Pretty women out walking with guerillas down my street.

Sex on a stick, sexy and dangerous.

Western weemen don't go to this much trouble to look sexy.

Even this army of the undead looking for Frodo and the ring wouldn't put me off me stroke. I am so full of the horn right now I really want to shag an Arab woman but I'm afraid she'd have sand up her crack, I can just imagine that under me foreskin.

Fuck Me Blind Elmo.

Elmo loves you whether you like it or not, what a wee fucker can he not respect my wishes?

I was sitting in front of the telly with my service revolver drinking heavily to blot out the horrors of my past and to deaden the pain of my present existence then Sesame street came on, doesn't time fly went you're having fun, soon it'll be lunch time. I watched the little furry creatures singing and dancing in their patronising high pitched American way and I said to myself, lucky that Jim Henson fella is dead or I'd have yet another murder I'd have to explain.

That Elmo fucker was very annoying, whats his deal ? is he retarded like the big yellow bird? fucked if I can remember her name. I know I've mentioned the little red bastard before but that's what I do, I harp on and say things like, "will no one rid me of this retarded muppet?" in the hope someone takes the initiative. Any way I have always thought that 'tickle me Elmo' sounds like a euphemism for double clicking yer mouse, you ladies know what I mean, if you don't then take some time out and explore the land doon under, the stench trench of delight.

A stench trench on Valentine's day, yep washed and shaven just in case.

I did some research into Elmo for a new product to replace the tickle me one and this is what I came up with.

'Abuse me Elmo' I will await the anonymous comments saying,"I was abused by an uncle named Elmo this is not funny" well I disagree, an uncle named fester or Elmo is hilarious besides you were probably asking for it.

'Insider trade me Elmo' Martha makes me all full of the horn, I wouldn't mind trading inside her, or I wouldn't mind doing some time in her or I . You know what? I think you get the message, I'd give her the message alright.

'Eat me Elmo' the gift that keeps on giving.

'Whats the fucking point me Elmo?' after Mr Noodle the brother of Mr Noodle died things just weren't the same. hang all the reds.

'Suck me dry Stalin' Ever notice how much Elmo Looks like Stalin?

Get Yer Coat You've Pulled.

Pop princess Kylie Minogue has separated from her boyfriend French actor Olivier Martinez .
The separation was mutual and they remain close friends, that means fuck buddies to you.
He may had helped her through her recent time with the cancer and all but the Frenchie wasn't enough for her, no offense to any Frenchies out there but c'mon you fuck with yer face and fight with yer feet, plus the smell of garlic all the time and the constant flies are quite annoying, enjoy smoking in the cafes while the law still lets you because my cheese eating surrender monkey friends yer time is up . (no public smoking allowed)
Kylie was said to have an itch the froggie couldn't scratch, no not athletes foot its an expression for satisfying fornication, it was discovered by a source close to her that she was full of the horn and wanted a real man who could disgust, excite and make her laugh all at the same time oh and he should stink of piss, hmmm I wonder if anyone around here fits that bill.
Dive, spice rack owning guitar player ?..............no.
Rich, on the rebound coffee whore ?..................no.
Old Knudsen, base and vile brabbler ?................could be.

Long John Knudsen number one super guy, Long John Knudsen quicker than the human eye.......it says quick, not premature and what do I care ? at least I cum.

Hes got the style of a movie star and a Blog that just won't stop when the going gets tough he says fuck a lot and might call you a slut, YA!

I'm not going to explain Hong Kong Phooey to yous. I'm just wondering why would a Police station hire a talking dog as a janitor? maybe they ordered a bomb sniffing dog and got a bum sniffing dog by mistake so they put him to work mopping floors and nuzzling crotches, I like getting my crotch nuzzled but you'd have to have no sense of smell to do it, do I know anyone like that?

Dive, spice rack owning gutiar player cum on doon the crotch is right.