Its Christmas Time, Theres No Need To Be Afraid.

This is was my first mate from the good ship Red Rocket, my second mate was a lot more rugged.

Some ramblings I've prepared for Christmas day as visitors and the Queen's speech will keep me away from the computer for a number of hours today, why don't those people go away, what do they want of me? as I mentioned before I went to the pound shop and got some photo frames, and yes they were a pound, I love to play the old fool and ask how much things are, in fact I was the one that got the management in our local pound shop to put up signs saying, "no need to ask, everything costs a pound", the manageress is a small wee woman with a deformed leg, well I'm assuming its deformed or why would she walk like that all the time? I'd have a go at her, I don't give a fuck about her disability, I'm not shallow, its her arse I'm an admirer of, all that awkward walking has made it into a thing of beauty, see ? I am deep.
I photocopied pictures of myself, the very one on my avatar as I think I look sorta Burt Reynolds from Deliverance in it, 50p a copy at the library it cost and with the frames the whole thing cost £15.00, that's £5.00 more than I had expected, I don't even like the cunts I'm giving them to but you have to be polite, I mean some of them are family and you might want something from them later.
I did decide to sign the pictures by the way, it gives them a personal touch.

I was watching on the news the Christmasy stories they report on and one was about how a shop in Bethlehem, the birth place of our lord and savior Jesus H Christ, that made and sold Rosaries will soon be out of business, as for some reason the Christian tourists are no longer going there, in fact Christian tourist visits are just a tenth of what they were in recent years. Here is my final solution, stop bombing the shit out of the tourists, you can't expect their faith to be strong enough to get them to go, those types of Christain fanatics go over and stick their noses in and end up on hostage videos. Why the fuck would you buy a Rosary in Bethlehem? Jesus was a Protestant ya morons, well ok, its obvious that Mary was a catholic because shes in all the chapels, go to Rome for your Rosaries go to Israel for................. ok I have no idea why you would want to, well if their business fails they want to emigrate to America, Rosary making crazy fuckers, they'd fit in there alright, a load of nutters.

Speaking of nutters, Poland wants to name Jesus King and Mary (his mum) Queen, the country is 70% Catholic so to those silly bastards it makes sense, I feel it is my duty to inform them that both fictional characters of Jesus and Mary are well dead. I found this to be a problem when I tried to make Rapunzel with the long hair Queen of Scotland.

Happy Christmas to lovers of weemen.
I like weemen, I like their bouncy bits and the way our bodies interconnect, oh and child bearing hips, and if they can make a good cup of tea I'll even take em ugly.

Hey while we're on the subject of soap powders , do ya ever send something to your own e-mail box in order to use it later then about 5 minutes after sending it you look up and think "oh I wonder who sent me an e-mail" and then open it ? well if you do you're a dozy cunt cos I never do that. oh no not me.

Babsbitchin that terrible firebrand of a woman tagged me (in the arse) with 5 things people don't know about me, I thought I had covered it in my 101 things on fake old man balls but no so here we go.

1) Everytime I see a Geranium I rub a leaf and smell it, also Lavender and tomato plants but mostly Geranium.

2) Lesbians don't do much for me, seeing them make out is kind of boring. I don't know why guys are supposed to get all hot and bothered, or is it just the media that says we should?

3) My balls shrink up to nothing in cold weather and are sore even to the lightest touch so I try to never scratch them then.

4) When I read books or news papers, (old or new) I sniff the pages and sometimes lick them .

5) When I was a young man I had acne, I would fill the sink up with very cold water and submerge my face into it for as long as I could, it helped my acne and got my bangs the way I wanted them.


In turn the 5 people I tag are these 5 guys, if you don't do this then you are a scabby pus dripping cunt.


So enjoy yer Turkey, if you're a vegetarian, Buddhist , Hindu or all of the above get with the program, I am the way.

I write this part while totally drunk on the early hours of the 25th, to all my Scottish readers, well I love you all and hope you live for ever, to all my English, Welsh and Cornish Readers, um hello friends, to all my Ulster Scots friends keep looking up, to my Irish readers, stay away from the C4, to all my French, German,Italian , Austrailian, Slavic and south American readers stop searching for pedos you sick fuckers. To all my American readers, read me but don't believe me, to my Canadian readers, I love you both,to my New Zealand reader stay off the pot.
To all my readers and commenters, I wouldn't have continued on for so long if if wasn't for you, thankyou for validating my existence, please feel free to comment , e-mail or shout at yer VDU , you become my mates when I know you .

Happy Christmas to you one and all, oh and now you've read this fuck off.