Leave Killing To The Pros

If it wasn't for those guards who get paid more than teachers I'd have snapped his neck.

I may be the inspiration for the Beatles song Helter Skelter, sure I'll admit to that because I may be a lover but I ain't no dancer as the lyrics go. I do the old Killamory two step with my fingers pointed to attain full on sex God effect.

You'd think for someone who is a cock smith he'd be able to thrust his hips on the dance floor but no Old Knudsen does not excel at everything he does just most things.

I went to the California State Prison in Corcoran to see Charlie Manson. I haven't seen that cunt since the 60's when we met at Brian Wilson's hoose. He was a beach boy in case you didn't know and I was a muse to the stars.

Manson never scared me, you can do crazy eyes all you want but he was just a dick. Now he looks like a kindly old duffer with a nice wee tasteful swastika carved into his forehead. His crazy eyes are weak and milky and at the age of 74 he now looks like Billy Joel.

Not such a cool cult icon huh? the best ones die young.

People have always called him a serial killer, thats when I remind them that Manson never killed anyone himself. He only talked some stoned hippies into doing it for him. A sick wee puppy that should have been drown at birth , nothing special.

Its been 40 years since the so-called Manson murders and all him and those family wankers have done is drain the resources of the country. If you don't intend to ever free them then just kill them. Criminals get better food, job training, accommodation and health care than most innocent civilians, is that right?



Don't forget Richard Allen Davis who just had an appeal in front of the supreme court this month. That cunt abducted 12 year-old Polly Klaas from her own bedroom in 1993 and raped and killed her. He was sentenced to death in 1996. Death row should be that, 'death' you have people argue that it costs more to kill inmates than to jail them for life. It doesn't cost more to kill them it costs more to guard, hoose, feed and pay for their appeal after appeal that is where the money is going.

I'll execute the fuckers and I'll supply my own ammo and I'll probally sleep better at night. You may say it won't bring Polly back, well it won't do any harm either and it may give her family some form of closure and not having to worry about appeals.

Joesf Fritzl another kindly grandfather figure type aged 73 was given life in prison in Austria when he was found guilty of rape, incest, imprisonment ,enslavement and and negligent homicide when he let one of the babies he sired with his daughter die. He enslaved his daughter for 24 years and fathered 7 children with her. Some of those kids never saw daylight until they were released.

Fritzl has shown remorse unlike the top two but who gives a shit if he did? he says he felt guilty during the 24 years but he kept on doing it so he couldn't of felt too guilty.

Never mind the AIG bonus' what about the big waste of money known as looking after criminals who will never change and don't deserve another chance ?

I say let those who support pedos and rapists and who are against the death penalty to pay for their up keep then we'll see a change of heart.

As Old Knudsen once said as he faced the Roman legions, "Some folks just need a good killin".



Yes we ran into battle naked with our muscular bodies covered in woad paint, slapping each other on the arses for encouragement. No wonder the Romans built a wall to keep us out, for a bunch of ghey eye ties they did not want to tackle us.


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Do You Know What Old Knudsen Likes?

Its a rhetorical question, like I'm interested in what you think I like. This post is about........... 'Oral Tradition'.
I had a dream ::::::::::bang!:::::::::::::: well no actually it was about a place in Frigadoon where I grew up and it was known as 'The Barley field'.

It was strange because I can't remember who told me the name but everyone knew it. There was no barley in it. It was a small raised field with uncontrolled grass and skinny scattered trees.

Like the lost stories of the Druids one minute yer telling them and the next some dirty eye tie called Maximus Headroominus has them all killed, oral tradition lost to the ages and only to be discussed on crappy sci-fi shows and made into Indiana fucking Jones films.

Someone had to be the first to call it The barley field, maybe it was full of barley at one time. Anyway in my dream I knew there was dead bodies buried under every tree so its obviously a dream about me being worried about my huge penis.

I invented 'Blogjinx' which is when real life or blog life on different blogs is similar. For instance when I mention the Bee Gees in someone's comments and go over to Mago's blog where he has a post about the Bee Gees and how hard it is to stay alive.

Like any great invention there are several people at the same time around the world unknowingly doing the same thing and you only remember the first person to patent it so it is with posts.
Not to be confused with plagiarism cos that just means yer a phony no talent baloney and I strike you from my links bar, disbarred and ignored I say.

I also invented 'Popcunt' which is cuntry music aimed at the mainstream pop audience. Maybe when I'm dead in a 1000 years or so someone might wonder where these words came from and some other wanker will take credit.


Like the gurl in the picture I like to make people happy. So when someone clicks on this then complains because they don't like sex or something I have also provided a censored picture for them . No need to thank me but please do.

Romans slaughtering Druids or other people dying out doesn't always stop oral tradition, the only true way to stop it is the get married ................. Ka-Chow!

Don't shave yer pubes braid them with pride!

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Old Knudsen Take Doon

Marilyn Monroe was one of them over hyped films stars like James Dean and Marlon Brando. She may have looked shagable from the odd rear view but really nothing special. An Actress who had a nose job and was vulnerable to older father figure types.

Only made special because she was in the movies. Take an actor who does stage work and put him into a cool movie and he'll get his hole 10 times more just for being on the telly. Who employs Orlando Bloom? Wise up people.

Monroe was killed by JFK's henchmen just before her out of control addictions made her a liability to his career, being a Kennedy marriage wasn't a big issue but yer career was. If you don't believe me about that there is no point talking about Nessie.


I am a total fucking gentlemen but I do not prefer blondes and resent being told that I do.

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St Fenian Cocksucker Day

Today Uncle Sam will be getting wasted on beer coloured green with food dye. He'll be as Irish as the next American beside him despite his hate of immigrants even though they were the ones who built his cuntry. Hes big and powerful but not too deep.

Like it or not Northern Ireland which is a part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain is also Irish by birth. There are about 300 trouble makers in the whole population that want to continue the way of the terrorist and the above picture is how the Catholics in Lurgan are getting ready for St Paddy's day.

Whose idea was it to paint the police Land Rovers white? Why not paint a target on them too?


Speaking of targets. The people aren't going to take the murder of our soldiers and peelers, this shit has gone on for too long. Whats he got there? Looks like a MP5, no I don't mean the thing plugged into his ear I mean the bloody German weapon he is holding. Is that the new plan for the Germans to invade next time? Sell us their Heckler and Kochs but put in a special chip so when we go to fire they use a remote control that stops the gun from firing, ah very clever but you haven't counted on one thing ..................... Old Knudsen who saw through yer plan HA!

I have no idea why EVERYONE calls me paranoid behind my back.



Remember last year when Coke brought out the special edition drink for March? fuck that was minging and gave me the shits but the Yanks could then honestly say they have Irish in them and they even know where it came from. The Mini Mart.


I'll celebrate the death of St Patrick, I'll eat the corned beef and cabbage that all Irish eat every fucking day, I'll drink a few pints as long as its no Guinness and I'll shag yer weemen and show them that sex isn't just up the arse but I'm keeping the 6 counties up north, who wants to be a part of 3rd world Ireland now? Isn't it great that the UK didn't go over to the Euro? We may be dumb but we aren't Irish .................... unless there is an award going.



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Hell Is Other People

So anyway what a hell of a day. I wanted to write about Hell so why not? What is Hell? Heaven which is Hells opposite is quite vague with gates , clouds and a load of disagreements on how services should be held but Hell has been gone into with great detail because its the early version of Fox news designed to scare the shit out of you so you'd accept whatever religion is being sold.


"This is Manuel sorry I'm a cunt we can only manage 299 people."

If you don't follow Jesus you'll go to Hell right? or depending on how well you served God. Lets change Jesus and God for the name George W Bush. They all made big fuck ups. God had to destroy cities and most of the humans when his experiment got out of control and he waged great ethnic cleansing wars and still is. Jesus didn't run from the Romans and upon faulty intelligence went to the cross where he expected to be sprung from. Bush well where do you start? I'm in too much of a great depression to think about it.

Would you blindly follow Bush believing everything he said and if so would you not prefer eternal torture than hanging out with a load of idiot Republicans forever?


Since no one has ever returned from Heaven or Hell (fictional figures don't count) here is what I'd imagine the torture to be like.

Hell is said to be a fiery lake where the sinners burn and are tortured by demons etc etc. That is a lot of fucking demon power, how do you feed and pay such a workforce? what do demons not eat? c'mon this isn't some fairy tale its all real. Then you have the demons tempting us topside. What is in it for them? they are doing God's work but do they get health care and a retirement plan?

"You fucking donkey I'm going to belittle you on the telly cos I've got a small willy." Reality shows are a form of Hell................................

Lucifer was an angel cast doon for saying he was better than idiot humans, a promotion seen as a demotion. 'Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven' as Milton Dante once said in his book The lost horizon .

So Satan/Lucifer/Old Scratch tempts free will to see if you pass the God test thus Hell being God's work it is then Heavenly so win win.

Since the world is only 5000 years old and Jesus was last seen 2000 years ago what did people do for 3000 years? God wasn't recruiting much until he had fertility treatment and had a son.

Hell must of been empty cos they didn't know about God as he was off starting wildfires with burning bushes and wiping out tribes and getting his peeps lost in the dessert.


"Stop fucking shouting, I said I was 'death' not 'deaf'."

Hel, Helle or Hellja where ever you think the name comes from it was also just a place you go when you die, no torture just a place.

I won't get into the blasphemy stuff too much but it is more acceptable to say 'heck' than 'hell' in certain circles. Heck comes from the Goddess Hecate and is now used as a swear word for hell, and Hel was a Norse Goddess and its now an evil place. Don't say heck too much cos Hecate can get more pissed off than MJ on her period.

Victor (the cunt) writes history so I tend not to believe half the shite I hear cos Victor is not mature.

Other religions have Hell as being cold which might give rise to 'cold as Hell' but since many claim it to be hot it will freeze over when America wins a war.

Don't get me started on purgatory what the fuck is that about? you hang around until yer number is called? I have nothing against other religions you know me but the Fenian Cocksuckers, war starting Jews and the crazy uncle called Islam that no one talks about are fucking wrong. Notice I didn't mention Wiccans, Buddhists or any other heathen shite? Thats cos all I know about those crazy cults I've learned from samurai films The Wickerman and Dances with wolves a load of old drug induced bollocks.

Hell has also been seen to be the absence of God's presence I suppose another word would be depression.
When I feel doubt and fear the Gods have not abandoned me, I have abandoned the Gods.

Whatever fear of Hell you may have that has been worked on by holy scare mongers don't worry, they have not been to Hell and back, you have to be a real person with feelings to have made that journey. They won't get into to heaven either because they choose to buy a new BMW rather than an old Ford and looked the other way too much. Ach the rules are complicated.



Hell is the death of a loved one, an injustice, a great disaster, great loss or just the lack of hope.


By the rules Hitler could have repented at the last moment and went to Heaven. Who do you want to be stuck with? Hitler, Bush all the killers who find God in Prison (in the showers) or go to Hell to be sucked on by this evil hot creature with the boobies?


If I ever die I intend on floating around in the universal collective consciousness and making the world a better place cos I'm such a nice fucking person. Yer body is no yer own. If you can't sell it then it isn't yers so no giving away souls cos they aren't yers to give.

Read my insightful recent post on the AFTERLIFE if you want, life is what you make it and so is Hell.

To Hell with anyone who disagrees with me and save me a seat.

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All You Need To Know About London From Old Knudsen

The great balloon display of 1940, Americans never came over to see it.

Cor blimey gov here is all the information you will ever need if you want to visit old London towne . Old Knudsen Lived in East Finchley for a while which is in north London of course where he ran ye olde porne shoppe, always good for a butchers. Here is a shout out to all my peeps, well actually I don't have any peeps cos the southern English are cunts, no offense its just the way it is, all a part of God's plan.

Old Knudsen knew he was a superior being then but it was totally confirmed when he came to America.
London was originally named by King Lud as Kaerlud then it changed to Kaerludein and of course the Roman Londinium. The last is from the latin meaning 'City of terrible sound' as the Roman soldiers really hated the Cockney accent, can you Adam and Eve it? Yes I may slip into cockney rhyming slang without explaining what it means.

It has also been called Londonistan and is the only place you'll find chav Muslims.

Later you have King Canute on the throne who is famous for being a canute which is Danish for cnut later changed to 'cunt' then the Saxons (bloody Germans) and then in 1066 AD (After the Danes) Norman conquered England. Norman the conqueror was a French Viking type from Normandy of course.

His son William became the next king and started to build Westminster hall near the abbey. You'd think it would have a hall but no it didn't only a entry way and porch.

In 1290 Edward I that wanker from Braveheart if you will kicked all the Jews out of England. We Scots are are the lost tribe of Israel, we were the Levis who made quality garments, we made the 501 kilt so we share a bond with the hooked nose money lending Deity killers.

Not to get bogged doon in history there was the Black death or death of colour, the pitiful Spanish Armada, War of the roses civil war one and two as we take gardening seriously, Guy Fawkes and his V for vagina monologues , beheading the king and the great fire of 1666 . All a nice wee bit of fun.

Then there was orphans, soot and pickpockets, a couple of wars the Americans were late for, some Fenian cocksucker terrorist action and a Dalek invasion.

The north and the south of London has the families, the east has only males and the west has west end gurls.
Everyone eats jellied eels, fish and chips smothered in salt and vinegar or else they are sent to the tower of London which does not have any lifts or escalators.


London gentry, never look them in the eye or they'll kill you with their razor sharp hats or cutting remarks.

The Queen has always hung about with a rum lot.

The Queen lives in Buckfast palace where she sits with a high powered rifle and picks off paparazzi or slow moving pedestrians. Its her thing and she is the Queen.

"You spilled my pint" "I'm so sorry dear chap how about pistols at dawn? no in fact don't trouble yourself to get up so early I'll just shoot myself its the decent thing to do."
.
You never threaten to sue anybody in London you insist on being sued. For instance if someone knocks you doon in their car it is you who is at fault for being in the way of the motor vehicle. You must apologise a lot and try to clean up the mess of their car. Paying for a car wash or mechanic is the right thing to do and if the driver looks shaken you must offer to be sued for emotional trauma.
If you fail to comply with the rules of London society you will be ostracised by ostriches and sent to Coventry which is a God awful place.

Elephant and castle ......... stick it up yer asshole.

Here is typical London attire, you should dress like this or you'll be singled out as a tourist immediately and looked doon upon. If you are Irish put on an accent or you might get stabbed in the tube, toob or subway as the Americans call it.


You Septic Tanks pay attention cos if you don't listen to what is being said you'll look like a Berkeley Hunt. I was going doon the frog and toad for a pig's ear but I was Boracic lint
so I asked this fella in a Whistle and flute for a hobb. I knew him from way back as I shagged his Skin and blister she had really nice bristols but had a tendency to raspberry tart round the back alley so anyway all he did was Bubble bath and told me to fuck off so I went home and had a J. Arthur Rank.


If you find yerself in London beware of the London eye . It will find you and nom on you until all that is left is yer feet which are thrown into the river Thames and get washed up in Canada. The river Thames is named after old Thamie a monster who lives in it eating all the fish which is why you'll never catch any in it, init.

Visit Big Bong, Nelson's erection and the nations finest pub 'The Queen Vic' but watch out you don't step on any street urchins as they are poisonous, piss on the wound straight away.

England has a state religion, no freedom of speech which is why there are no British bloggers so watch what you say and if you insult the monarchy expect to have yer hands cut off as punishment.

It is also a socialist cuntry so if you have a bag of sweets (candy) expect to share. A thing many travelers to the UK notice is the dental hygiene so bring enough toothpaste as you can only buy it on the black market (market of colour) for 12 packs of ciggies and some nylons.

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Old Knudsen Stem Cells Himself

Does anyone remember this comic? I can remember thinking how lame V for vendetta was long before it made into a lame film. Yes I am a trend setter.

50p for this and it was full of talent those were the days. Now Alan Moore is a Hollywood sell-out. Watchmen indeed.

Speaking of talent I've got the front page on Pundit Kitchen with my piffy captions 3 times so far, that is the same number of times that I have lost the Irish Blog awards. I'm a little fish in a big pond but I shall conquer it more.
Not to put the cunting Irish Blog awards doon but I only entered to expose the bigotry of those from the north which can only be rectified by making me fucking well win, no not Manuel you cunts, me!

I have put up a link to the kitchen and have signed up on Twatter , yes Old Knudsen is current fresh and as self absorbed as the rest of you, now you can be more absorbed with me, go on absorb me. Friend me on Facebook or Cheeseburger or read my mostly ignored news blog.



see more Political Pictures

Yes it must be Friday.

Monster Savings On Evil Day

Prepare for a tale so chilling that you had wished you never had gotten out of bed on this Friday 13th revisited. Unless it was some slapper you shagged and you wanted to make a getaway before she saw what you looked like in daylight or wanted paid cos that is a great reason to get out of bed.

It was eighteen hundred and elevenity two I had been sentenced to hang under the severe draconian laws of so-called justice for stealing a loaf of bread to feed my family. To be fair it was half a loaf as I was hungry after robbing the shop and killing the two shop owners.

I stood bravely on the scaffold with the crowd jeering at me shouting insults, that was when I asked for my wife and 8 kids to be removed.

I was asked for any last words, I looked up to the sky, the coarse rope itching my neck and I said, " It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest", thats as far as I got cos they got bored and pulled the lever.

Fucking amateurs it didn't snap my neck, I hung there choking to death and that is when I had an out of body experience, my bowels released and I was dead.

The next thing I remember is waking up in a laboratory, a wild man shouting, "Its alive its alive" I still had my own brain but it was damaged as it had been dropped a few times, I had the smirk of Bruce Willis, the hands of pedo priest and the penis of a donkey.

I was a monster. The bolts in my neck were for jump starting me in cold weather and I had to wear platform shoes as they contained the batteries.

Suddenly the clock struck ten and the villagers with pitchforks and flaming torching turned up, "kill the creature" they shouted as they attacked me . I could have used my super human strength but I only had the arms of an IT specialist. I should have ran but in those shoes I was like a poor defenseless Spice gurl unless you count sporty but I don't really think she was a gurl.

I was killed 3 times over and my head put onto a pike as a warning to mad scientist grave robbers.

I only wanted love ...................... well if you had a big donkey penis you'd like to try it out too.


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The Spying Game

So fuck if I haven't been posting as much as usual, I have a life you know. So anyway I was sitting watching Yo Gabba Gabba, Dj Lance Rock (who is not a flaming homo) was grooving to a song about washing yer hands, a revolutionary idea if you ask me, they did the same brain washing techniques in China during the Great leap forward.

Then the phone rang, for fucks sake I didn't know I had one of those things. I tucked me cock back in and found the phone under a pile of dirty gunties. there was a label on it saying 'Spy phone' well that explains the broken door lock and the missing jar of change.

I answered it to find it was Sir Jock Stirrup the chief of defense for the UK. We've had our ups and doons but respect is there - ish.

"Knudsen" he said "We are keeping our MI6 operatives on the payroll even after the age of 65 when we would usually retire them. I know you retired in the early 1900's due to that whole silly Russian affair but we need you back, we need your expertise and dashing good looks."

Just as long as he didn't think I could be fooled by flattery .

"Your strong forearms that glisten with manly sweat as you defeat your opponents in hand to hand combat as you protect the people of the world need to be brought back into action as no body does it better and it makes me feel sad for the rest."

He had me at manly sweat.

"We have a 'special' relationship with America, as you know special means we trust them as far as we can throw them so we need you to spy no rather observe them. Tell us of any troop build ups, the latest fashions and any updates you have on American Idol and Lost."

I drew the line at American Idol I mean I'm no ghey.

"Our PM Gordon Brown (texture like sun) gave the Obamas a pen holder carved out of a 100 year-old anti-slaving ship, very tasteful. What did the Obamas give him? A selection of DVD's which included Psycho. Our top experts are trying to decide if this is an insult or not as Americans don't really think too much on the deeper abstract levels."

If it was the Psycho remake with Vince Vaughn I'd be phoning in the nuke co-ordinates right away.

We ended our conversation with pay details and was his wife ok about the misunderstanding we had in the jacuzzi in 1986. I swear it was a Snickers bar floating on the water, it had peanuts in it.

Then I got back to Yo Gabba Gabba and missed a cool song about Robot monster sex and how you should always use a keyboard protector.


I'm no recruiting touts (tell tales, rats, snitches, informers) but there is money to be made (literally in my garage) for those with any information on Lost and or naked pictures of yerselves.

Remember George Washington was a traitor until he won a couple of times with the help of the French.

Then he was charged with fraud and it all went doon hill.

Speaking of which. Educated people investing with Donald Trump giving him hundreds of thousands in deposits to build hotels only to have the job go sour and the deposits non-refundable.
These people trusted in Trump's money making reputation. WTF? just google the fucker, do they know how many times hes gone bankrupt ? the ugly bad haired cunt does reality shows, do you really thing if he had enough money he'd bother to do those?

Yet another example of Yanks believing what they see and hear on the telly and ignoring the truth and history of the situation, yes Ted Kennedy, Ghandi , Andrew Jackson, General Custer etc etc you have them all fooled.

It looks like the woman across from me is going out, I'd better log this into my note book once I go up to Wal-Mart and steal one.

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A Legend Is Gone ................ Thank Fuck!

Expendable = someone who doesn't comment on their own blog or others and no one notices.

I've been called expendable by many a government as they sent me on suicide missions ...... I have no idea why my name is always the first one they pick for these missions but there you have it.

I've been to a few American funerals and had to attend one the other day for my old mucker with whom I served with in Korea, 'Old genocide McKee'. Don't worry its just a name, he wasn't really that old.

I remember serving with the 84th Airborne disease regiment. It was cold and deadly, in fact it was deadly cold and my old bitter balls shrunk up to the size of peanuts and hide inside my body for the whole of that war.
I almost got frost bite once but I said, "David Frost, if you bite me I will so kick yer limey arse" ...................... see? I can use David Frost references thanks to the Frost and Nixon film and Yanks might get it, all hail Hollywood! Now if you knew about Alan Wicker I could do more with the Wickerman thing who wrote about inventing Wicker furniture while practicing Wicca in Eastwick just before I burned him alive to my Pagan Gods Buddha and Death Mall.

Any way this post is in memory to Old pesticide McKee, he was named so in Nam because when the government found they couldn't beat savages with pointed sticks they used agent Orange to poison everything, they should be doing that in Iraq.

Old homicide M'Kee was a loving husband to his 4 late wives and his barely alive 28 children, he will be gravely missed by his young gurlfriend 'Bunny'.

He was a good laugh when he would entertain you for hours with tales about burning villages and strangling hoors in dark alleyways. I always thought that Old homophobic McKee had something to prove to himself, maybe it was his tiny penis or the fact he was raised by wolves ...... same sex wolves.

The funeral was full of his people, white trash rednecks in plaid shirts and baseball caps. Old homoerotic McKee was a member of The Church of Christ but the pastor of his church refused I mean was busy to speak so we had to get a pastor from another church.

In walked an entourage of nicely dressed black people. The pastor gave a sermon citing hell fire and brimstone to non-members of his church and all the crackers sat there stone faced remembering the days of drag racing in which such a fella would be dragged from their cars.

Me well I sat at the back drinking my second bottle of beat the wife chuckling away and eyeing up the Nubian mattress monsters that shouted 'amen' every now and then, I wouldn't mind converting some of them.

Well McKee is saved according to the pastor because of his church membership, the very same church that was founded by Jesus. I think it was just like Jesus to use his last name 'Christ' in the title, the lad had an ego the size of my cock .................... thats very big just ask MJ.

They had their historical facts a little wrong but what can you expect from someone who said 'Witches in heaven' instead of 'With us in Heaven' ach I cannae stand bad grammar it gives me the skittles.

Jesus H Christ was Presbyterian the one true religion, anything else needs a good beheading.

I went to the open casket Of Old stone cold McKee and said "look a gook hiding in the flowers!" but no he didn't jump up so I reckon he is dead. I didn't see any marks on his face so he didn't do his plan of cutting off his face and putting it onto a body to collect on the life insurance.

I quickly comforted Bunny in the hall way after the service but she had to get back to High school as they were learning their times tables.

I'll miss you Old piss stain Mckee but not the way I missed you in Bosnia, me rifle hadn't been sighted properly, a hasty half arsed CIA don't ya know.

You may have been a bit of a knob but you'll be missed all the same, on second thoughts nah I doubt you will.




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The Real McCoy

The shit is happening all over again. In Northern Ireland a pizza man was delivering 2 large pepperoni pizzas extra spit to an army base. When the soldiers opened the gate to accept them some cunts in a parked car opened fire killing two soldiers and injuring 4 others including the pizza dude.

The soldiers were about to go over and serve in Afghanistan. Fuck do terrorists piss me off big time, maybe I've mentioned this 2 or 20 times before. Terrorists or bullies whatever you want to call them they hide behind people and masks, shoot rockets or bullets at anyone. They don't care.

The name of the terrorist group that did this is 'The Fenian Cocksucker Army' no wait my bad thats their nickname. Its The Real IRA (IRA is Irish Republican Army of course) When the IRA didn't dismiss peace talks right away a splinter group was formed so they could continue the terror but not mess things up for Sinn Fein the political wing of the IRA.

The Real IRA was formed by Michael McKevitt, who is now serving a jail sentence for terrorist offenses in the Irish Republic. He is married to Bernadette Sands McKevitt, the sister of Republican hunger striker Bobby (does my bum look big?) Sands.

The Real IRA committed the Omagh bombing, killing 29 people, men, weemen and children, Protestant and Catholic who were out doing their shopping on a Saturday afternoon in August 1998.

The Real IRA? is that like real Coke or real Pepsi? is there a Real IRA challenge? Get two scruffy Fenians with hair cuts and clothes from the 1970's and get people to see if they can tell the difference between normal IRA and Real IRA.

Is there a splinter group called The genuine or authentic IRA? or The Bachman-Turner Overkill IRA? I want to see certificates and labels before I get blown up by anyone.

Like 'The serious crime squad' what crime isn't serious? Do they chuckle at break-ins and fights buttake overrated crimes like murder and rape seriously? I was raped and murdered once and it was a doddle (cue someone telling me about a personal tragedy, its my fucking blog don't harsh my mellow)

Have you ever heard of The Federal Bureau of Investigation? It was almost called The Federal corner desk of we'll see what we can do, but some thought it lacked drawers and a roll doon slatted cover.

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Fatwa Fridays

I remember that back in the day when you were going to do something you wouldn't threaten it and then just not do it. I wonder how many people this sign holder has beheaded.

I have often asked God, "If you know everything then how cum you have let all this crap go on? I mean if you use the whole 'free will' excuse then yer the kind of bad parent who lets his kids drink beer in the hoose so they aren't somewhere nasty doing it anyway or the kind of bad parent who lets his son get crucified to make some vague point cos all of humanity are yer children right?"

At this point God usually shrugs and says, "I dunno" pot has robbed him of his ambition and he doesn't care, he can't even be arsed to rape young virgin gurls anymore.

A typical Jew and the bloody Romans.

You can blame weemen for original sin or the Jews for killing Jesus if you want, I know I do, at least on every other day. I also blame Saddam for 9/11 but thats beside the point.

He had the heart of a lion and the face of a pig. Now they use pigs for hearts and dead peoples faces for faces.

Which reminds me. Richard the Lionheart, what a cunt. A Frenchie who used England to drum up finances for his wars, he once said he'd sell London if he could find a buyer which is understandable as its a shitehole full of soft Sassenachs.
Upon his coronation he banned all Jews from the event and those who turned up with gifts were stripped, thrown out and flogged and which sparked of Jew massacres across the cuntry, ah good times.



I said to Richard, yer just a pawn of the Pope. Who gives a fuck about Jerusalem ? its not like the place is sitting on valuable oil. Richard would look at me with a puzzled look on his face them go back to eating his garlic frogs legs in wine sass, he didn't speak much English and my French is piss poor, unless you mean the kissing cos then I am a grand wizard.


Back then Muslims were the enlightened smart ones now they are just the fanatical bogeymen. History is full of them, you need yer scary bogeyman to get what you want under the guise of something else. Savages of any kind including American Injuns, witches which meant wise weemen or midwives, Klingons, gheys, wogs, liberals, commies or socialists not like you know the difference and any other religion.

We kill yer people you kill ours and the hatred festers over the centuries.

All swings and round abouts. Guy Fawkes was a fenian cocksucker terrorist type who wanted to blow up the hooses of parliment and the protestant government including many Catholics.

Catholics aren't like normal people as they only value human life when it looks like wall paper paste and gets wiped on an old sock and thrown away.

Its just as evil as any other religion except Protestant, any one who insults Protestantism should be beheaded.

Now because of a film Guy Fawkes is a creepy hero. Tom Cruise couldn't do it but if you get Matt Damon to play Hitler he'll turn out to be likable and the next generation of idiots will have Hitler t-shirts like that Che Guevara cunt.

Speaking of which is it ok to ignore what people really did and were really like as long as it gives you a hero or a better story? Does time, good deeds and a lack of remorse wipe the slate clean?


Ted Kennedy got an honourary knighthood from Gordon Brown (texture like sun) for his help in the Northern Ireland peace process, the education of kids around the world and for bringing health care to many Americans.

What the fuck Flash Gordon? do you not remember 1969 Mary Jo Kopechne ? so you can drink and drive, flip yer car over into a water filled ditch leaving a gurl to spend 2 hours in an air pocket before she dies while you stagger off back home to sleep it off. You can cheat on yer wife like all the Kennedy clan and consort with and fund Sinn Fein and the IRA and get a knighthood?

"Do we operate under a system of equal justice under law?Or is there one system for the average citizen and another for the high and mighty?"

Well you would know Ted as you said this in 1973 and yer whole family are like that. I'm not even touching upon the Nazis and the Mafia.
Millions of Americans are still without health care, never mind educating kids around the world yer own school systems are cutting funding and staff and only educate kids on how much yer own government hates you .............. losers!

The Kennedy's have never had strong moral fiber ......... none of them. Gandhi was also a cunt but he did things for the good of many so who cares if he treated his wife and kids like shit?

The good of the many outweighs the need of the one or the few, a wise man named Spock once said that but he was giving up his own life not destroying the lives of innocents unnecessarily for his own agenda and ego.



In government you may have to sacrifice people for the greater good like Churchill destroying the stubborn French navy so the Nazis wouldn't get it, like Lincoln provoking the start of the civil war to keep the union united but there is no need to be a wanker who can't keep it zipped.


Oh and Islam has a small limp willy.

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900 Mililion What The Fucks?

Maybe its just spring but I got a full on Knudsen chubby when saw Hilary Clinton on the news the other day when she went to the middle east to give political hand-jobs.

When Israeli President Shimon Peres kissed her on the cheek (twice) Hilary did that cutesy girly thing of closing her eyes.
I know Hil has been coached on how to act body language wise, when politicians take the stage they point into the crowd and say 'Hi' like they recognise someone. You can't fool Old Knudsen, he has been highly trained in counter counter espionage and successfully sold snake oil as a cure for all for 7 years before the tar and feathering incident which he doesn't want to talk about.

I lost my painful erection (I was wearing black leather trousers) when Hilary announced the US would be donating $900 million to rebuild the Gaza Strip. What a fucking load of toss. She said that none of the money would be going to Hamas.

How the fuck are you going to stop that? Hamas broke into a UN compound and stole supplies that were to be distributed to the Palestine people, they don't give a shit cos they are cunty cunt cunt cunts.

The money will be spent on rockets and mortars that the cunts will fire into Israel. Since the cease-fire of January they have fired 350 of them.

Why Palestine? rebuild yer own fucking cuntry, start with the schools and the health care system, stop cutting jobs cos yer giving the money to crazy fuckers who celebrated on 9/11.

If you want to rebuild the Gaza Strip buy some porta-cabins and ship them over, of course getting a receipt so you know the money wasn't spent on rockets.

Well I suppose if yer going to rebuild the Gaza Strip you should level it and clear it off first, build some nice Sinagogs and Casinos.

There is a lot between doing and saying so maybe this is just feel good talk and the money will be in installments and never fully paid, you know like all the monsy pledges cuntries made after the Tusnami. Usually when the US gives money it cums with the condition that a US military out-post gets set up there, Africa is full of them, nice wee supply points.

I'm off to think about a Hilary and Condolezzer Rice 3-way, hubba hubba.

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Stop The Hate!

I think racial profiling is a terrible thing. Just because black people cause most of the crime in a city doesn't mean you should harass a group of young black men loading their handguns behind the local Mini-Mart late at night. Just because middle eastern types use planes to blow up a few buildings doesn't mean you should stop every wog with crazy eyes and fuses in their shoes from getting onto planes. Its just plain wrong and ever so racist.

You should be stopping the white people on the off chance they have stuffed a load of bombs up their toddler's bung hole or the fat shite on the power scooter in case they are going to ram raid a shop. "Hey check out that granny, she could be Bin laden in disguise."

Now doesn't that make more sense?

In the Die hard films no one ever checks the Euro trash terrorists with the Armani suits and thick German accents and look how that turns out. We all know that the Die Hard Fourlogy are inspired by true events.

One group of majority people in Callyfornia 'The Hispanics' are complaining that immigration and border police are targeting them as possible illegal immigrants. Just because yer brown, climbing a fence and can only speak Spanish doesn't mean yer a possible illegal alien ...........

We must stamp out this racism, c'mon Obama get behind me on this or are you too busy with yer water melons?

Oh are water melons a racist thing? oh I did not know, here have some fried BBQ chicken and lets be friends.

Look to our other border and check oot those Canadians.

A pair of possible terrorists, look at their mad eyes and the obvious hate of America they have. Its a silent invasion. They blend in and take over the media, the only way you can tell them apart from safe people 'too dumb and lazy to be terrorists' (Americans) is the way they speak and their love for the porn.

Oot and aboot also 'eh' at the end of each sentence. Lets build a wall across the border, we can get a cheap source of labour thanks to the Mexicans and maybe some air to surface to canuck missiles pointed north.

I want to see a colour and gender blind future where everyone is equal, all police reports will be "Be on the lookout for a human being" no this is not a cunning plan to get rid of the Catholic church but now you cum to think of it.




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Ice Ice Babby

Me preparing dinner.

During the week I set out as part of a British team to trek to the North Pole. Bear Grylls was too ascared and had scheduling clashes or so he says so they needed someone pretty tough to take his place, that someone ........................... died when they slipped in the bath so they called on me.

Renowned Arctic explorer Pen Hadow lead the team, we were dropped onto the ice by plane. It would have been nice if the plane had landed but the pilot said it looked a bit slippery.

668 miles north of Canada, I did think about dropping in on my blogging chums that live in America lite but to be honest Canadians are a little creepy in their not Yank, not Brit and not French ways, its like they try to be polite to everyone and once you eat the cake your mind goes and you start to harvest the body parts of homeless people to feed yer dark Satanic overlord............. or is that just me?

During our 1,000 mile journey, we plan to take measurements of the thickness of the ice. Some people collect stamps or spot trains, its just our thing. We are expected to reach the North Pole in late May so this is definitely my last post at least until then.

Hadow had us would put on survival suits and swim, gaps in the ice dragging a radar system which will measure the thickness of the ice.

I may have been a fisherman but that doesn't mean I can swim well, I only half learned so I could swim under water at the local swimming pool and look at the weemen.

Hadow keeps ranting on about the ice cap melting at an increased rate because of global warming.

I did mention to him my idea of big solar or water powered ice cube making machines at the mouths of rivers to cool the world doon but the man just laughed at me, at me would you believe? what am I a clown? some kind of joke? I have several blogs packed full of historical and factual information, not to mention naked weemen.

Ann Daniels the other member of the British Catlin Arctic Survey group also known as 'The willy warmer' backed him up and started crying about whales and seals, for fuck sake and that woman is the navigator, what an important job, um how are we ever going to find the North pole? how about going north until we see it like duh! a big fuck off red and white pole, she kept making stuff up about true north and magnetic north, she should be at home in Devon looking after her 4 kids and leave the adventuring to us manly men who know what they are doing.

No offense to any clueless weeman reading this but their are no hair saloons out there on the edge.

We will be re-supplied every 20 to 25 days on the mission and have had to put on excess weight because, although we will be taking in 6,000 calories a day, they will be using up around 7,500.

I wanna bag myself a penguin as I've never tasted one before, In the UK there are these chocolate bars called Penguins and I was highly digusted when I found out they were not the real thing. I have my jar of miracle whip handy for when I do get one.

A man builds a four-walled house. Each of the walls, on the outside, face due south. The man looks out the window and sees a bear. What colour is the bear?

Its a black bear you fool, what the fuck do I know about building hooses? I'm back in sunny Callyfornia and about to get me gun, the bear may be on the state flag of Callyfornia but that is just a guide as to what you should kill.
The other members of the team had a dispute with me about something I am totally blameless on, go drag yer own radar fucking system what do I look like Flipper the bush kangeroo? Martin Hartley from London will take over from me and will be the expedition photographer, yeah yeah enjoy the cold ya Sassenach.

So jobless and back to blogging. I did help the Irish police recover 4 million euros stolen from the bank of Ireland in Dublin. There are only 4 Irish police for the whole country as its in the 3rd world, you should see the Irish army its a 73 year-old blind man with a pitch fork. Don't underestimate him he did put his own eyes out.

I actually recovered 5 million of the total 7 million stolen (£6.2m) in real money but I have me expenses

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