The One That Got Away

The view from my hoose, yes that untidy grass is an eye sore.

So Good Friday was pretty good at first, a knock at my door had me reaching for me 9 (9 incher not 9 mil) which I shoved in me pants as I was not expecting company. At the door stood a young lass smiling at me (until she noticed I hadn't zipped) with a clipboard in her hand. "yer a bit early for date night and what happened to one tooth Agnes my usual?" Not that I was complaining, I don't often talk to young weemen these days as the ones around town know me or have been warned. 

"I'm from the Internet, have you heard of it sir?" .... "I am doing a survey on Internet usage, online shopping and banking, and I'd like to know your opinion about social media but if you don't use the Internet then I'll not bother you any further."     

Since I was staring at her boobs and her fine child bearing hips I only heard 'sir' and 'opinion' so I invited her in.

I said, "take off yer clothes and get oiled up" I'm in the habit of saying that so seeing her startled look I laughed it off and told her I was joking and that me Alzheimers was giving me jip today.  To put her at ease I offered her a cup of coffee, she said yes so I told her I don't have any, I can't stand the taste so write that doon then go make me a cup of tea, my leg is in awful pain I said and I must sit doon, the Germans shot me at Iwo Jima when I was fighting for yer freedoms. 

While we sat and drank our so so tea she asked me questions about what I did online ... of course I didn't tell her about everything, Old Knudsen can read people and seeing that she washed the tea cups she must be from a sheltered well off family. 

Silly questions about who my favorite teacher was, my first pet and my mother's maiden name, I kept waiting for questions about immigration and gheys which to my mind are the single most important issues EVER! .... healthcare, education and employment are soo boring and who cares?

 

Just think about what these happy campers get up to, it's enough to break up marriages between men and weemen.   

Imagine all the ghey sex, rimming live away, woo hoo woo hoo. I feel Satan's grip upon me as I look at yon picture. I must beat the devil out of me.

How many immigrants are ghey? Has no one covered this? It's terrible trying to imagine the kind of things they get up to in their bedrooms but as a fine upstanding Christian it's my duty to do so ... Aye I was born again, I found a church with such low turn out that they don't mind me drinking there. 

I over heard the reverend's wife asking him to pick up some milk on the way home from where ever he was going and he harshly admonished her and rightly so for she had interrupted him thinking about gheys on their wedding night. 

What Old Knudsen imagines when gurls are polite to him. 

So this lass was laughing at my jokes and smiling, maybe I misread the signals or maybe she was just a Good Friday dick tease but she did not want to go upstairs to get comfortable nor did she want to see my shed. 

She wrapped up her survey and said she had to go .... damn it I knew I should have made the tea. I quickly offered her another beverage in an open container but she declined.

Ach I thought I was losing me mojo for a while but then I noticed something was missing and it wasn't me woman charming skills. Me box of Internet was gone. 

I looked doon the side of the table in case the cat had knocked it off, I don't have a cat but a good detective covers all possibilities. No, the cables were just sitting there all limp and useless like an EU sanction against Russia.   

No Interwebs .... she had taken the modern which is that box that stores yer passwords and websites for you non-tech noobs out there. I'd have to go to the library and use their computers to change all me passwords from 123password to something more cunning like password123.

Damn cold calling thieves, always check their I.D. aye they knew how to get past Old Knudsen's defenses, Mata Hari used that cunning trick of putting my dick in her mouth to get me to tell her secrets during the great war ... well they call it great but I've seen better.      

I hope she doesn't believe half the stuff I told her as I suffer from an illness known as pseudologia fantastica and add to that my paranoia (unless a pretty lass smiles at me)  I don't always give the truth. 

What was the name of yer first pet? .... the first one I owned, had sex with, cooked for dinner or killed by accident cos I thought it was a demon come to rip out my soul? ... damn those drugs. You must be more precise with yer questions and never assume you are just talking to one person. 

Using a computer at the library isn't that bad as long as you don't mind no privacy, they frown on you trying to surf porn and have definite rules against you taking yer cock out .... are these the freedoms I fought at Agincourt for? 

A Message Of Hate Not Hope This Christmas

Pastor Steven Anderson has a special Christmas message for you. If we executed all the gheys we could be "Aids free by Christmas" .... no mention of all the straight people with aids but something tells me he isn't so concerned about aids as much as he is concerned with where other men put their penis'. 

"Anybody who's a homo or bi - it's all the same category - sodomite is what the Bible would call them".

Old Knudsen is not a Bible expert but he's pretty sure they were called sodmites because they came from the city of Sodom, they just happened to do stuff that those who wrote the Bible didn't like. 
 
The term sodomy used today means anal sex or in some countries can also suggest bestiality too. The slang insult sod off comes from it as well. 

People being ghey or having aids has never really spoiled my general dislike of Christmas, it's a terrible disease but scientists say the death toll and infection rate has dropped and eventually aids will become a lot less deadly. At this time of year I tend to think more about turkey than about gheys to be honest. Though Anderson seems to think about them a lot. 

What kind of loving God would condemn hot lesbians? I think Pastor Anderson needs to go deliberate some more. 
In his sermon called, 'Aids: The Judgement of God' he tells people to turn to Leviticus 20:13, "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, even both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them."

Where is his Faithful Word Baptist Church anyways? Why in Tempe, Arizona of course. Arizona which is one of the Hellmouth states has 93% more hate and crazy than normal states. Florida and Texas often have a hard time completing.

 I liked Pastor Anderson better in Lost.

 "And that, my friend, is the cure for Aids. It was right there in the Bible all along - and they’re out spending billions of dollars in research and testing. It’s curable - right there. Because if you executed the homos like God recommends, you wouldn’t have all this AIDS running rampant."

All Christians are not hypocritical pedos I'm sure and I bet he doesn't speak for them all. Like Muslim radicals you mainly only hear the crazy ones. The Pope gives lip service to a toleration of queers though he is and always will be against ghey marriage ... it just isn't Christian and children can't be raised to be good people by gheys, they have to have a male father and a female mother ....  like wot Hitler and Ted bundy had.

Old Knudsen supports ghey marriage because why should the gheys get away with not being made miserable like all the other married couples? it just isn't fair. That'll teach them for being smug with their disposable incomes and superior fashion sense.

 You don't understand, we have to go back to the island!

His congregation may have laughed like the sinners they are so Anderson went on to quote statistics that he claimed proved that contracting HIV was directly related to being homo. Yes 96% of people getting blood transfusions are homos, even the children! 

He mentioned that no queers were allowed in his church. What if Jesus returned and was ghey? You believe he was white so being ghey shouldn't be too difficult of a stretch considering his alternative bachelor lifestyle back in the old cuntry. 

Anderson made the headlines in 2009 when he said he prayed that Obama would die and go to Hell. This Christian pastor is a bit total cunt, a lot like the DUP Creationists of Northern Ireland. They preach and support hate and then condemn Muslim clerics who do the exact same just under a different name.

If my son came home one day and said, "Dad, I'm a Homosapien" I'd kick him out the door!

With his wife Zsuzsa, I bet their sex life is amazing. 

He says also said that weemen who take birth control pills are hoors. It probably says that in the Bible somewhere. 

No my friend, the only weemen who are hoors are the ones that refuse to sleep with Old Knudsen ... they are obviously leezers too. 

So he doesn't like gheys, he doesn't like weemen, he hates equality, he doesn't like half naked people enjoying a swimming pool and will go elsewhere rather than see it, especially his own wife who uses the swimming pool fully clothed. 

Put some clothes on Zsuzsa and hide yer shameful elbows! 

Just look at that sinner with his shameful firm, muscular body, if you look closely you can see the outline of his hard throbbing manhood .... disgusting! No wifey I'm not done judging the sinners though maybe I'll show you what a real man is like, from behind of course as eye contact during sex is Satan's seduction, quickly Zsuzsa, while this image of disgusting well toned sin is still fresh in my mind.  

I reckon he protests too much. His issues seem pretty straight forward.

   

Like many Christians he believes he is something special, maybe he isn't that bad I mean he says the Nicolas Cage movie Left Behind is poison ... oh, not because it's a shite movie but because the version of what he believes is different so therefore anyone else are wrong.
Oh and you should buy the rapture movie he helped make, 'After the Tribulation' no agenda, he just wants the um truth .... and royalties.  

Old Knudsen quit being wrong years ago but it's nice to see that others still do it, and make money out of it.

"I am on a mission to educate people about the pre-tribulation rapture because it is a position that is based upon ignorance, and I just believe that if people would see the scriptures and see the facts, it would not be hard for them to come to the conclusion that the rapture definitely comes AFTER THE TRIBULATION."

You can't use the words the scriptures and facts in the same sentence you fool and anyone who uses Biblical scriptures to prove a point are really failing at the whole critical thinking bit. So Anderson is outspoken (which gets him attention) and has a blog on which he tries to sell his movie on.

If you can't see that he's a bigoted, hateful attention seeking hypocrite then you must be one too.

Don't fall for his hype or his hate filled lies as he'll take you doon with him.   

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Chips

I bet you didn't know that you hated this guy, hes Hunter Moore and he isn't just a fat headed guy with a really dumb name hes the guy that set up isanyoneup.com which was a site where dumped people send private pictures of their ex, complete with name, phone numbers and addresses for revenge.
Moore became known as the king of Revenge Porn.

While many guys will think, 'hmmm I get to see real chicks naked against their consent and with their personal details, this kinda goes with my guilty pleasure of having rape fantasies. '  ...... It isn't right!

Donna Armstrong,  darmstrong87@gmail.com from 17 Putford Green, Harlow in Essex ..... England doesn't think it's right either , maybe she shouldn't of had that one night with her ex in retaliation for Old Knudsen's drug fueled week long bender of orgies and ritual murder..... weemen huh, sooo touchy, men just need to blow off some steam from time to time you know what they are like ....  boys will be boys and various other cliched excuses for being a cunt.

Think about the harm it does, not only as a breach of trust but to have all these hairy nosed guys seeing yer baps or vadge and even calling you up and knowing where you live ..... a lot of weirdos out there people, Old Knudsen sees them hanging around outside of yer hoose when hes stalking you.  

Think twice before you sext, if you trust the person now you might have a falling out next week when you find out yer honey bunny is flirting with anything in a skirt, then all the trust is gone and that person you thought you knew is back to being a stranger and one that you don't particularly like.

You can go on about hell hath no fury like a woman scorned all you like but men ....... we ain't too bright at times and will do and say hurtful things without thinking them through or what damage they will cause or even what our punishment will be.

Trolling such as this has been attributed to a number of suicides. The voice of reason in our heads think that it's only the Interweb, it isn't important, it's not like someone actually standing in front of you calling you a durty hoor of Babylon and that yer better off dead.

Bullying can take many forms and online can be just as hurtful. Why would you do this to me .... how could you do this to me?

Moore doesn't give a shit hes making money. A woman contacted him to get naked selfie pictures of her daughter removed alleging they were from her account which was hacked, Moore replied.

"I'm sure she sent the pictures to a million different guys and just ended up on my site just like everybody else."

Like yer usual bully type, Moore then tried to justify himself and said.

"I'm sorry that your daughter was cyber-raped. But, I mean, now she’s educated on technology."


A 27 year-old with a view of weemen as

 

Something like this.

It's them and us, you trick them into having sex with you by not being yerself. A total lack of respect and Old Knudsen doesn't see how any woman would think it a good idea to have sex with this guy, unless it was their job. 
Maybe the bullies told you that you don't deserve better, or if you just like to fuck (which some weemen actually do) tap into yer instinct, intuition and commonsense. Just out of prison, says he didn't do it ... ach hes so nice and polite I'll give him the benefit of the doubt . Bad boys with a heart of gold are usually just bad boys 90% of the time

 

Hey Hunter lad, I'm sorry you were prison raped but hey, at least yer now educated on the prison pecking order.

U2 Can Be An Attention Hoor

Upon hearing that Ariel Castro aged 53, who kept women captive at his home in Cleveland, Ohio for a decade, chaining them up and raping them had died after being found hanging in his cell, Bono got on a plane, borrowed a black baby and posed for cameras outside the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction.

"Any loss of life is terrible, my condolences go out to Fidel, Raúl and the Castro family during this difficult time."

Later that day he was seen at the opening of a new LondonDiary/Derry Queen while his manager checked the obituaries in the newspaper.   

Oooh Baby Baby

East Belfast where the men and men and so are the weemen.

Pubic Service Announcement

Hoor Master General

L-R Starbust, Tina and Hot pants very nice gurls and mostly clean.

In Britain a father who tried to hire a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son's virginity as a present was given a 10-month prison sentence, suspended for a year. Thank fuck justice was served.

The 42 year-old Polish national took the boy out in his car and allowed him to pick out the prostitute, who was standing at the side of the road in the red-light district of Nottingham, central England.

They drove past the gurls and the dad pointed at one and said, "Will she do?" The boy was already licking at the window so he took that as yes.

He stopped the car and asked "Sarah" how much it would cost for her to have sex with his son and they agreed on a $30, for fucks sake talk about high class call gurls thats more than triple than what a friend of Old Knudsen's pays .

Then the sting as he was arrested by plainclothes police officers, well thats a lie cos one office was wearing purple flared trousers (it is England) and you can't call that plain.

Judge Jonathan Teare said he would spare the father jail because of his excellent character and that he believed he did not mean any harm to his son.

The wisdom of Solomon that is.

"You have a duty of care to your son and that is to look after his moral welfare, not as you might think to break him in to the ways of sex through a prostitute," he said.

To the Polish the age of 14 is very late and so people would start to think yer a bit Rock Hudson so the father was doing something great for his son.

I'm sure all the (normal) fellas would wish their dad did the same. Most Poles are smoking by the age of 6 and having sex by the age of 8. Almost like Scottish culture but dirty and Slavic.

The court was told the boy would continue to live with his father as his mother is a bad influence.

Castro The Dead Spide

Chav, White trash, Ned, whatever, pimp up yer Spide.

Is that KFC? do you deliver?

What a funny world we have going on at the minute I can't wait to see what Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan is going to pull out of his hat to stay in power now that he was talked into doing that democracy crap, you'd think that people could see by now that it doesn't work.

Kosovo has claimed independence and has been recognised by America, Britain, France and Germany to name a few. Spain and Russia say no. Ever since we bitch slapped the Spanish Armada in 1588 and I made their commander Medina Sidonia gag on my huge cock (as was the way back then) before sending him off to breed with the Irish I couldn't care less about the Spaniards, whose ascared of Al Qaeda? Spain is!

Only the Russians would think about making Russian Roulette easier. For ages 3 and up.

Now the Russians are just crazy brutal cunts, you'd better pay yer gas bill on time or they will point their nukes at you. They are feeling a little surrounded at the moment which is worrying because they are bound to push back, threatening the Ukraine with nuclear holocaust if they joined NATO is just the start, this Kosovo thing is the start to the new cold war.

Where am I and why am I wet?

Fidel Castro has stepped doon as dictator by writing a letter of resignation, yeah right. I killed that cunt way back in August 2007, anything they say don't believe it. Who would you believe commies or me?
No change for Cuba as Bush still sees the Castros in charge.

Most importantly was that singer/crackhoor Amy Winehoose won 5 Granny awards which is named after the inventor of the Granny Smith apple.
Obama won one for his audio book beating Bill Clinton (again) as Bill was getting sucked off during the taping and didn't enunciate as well.

I'm not much of a Winehoose fan I can't get past the drugs/drinking and face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. Yeah yeah a tortured artist who has it so bad, I do understand her somewhat as I have a degree in pop psychology.

Sure she suffers from depression, with a face like that what can you expect ? yet another of Gods jokes, I knew this lass named Anne, she was 18 but looked 40, ugly as sin with a humped back but she could sure sing like some Goblin Angel thing.

Depressed people sometimes get so bad that they see no other option than to give up and cave in or others allow themselves to give up as a form of woe is me attention. Going by her lyrics she has allowed herself to be self-destructive as a self-fulfilling prophecy thing, "don't get close to me cos I'll bore of you and burn you as I burn myself." I've heard some of her songs and they are catchy and good, she writes what she knows like the best bloggers do and its from the back of the head and the heart.

Winehoose has been compared to the likes of Janis Joplin or Billie Holiday I hate that shit its like when they call a film the new Die Hard or something instead of just rating it on its own merits.

People have a rosy memory of those famous figures from the past, just look at JFK that man was a total prick but now people go on about how great he was and what did he do? Theres a lot between saying and doing.

Speaking of daughters isn't she hot? shes someones daughter you know.

Back to the Grannys, Natalie Cole the daughter of Nat King Cole said that Winehoose shouldn't get the awards because she isn't a good influence on kids. Cole has done drugs in her time and has gotten clean (allegedly) I think that's the pot calling the kettle black if you pardon the pun. I remember Natalie Cole, she was famous for 5 minutes in the 80's when she used her dead father on video to record a duet, a totally forgettable song that I can't remember right now but hey what a classy way to get fame, beats talent anyday.

Yank: "Don't you gesture at me you brown person, you'd be speaking German if it wasn't for us." Brown Person:"Sir er madam please calm doon." Yank: "USA USA USA!"

Cole is just miffed that a Brit won big and someone as cool as Britney (don't let the name fool you shes a yank) wasn't there to show them how its done.

Cool Britannia! I'd hoist that up my flag pole.


Latest OBB News Up-Dates

Well Duh!

I'm just pointing out the obvious and I haven't even really started trying yet.

Walk Like An Egyptian.

"The sands of Saqqara reveal lots of secrets," said Egypt's antiquities expert, Zahi Hawass, he showed reporters around a 4,000-year-old tomb of mud bricks that belonged to a scribe of divine records, Ka-Hay, (not Ka-Chow!) and his wife.
"It doesn't look great because it was built from mud brick and not built of limestone, but I really believe that this tomb is very important," said Hawass.
Of course its important its got Egypt on the news again which is all you live for Hawass. Have you ever seen this fellow? everytime a camera crew turns up in Egypt to get a shot of a mummified turd from Ramses the Regular they have to get permission from Hawass and he says, "how much film time will you give me?" a middle eastern gentleman with an Indiana Jones style hat (what else would you wear?) and everything uncovered is vastly important to understanding history.
If there is a special on the History channel he'll be on it in fact the man even won a Emmy for a documentary he did, not bad for a secretary-general of the Supreme Council of Antiquities and Director of Excavations at Giza, Saqqara and the Bahariya Oasis which is what his over inflated job description is.
he has his own web site and fan club, I'm waiting for him to bring out "Hawass the fragrance, smell like an Egyptian" or his own clothing line.
The guy has qualifications and awards up the yang and I'm sure one has to be 'Media hoor of the year' the man is worse than a Blogger .

He just found a necropolis that was dedicated to a Dentist, the last dentist I had only had my bite marks on his hand as a dedication from me, those needles they stick into yer gums, sore as fuck and do nothing I can't imagine what they had back then that was better .
Egyptians are boring as fuck, building pyramids in the desert with little access to the shops, wearing shirts and bad liz Taylor eye makeup,the Royals shagging their own family to ensure a pure bloodline, well that parts ok as the Windsors have been at it for centuries, remember World War I was just a big family argument .
The ancient Egyptians also put to death children with blue eyes as part of their superstitions. I wonder if that's like the old Scottish fear of blondes as they may be Vikings and those randy Vikings did make it to Egypt , even discovered America, a fellow called Knudsen as I remember.

At the start of this year Hawass flew to Florida to have treatment for an eye condition called macular holes, his third world Doctors who were stoned all the way through medical school in the Bahamas saw Nip/Tuck and thought it was better to send him to the States for treatment and a happy ending.
It is thought that the ailment occurred when a stone fell on Dr. Hawass' head during a recent excavation, his sense of smell has increased, he craves the taste of varnish, in my opinion Spar Urethane clear semi-gloss can stand up to any stinking Chardonnay.
Dr Hawass also feels permanently horny and has had to be manhandled away from the murals he was trying to give money shots too though this may have saved his marriage.

Held together with tape and Hawass jizz, he must really love his job.

His The King Tut Exhibit will be in Philadelphia through to the 30th September 2007, Dr Hawass has made great improvement so is not expected to be adding to the collection with his own personal touches.

I don't care what rehab problems Brittany is going through, she has shaved off the lice on her head and doon below and isn't making music, everyone is a winner, except the lice.

Maybe the King Tut/death camp look has cum back into style.