The Pope Will Love Abortion For One Year Only

Then I said that all the sluts would be forgiven ... lol.

From the Vatican that said that if you followed Pope Francis on Twitter you'd get time knocked off in purgatory comes the bargain of a lifetime .... a chance you can't afford to miss if you like cock. 

The Pope has announced a year of forgiveness starting December 8th for any woman who has had an abortion but wants to repent her dirty sinful ways. 

The white men in the dresses are showing the bitches who has the power. Raped by yer uncle and had an abortion? They don't want to hear yer life story you Hell bound sinner, you did it and there is no way around God's wrath ..... except for this. 

When Jesus died for yer sins did you not read the fine print? The uncle rapist and all the blokes that said they'd pull out are ok, they can be forgiven no problem but the women, that's another matter.

It's almost as if all this shit is made up but I have proof that is isn't: "And so the Bible is the true word of God and not made up in anyway" Luke 23:69     

If you quote Bible scripture as proof of something, you may be semi retarded.

That idiot clerk Kim Davis from buttfuck Kentucky who refuses to issue ghey marriage licenses because God told her not to .... but he's cool with divorce papers though so she'll do those. Knowing the word of God is fairly fucking arrogant especially if yer sources all come from man. Claiming God wrote this through me is just like saying, "The Devil made me do it."

Love thy neighbour unless they are fags, illegal immigrants or something ucky then in that case kill them all.  

People need religion because they are full of fear and self doubt, they need to know that something bigger than them cares about their pathetic existence. 

Don't seek validation from a priest for yer actions in the past, you probably had very good reasons for doing what you did and most people won't know what it was like .... especially some old white dude who fancies boys. The only validation you need is from yourself, the only forgiveness you need is from yourself. If you respect someone and have hurt them then their forgiveness might be needed or at least an apology but to these cunts in Rome, they can fuck away off, one rule or religion does not fit all. 

People have regret and remorse at so much stuff they have done in their past or for things that have happened to them. PTSD and anxiety is bad enough without some cunt reminding you that you are full of sin and it's your fault. Work through your own issues rather than relying on some strange bloke in a dress and accept that you can't go back and change things, move on cos life is a wasting.  

 

Being a sloth is one of the deadly sins and so is pride, believing that one is essentially better than others which is what the men at the Vatican do on a regular basis. What about greed, the sin of excess? Is the Vatican still the biggest bank in the world, still got all yer Nazi gold?

In 1978 two Popes died of heart attacks, we need a bit more of that I reckon, lets hope they had their sins heard before their sudden deaths or all that Popey shite was for nothing. 

So 2016 is the year to have abortions if you want to go to Heaven, Old Knudsen wants to have one just to piss off the elitist self serving Pope, maybe I'll have me a ghey marriage too and see if he has a heart attack, he really doesn't like the gheys getting married nor letting them adopt either but people ignore that because he said "who am I to judge?" and then carries on judging gheys.

Other sins that will not be forgiven are divorce, eating shellfish and wearing mixed fibres, yes, the Vatican supports double denim.
If you are getting yer abortion wiped clean make sure yer priest is a Vatican certified absolver of sins, too many cowboy priests waving their arms doing a blessing then when the person dies they find out the blessing wasn't done right and it's straight to Hell.   

The One That Got Away

The view from my hoose, yes that untidy grass is an eye sore.

So Good Friday was pretty good at first, a knock at my door had me reaching for me 9 (9 incher not 9 mil) which I shoved in me pants as I was not expecting company. At the door stood a young lass smiling at me (until she noticed I hadn't zipped) with a clipboard in her hand. "yer a bit early for date night and what happened to one tooth Agnes my usual?" Not that I was complaining, I don't often talk to young weemen these days as the ones around town know me or have been warned. 

"I'm from the Internet, have you heard of it sir?" .... "I am doing a survey on Internet usage, online shopping and banking, and I'd like to know your opinion about social media but if you don't use the Internet then I'll not bother you any further."     

Since I was staring at her boobs and her fine child bearing hips I only heard 'sir' and 'opinion' so I invited her in.

I said, "take off yer clothes and get oiled up" I'm in the habit of saying that so seeing her startled look I laughed it off and told her I was joking and that me Alzheimers was giving me jip today.  To put her at ease I offered her a cup of coffee, she said yes so I told her I don't have any, I can't stand the taste so write that doon then go make me a cup of tea, my leg is in awful pain I said and I must sit doon, the Germans shot me at Iwo Jima when I was fighting for yer freedoms. 

While we sat and drank our so so tea she asked me questions about what I did online ... of course I didn't tell her about everything, Old Knudsen can read people and seeing that she washed the tea cups she must be from a sheltered well off family. 

Silly questions about who my favorite teacher was, my first pet and my mother's maiden name, I kept waiting for questions about immigration and gheys which to my mind are the single most important issues EVER! .... healthcare, education and employment are soo boring and who cares?

 

Just think about what these happy campers get up to, it's enough to break up marriages between men and weemen.   

Imagine all the ghey sex, rimming live away, woo hoo woo hoo. I feel Satan's grip upon me as I look at yon picture. I must beat the devil out of me.

How many immigrants are ghey? Has no one covered this? It's terrible trying to imagine the kind of things they get up to in their bedrooms but as a fine upstanding Christian it's my duty to do so ... Aye I was born again, I found a church with such low turn out that they don't mind me drinking there. 

I over heard the reverend's wife asking him to pick up some milk on the way home from where ever he was going and he harshly admonished her and rightly so for she had interrupted him thinking about gheys on their wedding night. 

What Old Knudsen imagines when gurls are polite to him. 

So this lass was laughing at my jokes and smiling, maybe I misread the signals or maybe she was just a Good Friday dick tease but she did not want to go upstairs to get comfortable nor did she want to see my shed. 

She wrapped up her survey and said she had to go .... damn it I knew I should have made the tea. I quickly offered her another beverage in an open container but she declined.

Ach I thought I was losing me mojo for a while but then I noticed something was missing and it wasn't me woman charming skills. Me box of Internet was gone. 

I looked doon the side of the table in case the cat had knocked it off, I don't have a cat but a good detective covers all possibilities. No, the cables were just sitting there all limp and useless like an EU sanction against Russia.   

No Interwebs .... she had taken the modern which is that box that stores yer passwords and websites for you non-tech noobs out there. I'd have to go to the library and use their computers to change all me passwords from 123password to something more cunning like password123.

Damn cold calling thieves, always check their I.D. aye they knew how to get past Old Knudsen's defenses, Mata Hari used that cunning trick of putting my dick in her mouth to get me to tell her secrets during the great war ... well they call it great but I've seen better.      

I hope she doesn't believe half the stuff I told her as I suffer from an illness known as pseudologia fantastica and add to that my paranoia (unless a pretty lass smiles at me)  I don't always give the truth. 

What was the name of yer first pet? .... the first one I owned, had sex with, cooked for dinner or killed by accident cos I thought it was a demon come to rip out my soul? ... damn those drugs. You must be more precise with yer questions and never assume you are just talking to one person. 

Using a computer at the library isn't that bad as long as you don't mind no privacy, they frown on you trying to surf porn and have definite rules against you taking yer cock out .... are these the freedoms I fought at Agincourt for? 

Dead Popes = Miracles

Kill them all and let Gog sort out her own. 

 If John Paul got yer ring it would be kept a secret from the world... his precious.  

  

The Vatican decided that Popes John XXIII and John Paul II are to be saints, which is like Batman but with super powers, except dead. Funny that you can't do miracles until yer dead huh.

Can Old Knudsen be allowed to call bullshit? Why yes he can. Allegedly curing weemen who are confirmed Catholic gog bothers of some illnesses are not miracles.... Wha??? but it was in the news and the doctors said ...... well ya know where I don't go if I have a brain aneurysm? Costa fucking Rica and the Antrim hospital, that's where. 

If yer Costa Rican doctors suggest that you go to Mexico for treatment then they are just having a laugh. Ok here are yer options, go to either Mexico or Cuba for treatment or I can just give you some aspirin and send you home, I've no idea how long you have left, you'll have to ask a doctor or the gurl at reception. 

 

 Sister Cristina Scuccia singing Papa don't preach on The Voice .... Italy.

As for curing a nun of Parkinson's disease, nuns are notorious liars and fakers, ask any nun... er one. 

How many times do we have to see the pictures of yon woman who burned her hand, then prayed and she posted a pic of her healed hand all better?  wow, I wonder how she did that.  

   

Here is a picture of Old Knudsen with a black eye after that misunderstanding at the library about taking books to use in his budgie's cage..... Stephen King is the best for this.  

After praying to Gog for 5 minutes solid his black eye has gone.

A miracle you may say, or perhaps merely the miracle of truth manipulation, a subject Old Knudsen has studied at great length. 

So the Vatican which needs 2 miracles per Pope has given John XXIII, sainthood for curing Sister Caterina Capitani of an alleged cancerous tumor in her stomach in 2000. 

John XXIII only needed one miracle since he was the spitting double of Telly Savalas which in the Catholic church is a sign from God. 

Then it gives Pope John Paul II the credit for curing Sister Marie Simon-Pierre of alleged Parkinson's disease in 2005 and curing Floribeth Mora Diaz from an alleged brain aneurysm in 2011. 

I say alleged because it could have just all been misdiagnosed cases of the clap, you know what doctors are like. Who wants Catholicism to be holy and mysterious any more than yon Stockholm syndrome bints who like to be told their place as either a virgin, mother or hoor?  Never just as people.

"If I wanted yer opinion on which birth control you should use I'd ask bitch" ~ Pope John Paul II

 

Heal a Muslim or Atheist, that would be a real miracle not some brainwashed placebo miracle ........ what about someone with visible ailments like this Jehovah's Witness who wouldn't get treatment because his mum didn't believe in it. Where are you John Paul, yer our only hope cos medical science is the Devil's work. 

Aye religion is great, they say every sperm is sacred but I bet even as popes they still wiped off on the curtains. 

 

One of Pope John XXIII's lesser known miracles was when he got lost, rather than asking for directions he prayed to Gog before he preyed on the young...... who loves ya baby? 

You cynics might say that these men are getting their saint on because they helped to install Vatican 2 which was to bring the Catholic church more into the modern day with less Latin, total condemnation of all other faiths and the famous stick together when sticking it to the boys ideas. Four of those involved in Vat II became Popes, including the Ratzinger who was a Nazi during World War II .... well he fucking well was, had the wee mustache and everything.

Right place and the right connections huh boys?

Holy shit!

John Paul II would have had 3 miracles. One time when he was staying at a friend's house he was accused of pooing on the toilet seat and bunging up the bog like an Irishman, being a proud Pollack/pollock .... from Poland, he denied doing it saying that it can't be his as his stuff don't stink and thus he was visited by the holy ghost as no one else was in the house.

In the real world many companies or banks give their CEO's and other managers large bonus' never minding if they had to lay of hundreds of workers or have lost profits.

The cold steel look that has bent many a young boy's will ..... allegedly.

The Catholic church may behave like a business though it is actually a cult and with being in the business of  the cult of personality, you may get the big pay offs like being protected from prosecution or being made bishop or pope with yer every need catered to. You don't even have to do yer job well you'll  become immortalized and worshiped after death, the church will of course own all the money made from yer image and that is yer big bonus. 




Now as for the Catholic bishops who are putting pressure onto Northern Ireland politicians to vote against ghey marriage here, why don't you want equality you elitist cunts?  Cardinal Sean Brady who was famous for silencing victims of pedo priests was the note taker for these bishops...  good man, a future pope maybe?

In the letter they cited Pope Francis' view that the only suitable environment for children is having a mother and father.  They seem to think it's the best and ideal place for children, and they would know.

Last year the vote  was rejected by 53 votes to 42. Lets see if Old Knudsen's nagging has paid off.