of course weemen get such a rough deal in life I'm glad to see that the US leads the way with the werld's first ever leader. It's sad that it took the 21st century to make it happen. 

Margret Thatcher, Angela Merkel, Erna Solberg, Kolinda Grabar-Kitarović, Saara Kuugongelwa-Amadhila, Ameenah Gurib-Fakim, Bidhya Devi Bhandari, Beata Szydło, Hilda Heine, Aung San Suu Ky, Tsai Ing-wen,Sheikh Hasina, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Simonetta Sommaruga to name a few oh and Dilma Rousseff, the President of Brazil. 

I golf and date out of my league, no wonder I'm laughing.   

Rory McIlroy refused to participate in the Rio Olympics because of Zika and because golf is not a real sport and he says it's boring as fuck. The Northern Ireland playa says that he can stay at his home in Florida and catch Zika. 

If you watch the Olympics to see who wins then yer just sad fuckers. I may watch for all the wrong reasons just to see those well formed hard bodies or just to chuckle every time I hear the name 'Ennis' but at least I watch. 

Disclaimer: Old Knudsen does not really watch the Olympics and has been masturbating to last year's events due to an incorrect Google search.    

Everbody Spies

Old Knudsen cannae tell you about everything hes done in his past, the only person hes ever told EVERYTHING to was a young psychiatrist who ended up going insane and to this day remains a slobbering wretch of a man .... it didn't affect his career any and I hear he practices medicine in London.

Keep practicing lad, someday you'll get it right.

Old Knudsen AKA The Storm Bringer AKA The Grim Raper AKA Death From Kilamory serial number 57- 84C security rating at time of retirement TGA - 17 with a level 4 rating in Extra Terrestrial negotiation and human enslavement processor grade 3 used to be a super secret spy working for the good guys, MI5, MI6, MFI, ASIS, R&AW, MOSSAD, KFC, CSIS, NSA, CIA to name but a few and loads of private contract work, gotta pay me rent, and me dealer etc. 

If I told anybody that, their lives would be over. Just a matter of when and how violent. I let it slip in a conversation with a prostitution I was trying to hire for a job but was short on the amount of funds she requested which I thought at the time to be quite high and I know about being high.  She was found a week later chopped up in a suitcase .... strange huh, but because of my past I can't go to police stations and tell them this, besides I was having some serious varnish related blackouts around that time I wasn't in a good place in me life and peelers are idiots, they would probably blame Old Knudsen or something just as dumb.
The reason why I was in such a bad way was because my wife left me for another man .... and took the dog, fuck I loved that doggie not just as a pet but in ways mere mortals cannae comprehend.

So here I am blabbering on and

You only read my blog for the chance of seeing naked weemen online cos yer too lazy to go searching for porn and yer wife checks yer Interweb history .... domestic spying.

The whole spying thing going on at the moment with Eddy Snowden is giving Old Knudsen flashbacks to the cold war .... fuck it was cold.

 

Nipples popping up like corks. 

The US spying on it's allies ..... terrible so it is.

Even Brazil came out and harshly condemned the US for spying ..... then it turned out that they themselves had been spying on those same allies.

    Carlos from Rio wants to know what you are wearing.

So Brazil came out with a very good reason as why it would be spying on the likes of Germany. 'To see if they were spying on Brazil'  as Dr House says, "Everbody spies" well he might have said it, I stopped watching him after a while, like Monk like Desperate hoosewives like psyched like Dexter ..... they start getting old after the joke/novelty has been played out.  America has so many TV shows they throw out without a clue on how to get to season 2 and so get cancelled, some shows like Lost get lucky and stick it out till the end.

Ryan Fogle of the US embassy in Russia with his Shaggy wig after the FSB somehow figured out he was a spy. Could it have been the shaggy wig?

Anyway everybody spies and anything goes that you can get away with, you do know that Germany is no doubt spying on everyone too right? if you don't believe that then you live in a cushy middle class sheltered life bubble of inexperience and denial, and you know it otherwise why do you get so worked up when someone accuses you of being middle class? 

Oh but Germany is the victim ..... Germany was asking for it, the way it dresses .  

Old Knudsen has long since retired, the game has gotten way too high tech for him, now they have robots following and assassinating robots, no one needs disinformation jockeys anymore, but what if we do spy-ception a lie built on a lie but based on the truth that actually didn't happen the way people think it did, and then just deny everything? 
You can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time but those who aren't fooled can have their credibility destroyed and maybe have a nasty accident or happen to be in the same place that some teen goes nuts with his assault rifle.

No one asks the right questions anymore but when they do stumble upon the right question to ask the Interweb is waiting to give them the "proper" answer.

The sky is more grey than blue these days, too many cloud-based applications no doubt.
 
    

Andressa Urach Melts My Spunk!

Also known as Miss Bumbum Andressa Urach is a Brazilian lady who is bound to cure Christians of their child sex addictions.

 

  You'd think she'd have a better tan .... I do try not to judge.

Not an attention hoor at all, oh no.

When she goes out for a jog it's all serious business, pounding the pavement relentlessly the sweat pouring off her perfect bum.

But you do have to stop right at those photographers in yer snake like outfit and stretch or ya might hurt yerself.

And bend, yer massive ear rings almost touching the ground, serious runners always have big ear rings in.

Silly me did my lace come untied? .... no? well let me bend over again to check it.

 You love it bitches, I can stick it out all day.

I should also maybe jog for a bit, luckily the coffee shop isn't far, are they still looking at me?

Thanks for the selfie love, Old Knudsen forgives yer vain ways.

 Roll up yer tongue dude, whats yer wife gonna say?

Riots In Brazil, What A Cheek

A fresh wave of violence in Brazil where up to a million people have been thought to have taken part in riots against high transport fares, corruption and the cost of next year's football World Cup. Police have used rubber bullets and tear gas to break up the crowds.

It is not known how many of the rioters had nice big Brazilian butts, OBB news will keep you informed. 

I am disgusted that you think I just posted this to show some nice ass, this is a professional blog so away an fuck before I track you doon from my shite meter and knock yer pan in.

Old Knudsen Takes A Bow

I'm at that point in my blogging career where I stop and think: " How come corn the ultimate recyclable food cums out in my shite but never a nice tasty pickled onion?" I'm sure you have all had the same thought in yer life.

This post is all about me being introspective. Have I lived a good life? does the things I did in that inflatable boat full of mud with the singers 'Pink' and that 'Kerry she kissed a gurl lass' count as good or bad? how will that cunt St Peter founder of the Fenian church see it?

I swore an oath to her majesty the Queen her heirs and successors to defend the crown and I've been doing it for the Queen for years.

I've also done the Queen .................. Andrew (named after a Scottish golf course) I have something to tell you.

I have found the secret of everlasting life, the secret is to not want to live forever and God who is a contrary cunt makes you immortal, or is it immoral? I get confused which led me to cut the green wire, you never cut the green wire its a double bluff you cut the red wire unless yer colour blind and then you cut the puce wire, is that actually a colour? it sounds like something that weeps out of a boil.



I made enemies with the Diocese of Leeds when I posted a story on my news blog. I may have exaggerated and used real names but its fucking satire not satyr so a legal letter to Google was disproportionate, unlike the invasion of the Gaza Strip which was justified. Should have turned it into a car park.

I have posted many beautiful weemen but mostly just half naked ones.

Things have sometimes gotten a little hairy.

But I over came or came over all.

Including a jealously driven spam campaign, I'm telling ya, that gorilla was fucking bananas, smug fucking cowardly denying passive aggressive cunt.

I have posted some great posts, nay works of art. Read and re-read and maybe you'll learn how to blog.


Last week I killed Osama Bin laden. Like many an evil villain he came back to life when my back was turned rising up menacing behind me extremely slowly and then legged it out the door, fucking bastard I didn't even get my just rewards for catching him. Its a young man's game.


I tried to warn you all about the secret lemur world domination plan only to have several people go "huh?" well those people will die horribly because the ones in the movies that never believe the hero until its too late always die.

I have rememberised about my service in Her Majesty's armed farces. Above is me in Belfast in the early 90's about to cull some Taigs, not as widely known as the 'Battle of the revolting Fenians' otherwise known as Bloody Sunday (we won) this day was known as 'flesh wound lunch hour' well I tried but they replaced our powerful SLR's with these crappy plastic SA80's now we are just as effective as Americans. The enemy have better weapons for fucks sake.

I went on to Camp eagle in Kuwait seizing the oil rigs in Iraq before they could be blown up, no I don't expect yer thanks ............. money is enough.

Officially I'm a Colonel though I've been busted many times but thats personal, don't ask don't tell. I don't like to brag but I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and that was pretty fucking great.

Since moving to Southern Callyfornia I have joined the NRA, The 30 second men and the senior branch of Homeland security. I mostly look through me window blinds and look for terrorists. I have now come to recognise the difference between some brown people and don't call the hot-line (its a recording) every time I see a Mexican. I still call when I see a black person as they are bound to be up to no good.


Remember when I went to Texas and nearly got killed by zombies? then I met a woman on the line in Florida who was a total crackheaded slut (94% of the state) and we met up only for me to find out she was part zombie on her father's side and she changed me when she roughly used her teeth on me willy. Yank weemen really need to get used to normal, intact men with foreskins. They be great sex virgins until they experience a real man the way God intended ................ call me.

Yeah that was during my angry posting phase, I was changed, insulting everyone and calling people cunts, Fenian cocksuckers, Sceptic tanks, wankers, sluts and lunch-box lickers oh boy did I have issues.
I got some cream and the burning and itching went away. Though strangely enough you were still cunts, Fenian cocksuckers, Sceptic tanks, wankers, sluts and lunch-box lickers.



Ach I've stretched this out too much.


Its doesn't matter what people call you, don't let it bother you, just make sure they end up dead and buried in the desert and everyone who ever knew them also dead.......... thats in the Bible you know, some where at the back.

I've been blogging since August 2006, almost everyday. In fact I had to stop myself posting everyday as it seemed as if I had to .................. for the kids.


I went on holiday with Manuel and LMM, what a lovely couple, I'll never forget the orgies. YouTube took them doon the bastards.

Anonymous Boxer showed me her Chihuahua.


Donn Coppens showed me his massive army of the north.

MJ showed me enough for me to pour bleach into my eyes.
Mago showed me it was ok to feel.


First Nations made me feel like one of her family.


Many bloggers came and went, a few stayed and passed me around their friends like some kind of drunken homeless person. They are all in my links or followers (the fools)

Ah my readers of the night, what crap comments they make.


I went into business with Haliburton supplying expensive rations to the troops.


I also sold weapons to our allies and anyone with money or gold. Of course I did background checks, Blackwater trained me well.



Ben told me I had to return to the island . I told him to get lost ...................... on DVD.

I've had a swinging time but after a while dancing on the table loses its appeal.

I have often wondered who I am and woke up to find I was

This man. Then I realised no I was just trapped inside his body, "DAMN MY BLACKOUTS!"



Here I am, the fallen angel Old Knudsen, ready to save the day and fly off with the damsel in the see through dress.
Soaring high up in the sky as floating rocks and clouds go by.

Brazil, where hearts were entertaining june
We stood beneath an amber moon
And softly murmured "someday soon"
We kissed and clung together.

Then, tomorrow was another day
The morning found me miles away
With still a million things to say
Now, when twilight dims the sky above
Recalling thrills of our love
There’s one thing that I’m certain of
Return  I will  to old  Brazil
That old brazil
Man, it’s old  in Brazil
Brazil, Brazil

Will I return? who knows what I will say is, "Now you've read this fuck off."


Latest OBB News Up-Dates