Demons In Need Of Exercise

 

Starting with this holy douchebag. The reverend Bob Larson who I mentioned last year, back then he was getting an army of lusty young weemen to do Gog's work in getting rid of demons out of the poorly educated but very religious people of the world. 

Now for the paltry price of almost $300 he can do exorcisms via Skype. The money will get you one hour shouting in Bob's face and him pointing a cross at you.

The above picture is of some Norwegian dark soul goth type with 4 demons in him. Isn't it funny how demons speak English? If I was a demon I'd speak in my own tongue or some other obscure language and maybe throw in some English insults, just to fuck with the holy man. This demon was polite enough to speak English even though it wasn't the guy's first language and made lame insults like, "are you Bob the builder?" .... "don't mock the Lord!" replies Bob the scammer.

I would have said how Bob likes to look lustfully at children .... odds are hes a pedo right? I bet hes the kind of guy that shaves all his body hair off and uses the excuse that it makes him go faster while cycling ..... and doesn't even have a bike!  

Latoya Ammons has had more than 4 in her I bet.

A woman in Indiana has told of how she and her  3 children aged 12, 9 and 8 were subject to demonic possession. Their eyes would bulge, they would shake and growl .... like the movies tell ya to do.

A clairvoyant told her that her home had 200 demons in it, so it must be true right?  When she went to get help because someone reported her to social services for suspected child abuse a nurse and a child protection services worker (CPS) saw one of her sons walk backwards up a wall and do a flip, landing on the ground, all while holding his grandmother's hand.

Walking like a spider and doing a backwards walk over off a wall is a simple gymnastic move that incorporates a forward roll and a child who is flexible enough can do . Walking just like in the movie The Grudge, why does this shit freak some many people out?
Not as dramatic as a walking up the wall and doing a flip but if you don't exaggerate you don't get the news coverage.

Charles Austin the Gary Indiana police captain was already a believer in spooks, he and a couple of interested officers checked out the home while a Priest did his exorcisms.

One recorder went out of power even though it was fully charged recently and they claim to have caught someone whisper "hey" on their recorder .... as if someone quietly said "hey" to get their colleague's attention but having heard this hey, it happens the same time as an officer clicks his camera and sounds more of a mechanical hiss than human .... spooky huh?
He said that pictures he and the other officers took had strange silhouettes and one had a white misty blob in the corner ..... allegedly. I haven't seen them so I wouldn't know, hope their thumb wasn't over the lens.

Police dug a hole under the basement stairs to see if there was as they suspected a hell portal  and maybe some bodies but all they found was a pair of white gunties and candy wrappers etc.  

When about to leave the Captain heard someone say "You outta here" coming from his car radio .... you know, the thing with the magic voices inside. The driver seat to his 2005 Infiniti car kept moving forwards and backwards and his automatic garage door open didn't open first time.

Turns out that the motor in his seat was damaged, probably due to an evil Japanese Nissan spirit similar to the gurl from The Ring cos long black hair is scary .... as for his garage door, well that is just mysterious .... except sometimes it might take a few tries.  
   

Then there are pictures of the house like this.  Thumps from the basement, white figures and shapes, dark figures and shapes, children levitating off beds and being thrown against walls, wet footprints on the carpet a dark figure pacing back and forth in the living room, skin bulging, oil dripping from the Venetian blinds ..... must be demonic possession, what else could it be?

The fact that Ms Ammons (who is ghetto fabulous by the way) with her hair and blue eye contacts was in trouble for not sending her kids to school in 2009 because demons made them sick and that she is very religious doesn't mean a thing.

The fact that she owed her white landlord Charles Reed money and that he didn't believe any of this stuff this until he heard about the nurse and the CPS worker and their claims doesn't mean a thing.

CPS case worker Valerie Washington and registered nurse Willie Lee Walker .... did they lie to help Ammons out? then again we are seeing a lot of people here who are just dumb or superstitious, even the family physician, Dr. Geoffrey Onyeukwu was shaken by it all but at least he put on the report that the family have "history of ghost at home" and "delusional."

The priest that did the exorcisms The Rev. Michael Maginot was told by other priests who had done the ritual before to look it up on the Internet , wow so professional. 
I hope he didn't go with the one that Misty Moonglow posted because an exorcism rite from a 14 year old with a fixation on sparkling vampires isn't the best one to use.

Finally he was able to get the Catholic church's blessing which made the exorcisms more powerful. Nothing demons hate more than an army of pedo child abusers  giving them shit.   

The Right Reverend Ian Paisley who also supports pedos does far better exorcisms, real edge of yer seat help me I'm dying ones.

The police officers and father Maginot returned to the hoose Carolina Street to do a final exorcism.   Samantha Ilic was the CPS worker who went to the hoose as Washington did not want to go back there.
During the rite, Ammons complained of shoulder pains and was brought outside, Ilic started to have panic attacks and says her little finger felt like it was broken, she too was taken outside.

A week after all of this Ilic got third-degree burns from a motorcycle. Then within 30 days, she also broke three ribs Jet Skiing, broke a hand when she hit a table, then broke an ankle running in flip-flops .... must be a curse or Ilic is a dipshit who is into fast sports and is clumsy.

 Slenderman complained that the little creepy kid at the door was scaring his dog.

All turned out well. Ammons got her kids taken off her for 6 months and when they were returned everyone was told to stop talking about demons and other imaginary friends including God.

The kids no longer growl or act up in public and they have all moved to a new hoose. The hoose on Carolina street has been rented out to new people who strangely enough have not had any demon trouble even with the Hellmouth in the basement.

This story is a load of shit. Old Knudsen has seen shapes and figures that move and he has also seen children infected with evil who run about and scream when yer out having lunch but this is bull shit.

I want to know what was in it for Ammons, who gave her what and if she ever paid her back rent. I bet this gets made into a movie ..... yawn.

Considering I just saw videos of Americans burning snow and wondering why it hardly left any water but if they take an ice cube out of their fridge it melts I have no faith in what any of the witnesses said, show me the video of the levitating and the walk walking, what? there is none?  .... Save me from idiot Americans and their lack of basic knowledge and critical. 


Ghoulies and ghosties. And long-leggedy beasties. And things that eat fried chicken in the night, Good Lard, deliver us!






 

I've Got A Demon In My Penis

 

 The exorcist gurls and their hoormaster Giles.

As Old Knudsen has said many a time, Arizona is on a Helmouth. How else can you explain the zonies who live there? Yes the same as Texas and Florida too, Satan's chosen counties. Three little gurls (who are not Charlie's Angels) travel around the world exorcising demons, mostly in backwards superstitious places like Africa, Arizona, Russia, Ukraine and Northern Ireland. 

 

L-R Tess Scherkenback (18) Brynne Larson (18) and Savannah Scherkenback (21)



The girls all met at karate class when they were younger and during a sleepover  Brynne Larson decided one of the other girls was possessed and convinced the two sisters to help her exorcise their friend.

 

There is always at least one lesbian at a sleepover, this one was the daughter of  reverend Bob Larson who claims to have carried out 30,000in his 30 years of avoiding real work. The dildo shaped like a cross should have been a give away.
In Old Knudsen's day an exorcism at a sleepover was called a hazing ..... not that he went to sleepovers of course.

 Buffy the vampire slayer has finished, please move on people.

According to the gurls you can get sexually transmitted demons, if you fuck a hooker over a wheelie bin behind the Golden Garden Chinese restaurant you can get her demons .

Priests are always very obliging if you want protection, they'll best yer cock and rub some holy oil on it as long as it remains yer little secret.

The gurls say there are different demons all around the world. for instance the ones in Britain will say "ave your tea" instead of "have your dinner" or "troosers" instead of "pants" yes Demons can be very tricky, especially when you don't get their sarcasm.

You smell like pee and stale cum old woman, tell us where yer money is or we'll exorcise you into a care home .... hit her with a god smite Brynne! 

 

The girls are quite concerned about the Harry Potter books which has made the UK a hub for evil and witchcraft. "The spells and things that you're reading in the Harry Potter books, those aren't just something that are made up, those are actual spells. Those are things that came from witchcraft books." says Tess with a toss of her bouncy hair while still maintaining her vacant smile.

In the Midlands in 2012 a 13 year-old girl blinded her parents when she shouted  "Conjunctivitis" at them. 

In March 2013 a teenage boy's penis grew then exploded when he recited the chant "Engorgio."

Old Knudsen used "Avada Kedavra" to kill Hugo Chavez and "Obliviate" to make you forget that I just told you that. 

 We are like warriors kinda like Zena, battling against the forces of evil and we like to kick butt.

Helping weemen who had been sexually abused as well as alcoholics and drug addicts, it's a very valuable service. Luckily many are believers and know all the moves on how to react when exorcised ... look it up on YouTube if you need to learn.  

Bob Larson Brynne's father asks for a donation for exorcisms or else he'd have to get a real job. 

"People will pay thousands of dollars to go to drug rehab or to pay psychiatrists but there's this idea that spirituality needs to be for free."

Yeah what the fuck is that about? Jesus never gave fuck all for free, "just make me a fucking leper again I can't afford yer bill and sending Peter round to break my fingers won't get you yer money, any chance of fixing my fingers while I'm here?" 

If Old Knudsen had these gurls giving him an exorcism he'd expect a happy ending before he parted with any money.