Elmo loves you whether you like it or not, what a wee fucker can he not respect my wishes? I was sitting in front of the telly with my service revolver drinking heavily to blot out the horrors of my past and to deaden the pain of my present existence then Sesame street came on, doesn't time fly went you're having fun, soon it'll be lunch time. I watched the little furry creatures singing and dancing in their patronising high pitched American way and I said to myself, lucky that Jim Henson fella is dead or I'd have yet another murder I'd have to explain.
That Elmo fucker was very annoying, whats his deal ? is he retarded like the big yellow bird? fucked if I can remember her name. I know I've mentioned the little red bastard before but that's what I do, I harp on and say things like, "will no one rid me of this retarded muppet?" in the hope someone takes the initiative. Any way I have always thought that 'tickle me Elmo' sounds like a euphemism for double clicking yer mouse, you ladies know what I mean, if you don't then take some time out and explore the land doon under, the stench trench of delight.
A stench trench on Valentine's day, yep washed and shaven just in case.I did some research into Elmo for a new product to replace the tickle me one and this is what I came up with.
'Abuse me Elmo' I will await the anonymous comments saying,"I was abused by an uncle named Elmo this is not funny" well I disagree, an uncle named fester or Elmo is hilarious besides you were probably asking for it.
'Insider trade me Elmo' Martha makes me all full of the horn, I wouldn't mind trading inside her, or I wouldn't mind doing some time in her or I . You know what? I think you get the message, I'd give her the message alright.
'Eat me Elmo' the gift that keeps on giving.
'Whats the fucking point me Elmo?' after Mr Noodle the brother of Mr Noodle died things just weren't the same. hang all the reds.
'Suck me dry Stalin' Ever notice how much Elmo Looks like Stalin?
14 comments:
Elmo's the self-destructing bad-boy of the Muppet world. Live fast, die young sorta thing. That might be exciting and sexy and all, but I'm advising my daughters against idolizing him.
"Uh-uh" I'll tell them while waggling a finger and doing the dislocated head shuffle thing. "If you're looking for a decent, reliable muppet who won't treat you mean and will never forget your birthday/preferred pasta dish/name, you can't do better than Ernie."
I heard that red Muppets do live faster than yer blue or white ones. As long as yer daughters don't want to marry Ernie, hes kinda bent.
lay off Bert & Ernie you muppetphobe!
I utterly loath Elmo. And that Grover the blue one, he's pretty pointless as well.
Ernie just had ADHD before it was the new popular thing.
Eh, Knuddy, this'll tickle ya. The beeb are doing a NornIron sesame strasse... it's a franchised thing with a couple of 'local' characters introduced.
I'm guessing it'll be Billy the Bigot and Teresa the Terrorist makey gooey muppet eyes at each other. I suppose there'll be jazzy little numbers like H! - B! - L! - O! - C! - K! spells hungerstrike!!
oh
old K
I have three of those eat me elmos.. the first two have their little red fur worn off around their chops..its 'not as fun without the fur..
the third one I keep in a box and only get it out for special lonely occasions..
(forgive me - I have HAD to use that pic on my blog..)
St Elmos fire is quite interesting.
Not as interesting as the cunt though. Nor as baffling.
I went to that secret blooog of yours and was mildly disapointed. Maybe even embittered. Thanks.
I am quite at a loss Mr. Knudson. But in a good way.
Hows about SORT-OUT-THE-MIDDLE-EAST-INCLUDING-THIS
-HAMAS-FATAH-THINGY-ITS-GETTING-ME-DOWN-elmo
Mr Modo thats ok as I am quite often lost on this blog too.
manuel I fully intend to.
You have really gone and done it know. I have to watch this shit everyday, in the am before I get my nephew off to school. I'll never be the same. I do kinda like it. Now, if we could bludgeon the Barney bastard, I'd be a happy camper.(I said Barney, not Blarney. Don't go gettin your service revolver out. Now clean it and put it away for the night)
sassy he takes some licking.
Babs ya had to say Blarney, I'm no kissing that stone after all those tourist shites have drooled over it.
medbh I also think Cookie Monster should be castrated.
Eat Me Elmo is my hero.
Old Knudsen, you don't just happen to have an Elmo costume lyin' 'round, do you?
Just wonderin', and the fist sentence has nothin' whatever to do with the second...
Kisses,
JanieBelle
He'll be in the shops for x-mas, remember don't share.
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