Rough Trade

Vicious cruel animals out to rape and pillage, anyone that thinks a Pirate is cool obviously has had a soft and pampered life without the threat of a coxswain up yer galley.

A while back the English were getting all uppity and brought out this navigation act which meant they would only import and export with English ships, just another kick in the head as I saw it. I lived in Dundee then and though the ship I was on "The Lusty" had its salted fish and meat all ready we had to Winter out in the harbour until spring as we were then forced to trade with the dirty French on the continent.

The French were and are a strange people, if any out there are reading this then explain yerself at once. Drunk driving seems to be a national sport over there and the things they eat, almost as bad as the Spanish (who are just primitives) the French eat, horses, snails, frogs and little babies, due to a recent law forbidding this as the birthrate is low over there they have substituted babies for puppies and kittens.
I wouldn't lie to you. I may suffer from moods swings and depression but that's because of my chemical imbalance, yes I know I should give up sniffing chemicals.

One winter when money was extra tight, the wife (Agnes) and three of the children had to take on several jobs each. Me not being a man who shirks responsibility also took on a job. I became the manager of "The Seaman and the Wench" a lovely wee pub near my beloved North sea. I was the manager in charge of acquisitions, evictions and pickled eggs. I had to acquire the empty glasses from the tables and return them to the bar, I also had to evict unruly clientele but my favourite job was making the pickled eggs, who ever thought of putting hard boiled eggs into vinegar is a genius .

Ok my job title wasn't an actual manager but I felt like a sort of "people's manager" and true I didn't actually get paid, I got a pint for every hour worked and all the dregs left over in the glasses that I could drink , this did take the strain off financially as my bar bill was usually quite high at the end of the night and I didn't want my lovely wife to have ta get a third job, I mean I wasn't getting any of the hot loving as it was.

I gained some level of fame sorting out the unruly rabble we called customers, the trick is to make sure they are plenty drunk but to get them before they finish their drink so you'll have a wee dram they didn't finish after the expulsion. Captain Morgan came in one night and I don't know if you've ever met him but hes a strange lad who slurs his words and says "savvy" a lot, I had enough of that cunt and his Sassanach sayings and was just looking for an excuse to throw the wanker out then it came. We had a no smoking policy (ahead of our time you could say) so when Morgan lit up the wee braids on his beard to show off I grabbed him by the bucklar and flung him towards the door at speed, he straightened up and said, "I didn't deserve that" and drew his sword, we had a comedy sword fight and ended up running away from a sea monster, I don't know I was confused when a thick haar came in off the sea, no a thick haar isn't a dopey hoor its a fog from the North sea.

Captain Morgan, to be honest I don't see the attraction and really don't like him.

People are mongs, that's my conclusion, I hate the way something is taken made into a film with action figures and video games aimed at teenagers and younger taught to enjoy the violence the cool outfits and action and don't think about anything else because they haven't been told too.

It has gotten to the extent that villains are revered and they aren't interesting ones either just one dimensional characters, like the heroes but evil, I'd rather be Lancelot than Mordred any day given the choice. That sort of depends on how hot Guinevere and Morgan Le Fay are I suppose, yes I know Le Fay was Mordred's Ma whom he shagged but it was a different world back then.

This Pirate lass and her crew of firm tittied cut-throats want you to have bumsex with them or its "spank the plank" not so funny now is it?

Disney has taught teens all they need to know about Pirates but because it was all a few hundred years ago the crimes and violence are cool but if you go to a fancy dress party with a swastika on yer arm you're accused of being insensitive, I don't think 80 year old survivors will be at the party. It shows you what time does, in 1878 Wigan pier collapsed killing 200 but who cares or remembers ? that was 1878 and those weren't real people because it was so long ago, just like the Pirates or worse still the victims of their actions.

I think its time to make a film about those who hunted doon the Pirates and hung them, they are the real heroes.

Pirates of today carry, M-16s, P-45s, Ub-40s and Ak-47s.

Lets take the worst of the worst from a maximum security prison and give them a Royal Navy Frigate to sail and watch as they rape and murder all the men, weemen and children they come across on their travels and hey because its bound to be cool lets make a film about it but make the hero a silly looking drunk hollywood hunk that wouldn't really do anything bad, yeah right he'd be a captain for 2 minutes.

I looked at a Jack the Ripper site, the comments I saw had to be from teenagers or sad fuckers that forget they are old, if you write like this and yer over 15 then I pity you:

OMG I LOVE THE FEEEEELLLLLL OF BLOOD ON MY HANDSSS!!!!!!.

I hate it when people write like that, caps means you are SHOUTING shut the fuck up and restrain yerself, maybe if ya didn't wank over the keyboard so much it wouldn't stick.

Killers are not kewl nor are they rad, I myself have sworn off the practice no matter what Ned tells me to do. I have a point to make here, I'm not sure if I made it clearly or not. These twats will help me make it.

A Johhny Depp Fan wrote:

I know everything about jack the ripper! ha ha

Crackerlover wrote:

I LOVE JACK THE RIPPER!!!!!

Queendarkness wrote:

i reall y like learning more and more about Jack the ripper, i think he's real cool even though he was a killer but hey thats what makes him cool right?

emoidle wrote:

i think jack the ripper rules i want to be just like him killing and all

Luciansblade wrote:

i am very inter seted in what this page has to say. All you Jack the Ripper fans i got one thing to say HE STILL LIVES!!!

tom wrote:

coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool