The Chicken Was The Racist

The world is crazy, you have the over politically correct people spoiling everything by taking offense on behalf of minorities and you have the speak their mind people who rebel against political correctness but end up looking like racist assholes in the process.

Old Knudsen just wants to tell a joke without offending those people ... you know who I mean. You can't body shame a fat person unless it's Trump or something. This shows you that everyone has their line in the sand and their own set of double standards.

Double standards are quite complex. Kirk and Bones tried to explain to Spock that you can admire someone but not agree with what they did. Khan was a genocidal maniac but hey he made the space trains run on time.

Whitewashing doesn't just mean to paint yer fence white or to cover up crimes. It also means movie and TV roles that were originally ethnic going white people.

We just had the whole Danny Rand Iron fist should have been made Asian crap. Yes, decades of having a white blue eyed dude doing martial arts so lets make him Asian .... then you'd have the oh that's a stereotype that all Asians know martial arts ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

Danny Rand is from a wealthy white family, you could go with adoption but why? You want diversity? he teams up with black dude Luke Cage in the comics and soon in the Marvel TV show The Defenders.

The hot and very badass Jessica Henwick is in Iron Fist, certainly not as a token Asian. Due to Rand being white like he always has been the PC critics savaged the show on the first ep. Old Knudsen has watched season one and it is fucken awesome, way better than Dare Devil.

  I don't want to hurt you but if you push me I will fuck you up

Kung Fu had the similar issues as Iron Fist had but in the 70's. A half Chinese character played by a white guy. That show did give steady employment to Asian actors at a time when not many did.  

John Wayne as Genghis Khan and Mickey Rooney as Mr Yunioshi in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. Hollywood has had a history of acceptable, casual racism.

Dances with wolves had Native American actors rather than a white dude in brown face. Kevin Costner isn't the greatest of actors but did no one think to give the Injuns a few lessons? I like Graham Greene but he has the acting range of a John Wayne or Clint Eastwood ... not extensive. 

Hollywood just jumps the shark when it comes to casting now. Emma Stone a half-Chinese, half-Hawaiian ... in what universe? Instead of being Asian, Tilda Swinton in Dr Strange became an ancient baldy Celt. While Swinton sounds like an upper class English person her family tree does have ancient Scots roots so close enough.  

The Martian got rid of its Asian characters but it had one black dude so that is ok. If anyone is important enough to risk it all and save from Mars it's Matt fucken Damon. All those movies like Star Wars and Star Trek had a few tokens but zero Hispanics .... where is their outrage? It wasn't until the Battlestar Galactica reboot that we had wet backs in space.  Ay caramba, shields down to 40%. 

Marvel did make Heimdall black, cos there were tons of black Norsemen. Seriously? Nick Fury was also made black. 
Spider man was rumored to be Hispanic but was played by a white English actor with the last name Holland so what the fuck? Marisa Tomei who is of Italian descent plays his aunt. Tom Holland has also worked putting the voice to the Studio Ghibli movie Arriety ... aye you don't complain that yer Jap cartoons are white washed cos they are put into English. 

Scarlett Johansson is annoying people by being in the live action version of the cartoon anime Ghost in the Shell. I would watch Scarlett Johansson taking a dump on a hobo so what is the big deal? Didn't she just have all this crap with her movie Lucy? 

Hey I'm still trying to get my head around Black Widow being played by a Jew ... Just Kidding, I love "those" people ... wouldn't lend them money though ... cos I'm tight fisted, why else would you think?   

Romney was almost as ethnic as Obama, nice try.

Even politicians aren't above putting on orange or brown face to get the votes. Do people go on about cultural appropriation before pretending to be Irish for St Patrick's day? Like I said they have their own double standards. I look on in amusement at yon plastic paddies.

We've all read about black actors struggling to get parts, they still go on about it though Denzil, Morgan Freeman, Samuel L Jackson, Angela Bassett, Halle Berry and Will Smith don't seem to have any problems, I doubt they even audition anymore.

Now you get Asian actors voicing this problem. There used to be a lot of white men on TV, but then as attitudes changed you got females and ethnic people and now you even have the gays, things that were mostly unheard of 40 years ago.

In TV the gays would be flaming but it would all be innuendo and no talk about cock sucking at all. The US had the first TV shows with black leads. Things are changing somewhat, probably not as fast as people want it or maybe too fast for some. A black lead in Star Wars the force awakens ... outrageous!
Um no, that lead was a young chick though Harrison Ford got top billing. Like Black Widow the Rey merchandise was almost nonexistent at first.

Anime is full of round eyed white people that are supposed to be Asian anyways so all this white guilt crap can fuck off. Japanese and Korean people are trying to look western with surgery or make up to look like Sailor Moon or some such shite. The whole K-Pop thing is very unhealthy, get stuck into that cos that's way more messed up that what Hollywood does.

Plot twist, Hollywood and TV channels are businesses, you can take a risk on a new comer or you can play it safe and pick an established name. A big name actor who can't act is better than a non-famous actor who can't act but hey, they can kick high so lets hire them.

There was a lack of ethnic actors in Buffy the vampire slayer but with great acting and writing you can forgive it cos it's empowering to weemen and all that.  

Anime has its niche market, making Power Rangers, Transformers or whatever white friendly and western makes it appeal to a wider audience and that is what it's about. There are different markets around the world and what appeals to one might not appeal to another.

If only Bruce and Brandon Lee had lived longer huh. They could have speeded up the diversity for Asians in film. What happens is meant to happen. 

Bigger crowds than Trump

Martin Luther King Jr's death put a halt to the civil rights moment as planned. You can have Jesse Jackson but he isn't no Martin Luther King Jr. As with Bruce Lee a stand in or pale intimation is fucken useless. That person, at that time or it just doesn't work.   

This is why so many reboots and remakes are shite. Trying to recapture the magic of the original or to make America great again is like trying to catch a fart.  

There still has a ways to go for real change but I don't want movie makers fucking up long standing characters in the name of diversity. I am so sick of the 'make Dr Who black or a female' .... how about making it decent again? That show cannot be saved by diversity, it needs good writing.

OMG they made Bond blonde I refuse to watch it

New Bond? ... like I give a fuck. I had hopes they'd make Daniel Craig more like Jason Bourne after seeing the amazing Casino Royale but after 3 shite films packed full of tired cliches they spoiled it.

Politically incorrect jokes can be funny. CK Lewis did a SNL monologue with why did the chicken cross the road? ... because there was a black guy behind it. He went on to explain that it was the chicken who was racist and the black guy was merely on his way home.

Another black guy ended up eating the chicken but that isn't racist to say that, the chicken was the racist. Old Knudsen laughs at Irish jokes so whatever. I'll fight anyone who says the Irish are drunken brawlers ... in fact I'll cut the fuckers with one of my many beer bottles ... potato anyone? 

Some assholes need to lighten up but would anal bleach not be as messed up as trying to make your eyes round?

Weekend At Donald's

Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe met again to discuss US/Japanese relations. During the campaign trail Trump wanted Japan to pay 100% for troops on Japanese soil. Of course this is one of the many things he won't do but will get ignored by his followers and other poorly informed people that say, "he's keeping his word and doing what he said he would" .... Japan was a tad pissed off as they pay 70% of the US upkeep in Japan.

The base on Okinawa is not very popular as local authorities didn't have a say over the 3 US servicemen who abducted and raped a 12 year-old girl 2 decades ago or over the base worker that murdered a 20 year-old woman recently. The base is being relocated to Nago, Okinawa. The US also imposed drinking bans too after a Navy puke injured two people while driving under the influence. 

 Just checking your South China seas Mr Miyagi

After Trump was reminded that Japan and China are not the same cuntry he made a statement at Trump Towers. 

"It is with great pleasure that I extend the olive branch of hospitality to Mr Miyagi of Japan. He is my guest at Mar-a-Lago for the entire weekend and it's free, he doesn't have to pay a single thing, unless he chooses to watch a pay per view movie or to order anything extra off the menu."  

They then jetted down on Air force one and like every other proud parent Trump wheeled out his pride and joys for entertainment.   

Donald jr: Eric, my dog has no nose.

Eric: We're rich, have it put down and buy a new one numb nuts.

Donald jr: What do you call a poor person with no healthcare?  

Eric: I don't know, what? 

Donald jr: American lol! 

Fucken comedy gold right there. 

Then Ivanka came out to dance and sing to the song 'My heart belongs to daddy'  which ends with her in his lap of course. Jared has to stay at home and look after his Donald's kids as he tends to get drunk and causes a scene.   

The next day it's a round of golf. As you can tell Trump has always been athletic except during the Vietnam war as then he had a bone spur in his foot ... either the right or left he can't recall, it went away as soon as the war was over though. 

Remember US military, you salute the office he's pissed all over not the man, keep telling yourself that when he sends you off to war in one of his Twitter rages. 

PM Shinzo got some good exercise by carrying Trump's golf bag. One time he took off his hat to wipe his brow only to have Trump scream, "I said wear the hat you little bitch!" 

North Korea took this time to launch a missile in Japan's general direction. It's all show boating. The US and Japan have been carrying out anti-ballistic missile tests as Japan aren't allowed to have nukes ... even though on Trump's campaign trail he said he was in favour of it. 

Checks and balances Mr Trump, the president's power has limits. 

Japan have been building up their forces and not just for defense and "positive" non-aggressive activities such as disaster relief and peace keeping. They have the JASSM,  precision standoff missiles and have created an amphibious brigade to re-take islands if they had to. 

All US allies are concerned as to whether or not they'll be backed up by the US if shit hit the fan. General Mattis told them that they would be protected but said he couldn't speak for Trump, Pence or Bannon as they might have other ideas. 

Hugs, handshakes and secret trade deals all give the right signals to the world but could anyone really trust Trump? 

    

Only A Man Confident In His Sexuality Calls His Plane Gay

Colonel Paul Tibbets of the US air force who flew the B-29 bomber named Enola Gay (named after his mother who was ghey) and dropped the "Little Boy" atomic bomb on Hiroshima 6th August 1945 killing out right 140,000, died this week aged 92 during a kick boxing session, he had failed to warm up.

He never showed regret over doing it which is just right as he saved more lives than he killed and considering that after 3 days the Japs still said "go fluck yerself" and had to have another bomb dropped on them, shows you the only way to beat fanatics. I'm telling you the middle east would make a fine car park, and a good exit strategy.

In 2005 the retired Brig.General Paul Warfield Tibbets Jr was asked if he would repeat his actions , his answer was, "Hell yeah, I'd do it again."

Those slitty eyed cunts started it and in yer honour sir I shall say, America Fuck Yeah!

Kid 'n' Play

South Korean president Roh Moo Hyun went to North Korea to have a summit meeting with Kim Jong il. This is the second such meeting between the countries in more than 50 years. It wasn't trade or the fact that the two countries are still technically at war with each other (as is the USA and North Korea) the main tension point was, who looked taller? Kim went for the shoe lifts and the extreme hold gel but Roh won by a hair.

Needless to say Kim was outraged and was this close to throwing Roh into a pool to be cut to pieces by sharks with frickin lasers on their heads.

Warp Factor Sex.

"C'mon, you have to be able to feel it now, its ready to launch."

A while back when the fishing wasn't bringing in enough money to live on I looked for work further a field, well not exactly a field more like a space.
I signed aboard the USS Enterprise which was just about to embark on its 5 year mission , to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations and liberate whatever things of value they had, to boldly go where no man has yet messed up.

The aptitude test was easy, "Do you like science?", "Do you like responsibility?", " Are you good with machines?", "Do you like to thump people and brag about it?" I bet ya can't guess my answers. They thought it best I go into security.

The flaming red shirt and tight black Capri trousers seemed abit ghey but you know me, I'm ghey for pay besides I liked the camel toe it gave me balls.
The captain was a nut job named Captain Kirk, a strange fella, from Iowa I believe which is famous for the crazy bastards that live there. I think the corn those corn fed fuckers eat has been genetically altered a bit too many times .

The Enterprise was the only ship that required the men to wear the skin tight trousers and the ladies to wear fish nets and mini skirts. Kirk would always be ripping his shirt and offering to wrestle nervous crewmen, the nickname he got was Captain Grab ass, he heard it being said one time but thought they said, "bad ass" and that added to his swagger.

Doctor McCoy loved to watch the wrestling, he had the nickname "Boner." Kirk was always saying things that you didn't know if he was joking or not, his favourite was, "Phasers on date rape" which would always get an excited giggle from the doctor. When he was to be beamed up he'd say,"Scotty beam me up" then he'd mumble, "in the ass" and Scotty not hearing that would say,"aye Captain" causing the doctor to almost wet himself.

The executive officer 'Spock' was a cool character, half Elf half English man, a queer combination if ya know what I mean, looking doon on everyone cos he went to public school to learn how to be buggered and fire off sarcastic quips, that bloke was always on his Pon farr it seemed, penis issues no doubt going by ear size is no indication .

Everyone knows that Asians and people with Jesus stickers on their cars are the worse drivers ever but still we had a fella named Sulu drive the Enterprise , he made me feel uncomfortable the way he undressed me with his slitty eyes.

Just something odd about that fella, I can't place my finger on it.

The only other Jock on board was Scotty the chief engineer, he liked his drink but it made him depressed and insecure, he was always looking on the dark side, "ya cannae do it" or "shes not gonna blow shes a leezer" he really got on my tits, he caused half of the engine's problems just so he could fix them and look like the hero, that's how insecure he was.

We started out with a compliment of 50 security guards, in no time it was doon to just me and Ensign Pulver, it was like Nam all over again, you weren't there asshole I don't want to talk about it.

We'd draw straws to see who would go on away missions with weemen in the landing party. I made sure Pulver drew the short straw, he wasn't much of an artist.

Weemen on the landing party means the rest of the party are distracted by trying to see her giblets when she bends over or kneels doon, and while I like giblets I also want to see the Liver Ripper from dalron 4 creeping up on us to rip our hearts out (misnamed it was) anyway the charming and powerful alien on the planet usually gets the gurl, she stays behind to "study" them if you get my meaning.

"Aren't you a pretty one? you're going to be ripped apart by my lovin."

Poor Pulver had his head blown up by a piece of alien rubber with tinsel on top a week before the 5 year mission was canceled due to lack of interest.

The crew went their own ways, Spock was slipped some acid and went through a hippy phase trying to achieve some form of uptight enlightenment. McCoy defended himself against charges of fondling unconscious patients he soon found peace in the Priest hood (which is the neighbourhood where all the Priests live) Scotty was tried for sabotage and Kirk became a Rear Admiral with Sulu as his head man.

Chekov didn't exist as even in the 23rd century they wouldn't have a Russian on the command deck. Ahooryou didn't exist either, who would put a neck wiggling angry black woman on communications ? "we be axing you 2 surrender or we'll open up a can on your whitey/greeny ass. " Its funny the shite some people make up.

Pick The Peanuts Out Of This.

When Old Knudsen heard the news of the attack he jumped into action. Well to be honest I get all my info from the orient via a slow boat from China and Harry Carry who is fond of his opium so it may be weeks before I find anything out.
One of our own was viciously attacked and left for dead, read the full story here.
The attacker was described as a yellow man wearing a top hat and carrying a walking stick.

As this Blogger lives in Japan that could be anyone, go on you try telling them apart.
The victim was Gaijin Gurl and the motive for the attack is unknown.

The arm of Old Knudsen is very long I had my man go around Japland asking any shifty looking people if they knew any thing about the attack, we soon found out there are a lot of shifty looking people in Nipon, must be the slitty eyes.

We happened upon a fella named Tamigotchi Tophato who fitted the bill. I did not hesitate on giving the order to grab him off the streets, no one needs a nut like him running around, we put the squeeze on him and the fucker cracked, he spilled his guts so we dumped him for the police to find and to serve as a warning to other nutcases, who cares if a nut gets assaulted? Gaijin Gurl has been avenged.

See what happens when you fuck with a Blogger? Vengeance is mine saith Old Knudsen.

Dr McSweaty

I went to the Doctor guess what he told me , he said I was ugly.

I went to my Doctor today as I Have been feeling a little out of breath and have a bad cough, I suspected the Asian flu, fucking Asians, finally getting their own back on me for talking about their yellow appearance and slitty eyes, some nice weeman though, well as long as you get them under the age of 35 because after that their tradition says they must get whacked with the ugly stick. It was said that only Nixon could of went to China, well that was a load of bollocks as Wham also went there, hence the bad feelings towards the British, well I'm not here to talk about slitty eyes, who am I Prince Philip? that fucking racist, no I'm suffering.

Of course when a Doctor's appointment is for 3pm and you get there at 2.45 pm do you get to see the Doc at 3pm? do ya fuck, if sick people can be on time, those at the Doctors office take their time because obviously you aren't really sick, mind games those bastards play. My normal Doctor wasn't there as he was sick himself, shows ya what a fucking useless Doctor he is if he can't even keep himself healthy, no wonder I'm falling apart, all his fault.

During the hour I waited I perused the stack of magazines on a little side table, Woman's own, People's Friend and a Trout fishing monthly from 1956, all very interesting. I then read through 'Senior Life' magazine, all those white haired smiling people that have now taken up parachuting or extreme slipping on ice, what the fuck do they have to be happy about ? do they take up these sports because death isn't coming at them fast enough ? then I read about a survey that was of interest to me. It seems that a study funded by the Geriatric swingers club of America shows that men in their twilight years that can still get it up make the best lovers, 87% of weeman have multiple orgasms with older lovers (over the age of 60) than a mere 42% of weeman with men under 60, hey I don't make this stuff up I just report on what I hear. I don't know why weemen bother with young men, why take the chance of having bad sex ? just saying. It also has a lot to do with where you get yer skin tags too, you see all these dildos with bumps and spiky bits sticking out, they are modeled after the old man's cock, I've got so many skin tags on Kenny that I call him the Pleasurenator . Kenny would be what my penis is named, please feel free to tell me the name of yer Knob in the comments men.
So you see getting old has its benefits.


Here is what my penis looks like, warts and all, that was a wee joke as they are skin tags, my willy wonker has inspired a line of Flicker Nubby dildos, or course its only that colour if the lass is on her moons.

I was getting annoyed at waiting as there were alsorts of unhygienic sick people about so I asked a few times where my fucking Doctor was and if I can be sick and on time why can't he do me the courtesy of being on time, a male nurse came out, yeah you read right, a male nurse (no offense to any male nurses reading this, its a lifestyle choice that I respect) this Florence was a big lad but I wasn't afraid, sure I made a few comments about him being a male nurse was he going to beat up an old fella like me? he took me to one side and softly told me that if I didn't sit doon and wait quietly he was going to sedate me and violate my body, he was joking right ? well if I hadn't been feeling bad I would have decked him so I went back and waited, that big Florence fucker kept checking on me with a smirk on his face.

"Are you trying to seduce me Doctor?" "Um no of course not, would you like me to seduce you Ben?plastics!"

When my name was called to see the Doctor I was sure glad to get out of there, thankfully my new Doctor wasn't an Asian, he was a Black chappy so I got to tell him my Asian flu diagnosis, he looked a little unsure about that so to put him at his ease as he probably isn't used to wearing a tie being from Africa and all I complimented him on his English, it was a little off in places but it was pretty good, he then told me he was from Kilmarnock, which made me laugh as we have a Kilmarnock in Scotland too, ah its a funny old world.

Look at these smug cunts looking at you , this is what they are saying "I'm totally going to get him a pink gown that shows his ass", "I'm gonna stick my fingers up his anus without wearing gloves", "I'm going to fuck his wife in the left nostil".

This lad didn't have a fucking clue, he told me to stop smoking, stop drinking drink and to eat better, what a fucking quack, that's what they always tell you when they don't know whats wrong. I told him not to fuck with years of Scottish tradition and to just give me some pills to make me feel better and I needed a refill on my Viagara (I only need it when I drink) but that stupid bastard said he was refusing to treat me until I started looking after myself, can those buckos do that? so what a big waste of time that was, he didn't even stick his fingers up me hole .
So that was my day.

Now here is the shock to all you 4 or 5 Old Knudsen readers out there, due to my social life being hectic with all those Christmas parties etc and having to look after Jill and Ted's (neighbours) doggy while they are on hols don't be surprised if I slow doon on posting, fucking real world, no I'm not going to fuck off for a week and then reappear all angry and jaded, if not every day I'll do every other day depending on whats going on, just breaking you in gently as the bishop said to the actress.