Proof That God Exists

And God doth giveth his greatest gift to weemen.

The discovery of tiny particles or gravity waves which are ripples in space time has made a big splash in the scientific community. These waves or quantum fluctuations have never been seen before until some scientists at the south pole were able see them with this really cool telescope BICEP2.

The telescope enables them to measure the polarization of light left over from the early universe. I'm not sure who it is that is making this claim as their names have not been released though others not involved in the study have spoken about it and the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics gets thrown about a lot in order to impress you.

What does this mean? Fuck all that's what.

The big bang.

These eggheads now believe that the Big Bang didn't just happen from out of no where, there was something there first, the universe existed before the bang.

Luckily this also can be interpreted into Genesis .... from the Bible, not Star Trek II which was a fucking kick-ass movie by the way.

Well duh, who the fuck created God? ...... He didn't pop out of his own belly button did he? I wonder how big God was, maybe big enough to poke a hole into a planet and fuck it like a pocket pussy, wow what a creation story you have there.

The gods are a petty lot since this one wanted a pinky promise that you'd never worship none of the other gods before him I suppose he was a little insecure. Maybe his Da or his brother were better, more mentally stable gods.

When CNN which is as dumb as a box of dried, chapped cunts puts the big bang along with what the Bible says then Old Knudsen wonders, just who was it and from what organization did this study? 

Hawking gets all his good shit from Yahoo answers.

Fred Hoyle, who coined the term “Big Bang,” famously stated, “A common sense interpretation of the facts suggests that a super-intellect has monkeyed with physics." He didn't think that it could have occurred by random chance.

Stephen Hawking said, “It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the Universe going.” 

Cage fight!

C'mon Hoyle, knock that smart arse from that smug chair of his.

Old Knudsen doesn't believe in coincidence, though he does believe that 'shit happens.'

Jesus died for yer sins...... which was nice of him.

So, finding these waves just before Easter is an obvious sign that the Bible is true and therefore the God of the Jews, Christians and Muslims totally exists. So enough with the imaginary friend shit or saying that you just believe in a god because yer a pathetic and weak person who can't cum to terms of  this being all there is and so invents some vague afterlife where everything is awesome. 

Obviously Jesus existed right? we've been talking about him for 2000 years so he must exist. Who needs fact when we have rumour and hearsay?  

James Martin who knows 5 things about Jesus. 

I liked the CNN piece, Five things you didn't known about Jesus by the Rev. James Martin. I didn't know that the C in CNN was Christian ... did you? Maybe it's not Cable News Network maybe it's Cunts No Nothing, aye sure I'll work on yon spelling why don't I.

#1 was that Jesus was from a nowhere town, aye a little bit like how Liam Neeson is from Ballymena, people say where?
Isn't it funny how 2000 years later we know everything there is to know about some sand savage from a no horse town and most people know fuck all about their own famlies 200 years ago.

Well I think it's funny, especially since he wasn't a big deal then, I mean that he wasn't the thorn in the side of the Romans like in yon movies. If he was then the Romans would have written about him cos they wrote about everything.

#2 was that he didn't know everything. That's fucking stupid, not even God knows everything because if he did then flooding the world, the plague and the Holocaust, they would just be totally cuntish things to do, now don't go making excuses for him yer just enabling him.

# 3, 4 and 5 were just as stupid, no facts but hey we know so much about him without the facts. No one expects a US President to show his birth certificate so I doubt that anyone would expect an ounce of verification from the Bible ..... ya know, something as important as that.   

If this was a TV show these two would be demons or aliens deceiving humans into thinking they were godly folk.

I like Christianity, it teaches one to be humble, to love and accept everyone as a friend, to lead by example and to not judge. I don't like the bit where you have to molest children, that's not cool.

$600,000 in donations was stolen from Joel Osteen's Megachurch in Houston. Wow, it must be Satan or maybe some black Muslim people on welfare.

That money was probably going to go to the poor in Africa , Haiti or Tahiti.  The church immediatly grabbed it's petty cash box and put out a $25,000 reward for clues.

The Rev James Martin seems like a know it all, ask him.

So yes, God does exist because we can now measure some bits of light. Even if you didn't expect facts before handing over yer time, money and soul there is always that leap of faith .... aye that's what people say when they don't have any evidence of God.

We don't need a condom, just have faith and everything will be all right. You got pregnant and caught my 3 STD's ? well God works in mysterious ways.

It's ok to put faith into people or gods who constantly let you doon or do as they please, just have peace of mind that while you may not have won the lottery during yer life or found happiness or someone was taken away from you either violently or by an illness but you were (for the most) a nice person. I mean you were a back stabbing snooty cunt but hey you didn't kill anyone, there might be a place in Heaven for you .... I said might.  



 

The End Of Twitter As We Know It

If Old Knudsen had feelings they would be hurt. The world leaders no longer confide in him, maybe it has to do with Wikileaks and yer Snowden fella but Old Knudsen isn't being kept in the loop ... oh maybe it's to do with me telling everyone what they say, ya think so? ach I'm my own worse enemy.

Luckily they still do audience testing by putting out shows like Revolution and Life after people to see how they would react. It's also a public consciousness thing.

If you watch end of the world type shows then setting fire to people who might be infected will seem a bit more normal.
People actually look forward to a zombie apocalypse how fucked up is that? Well done media brainwashing and if you have OCD doesn't being a prepper seem like heaven? stock yer beans and soups in alphabetical order why don't you.

Reverse psychology, here is the bad guy .... love him.  

Oh look it's the bad guy from Revolution.

Oh look, it's Satan.

Oh look it's that other bad guy from TV .... um whats his name?

Just recently 2 US military generals and 1 Navy admiral stopped Obama from using 3 nukes, detonated simultaneously at points across the US to cause an electro magnetic pulse wiping out all unshielded electronic devices and setting the US back 200 years.

Just think of the control someone who had stock piled and was ready for an event like this would have and who would know what the fuck happened and if they did how could they report it? 

Why would he do that? .... Why would he get you addicted and dependent upon social media only to cripple you?

Because hes in league with .....  GOD!

Aye it's true, everyone fears the Devil but it's God you need to watch out for. Thanks to those 3 patriots who will very quietly lose their high level security clearance jobs cos they fucked up the plans on moving the nukes.

Now they have to go to plan B which involves letting terrorists onto American soil and throwing a lot of money towards Iran.

Ach but don't worry for Old Knudsen is here, watching the media and telling the truth. He doesn't listen to the verbal diarrhea war mongering hate speech known as Christianity. Life is full of sign posts, you just have to find them and know how to read them.

We Are Da Peeple!

It says a lot about a people who can't laugh at themselves.

Old Knudsen has always heard of how friendly people in Ireland are and how funny too ..... That would be the south bit of Ireland cos in the north of Ireland we don't do humour.  Are time are place ..... so get out! 

Ok some of us do humour but it's quite rare. 

Prominent members of the loyalist swinger community 

Living in Ulster with it's poor customer service, pish poor quality and lack of choice,  the take it or leave it attitude it's the only life you know, you've never known better. 
93% of Northern Ireland people have not lived outside of the province.

So I know why you are angry.
You think you deserve better than being a loyalist groundsheet or a be-sashed TV tough guy with a pot belly and forearm tattoos but you don't..... yer white trash and are proud of that for some reason.

 Devious 'weasel smile' and 'I can barely tolerate you' smile as seen by my lovely assistants.

Our faces aren't designed for smiling so we don't. Rather than choosing happy positive causes we choose to antagonize and cast the blame about the place rather than saying, "we should stop this, move on and lets bridge the sectarian divide and make sure the Troubles never happen again, for the sake of the future of Ulster." 

Most of you don't even know why you are doing what you are doing. It all boils doon to sectarianism, jealousy and fear.

Never mind that Belfast council voted to only fly the flag on designated days as per the Queen's household's rules. 

Think about this thought instead. On this one occasion Sinn Fein voted to fly the British flag. They could have demanded a complete removal of the flag but no, they compromised .... now don't you look like total cunts? 

 

Orangemen on the 12th July their most happiest of days ... as you can tell. 

  

 Sour faced old men with their beer bellied friends dressed up in EU funded costumes, walking around playing their panpipes as loud as they can, just like dogs pissing to mark their territory. 

 Maybe the marching season should be changed to the diet and jogging season.

The Orangemen and their bands don't like how the media portrays them as poorly educated louts all linked to the paramilitaries and out to cause trouble.

Where does the media get these ideas from?  Oh thats right it's no doubt lies because Sinn Fein runs everything, even the British media. Facebook has it's offices in Dublin ya know so it must be Taigbook right?

If Facebook is sooo taigy then why the fuck are you on it?

A little sense here people, you for some reason hate Catholics because Henry VIII and Elizabeth I told you to and there was a terrorist organisation that was from a Catholic background that killed British soldiers right? Yet still I see you on Facebook.

You love the Jews right? The Orange Order claim to be the lost tribe of the Levis or some daff shite. 

Ya know those people like Mel Gibson who say, "The Jews run everything" those people sound like paranoid nut fucks right? 

Well don't forget the Jewish terrorist groups of the late 40's that killed British soldiers, that would be the Irgun and the Stern gang, yer loving people that have more in common with the IRA than with you .... ya stupid fuckers.

I'm sorry this post has gone on and on but Old Knudsen is fed up with dickheads with low self-esteem so they have to take their anger out on others ' it's called projecting for you plebs'..... you weren't hugged as children because you were a dopey wee fucks even then. Yer mammy hated you and only tolerates you now because all her friends are dead.

No one likes it pointed out that they are stupid, full of hate bitter balls, this is yer shame but it's all you have ever known so you are going to go to yer grave hating .... another wasted life. 

You should thank people like myself and Loyalists Against Democracy  who constantly mock Prods and even the odd Taig who have difficulty spelling and making simple sentences that make sense in a sensey sense.

Fleggers type things like "we'll done" and "Hand's of our flag" they usually get their are and our confused and so just put are for everything ...... and English is supposed to be their first language. Whats their excuse? couldn't afford the FREE education?

The list of idiocy is endless, it's like they want to be made fun of so they give you non-stop material. 

Now we you can all say we are just doing these mistakes of Flegger-speak to be ironic... ach sure ya don't have to know what ironic means but whoever asks about yer poor grasp of the English language will know.

   

 This is how the world sees Loyalists.

Yer low self-esteem that comes from having been mistreated by yer man or not thought highly enough by yer peers also comes with a lack of dignity and no self-respect .... how can you be expected to respect others when you don't even respect yerself right? It's not yer fault it's a society that won't allow you to be who you really are right? .... grow a pair why don't you. 

Take responsibility for yer life and stop following the rest of the bitter afraid sheeple. Our leaders are not adult enough to run this place and when I say leaders that goes to everyone that gives these speeches calling for civil dis-obedience or others praising IRA bombers who got killed trying to kill people. 

All the little Hitlers with their microphones and bullhorns need to wise up, grow up and stop thinking about themselves and their bigoted tribe.

 Richard Haass tells Fleg jokes, "dream up a new one...lol"

For fucks sake we need Americans over to sort out our sectarian gang problem, how fucking embarrassing.
If you had any self-respect or dignity you'd be embarrassed too.

How many times are the Americans going to save us? Two world wars and counting.....

To finally end this rant, quit being hate filled wankers out to get those who are different than you or are better than you. If you pulled yer head out of yer hole and visited the real world with it's real problems you'd see how stupid all this crap is and if you do venture out of yer shire, don't hang about and drink with the kind of people back home, whats the fucking point to that?

Now that you've read this ..... fuck off!      

Ain't Nothing Going On But The Rent

Bored bored bored, I'm so fucking bored today nothing is fucking happening of any importance for me to give my insightful and witty social commentary on. Bored bored bbbbb bored!

Oh I see a chunk of the arctic shelf broke off, its the size of Manhattan island, how cum they are always the size of Manhattan? Like big hail stones are always the size of golf balls. Anyway it drifted doon to the continental shelf and now there is a big fuck off bookcase in the way of boats.

See how bored I am?

Today I woke up in a pool of blood in my bed, don't worry the blood wasn't mine and there was a severed big toe digging into my back, "thats odd" I said, me alarm clock didn't go off I had it set so I would get up and push record on my VCR 'The true history of Bigfoot and UFO's in the Bible' was on the history channel, could my day get any worse? The answer was yes me poo was runny and someone had super glued me foreskin closed, fucking kids probably.

Bored bored bored there is fuck all to talk about today.

I see a plane in Indonesia has crashed killing 254 people, the tragedy is that one of them was a Briton. Why God why? no wait its ok he was Welsh. I love the news when it points out accidents and then reports on how many Brits were killed, it shows you just how much everyone else matters.

Sooooo anything going on in the country? any rain? car chases? or old people driving their car into a hoose by mistake?

Nope nothing happening except something ............................... Oil is doon to just over $30 a barrel and yet petrol is going up now that is weird. Oh they say its the cost of the special blend of Pixie dust they put into the petrol in Callyfornia during the winter time, um its fucking 80 degrees out there when are we expecting winter?

Southern Callyfornia on a bad day is like summer in Killamory.

Has anyone noticed that since the recession or depression that no one has been harping on about Global fucking warming? no one gives a shit now, America is either up to its tits in snow or flooding and doesn't have money to spare to save the fucking planet that keeps trying to kill us.

I've always said about people like Bill Gates that its easy to give a couple of million out because its not like he'd miss it, of course giving it to the Africans is a waste of time as they will just breed more.
All the recycling places are closing as China is no longer buying our trash which they magically turn into slutty Bratz dolls because we can't afford to buy them right now.

We'll soon see all the smug fuckers who went on about recycling to save the planet but were really doing it for the beer money stopping soon.

Still bored, paint thinners on the cock tends to sting a bit but I need a pish.

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Jr day but who gives a shit? Where is John Lennon day, Leon Trotsky or Archduke Franz Ferdinand day? thats fucking racist that is ok don't give me that they aren't Yanks crap thats nationist . To top it off February is Black history month or Black awareness month, "Hey you holding yer crotch and not quite speaking English are you aware that you are black?" I didn't know Americans did history.

Its not like they could be unaware unless they were Stevie Wonder or something. Black people or blacks of colour as those people like to be called bring enough awareness to themselves due to their loud booming inapprociate voices and that is without being on a mobile phone. Of course mobile phones aren't good enough for them they need walkie talkie phones that beep so you can hear the yelling and the annoying beeps too.

I'm not racist but really would they not like to go back to Africa? Any other black news? um nope.

So to balance out this racism I've made March 'White awareness month' I thought March would be ironic because of all the Nazi marching, er no not really.

Remember what John said, "Imagine all those people.............. naked"

April will be beaner awareness month, May will be Old Knudsen awareness month as my birthday is that month, no presents please ach go on then, June will be Hot Jap gurl awareness month.

I'm really looking forward to June.

July will be Irish belittling awareness month with lots of mentioning of 12th July 1690, "God bless good king Billy!"

Google it ya no nothings.

The rest of the months have yet to be decided, if you want yer own awareness month then just send me $5oo.

Bored..................

I suppose it could be worse, I could be reading this post instead of writing it.




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What If God Was One Of Us?

Old Knudsen never brags unless you count telling what happened bragging of course. I am one of the most important people in the universe as God himself comes to me for ideas and advice. All those cancer curing plants in the Amazon were my idea.

God needs to be entertained as Earth is one of his many reality shows so I put them in the Amazon as a challenge, you can't make things too easy.

Anyway at the moment the Juttron genocide on Xucrin 4 is vastly more interesting for him, he loves a good slaughter, you just have to read yer old testament to see that, oh yeah that was back when there were only 3 worlds to watch and two of them had nothing but photo fucking synthesis on them.

I invited him doon to Killamory to join in on the fun, he just yapped yapped yapped about the usual, mostly how I talked him into creating weemen and look at the state of the world.

I pointed out that if you look at the Middle east, world politics, the IRA and UVF, Nazis and the Minute 'Men' its 99% male. Sure you get the odd silly bint but really I just wanted a warm, soft, jiggly creature to stick ma dick into and talk too and God doth say'th, "What do you want to talk to her for?"

Adam was too busy breaking off sticks to hit things with to talk, not a big thinker that lad, blame him for the state of the world.

Yes weemen if you have a big arse and feel attracted to men wearing caps its all my fault. If not then its the Devils work ya fucking leezer.

God gets easily distracted and will put a volcano on and fall asleep and forget about it or he'll be making a man and add some bits of teenage gurl on her period by mistake and before you know it you have Americans.

I took God doon to my local pub "The Broken Bottle" for a few drinks, that deity is a fuckin lightweight, Buddha can drink me under the table but Yewah is anyones after a couple of piss like Buds. He was dancing on the table asking people who wants to be a millionaire?

By the end of the night we had a cage match to the death between Mental Eddie and Crazy Rat Sammy, there were Unicorns shitting everywhere because the whole Noah's Ark thing came up, oh it turns out that it was Norah's Ark which is why it ended up on the top of Mount Ararat.

The Raslon nation that was about to nuke Sweden got wished out of existence for a bet not that you will ever remember anything about it.

After 9pm things start to get a little crazy in The Broken Bottle especially on a Saturday which is blood letting night. God ended up going home with a couple of Polish labourers.

When I call God 'He' that's just for convenience sake, I don't think humans can have a real concept of what God is and to do so is just arrogant, unless yer me of course. Those two Poles are in for a right shock.

God is probably sitting on his sofa in Heaven with a hangover and the smell of polish labourers around his belly port flicking the channels on his worlds, while we lesser Gods sit on our sofas with a hangover and the smell of Polish labourers around our cocks flicking channels on our tellys looking for sex and violence.......................just like big G who made us in his er its image but just because we look like God doesn't mean our shit don't stink.

Yes God does wear a cap.

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In God We Rust

God speaks through me, he tells me I need to pee.

A wee two year old gurl Teagan Gislason, from Minnesota , USA, was attending a church service when she found a screwdriver, tripped and it stuck in her skull.

What the fuck kind of church was that ? I heard all about those yank churches handling their snakes and drinking Jesus juice waiting for the end of the world but to give the kiddies tools, that's Pentecostal if you ask me, all we do is sing, prey and fall asleep to the sermon, no exciting running about with tools for us.

Doctors were able to remove the screwdriver without surgery, and Teagan is expected to make a full recovery.

The girl's father, Neil Gislason, spoke of how God had helped his daughter."God was watching over her very hard," he said.

Ok back it up a mo, yer Fenians aren't you? Just like the McCanns who went to dinner and left god to look after their children and you know how that worked out.

If God was good with kids he would not have let her play with the tool in the first place so then you wouldn't have to start up a fund to pay for the medical bills, ever hear of luck? well you had some bad luck that turned out to not be so bad.

"I think He saved her for a reason, and I can't wait to see what that is." The inattentive father said.

Look out for the name Teagan Gislason in the future she could be one of the future leaders in America, the ones that inspire others like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears or Lindsay Lohan.

Will she be pregnant at 16, in rehab by 17 and a has-been by 18? I really can't wait to see what God's plan for this clumsy toddler is either.

God inspired me to write this post, he wants a new bad boy image, not the kind that saves toddlers with screwdrivers in their heads but the kind that gives the screwdrivers to the kids and tells them to run, for the past 2000 odd years he has grown bored with humanity and does things the same way as you would click on to this blog to be amused or grossed out, yes as we are made by the divine we are all divine. We live in the ultimate reality show and God is our audience who votes people off the planet.

The mother Katie Gislason is also stupid, "She's our Christmas miracle," I know when I pray its always for a child to get impaled then made ok and get a large bill for it.

Oh, God wants to say something to her, "Where was yer God when the star headed screw driver got stuck in yer kiddie's head? You were supposed to be talking to me at the time right? In my hoose.

I suppose yer going to sue me for leaving my tools lying about. I bet you think cos it was a Philip headed screw driver that was a sign like the Christmas star, well the Christmas star was light from Venus bouncing off Uranus, Heaven is full up so fuck off."

Doctors said neither Teagon's eye nor her brain was damaged and it didn't spoil her looks that hopefully she'll grow into some day and maybe change her name into something less silly.

If you want to be an instrument of God and pay their medical bills then send yer money to the address below or alternatively you can send yer money to me so I have a reason to continue to slag off idiot parents and their ugly children.

:: The Teagan Gislason Fund, c/o Provincial Bank, 20280 Iberia Ave, Lakeville, Minnesota, MN 55044, USA.

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