First Person Groper

Being in semi retirement doesn't mean that Old Knudsen sits around and lets his skills grow dull with wanking to daytime telly. My old hips have taken some punishment over the years, kicking in doors and pumping away at hoors and when me arthritis plays up I feel more mortal than usual. I could still kick yer shite in just remember that.

It isn't the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Old Knudsen is always angry .... that's his badly kept secret.

Knowing that I could be called into action at anytime to kill a politic rival, hunt doon a warlord or since this is Northern Ireland maybe to burn a witch or break someone's windows for speaking out about something,  Old Knudsen uses the technology of first person shooter video games to keep him battle ready.

 

 

The odd time I do get confused, well I am a centenarian a few times over so give me fucking break if I can't remember the names of me various wives, gurlfriends, prison rapes and one night stands. 

While fighting an opponent I may think about tapping R2 instead of using my fist in a rapid nut punch attack. Now that is embarrassing.

In some first person shooter games you have a companion who sometimes follows you and sometimes leads you and maybe does parts of the game just to carry the story along. These video game brained companions can be a little unrealistic or on the other hand too realistic. 

Here are some of the things Old Knudsen screams at the telly when paired up with these pre-programed cunts.  

Aye you just sit there while I clear the room ..... again.

Let me guess I'm going in first and yer not going to give me any cover but may just run in front of me when I start firing. 

C'mon ya fucking pussy you don't see me running from the enemy to take cover behind a colleague, get out there! 

Thanks for the back up you fucking useless cunt! 

I'm not sure which corridor to take and it doesn't help when you say things like 'c'mon we don't have all day' and follow me around not making suggestions. 

Did you see that? well did you? the freeze frame picture has me dead and yer just standing beside the enemy not firing at them.

Old Knudsen does die in these games plenty of times as it isn't very natural twiddling a toggle to run or drive and you can't see around you and still see where you are going. 

 

Thank fuck that in some games you can blow off steam in a strip club. I'll leave it to yer imagination as to what Old Knudsen shouts at those durty hoors.   

Simon Cowell's Moobs Explode

From the blog that constantly brings you breaking news cums the report that off the peg celeb Simon Cowell came close to getting gunned doon and having his face eaten off when he flaunted his sexy body topless, on a Florida beach. 

 Drinking the blood of young runaways to keep his supernatural strength and youthful appearance.

Known for his 'I'm not ghey I'm just English' camp and bitchy attitude which can destroy yer dream in an instant, Cowell is obviously still getting his body back to into shape after his first pregnancy.  Old Knudsen is still taking bets on when he'll cum out of the closet, aye Rock Hudson was married, oh whatever!  Old Knudsen's gheydar is never wrong. 

    Cowell seen here breast feeding his son Squiddly Diddly. 

British people seem to be amazed when they go to foreign cuntries and discover that you can't get away with shit as you can in the UK. Being drunk in public and pishing against a wall is not seen as cultural charm in the US and you will go to jail. 

At first the officer thought Cowell was either intoxicated or retarded as he didn't even know his own name, he kept repeating, "do you know who I am?" in some funny accent. Cowell was more compliant when the officer threatened to taser him in the face and leave him there for the Florida zombies to eat. He was let off with a warning.

Why anyone would want to go to Florida is beyond me. Cowell is a minor crossroads demon and is league with Satan which makes total sense for him. Do drab stupid people sell their souls to Cowell for instant fame? that would explain why so many talentless cum buckets have becum famous over the last decade or so.

Americans take their anti-moob laws very seriously. Jack Nicholson wasn't offered work for 5 years after a picture of him and his flapping man boobs appeared in public. That half eaten sandwich looks better than he does. 

Dude looks like an old lady.

Front man for pop sensation Aerosmith had to take a job as a judge on a reality talent show to pay the coke bills after his moobs and shriveled package was spotted. Not even camo trunks saved him. 

 

The Lone Gunmen Did It

 

To remind you brain dead morons out there, aye thats you I'm talking to. The Lone gunmen was a TV show that was a spin off from the X-files. It had 13 episodes before "The Man" closed it doon, it got too close to the truth, or ratings weren't that high.

The Lone Gunmen had it's 'pilot' episode airing 4th March 2001, do you remember what it was about?
A plot by terrorists to hijack a passenger plane and fly it into the World Trade Center, it turned out to be people within the government who were doing this to blame terrorists in the hope to make money off wars created by this event as with the cold war being over the weapons industry was dragging.

One went like this and the other went like this and I said huh? and rushed to safety. 

If you recall back then, Bush had just taken over from Clinton. He inherited a cuntry with a strong economy, the dollar was actually worth something unlike today. Clinton had cut the military since the U.S. didn't need such a big one as no one hated America any more than usual.

Bush was a little unimportant President with a low popularity rating, that rating double overnight after the attack of 9/11 not because he became a great leader but because he was the leader and the American people were hurt and needed him to be a leader.

People just went along with him like sheep for fear of being called unpatriotic. The biggest most scary lynch mob ever. 

Old Knudsen does still tear up thinking about 9/11 just as he does when thinking about the Omagh bombing of 98.
Imagine TV writers writing such a script only to have it cum true 6 months later. Here is the first episode of The Lone Gunmen all 13 eps are on Youtube.

So what are the options?

1. The government does shit like this or at least plans to.

2. Bush aides watch TV and it gave them an idea.

3. Osama Bin Laden watched TV and it gave him the idea.

4. The writers are part of Al Qaeda.

5. Coincidences are real.

Old Knudsen is more inclined to believe the first one though has no faith that the Bush admin could have pulled it off. They could of looked the other way and provided assistance though.

A Republican government in power and the defense industry isn't booming .... WTF! They needed a reason to boom and to gain a few more footholds across the world.

Usually it's 'sure we'll give you aid, we just need permission to set up a base there to monitor our investment.'
If you ever wondered why governments give so much foreign aid while ignoring their own cuntry and the 3rd world one beside them like for example Mexico, that is why. They don't need bases in Mexico. 

Now with invasions they can set up bases without permission and keep them there.

Who would believe a TV show based on conspiracy nuts? The truth is out there and was 6 months before the event.

Bush said that "no one could have conceivably imagined suicide bombers burrowing into our society and then emerging all in the same day to fly their aircraft,  fly U.S. aircraft into buildings full of innocent people - and show no remorse. "

Well someone imagined it, also 2 years previously the North American Aerospace Defense Command did simulations on planes being used to attack the Pentagon and the WTC , actually the Pentagon drill wasn't carried out as they thought it would be too much of an unrealistic thing to happen.

Condoleezza Rice said that the "White House didn't anticipate hijacked planes being used as weapons."

Drills were being carried out in which planes had been used as weapons in mid 2001 also.  In 1962 Operation Northwoods was devised to carry out false flag attacks against US military and civilian targets in order to blame the Cubans.

They planned to use friendly Cubans in uniform to attack US bases, start rumours and cause riots.

There was even a plan to blow up ships and have mock funerals in order to escalate tensions with Cuba.
Luckily the Kennedy admin turned it doon, unlucky for Kennedy is that he had a massive hied and that kind of wishy washy attitude would make a lot of enemies on yer own side.  

Believe what you want to believe, if in doubt just follow the money and see who were the big financial winners from the 9/11 attack or even the Kennedy assassination.  Could Johnson (who escalated the Vietnam war) have gotten to the Presidency by himself?

Halliburton more or less sponsored the wars of terror so Bush and his cronies sure did make money on it.
The new President Obama had nothing to gain by having troops in Iraq, that wasn't his war so getting them out and making his own footholds was a priority.

The government (as started during the Bush admin) turned inwards and spying on friends, allies and it's own people became the new market in order to get away with shit elsewhere.

In a world where everyone has a phone and the Interweb it's a good idea to be able to control it when you want to.
Snowden maybe a traitor and Assange may be a rapist but they are not wrong. 

Killer Nurses From Planet Pube

 

94% of people who die, die in a hospital ... coincidence? I think not. 99% of those have sought medical help from doctors and nurses at sometime in their lives. 

Serial killers do not just confine their daytime careers to being a truck drivers, school crossing guards or I.T. specialists, they can be anywhere. The person cutting yer hair or the person reading yer electrical meter.

Ya know who are creepy as fuck and are always watching you? Nurses, thats who. They aren't checking up on you for the good of yer health, they are deciding whether or not you should die. You go to hospital and do you get any rest to get better? Nope cos if they are up at fuck off o'clock in the morning then you are going to be too, sadistic bastards.

Arnfinn Nesset a registered nurse killed 22 people by injecting them with Suxamethonium chloride in a care home in Norway in the 80's. He was sentenced to 21 years but due to good behaviour he was released after 12 with 10 years supervision. So in 12 years because he didn't murder any old people they said, 'yep hes changed all right, lets set him free.'
Nesset lives under a fake name and thank fuck for that, I mean Arnfinn?  no wonder he became a serial killer, it is thought he could have killed up to 138 people but they were old and going to die anyway so who cares?

While we are in Norway, Anders Behring Breivik, the cunt who killed 77 people in bomb and gun attacks in 2011 is complaining that his human rights are being breached because he doesn't have a computer to contact his fans and only has an obsolete ye olde fashioned  PS2.  He was destined to be a mass murderer as he who works in computer programming and his mother was a nurse ... he didn't stand a chance.
Only people who work in I. T. are more mentally unstable than those in the nursing profession.

A stone cold killa

Charles Edward Cullen had told authorities that he had killed 40 people during his 16 year career as a nurse, that figure is said to be more like 400 making his America's most prolific serial killer but we don't want bragging rights, we want names and bodies. Who the fuck has heard of Cullen? he sure ain't no Bundy. 
He suffered from depression for years and had made several attempts at suicide but continued to work from hospital to hospital without any trouble because having a good beside manner isn't necessary, especially during a national shortage of nurses. He was arrested for attempted murder in 2003 and made his confession to killing 40.
 

Stephan Letter ..... a German, had 80 people from the ages of 40 - 94 die on his shifts, and that was only in one year. (2003 - 2004) He gave them a cocktail of drugs which like Nesset included muscle relaxants.  One thing you can say about the Germans, they are fucking efficient when it cums to killing people, marvelous work.
Letter was only charged for 29 people, 38 had been cremated, as for the other 13 ... unlucky for some.

 What a looker.

Orville Lynn Majors From Indiana, was thought to have killed 138 people but was only done for 6. It's bad that when you leave a job the mortality rate goes back to normal amounts. Hes serving away his 360 years in the Indiana state prison and was voted 'rear of the year' for 2002 by his showering buddies.

Her real picture was way too scary.

Marianne Nölle ..... a German, killed during 1984 - 1992 at least 17 and attempted about 18 others. She was convicted of only 6 murders.

The Lainz Angels of Death were exactly like an Austrian Charlie's angels except they murdered old feeble patients and were not even remotely hot. The four of them are thought to have killed over 200 starting in 1983 though were only charged with 48.  All four alleged weemen have since been released from prison for good behaviour not having killed anyone while locked up.

Dirty dick and chronic liar Kristen Gilbert worked for a VA (Veteran's Affairs) hospital and while having an affair with a VA investigator and walking out on her husband and 2 kids she killed 4 vets with the drug epinephrine . The last two vets she killed were a Korean and WWII vet. How crap can you get? you survive war only to be killed by some stupid bint who is meant to look after you.

Richard Angelo drugged 25 people with 10 of them dying during the 80's in New York. He said he had drugged them so he could rush in and save them to look like a hero .... what a loser.

If one more nurse gets called The angel of death I'll scream .... Angelo indeed.   

Joseph Dewey Akin was convicted in Alabama in 1991 of one murder but is suspected of killing anywhere from 17 - 100 during his career at several facilities.

Robert Diaz worked in hospitals in LA in the 80's when he was drugging patients with Lidocaine. He was convicted of killing 12 people though that is thought to have been more like 38. The poor man missed out on the fun of the death penalty by dying of natural causes in 2010.
 

Benjamin Geen was also a sad fucker who wanted to be a hero like Richard Angelo. He worked in a hospital in Oxfordshire. In the space of 2 months 17 patients when into respiratory arrest, Geen saved 15 with 2 dying.  He was found with a syringe filled with a lethal dose of muscle relaxant in his pocket. DOH!

Efren Saldivar a respiratory therapist worked the graveyard shift when less people were around. It's thought that he ha killed anywhere from 6 - 50+ with he, himself claiming it was more like  200 ... they always do.

 

Genene Anne Jones  worked in San Antonio, Texas when colleagues started to notice a high mortality rate with those she had worked with. She was convicted of one murder and suspected of at least 46 others, all children.  Jones will be released in 2017 having served 33 years, if anyone can link her to just one of the child deaths she could go back in for life.

 She looks like a leezer prince William.

Beverly Gail Allitt an English nurse who in 1991 was charged with killing four children and attempting to kill or harm 11 more.  She suffered from Münchausen syndrome which means she is a lying fucker that needs to be put doon. She may be released by 2022 when she'll be 54 years old so, keep an eye out.
It's one thing being mentally ill but she was sane enough to attack those who were less able to tell or to fight back.  

Colin Norris hated old people and often refused to clean them or change their bedding. He told a colleague that whenever he did night shifts, someone always died, he claimed that around 5:15am was when things went wrong and lo and behold at 5am an elderly patient (his last victim) slipped into a coma. 

Sounds like he was making sure that things when bad on his nightshifts so he wouldn't be made to do them, like a spoiled brat that breaks something so they won't be told to do it again. From Glasgow, says it all.

So next time you are in hospital, be nice to the staff or you may get a little more than expected. Don't worry, I'm sure not all nurses are serial killers ....  keep an eye on them just in case as they all spit in yer drinking water.

Snakes On A Pastor

 But I believed in you!

Sorry for the delay in giving my opinion on this story but Old Knudsen has only just managed to stop laughing at it. 

"I just like handling really, really big snakes," said Pentecostal Pastor Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name in Middlesboro, Kentucky as he stroked his snake lovingly. Go on, tell us about yer favourites.

 "Well, the black timber rattler I just love," he said. "Some of the black timber rattlers, their head just look, like, velvety. It's such a shiny black and tickles the balls when it goes in."

I'll just be pretending I didn't hear that last bit. 


Coots was bitten by one of his Gog bothering snakes and his family refused anti-venom treatment because Coots didn't believe in no new newfangled medical treatment. He was bit 9 times previously and rather than learn from Gog's lessons he believed he survived by his faith .... he died 2 hours after being bitten, I suppose his faith was lacking on this occasion and so now he burns in Hell according to his own beliefs.  Gog doesn't want any doubters in his posse.

9 times previously in 22 years of handling snakes, you'd think he'd learn. 10 times a charm. 

Cody Coots, his son who is also a snake handler in church, told a local newspaper that it was a 2-and-a-half-foot timber rattler that gave his dad the fatal bite. Snakes 1 -  Twats 0.  Hold on wah? his favourite snake? Maybe it got confused cos of all the shit caked onto it's eyes. 

The Pentecostal church was invented in the 20's by a black, one eyed, uneducated Texan who went to Callyfornia as they will believe anything.  Like many Scots/Irish settlers he could of course read ..... and just like them he only had use for one book .... the Bible.

The Gospel of Mark (16:9-19) says: 


The one who believes and is baptized will be saved; but the one who does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: by using my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes in their hands, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover. 

So it says that if you handle yer snake, speak gibberish, drink Guinness and shout out JESUS CHRIST when you cum yer bullet proof and also won't catch aids or syphilis .... well thats my interpretation and it has werked for me. 

Jenny of Colorado .... my faith was weak and so you may have the clap ... my bad. Hope the babies are well.  
  

Pastor Andrew Hamblin hears the banjo music of Gog as his life soundtrack.

The thing is that yon passage does not appear in the earlier manuscripts of Mark which suggests that it was added later ..... an amendment,  probably in the second century.  Thats 200 years after the alleged death of Christ. Did someone just pop up and say, "hey didn't Jesus say this too?"

All these morons are risking their lives based on something that was thought up by 'Snakes R us' or someone else. Maybe it was a way to weed out idiot Christians. 'Drink Draino and if you really believe in Gog then you won't die, what are you afraid of?'

In 1995 a woman in Coot's congregation was bitten and refused medical treatment, she died on Coot's couch .... yet another of weak faith huh.

There are 125 snake-handling congregations scattered across Alabama, Georgia, the Carolinas and Appalachia .... these would be the areas in which the Scots/Irish settled, aye my people were and are still idiots.
Let them sip strychnine as a test of faith.

Darwin didn't actually coin the phrase Survival of the fittest, he attributed to Herbert Spencer in the
fifth edition of his Origin of Species, 1869. Darwin did use the term Natural selection and both terms seem pretty apt here.
There is something not right in their heads, adrenaline junkies who are Christians due to not liking to think for themselves too much.

Humans are only strong when they can think and adapt, not follow the herd like bison who stand in a clump as a defense mechanism while hunters shoot them all day.  

 As they say in Texas, 'don't tread on me.'

The snake is seen in many world cultures as a symbol of  both good and evil, it is also connected with medicine, fertility, immortality, transformation, passion, re-birth, blah blah blah.

It's a scared symbol to the Earth goddess which is why Mother (Earth) Mary up there is standing on it cos while it's a goddess familiar, Christians see it as evil and need to control it.

Just like sex. Christians also feel the need to control that. Mary is usually seen in blue because she is of the mer, the sea .... just like the goddess of love Aphrodite who is also depicted with sea foam and shells as Mary sometimes is.

The reality is that Mother Earth loves the cock cos fertility is a big part of nature, around this time of year Old Knudsen feels that urge for way longer than the usual 4 hrs at a time. Maypoles are cocks pushed into the earth and danced around like strippers in a club in case you were wondering about this.

Now the goddess is a sex hating underage virgin but the signs to her original state are there. In the Bible weemen are either hoors or mothers so Christians, yer Ma is a hoor! .... and yer Da loves it.  

The fable about St Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland was the Christian campaign to control the evil snakes (Pagans) even though we all know that Ireland never had real snakes because the land bridge to England was flooded after the ice age 2,000 years before the mainland got their 3 species of snakes.
Other animals got there but the snakes were just too slow and it was way too cold at the time. Thank fuck Noah had aquariums with heat lamps.   

When Old Knudsen was in the garden of Eden he said, fuck the apple, LOOK a talking snake, how cool ...... and it speaks English.

Please handle yer snake responsibly.  



   

Is She Or Isn't She?

Old Knudsen was too busy to post some hot totty to entice Christians away from children so come back next week.

Does she have a member or does she not? you'll never know. Yer all like, 'well she makes me stiff but what if I'm tugging the lad to a fella, does that make me ghey?'

No, you taking up the shitter last nite made you ghey.

Let there be no doubt with this one.... well there is some doubt if she is doing that Buffalo Bill thing, aw fuck it, if you spent yer life worrying about what gender things are you'd never do anything fun.

It must be tasteful muff day.

Like I said ...... no post so move it along till next week.

Civilisation Under Maintenance

Some Northern Ireland politicians do not want sectarian murals to be removed or sectarian flags taken doon that are in plain site on the route of the Giro d'Italia world famous cycling event ..... aye I've never heard of it either.
If Lance Armstrong couldn't be arsed to shoot up between his toes and win this race then why should we be bothered to care about it?

Big fuck off pictures in front of murals, that will look better and not cost much. What about painting all the flags white so that the eyeties will feel at home.

Maybe we can inspire local artists to um, paint a mural in front of the murals bur nice ones with clouds and unicorns an shit, no masked men or idiot martyrs, we need to go deeper. Muralception.

Enjoy Today And Stay Up All Night To Get Loki

The Vikings believed that the world would end on a day they called Ragnarok .... just before lunch time which is a tad inconvenient. Last November Heimdall blew his own horn making the 100 day countdoon for Ragnarok, of course only some heard it, and on the Jorvik festival in York this weekend the end will begin. The earth will sink, seas will rise and there will be nothing on the telly except soaps, sports and reality shows.

A little background on one of Old Knudsen's favourite topics. The Aesir (The Norse Pantheon) and the Jotuns ( giants) had been at war for ages. probably over oil drilling rights on Jotunheim.

 While the Marvel movies have made Asgard and Loki popular, they have really fucked up search engine results. 

The key figure in Ragnarok isn't Odin, or the mighty and buff Thor but rather it is Loki of Jotunheim.

 How or why Loki, a small giant became a part of the Odin family is unsure, there are accounts of him being Odin's blood brother but how this came about we don't know.

Loki was accepted into the Aesir, maybe as a type of peace offering? He didn't fit in with the blood thirsty, ale drinking, battle loving boring as fucking Norse pantheon. He got bored easily and the other gods not being much fun were just a target for his sarcastic amusement.

The Norse gods were all accepting of Loki but to a point, like a wealthy cuntry club putting up with a common person who has lots of money. They always thought they were better than him which was all Loki needed to justify poking at them..... very unsatisfying as they aren't deep enough to get his humour, it's annoying when you have to explain yer jokes, trust me on that.


Yes I am talking about Loki, not Old Knudsen, however there are many similarities.

Loki was destined to destroy the gods at Ragnarok and so it was in Odin's best interest to keep him close by and controllable.
Why destroy the gods? it was his destiny, Loki or Logi or Loge was a god of fire, some men just want to watch the world burn.
The Greek god Prometheus is thought to be another form of Loki. A trickster and hero who created mankind, he also brought the gift of fire to humans.

Fire is not just really fire, it is the gift of inspiration, the fire of insight and creation.

There is a reason you are better than the rest.

Old Knudsen believes that those who are blessed by Prometheus and Loki are those with creativity and passion of thought who stand apart from the rest of the rabble. You know who you are.

Fire is elemental and all consuming in nature, much like the soul of an artist or writer. Thinking and making those leaps that others just don't see is a part of nature. Change is also a part of nature.

Odin had two Ravens Hugin and Munin (thought and memory) which kept him informed and upated, like an Asgard form of twitter. 

The gods of Agard didn't want to change. They wanted to stay young and strong, drinking and fighting forever. Like dangerous frat boys who went against nature.

Going against nature much offended Loki, I bet fracking would offend Loki as would the lack of natural resources being used. Loki goes stir crazy without the odd challenge in life and his frustration is seen as he confronts the system. Loki picked at the gods once too many and paid for it.

Baldr was a shiny god that everyone loved. A favourite game was throwing weapons at him and seeing how unharmed he was by them .... Norse gods/bikers very similar. 

Long story short Loki tricked Baldur's blind brother Hod to throw a spear made out of mistletoe at Baldur which killed him .... lol and Loki got the blame. 

 

The uninvited 13th guest at the party, Loki got drunk and told everyone who was shagging who and the gods (led by thick necked Thor) chased him doon and chained him to a rock with a serpent over his head dripping venom into his eyes.

 

Not a very nice way of treating one of your own .... unless of course he wasn't really one of you.

 

Prometheus can also be compared to Wolverine and Captain Jack of Torchwood. 

Gods can be very cruel at times .....  we were made in their image which explains a lot. Prometheus was chained to a rocked and had his liver eaten out by an eagle everyday. That taught him for making humans and giving them souls rather than just keeping them as the subservient sheeple Zeus preferred.

Loki not only being more in tune with nature than the others he took his obligation of Ragnarok seriously, the fella knew he was to die battling Heimdall and Heimdall taking him doon with him but still, he did not hide from this fate. It was what he was born to do otherwise what was he? 


Imagine knowing yer faith but knowing that it was so important  he had to do it no matter what.

 Loki does command loyalty as his wife Sigyn catches much of the venom in a bowl before it drips onto him but when she has to empty it or go for a shite or a smoke, venom falls into his eyes and his writhing causes earthquakes. He has an army of giants at his commend and Loki also has a ton of fangurls gushing from their va jas for him.... more than Thor does.

Three harsh winters, families fighting each other and many broken promises all came before Ragnarok.
The wolf Skoll will swallow the sun, the cock Fjalar will crow to the giants and the golden cock Gullinkambi will crow to the gods, some other cock (mine) will raise the dead .... zombies! or will rise from the dead, we just aren't sure.

The gods trying to minimize the damage turned one of Loki's sons into a wolf and had him rip his brother apart, those entrails were used to bind the wolf Fenrir who will swallow Odin whole and who will then be killed by Vidar. The world serpent Jormungand will be killed by Thor but it's venom kills him later ... lol.

So much death and destruction, no wonder they wanted to avoid it.

One reason that Loki did not become popular before the Marvel movies may be doon to being a gender bender.  Any good god doesn't sick to being one gender and alienating the other. Loki took turns at being male and female. He hid disguised as a milk maid for 8 years and even had children. He also turned into a mare and was shagged by a stallion, he gave birth to an 8 legged horse which Odin used as his stead.
The earliest gods were female as no one knew the part that men played in reproduction, this points to Loki being one of the more earliest of deities.  When men found out they turned all female gods into men or demons and changed the rules. Now you have midwives having a smaller role delivering children and Catholic priests wearing dresses.

 

And you stepped on a Lego ... ouch!

He wasn't all that bad, if it wasn't for him the Norse gods wouldn't have half of their cool shit like Thor's hammer. He also solved many of the god's problems ..... of course he created many of them too.


If tomorrow does turn out to be Ragnarok, don't worry. You may be dead but the children of  Thor survive, Baldr and his brother Hod are reborn and the world goes on.

Baldr went to Hel, unlike the Christian Hell, Hel is the name of a goddess (Loki's daughter) and the name of her underworld for the dead.
It was as if Baldr was stored in Hel and kept safe for Ragnarok, maybe Loki had a hand in that considering his daughter is the head honcho doon there.
Hel is not a place of torment, it's the place where normal folk who do not die as not heroes go to. They hang around there living as spirits with their loved ones until they are reborn.
     
It suited Christians to make Hel into a place that you feared to go. Turning her name into a curse just as they did with Hecate.  Old Knudsen will be on nature's side tomorrow, see you in Hel.