Dr McSweaty

I went to the Doctor guess what he told me , he said I was ugly.

I went to my Doctor today as I Have been feeling a little out of breath and have a bad cough, I suspected the Asian flu, fucking Asians, finally getting their own back on me for talking about their yellow appearance and slitty eyes, some nice weeman though, well as long as you get them under the age of 35 because after that their tradition says they must get whacked with the ugly stick. It was said that only Nixon could of went to China, well that was a load of bollocks as Wham also went there, hence the bad feelings towards the British, well I'm not here to talk about slitty eyes, who am I Prince Philip? that fucking racist, no I'm suffering.

Of course when a Doctor's appointment is for 3pm and you get there at 2.45 pm do you get to see the Doc at 3pm? do ya fuck, if sick people can be on time, those at the Doctors office take their time because obviously you aren't really sick, mind games those bastards play. My normal Doctor wasn't there as he was sick himself, shows ya what a fucking useless Doctor he is if he can't even keep himself healthy, no wonder I'm falling apart, all his fault.

During the hour I waited I perused the stack of magazines on a little side table, Woman's own, People's Friend and a Trout fishing monthly from 1956, all very interesting. I then read through 'Senior Life' magazine, all those white haired smiling people that have now taken up parachuting or extreme slipping on ice, what the fuck do they have to be happy about ? do they take up these sports because death isn't coming at them fast enough ? then I read about a survey that was of interest to me. It seems that a study funded by the Geriatric swingers club of America shows that men in their twilight years that can still get it up make the best lovers, 87% of weeman have multiple orgasms with older lovers (over the age of 60) than a mere 42% of weeman with men under 60, hey I don't make this stuff up I just report on what I hear. I don't know why weemen bother with young men, why take the chance of having bad sex ? just saying. It also has a lot to do with where you get yer skin tags too, you see all these dildos with bumps and spiky bits sticking out, they are modeled after the old man's cock, I've got so many skin tags on Kenny that I call him the Pleasurenator . Kenny would be what my penis is named, please feel free to tell me the name of yer Knob in the comments men.
So you see getting old has its benefits.


Here is what my penis looks like, warts and all, that was a wee joke as they are skin tags, my willy wonker has inspired a line of Flicker Nubby dildos, or course its only that colour if the lass is on her moons.

I was getting annoyed at waiting as there were alsorts of unhygienic sick people about so I asked a few times where my fucking Doctor was and if I can be sick and on time why can't he do me the courtesy of being on time, a male nurse came out, yeah you read right, a male nurse (no offense to any male nurses reading this, its a lifestyle choice that I respect) this Florence was a big lad but I wasn't afraid, sure I made a few comments about him being a male nurse was he going to beat up an old fella like me? he took me to one side and softly told me that if I didn't sit doon and wait quietly he was going to sedate me and violate my body, he was joking right ? well if I hadn't been feeling bad I would have decked him so I went back and waited, that big Florence fucker kept checking on me with a smirk on his face.

"Are you trying to seduce me Doctor?" "Um no of course not, would you like me to seduce you Ben?plastics!"

When my name was called to see the Doctor I was sure glad to get out of there, thankfully my new Doctor wasn't an Asian, he was a Black chappy so I got to tell him my Asian flu diagnosis, he looked a little unsure about that so to put him at his ease as he probably isn't used to wearing a tie being from Africa and all I complimented him on his English, it was a little off in places but it was pretty good, he then told me he was from Kilmarnock, which made me laugh as we have a Kilmarnock in Scotland too, ah its a funny old world.

Look at these smug cunts looking at you , this is what they are saying "I'm totally going to get him a pink gown that shows his ass", "I'm gonna stick my fingers up his anus without wearing gloves", "I'm going to fuck his wife in the left nostil".

This lad didn't have a fucking clue, he told me to stop smoking, stop drinking drink and to eat better, what a fucking quack, that's what they always tell you when they don't know whats wrong. I told him not to fuck with years of Scottish tradition and to just give me some pills to make me feel better and I needed a refill on my Viagara (I only need it when I drink) but that stupid bastard said he was refusing to treat me until I started looking after myself, can those buckos do that? so what a big waste of time that was, he didn't even stick his fingers up me hole .
So that was my day.

Now here is the shock to all you 4 or 5 Old Knudsen readers out there, due to my social life being hectic with all those Christmas parties etc and having to look after Jill and Ted's (neighbours) doggy while they are on hols don't be surprised if I slow doon on posting, fucking real world, no I'm not going to fuck off for a week and then reappear all angry and jaded, if not every day I'll do every other day depending on whats going on, just breaking you in gently as the bishop said to the actress.