Selfie Sunday

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 Old Knudsen so many offers and proposals that he mostly just ignores them. After that Nigerian scam offering to sell me a wife I've just given up trusting. Here are some of the selfies that get sent to me by my readers and other admirers.

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Just normal people with normal fake boobs.

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This lass from Ballymena often sends me pictures of herself standing beside some sexy sheep, aye Old Knudsen knows when someone is playing mind fucks with him. Attraction by association .... nice try lass.

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Skyler here knows that I value brains as well as beauty and so wears glasses. The Nazis during WWII sent anyone who wore glasses to the concentration camps as they just assumed that they were the liberal intellectual elite types, I bet yon history lesson got ya well horny.

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Is it shallow of me that I don't care what this gurl looks like? .... good.

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I think someone bought the Insanity keep fit DVD's. 

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If ya don't clean yer room for a selfie then the chances are that ya don't clean yer minge for a date either. Doesn't put Old Knudsen off, it adds character.

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It's just not dignified when weemen beg ya for sex, maybe you'll get some enjoyment out of these pictures for it ruins the mood for Old Knudsen.

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Not just from weemen, this lad wanted me to join him in a budgie smuggling caper.

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How dare people like this send me pics just to give me issues about my body. I'll be back right after I do 100 sit ups. 

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When yer my age yer waist is larger than yer chest measurement, that shows that yer a man and not a boy.

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No wonder you look so skinny, you must have needed that.

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I'll leave you with this married lass looking for a bit of rough .... don't know why she choose me.

James Franco Is Creepy

I just want to go on the record and say how creepy I find James Franco. The 36 year-old actor may be new to social media but I don't think he's new to being creepy.
Using the fact that the more you show the more followers you get on Instagram isn't a valid excuse, put some fucking clothes on. At least Ashole Kutcher took inappropriate pictures of his wife and not himself.

Then he posts things like, 'apple slices in my bed, can't believe you didn't show up' and 'I was waiting for you.'
Keep waiting lad. 

Old Knudsen knows creepy , ach now don't be getting all jealous of this lass with her firm lily white skin and toned thighs, she's like a daughter to me. Being creepy is doon as one of Old knudsen's hobbies so he knows creepy.

 

I was just lying here thinking about little children, they really are our future #bringmebacksomegirls.

Were digging yer arse with those fingers? Get yerself a nail brush. Even Hobos look after their nails. 

I had a burger, salad, onion rings, curly fries, some Cheetos and a large diet Pepsi in my bed, can't believe you didn't show up. 

Go put on some clothes and stop looking like a sex offender hobo. You have over a million followers didn't Toby Maguire tell you that with great power cums great responsibility ? you don't see Old Knudsen posting dodgy, offensive stuff. This shite will be on the Interwebs for decades, we have a duty to the wee cunts of today for when they grow up to be big fat hairy cunts of tomorrow.

You'll no doubt read this as I bet you Google yerself every week.

Lets have some rules lad, how about you don't touch yer phone when you first wake up and certainly not in the bathroom. Teenagers take their fucking phones into bathrooms so they can take selfies to inflate their ego and self esteem.

Public restrooms that have mirrors are full of preening teenagers with their phones, luckily I don't need to wash me hands as me hands are self sanitizing. If Old Knudsen took a camera into a restroom the peelers would be onto him as if he was a black man driving an expensive car.  Oh and I'm old so I often get confused as to which restroom is which so I may wander into the ladies by accident.

Calling bathrooms and restrooms "toilets" is just so fucking common, loo isn't much better. 

 I just shit the bed again, can't believe you didn't show up ...... useless fucking room service.

Maybe some people like his hairy nipples and rat like eyes and who cares if he may have shown his cock or chatted up an underage teen?  What will it be next his morning boner? Does my poo look right to you? can't believe you didn't show up to watch me crap ..... luckily I took some pics. 


   

Obama Loves Blondes

Recently there has been a lot of talk about how a picture can be misinterpreted if that picture is taken at the right moment.
The angle of the picture can have a famous person checking out some chicks or even falling over. If you see the whole event or the complete series of photos then you'll see there was no checking out (that can be detected) and the falling down celeb was actually the celeb getting up.

TOM CRUISE SITS STONED OUT OF HIS SKULL AT A LAKER'S GAME WHILE KATIE LOOKS ANNOYED. 

The Daily Mail do this National Enquirer shit all the time, Gog forbid you blink or look fed up as a Paparazzo jumps out of the bushes as you walk yer dog while yer dressed in grub clothes trying to think of what you need at the store. 

Katie Holmes always looked annoyed and Tom, well he was bored at halftime and decided to take a look for the mother ship. 

You can't believe a photograph or what the media tell you anymore.

When Obama, the Danish Prime Minister and that fat, baby headed English cunt Cameron took the selfie at Nelson Mandela's going away ceremony, people went nuts, mostly because Michelle Obama looked pissed off .

  Was it because of the attention her husband was giving the hot blonde chick from ABBA?

The photographer insists there are plenty of pics with Michelle smiling ............. somewhere.

 Face Off

Just like Condeelzza Rice, Michelle Obama suffers from Resting bitch face syndrome. Their smiles may light up a room but when their face is in normal mode they could cut glass with an unintentional dirty look. Michelle however does not let cameras stand in the way of how she feels sooooo.

Some definite cold shoulder body blocking going on here... you've been cock blocked lad, you've had yer Waterloo .... look I know ABBA are Swedish but it's close enough. 

Barrack was being a little flirty, maybe Michelle was worried it would go too far and he'd do something inappropriate.

LIKE A FUCKING SELFIE AT A MEMORIAL SERVICE 

If you wonder what shes doing shes trying to get the fat headed third wheel photo bomber into the picture but with a head that size it's difficult. 

World leaders need to act like world leaders, sure they can have fun ..... when it's appropriate to have fun.

Look solemn and dignified, even if there are Zulu dancers and big 10 foot tall Watusis'.  You can smile but don't get carried away or people will suspect yer a sex addict and a secret drinker. 

 

 

Was Steve Jobs God?

Fuck a cure for cancer or ending world hunger, ayePhones have given more to mankind than medicine or Bono ever have.

If You Can't Be With The One You Love Then Love The One Yer With

What is the story to this picture? Many people think my bedroom wall is covered with photos of myself but no its covered with photos of you my beautiful readers.

Did this gurl meet a guy only to find when she got to his bedroom he was her stalker? She looks kinda dozy maybe shes been drugged with Aqua dots or drugged with the realisation that by appearing on Old Bitter Balls her modeling career is effectively over.


Yes it is my room and we did make sweet love all night and then cried in each others arms as the sun came up and we fell asleep to the chorus of birds outside our window and the gentle shouting and swearing of the bin men when they found my wheelie bin to be half full of feces as my toilet is bunged up.


Ok the truth is I lured her to my hoose with my charm and sex appeal, the photos did freak her out a bit but not as much as me using the commode while I took this picture, the look on her face was just as she threw up into her mouth. Five seconds later she remembered something important she had to do and bolted for the door, what a strange gurl and she forgot to leave me her number but don't worry I know where she lives.