In God We Rust

God speaks through me, he tells me I need to pee.

A wee two year old gurl Teagan Gislason, from Minnesota , USA, was attending a church service when she found a screwdriver, tripped and it stuck in her skull.

What the fuck kind of church was that ? I heard all about those yank churches handling their snakes and drinking Jesus juice waiting for the end of the world but to give the kiddies tools, that's Pentecostal if you ask me, all we do is sing, prey and fall asleep to the sermon, no exciting running about with tools for us.

Doctors were able to remove the screwdriver without surgery, and Teagan is expected to make a full recovery.

The girl's father, Neil Gislason, spoke of how God had helped his daughter."God was watching over her very hard," he said.

Ok back it up a mo, yer Fenians aren't you? Just like the McCanns who went to dinner and left god to look after their children and you know how that worked out.

If God was good with kids he would not have let her play with the tool in the first place so then you wouldn't have to start up a fund to pay for the medical bills, ever hear of luck? well you had some bad luck that turned out to not be so bad.

"I think He saved her for a reason, and I can't wait to see what that is." The inattentive father said.

Look out for the name Teagan Gislason in the future she could be one of the future leaders in America, the ones that inspire others like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears or Lindsay Lohan.

Will she be pregnant at 16, in rehab by 17 and a has-been by 18? I really can't wait to see what God's plan for this clumsy toddler is either.

God inspired me to write this post, he wants a new bad boy image, not the kind that saves toddlers with screwdrivers in their heads but the kind that gives the screwdrivers to the kids and tells them to run, for the past 2000 odd years he has grown bored with humanity and does things the same way as you would click on to this blog to be amused or grossed out, yes as we are made by the divine we are all divine. We live in the ultimate reality show and God is our audience who votes people off the planet.

The mother Katie Gislason is also stupid, "She's our Christmas miracle," I know when I pray its always for a child to get impaled then made ok and get a large bill for it.

Oh, God wants to say something to her, "Where was yer God when the star headed screw driver got stuck in yer kiddie's head? You were supposed to be talking to me at the time right? In my hoose.

I suppose yer going to sue me for leaving my tools lying about. I bet you think cos it was a Philip headed screw driver that was a sign like the Christmas star, well the Christmas star was light from Venus bouncing off Uranus, Heaven is full up so fuck off."

Doctors said neither Teagon's eye nor her brain was damaged and it didn't spoil her looks that hopefully she'll grow into some day and maybe change her name into something less silly.

If you want to be an instrument of God and pay their medical bills then send yer money to the address below or alternatively you can send yer money to me so I have a reason to continue to slag off idiot parents and their ugly children.

:: The Teagan Gislason Fund, c/o Provincial Bank, 20280 Iberia Ave, Lakeville, Minnesota, MN 55044, USA.

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