Halloweener

No matter how many of them you see or hear, no matter how many strange things that you capture on film ..... Ghosties do not exist.

Ghoulies aren't real either.

Until you get kicked in them and then they are oh so real.

As for long legged beasties ......

You decide.

The True History Of Halloween

 The gathering at Stonehenge where the virgin gets twerked over the sacred rock.

Halloween or O'Hallowean in ancient Celtic is a celebration that many evangelical Protestant fundies would like to see vanish.

They would also like to see the poofs vanish too.

The reason they would like that is either cos it's Catholic or it's Pagan ... ya know like that cunt Harry Potter who encourages children to play with their wands and worship Satan.

In the US it's bam, bam, bam in the shops. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas out on the shelves in rapid succession. In Northern Ireland it's trickle, trickle .... blah. Halloween taking over from the gardening clearance goods and hey, is that Christmas decorations at the end of the aisle?   

No Thanksgiving means that Christmas shows up way early. Christmas is of course a Pagan celebration stolen by Christians, as is Halloween but the Christians this time were Catholics and so the Prods just want to gloss over it.
All saints day my arse. One of the holy days of obligation being the 1st November when Fenians have to go to mass or their tails start to burn ..... aye all these celebrations only took off in the US when the stigma of being Catholic was gone.

You can tell a lot about a culture in what it does or doesn't do.

Many of the Saints of old were Pagan gods or spirits now rewritten to suit a new audience. St Brigit or Brighid being a fine example.
Brighid was a fire goddess in the Tuatha Dé Danann (the people of Danu). She was the wife of Bes the god of inappropriate laughing, it is thought that while she watched over farmers, boatmen and children with abusive parents she also healed with many holy wells that bear her name.

Loki or Logi sure had an imagination, if it wasn't for him/her the Norse gods would have fuck all to do.



When Gods are connected with fire is can also mean inspiration and light can mean truth .... see Loki and Lucifer for reference. Brighid being a fire goddess thought for herself and didn't go along with what the sheeple were told.


Back to Halloween. It is written on the ancient Celtic stones of Carnac .... France, as there used to be a land bridge from France to Ireland in prehistoric times that Sam Hain a poor beggar went from door to door in each town doing magic tricks and sleight of hand tricks for any treats the home owner could spare.
For some reason he usually only appeared at the end of the harvest when people where storing food in preparation for winter. Some say he had a job doon south picking grapes or something.

    Sam Hain begging for treats.

Sam used a carved turnip to light his way on the dark nights. One night he called at a wealthy land owner's hoose and the owner having heard about Sam was very interested in his tricks. The land owner kept trying to figure out how Sam was doing the tricks but couldn't. Sam who had amassed lots of treats from the land owner was growing tired but obliged with his tricks until ..... a coin he had hidden up his sleeve rolled onto the ground.

The landowner grabbed his pitchfork and his henchmen and chased Sam Hain into the dark night. Sam Shouted back "I only wanted some food" and then "fuck this lantern for it's lack of light, I knew I should have carved a smiley face" Sam tripped and fell off a steep cliff and plunged into the sea below to his death.

The landowner laughed his evil laugh at Sam Hain's misfortune, but then....
 

 Appearing in front of the landowner was a 7 foot creature that smelled like turnip. "You fool!" it bellowed "I am not Sam Hain but am really Samitara who is older than the stars and as cranky as a woman on her period if crossed."

 

 The landowner was sore afraid.

 

"Every day on this date .... um it's the 31st right?" the landowner nodded. "I shall make thin the veil that separates this world and the world of the dead and you shall not laugh at them as you have done tonight, you shall honour the dead and respect those asking for treats on this night."

The landowner and his henchmen committed all that to memory.  Samitara continued, "and you shall carve turnips so the spirits can find their way to you .... no, scratch that turnips are shite for light and very hard work to carve, use pumpkins, just buy some off the Vikings."

"You shall dine with the spirits of yer loved ones in silence in a dumb supper .... nah call it a dumb dinner."

"One more thing cunt breath, yer children shall dress as the gods of old or like some cool superhero or something or yer milk will sour, yer crops will fail and the winter cold shall shake yer bones, WINTER IS COMING!"

And with that the creature vanished, leaving the moral that you should be nice to each other as you never know who is an ancient cranky gog in disguise.

 Yer Ma

The landowner went on to exploit this celebration of the dead and because it was children going door to door he called it O'Hallowean which translates into Oh hello weans (hello children) he set up a shop selling costumes and pumpkin carving sets etc  and grew very rich until he died in a jet-ski accident on his 80th birthday which some reckoned it was the curse of Sam Hain.

So celebrate the spirits on this hallowed eve and through to the dawn or just put a mask on and get blootered on the 31st some time, the spirits will find you no matter.
Beware of those who visit and leave them an offering or treat for if you anger the spirits, cursed you shall be.   

Kim Jong Un-Happy Family

 We are a very happy family, look we smile!

Kim Jong Un the leader of North Korea Googles his name more times than Jamie Bryson and Kim Kardashian put together and like his father he loves the media but from a distance.

Old Knudsen gets many hits on his blog site meter from North Korea and for a time last year Old Knudsen swears he was being followed by little Asian peeple with long needles for fingers who spat out tiny silver ball bearings that flew with wings similar to that of a fly.

So ... fight through the medication haze and stay on track. Kim has become obsessed with zombies. Nearly as much as his basketball obsession which is huge.  

He has constant zombie nightmares

Hes seen them all, Dawn of the dead, Day of the dead, Donna of the dead, Specials of the day, I am legend, I am Sam, 40 days of night, The day the fleg stood still, Zombieworld ...... not to be confused with Zombieland which is the original in Callyfornia.

You get the idea, the bloke is immersing himself in zombies which sounds ... kinda hawt!

 Even the freshly dead need love too. 

I wouldn't be surprised if he kidnapped one of the directors and some of the Walking Dead actors to make movies, you know, like his Da did in the 80's. 

  As long as he doesn't take Daryl then we can still continue the show. 

Taking inspiration from the movie World War Z which he has viewed 58 times so far, he has started to remove the teeth of 24 million of his own people so they can't bite and spread any zombie virus . 

Dentures are allowed for some government workers but they must be signed in and out. Kim Jong Un also doesn't vaccinate against chicken pox, thats just because hes a cunt. 

We so happy, we no need teeth and we still love you long time or for a duration as directed by the very fair regime of North Korea. 

No One To Talk To

 

This story about a Polish gurl bugged Old Knudsen and has stuck in his brain.  Maria Kislo aged 12 lost her dad Arek when he died suddenly in 2009 of a massive heart attack.

Maria didn't really talk about it and seemed, considering the circumstances to be a happy gurl with no problems in school. She was discovered hanging in her room by her mother Monika, when she went to read her a bedtime story.

Next to her body was a short note saying: 'Dear Mum. Please don't be sad. I just miss daddy so much, I want to see him again.'

A sad story I'm sure you'll agree.

What bugged me the most was what kind of arsehole Gog bothering story she was told to think that if she died she'd see her dad again?
Clearly the lass was depressed and no one caught it but to tell her she'd see her dad again after death, that is just cruel.  

If any of yous believe you'll see yer dead relatives again after death then fair play to you, I'm sure you'll also meet up with Santa and Thor. 

Who the fuck came back from death and told everyone about the family reunion up on some clouds when you cark it?

Someone probably told her "don't worry, someday you'll see yer father again" and thought that was a comfort. No! he has left this world.

You don't fucking well know whats going to happen and to fill a child's head with this imaginary sky fairy friend shit doesn't help.

Four years on and she was at the point to slowly strangle herself to death rather than live with her mother and brother.
Maybe if they left out the preaching shit and talked to her like a person during those 4 years she might still be alive.

Her mother said, "I had no idea she missed her father so much, she never really spoke about it" ... and you never asked?

Power Mad Germany Goes On the Defensive

 

In light of Edward Snowden giving out wee 'yes we knew already' secrets about the US spying on it's allies Old Knudsen, who having had centuries in the security sector feels that he must address the subject.  

The Wintery soldier the brown star legend

Why America and it's allies must spy on Germany .

In January 1917, a British naval intelligence officer named Petty Officer Knudsen intercepted what became the most important telegram in all of American history. It was a daring proposition from Germany's foreign secretary, Arthur Zimmermann, offering German support to Mexico for regaining Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona in exchange for a Mexican attack on America. Five weeks later, America entered World War I. 

The US was trying it's best not to interfere in foreign affairs as they enjoyed a life isolated from all that crap by distance. The sinking of the ocean liner the Lusitania off the coast of Ireland by a U-boat almost got America to join World War I as 159 Yanks went doon on that day in 1915. The telegram in 1917 may have influenced their judgement to enter the war as they were looking for a good excuse that suited the American public.

 The Slutty soldier

Kaiser Bill had even sent guns to the rebellious Loyalist UVF in Northern Ireland so they could fight the British but since they were all talk, "Blah blah blah Orange blah Protestant blah Rome blah not really loyal" the Germans went to work on the Irish doon south instead which was a far better distraction.

Germans are a strange people who get the urge for world domination from time to time. Old Knudsen isn't judging them for that as he respects the very good tries they have made. The Japs are also quite strange but losing 2 world wars got Germany rebuilt and is now doing better than everyone else in Europe and Japan helping them in the sequel has made Japan quite wealthy too ..... now that is something to be resentful about.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel became the face of the BlackBerry Z10 in Germany, her suggestive pouting sent sales through the roof. Did the US hack her phone?

Meanwhile during WWII.

The Wintery soldier Old Knudsen and his sidekick Captain Slutty did become weary of fending off the Hun during those war years. Armed with a shield and a 45 caliber M1911 handgun he and Captain Slutty stopped Operation Scary Scary in 1943..... hold on, a fucking shield? A BAR (Browning Automatic Rifle) would have been nice .

 Ach well ya don't want to make it too easy.  

As any scholar of history will tell you, Operation Scary Scary was Germany creating the world's first 'true' cyborg, probably with the help of aliens as Hitler was known to be in contact with them since 1934.
Criminals were taken from prison and experimented on to become extreme killing machines for the 3rd Reich.        

Unstoppable cyborg killing machines with just one weakness, they could never say no to dessert.

We stopped them of course but at a price (desserts aren't cheap especially during war time) I lost Captain Slutty.
That poor lass with her well defined abs, I'll never forget the way she bent over to pick something up. Aye I lost her somewhere in Bavaria.
We were out celebrating wiping out a legion of these abominations and we got totally pished, most of that night is a blur to be honest. I woke up the next day around noon covered in blood but with no sign of Slutty. I marked her doon as a deserter and made sure everyone in her home town knew about it ..... shame on her family I say.

 

 Killing Germans is great fun but with so many other nations to kill and oppress no one wants selfish cunts hogging all the world attention, it spoils it for everyone else. Do you see a British empire ruling 22% of the earth? no you do not because we had to waste money stopping the Germans twice. Thanks to the Hun the British have been kicked out of dozens of cuntries all around the world.

The US has cyber intelligence far more superior than anyone else. The US is Daniel Day-Lewis while the rest of the world is Robert Pattinson when it comes to cyber espionage and technology.

Everyone spies on everyone else unless they have a treaty not to but the US can do it better and harder than everyone else ...... so why not?

The orders for all the spying habits upon the allies and enemies of the United States have been decided long before Obama, it's a set procedure that grows with the advances in technology however having government contractors knowing all the NSA secrets is a little dumb.
 

Davis Cameron reports directly to Obama so there is no need to hack his phone. Recently it was discovered that David Cameron is soul-less and will not show on many recording devices.  

David Cameron posing with Billy Hatcher, Britain's youngest head transplant recipient.

So yes, America does need to spy on such nations as Germany cos they'll probably start invading any day now with their solar powered tanks. Why the outrage Angela? did they find out that you play FarmVille?  Shame on you if you do ...... some nasty animal porn or a plan to take over the world would be far better.  

 

Obama:  "Angela, I hear you need materials to build a barn, maybe we can help you with that."
    

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You Just Don't

The day after a Nevada 12 year-old boy shot dead a maths teacher and himself a 13 year boy from Santa Rosa Callyfornia was walking around with the above AK-47 type rifle. Was it any surprise that two sheriff deputies shot him dead?

Now sheriff deputies aren't always the best or the brightest ..... you've seen the Dukes of Hazard right?
They did everything right. One witness heard a single siren and then 7 shots ring out like a nail gun.

Another witness said the cops pulled up beside him, opened the door and shot him 3 times but we suspect that witness to be batshit insane,

Lopez who has been described as being very smart and capable didn't know that if you have your back to a cop and they tell you twice to put the gun down you don't keep a hold of it and turn round and move it towards them.
He also had a plastic gun in his waist band.


Hundreds of people marched through the town of Santa Rosa to demand justice for Lopez. You can't spin this like the Trayvon case as no hoodie or confectionery were involved it's just a tragic loss of a dumb teenager who learned the rules the hard way.