Warning: May Contain Heat

Oh look at my poor pained expression, no one warned me that tea was hot.

Boris Khanimov from Brooklyn said he slipped on a puddle and spilled his newly bought McDonald's tea over him and it burned him. Call that a burn? Come back when yer skin is peeling off. People are idiots. OMG this freshly cooked pizza burned the roof of my mouth, I must sue the makers who told me to cook it for 30 minutes at gas mark 6. How could I of known it would be hot?

For fucks sake, put it away!

In 1992 Stella Liebeck aged 79 put a cup of coffee between her legs to open it and add milk etc, she was most surprised when it spilled and gave her these nasty burns ..... Now these are burns, learn something Khanimov. They probably just threw the money at her then hit the mind bleach because of those pictures.

Liebeck was awarded $2.86 million for being clumsy .... er for the coffee being too hot. Since this case there have been many similar lawsuits against many fast food restaurants.

Now everyone and their dog are being clumsy or say they were told to leave a KFC because their young child had facial scars and she was scaring other customers. That family got $135,000 in public donations and KFC offered $30,000 for medical expenses while they investigated.

Staff then suffered verbal abuse, death threats and drinks poured over them and guess what? The story wasn't even true. 

It was the little gurl's grandmother who created the story, maybe she was feeling guilty that it was her husband's pitbulls that made little Victoria lose her right eye gave her a broken jaw, nose, and cheekbones plus facial scarring. Some people should not be allowed near guns, children, pets and hot drinks.

I pity that child having to grow up with those mongs.

Pour some extra dia-beetus on that bitch!

Demetri Johnson aged 21 was fucked at the Drive thru in Nashville, Tennessee. After returning about a missing cheeseburger the manager asked him to park while he sorted the order out and would bring it out to him. Johnson then entered the restaurant with three ho's and a gun and demanded his order be made fresh including fries and soft drinks, then they left .... Get it right first time motherfuckers! 

The customer may not be always right but they do sometimes have a gun and impulse control problems. Always check yer order before you leave as some of those kids working there are on the pot.

Now onto my final case. Matt Brown, a diabetic aged 38 was walking from his mum's hoose in the early hours of Christmas eve when he felt like he was on the verge of a hypoglycaemic attack and thought he should head to a nearby McDonald's rather than make it home, "I usually carry Lucozade for emergencies but had run out I just needed some help and goodwill" .... It's British so I'll translate.
Mr Brown who has decided he's borderline diabetic but it's not low blood sugar, he's just a moody arsehole was staggering home after celebrating with a few Christmas drinks when he felt the munchies ... we've all been there.

That £20 his Ma gave him must have been burning a hole in his pocket.  

Since he's a teacher he obviously thinks he's better than the plebs who had to work a graveyard shift on Christmas eve and he'll just go up and order a burger. The last place you'll get goodwill is from fast food employees working on Christmas eve. No wonder Mr Brown is forever alone, looking for goodwill in all the wrong places.

When he got there it was drive thru only and after he banged on the window to get their attention he was probably told it's against company policy to serve people who aren't in vehicles .... something silly to do with getting knocked down I suppose or it's really just an excuse to not serve drunks banging on the window.

Brown said that he begged the manager to phone an ambulance but was told: “It’s not my problem.”

How shocking, a source at the restaurant said he had actually asked them to call a taxi. I bet it was to go through for a burger rather than to go to hospital. Don't you have a cell phone Mr Brown, what the fuck do you teach, something stupid like Religious Education or Geography? ... maybe P.E.?  

He said he was left slumped outside for over an hour, you could have crawled home in that time. Maybe get a taxi home next time if yer diabeetus is soooo dangerous. The story doesn't say how he got home, maybe he sobered up and just walked. Carry a few sugar packets with you dummy, it's a cold harsh world at 3am and you look quite shifty. 

Another Mathew Brown around that area was recently banned from teaching due to having lied about his qualifications, I'll just assume that it isn't the same person as this one looks shifty .... but honest and I doubt he'd make up a story and go to the paper to try to get money out of McDonald's.

People are stupid and think nothing about the reactions to their actions. As well as death threats, those fast food plebs may lose their shitty job over false claims or because people complain that the food made them fat or they burned themselves because they didn't understand what the hot in hot drink really meant.
If yer wife makes you a cuppa and you burn yerself with it do you sue her? Aye maybe give her a slap and tell her how useless she is but a lawsuit?
Thanks to that super size me cunt we don't have super size any more and eventually hot drinks and food will be served at room temperature on purpose. Sorry, you can't get hot fresh food, you might put yer eye out.   

The Hunger Games, Brought To You By KFC

I have an observation to make, Old Knudsen thinks that Jennifer Lawrence the star of the Hunger game movies has a face that either looks post allergy attack or that she was stung by bees.

Don't get Old Knudsen wrong, if he had a few dozen beers he may very well invite her to the nearest wheelie bin, shes from Kentucky, lets see if she tastes like KFC,  but seriously folks, look at the bake on that.

Old Knudsen was so bored the other night that he finally watched The Hunger Games, lets see what all the fuss is about.
Well done Hunger Games I watched you to the end unlike Twilight which lasted less than 15 minutes.

Didn't mean I liked yon movie. It was a big surprise when her character survived to the end wasn't it?

What a silly idea for a film, go watch The Running Man or Logan's Run they did it far better. Ach it's a movie aimed at teens as they have the power to make their parents spend money. Aye lets market a movie about young people savagely killing each other, we'll have a moral message to balance it out and to get it through of course.

I still remember when Terminator Salvation came out and you'd see loads of Terminator like toys in the toy aisles. Killer cyborgs are for the whole family now, in 1984 The Terminator was rated 18.

Such a slippery slope.

Kids like guns, well done to Kony, yer child soldier ideas were ahead of the times. In a few years child soldiers will be the norm, hey even Lego has gotten violent with superheroes and ninjas. Teach them young.

Just be careful what pictures you put on TV or up on walls as children emulate what they see everyday.

What message are you sending out to the children?

Spooky Turds On A Stick

I remember Samhuinn as I grew up in the tiny village of Frigadoon. I'm just going to take it for granted that my readers aren't complete morons and know all about Samhuinn or Samhain ............... ok yer right I had better explain it, slowly and clearly without the use of big words.
means summers end and marks the first day of winter, you'd bring the animals into the shelter of the barn, collect whatever harvest yer growing to feed you and the beasts, collect wood peat or dried shit for burning and get to baking, preserving , slaughtering and salting meat , just getting ready for the winter a head.

We'd have a feast because in November the Faeries blast every living plant with their icy breath.

We would eat nuts and place apples in a bucket of water and dunk for them grabbing them with our mouths, sacrifice homeless people and we would remember those who had passed on to the other world and set out extra food in case they turned up hungry.

You always put food outside for the Faeries to keep them happy , they like Shepherds pie (with real shepherds) or a KFC bargain bucket but no coleslaw, the Roberts next door put out some coleslaw and look at them now, well you can't look at them cos you can't bloody well find them.


In Frigadoon we didn't get many pumpkins, I suppose where ever you are you use what is grown there, my ma used a turnip, she or my da would scoop it out and carve a face on to it to make a small pathetic Jack'O'lantern, then we would be fed turnip with our dinner, fuck I hate turnip. Now when Halloween comes rounds I get the phantom taste of turnip in my mouth of Halloween past

The Irish legend says that the Devil once came to claim the soul of a no-good man named Jack. But Jack outsmarted the Devil several times and stayed alive.
When Jack eventually died, neither heaven nor hell would claim Jack.
Cursed to roam the earth forever, Jack begged the Devil for a live coal to provide light so he could navigate in limbo.

The Devil, was a soft touch when it came to Jack and not such a bad bloke , gave him a piece.

Jack put the coal into a turnip. And Jack is still walking around with his lantern until either heaven or hell will open its door to him.

The Legion is having a scary costume competition, the prize is a bottle of whisky. I think I'll be haunting a few dreams tonight in this outfit.

We never had trick or treat that's some strange American thing designed to make you fat on chocolate, I think that's the way most of their culture is set out, big is better.

My village had an ancient tradition in which Mr Brooks the village cross dresser would put on an old Boggy mask and chase you around the streets and if he caught you he'd give you a right diddling and a lolly pop and told you it was our secret and you'd get bad luck if you told. I was forever getting caught, I ran as fast as I could honestly, I'm surprised I still have all my own teeth as Mr Brooks would give you a massive lolly , one time he caught me but I had just been freshly shaved to get rid of my nits, I only got a candy apple that year.

Note

Samhain was not the fat hobbit and is pronounced "sa-wheen."

For last years timeless Halloween post chock full of sex and violence CLICK HERE.