We Could Be Heroes

And no fucks were given about his North Korean sense of style.

Two men that Old Knudsen has admired throughout the years has been Theodore Roosevelt and Winston Churchill. Both men did come from privileged families but over came obstacles in their youth that many of us face to go on to become Iconic leaders. 
Products of their time maybe, they were bigger than life and a tad racist no doubt. Churchill believed in eugenics and thought the genocide of the Native Americans and the Australian Aborigines was social Darwinian hierarchy taking over like with a superior and advanced race taking the place of a people that couldn't stand against them.

Yes he was for gassing the Kurds and Afghans but that gas was to be tear gas. He was in favour of gassing the Turks with mustard gas in WWI but everyone else was using it then so whatever.

The famine in Bengal in 1943 that killed 3 million gets laid at Churchill's feet too as he got the region to continue to export rice for the war effort. Remember how he blew up the French fleet killing all those servicemen to avoid the fleet getting into German hands? Tough choices on who has to die have to be made especially during a war.

Most of his books were about the outdoor's life.  

Roosevelt didn't like Native Americans and said that the amount of black men in the US was a "terrible problem." He also in contradiction said that a man should be judged on his merit than his skin colour. He didn't like the hyphenated Irish-American or African-American, he said they should all be Americans.

How can Old Knudsen admire these two? From the Star Trek episode Space Seed, Kirk tells Spock "We can be against him and admire him at the same time."          

Theodore never liked Churchill but Winston had a life long admiration for him. Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Roosevelt's daughter said it was because "they were so much alike."

Roosevelt also disliked Lord Randolph, Winston's father so maybe that dislike just got passed down to his son.
Both had tattoos, Roosevelt had the family crest on his chest and Churchill had an anchor on his arm. Both changed party allegiance, both were prolific writers, Roosevelt wrote 18 books while Churchill wrote 51 and both wrote about the war of 1812.
Roosevelt did praise Churchill on his serialized publication in Strand magazine titled My African Journey as both were big game hunters. Churchill heard that he liked it and sent him a copy of the book to which Roosevelt begrudgingly said how he supposes that he must write to him then.

 Roosevelt called him an ugly redheaded fellow.

Both were famed for acts of daring during war. Roosevelt was the hero of the Spanish-American war in Cuba and Churchill took part in the last major cavalry charge in British history at the Battle of Omdurman and also escaped from the Boers in South Africa. 

Both liked to be naked. Roosevelt took to skinny dipping in rivers and Churchill just like to let it all hang out.

Both begged to be let in on the action in WWI. After numerous set backs Churchill was demoted and placed in a lower position, he resigned and became a lieutenant colonel of the Royal Scot Fusiliers on the Western Front.   

At 58 Roosevelt begged to be let into WWI to lead 200,000 troops in France but was told no. His son Quentin was a pilot and was killed in action in 1918, he was aged 20.      

Both Roosevelt and Churchill both claimed to have seen Lincoln's ghost at the White House. 

Roosevelt  was born a sickly child with serious asthma problems but undertook strenuous exercise and became fit and strong enough to enjoy boxing though it left him almost blind in his left eye. He saw heroes of the civil war and even admired his own father so that he knew he wanted to be that sort of man.

 "My father, Theodore Roosevelt, was the best man I ever knew. He combined strength and courage with gentleness, tenderness, and great unselfishness. He would not tolerate in us children selfishness or cruelty, idleness, cowardice, or untruthfulness."

Doctors told Teddy that he had a weak heart and to not exert himself, so he did the opposite and even climbed the Matterhorn.   
 

 

                               Both Roosevelt and Churchill were Nobel Peace prize winners.
Churchill under achieved academically and had to over come a stutter and a lisp. He never achieved his father's approval though went from jeers to cheers at the House of Commons so fuck the haters huh. He suffered depression and named it his "black dog" which really affected him in his last 10 years of life when his physical health was failing.   






Churchill's Ma hated him smoking and said how silly he looked with one in his mouth. She bet him a pony that he couldn't give it up for 6 months, he did and as soon as he won the bet he started smoking again.

So Roosevelt fought poor physical health issues, the former New York City Police Commissioner and war hero survived an assassination attempt in 1912 while out campaigning, with a bullet in his chest he gave a speech for 90 minutes, he didn't win but still .... fucking awesome. That stopped some of his active lifestyle and he became obese afterwards.

He never got over the loss of his son Quintin and died a year after his son in his sleep from a blood clot aged 60.
After a stroke that left Churchill ill he died aged 90, seventy years to the day that his father had died. 

Both men succeeded through force of will and strength of character to become living legends. While they had their faults as everyone does they both believed in the welfare state which looks after the vulnerable of society so they couldn't have been that bad. 

I could have worse heroes.
      

Winston Churchill Tribute

 Entertaining the troops with Field Marshal Montgomery.

50 years since his death at the age of 90, the stories of how the soldiers carrying his coffin nearly dropped him are coming out and every British politician concerned about their image instantly loves him. 

As a student he was crap at most subjects, especially math but excelled in history and English composition. He was so bad at languages that he took a 2 hour Latin test and only filled in his name and the number of the first question. Who the fuck speaks Latin anyways .... besides Latin American and their pigs and they want the Falkland islands so they can fuck off .

 A seven year-old slacker who loved playing with toy soldiers.

The head master at his boy's school said the 10 year-old Churchill could be trusted to do nothing and had no ambition ..... stoopid 10 year-old, that head master really called it.   

He was raised with constant accusations of being slovenly and lazy, his father was one of his most harsh of critics:
"I am certain that if you cannot prevent yourself from leading the idle useless unprofitable life you have had during your schooldays & later months, you will become a mere social wastrel, one of the hundreds of public school failures, and you will degenerate into a shabby unhappy & futile existence." 

You ain't never gonna amount to nuthin.

Maybe to please his father who suggested he join the military he took the entrance exam to get into Sandhurst military college and and failed, only after getting a tutor he barely got in the third time but only for the Calvary which had lower standards than the infantry, that is the opposite of the modern day military. 
He graduated 20th out of a class of 130 so he was indeed a quick learner.

He never received his father's approval and after his father died it was as if he tried harder to gain that approval posthumously. The 20 year-old was becoming a man:  

"Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong; and a boy deprived of a father's care often develops, if he escapes the perils of youth, an independence and vigor of thought which may restore in after life the heavy loss of early days."

He saw combat on three continents, won four medals and an order, was mentioned in dispatches and wrote five books winning the Nobel Prize in Literature at the age of 80 ... what have you done?

 Standing with a Tommy holding a Tommy gun.

Isn't it amazing that with the constant berating he received throughout his life that he was confident enough to do anything? Even severe failures during his time as Lord of the Admiralty didn't make him curl up into a ball. He battled depression throughout his life but he kept all of that private, showing a determined 'we must win' attitude in public.
    

Lincoln wishes he was Churchill cool.

No matter what you think of Churchill there is no denying that he was one of the greatest figures of the 20th century. While Hitler, his peer in Germany got called 'that little corporal' and will be thought of by history as a short dude like that other megalomaniac Napoleon, Hitler was just over 5 foot 8 inches tall while Churchill was 5 foot 6 inches, no one ever mentions that because Churchill was bigger than life for the right reasons.    

Winston Churchill with little Kaiser Wilhelm II

Regarded as a glory seeker he was certainly brave, his criticism of the British high command in his early books meant that he was out of favour with General Kitchener and so while others may have gotten medals for bravery he did not, no wonder he told newspapers about his own exploits, the establishment was against him getting recognition, though he deserved it.
He believed he'd be kept safe for something big in the future, dying in battle was not on the cards for him. "I do not believe the Gods would create so potent a being as myself for so prosaic an ending."

Old Knudsen never liked Gandhi, sure he was great at the old peaceful protest thing and does a mean quote in Facebook memes but I've never liked him. Churchill had no love for him either and when Gandhi went on a hunger strike Churchill was all for letting him die. Keeping India British was very important to the British empire. He called Gandhi, " A seditious Middle Temple lawyer now posing as a fakir of a type well known in the East."
Today we are shocked that American sniper Chris Kyle referred to Iraqis as savages, Churchill said that the Zulus, Afghans and Dervishes were "savages and barbarous peoples." 

If you go into a country as an oppressor yer not exactly going to see the people at their best. Gandhi knew how to brand himself and portray what the public wanted .... like most of the best leaders throughout history. 

 I like Ike and North korea liked Winnie's clothes. 

Churchill was a 'if you are not with us you are against us' type and while Ireland remained neutral during WWII they weren't really neutral. I don't mean the IRA siding with the Nazis, I mean the Irish government letting the British and Americans use their air space and reporting on German ship movements off their coast. The Irish government could not bring themselves to publicly side with the British, not even against the evil Nazis. Churchill described Ireland as, "at war but skulking." 

While some recent news stories had Churchill flirting with a conversion to Islam, that wasn't really an option. He did show an interest as he was a very curious person.  "Moslems may show splendid qualities. Thousands become the brave and loyal soldiers of the Queen: all know how to die: but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it."

Churchill was raised Church of England which is the state religion of the UK. He admitted to praying during difficult times even though all his logic and reason saw it as kinda pointless if only to give him comfort and to collect his thoughts, he was more agnostic than anything.   

"If you tried your best to live an honorable life and did your duty and were faithful to friends and not unkind to the weak and poor, it did not matter much what you believed or disbelieved."
In the first edition of his book The River War he denounced Islam as being dangerous and that
Mohammedanism was a militant and proselytizing faith that kept people in the stone age and enslaved women ... unlike Christianity of course which is the exact same. He must have changed his mind as he deleted that view of Islam from later editions.

Better memes than Gandhi. 

A great man with many faults like anyone else, he overcame being written off as a child and being sickly and clumsy with a stammer. He rallied himself and the nation during low points, his dozens of quotes could sound like a self- help manual, "If you are going through Hell, keep going" he always seemed to spot the dangers in the world while others saw what they wanted to see instead of reality .... that made him unpopular as who wants the truth if it's harsh?

This beat is sick!

I dislike the fawning over him especially by right-wing politicians who aren't fit to tie his shoe laces. He was a political opportunist, while he may have been in the Conservative party and known as a Conservative they considered him a trouble maker and a wild card and kicked him out in 1904, he then became a Liberal MP. With David Lloyd George he reformed British society bringing in old age pensions, unemployment and sickness benefits that still exist today. These were to be paid for by taxing the wealthy.

 "He knew that Britain was not just a place on the map but a force in the world, with a destiny to shape events and a duty to stand up for freedom".... David Cameron fat baby headed PM of Engerland. 

Taxing the rich brought accusations of being a socialist .... sound familiar America? Churchill sought to make the difference of Liberalism and Socialism in his speeches: "Liberalism seeks to raise up poverty. Socialism would destroy private property; Liberalism would preserve private interests in the only way in which they can be safely and justly preserved, namely, by reconciling them with public right. Socialism would kill enterprise; Liberalism would rescue enterprise from the trammels of privilege and preference. Socialism assails the pre-eminence of the individual; Liberalism seeks, and shall seek more in the future, to build up a minimum standard for the mass. Socialism exalts the rule; Liberalism exalts the man. Socialism attacks capital; Liberalism attacks monopoly."

A heavey handed imperialist he did save the world. April 9 will be Winston Churchill Day, the anniversary of the 1963 ceremony in which President John F. Kennedy declared him an honourary U.S. citizen, only 6 other people have gotten that. While his mother was American he wasn't born in the US.
Hero or villain? That is a matter of perspective, to Old Knudsen he was a hero.   

  

Historical Figure Deathmatch

My cloning factory is operating at full productivity, churning out clones of famous dead people at a steady rate. All I need is some DNA and BOOM! a clone is born. Well not boom but still.

We then put them in the growing vat to mature and once at the right age we take them out and train them. Not to rule cuntries or win wars but to fight in a ring.

Yeah yeah yeah moral issue so ghey, just think how we could advance medicine rather than making clones, so ghey.

Firstly the media get all 'yer playing god shame on you' and then it's not exactly legal. I make them in my secret factory in Aberdeen because we also add Scottish DNA too in order to heighten aggression. Old Knudsen sees the bigger picture, imagine what an army of Audy Murphy could be capable of. I really need to get his DNA.  

Eisenhower's catchphrase, "you can start the fight but I'll finish it .... and then I'll rebuild yer infrastructure" not really very catchy. 

Old Knudsen needs money as the cost of food and legal representation has gone through the roof. I can't even afford a crack, I'm doon at Boots buying Radox bath salts instead .

So I'm using these clones to cage fight in order to get into the reality TV market. Who wouldn't want to see Hitler take on Gandhi?

So far it's an all male show, I've put Thatcher in as she was sort of a man right? She really wants to get stuck into JFK and the Popes I've built, she really doesn't like yon Fenians very much. 

I made JFK as a smoothie as I didn't want any distractions. His Da 'Yellow' Joe Kennedy lobotomized his own daughter to cure her mental health issues and when that didn't work he locked her away all her life, looks like he got young Jack Kennedy a head reduction. I mean he had a massive square Irish potato noggin but when I started to clone him it just kept growing, now a lone gunman could hit his head blind folded.
It is thought that the Kennedy clan were the first in Ireland to use helmets during their fights against Viking invaders, some size of helmet must have been used.   

Everyone's favourite Pope, John Paul II. Proof you can support pedophilia and belittle the victims for decades but if you have a smile that can talk yer granny out of her knickers then you'll get away with it and be loved. JP the teflon Pope, no punches stick to him.

I wanted to do a hero of Northern Ireland so I dug up King William of Orange. I had hoped that historical knowledge was wrong but no, King Billy did indeed suffer from Short arse syndrome. I can just imagine when his horse stood in yon mole hole (the mole said OUCH!) and flattened him, he must have popped like a zit.

Well we can either recycle him or use him as a punch bag. Since I know what a Dutch, money digging, marry an English queen to get ahead cunt he was I think he'll make a fine punchbag.  

I have high hopes that this idea will be accepted as a show, stay posted. 

My Time Has Not Cum

The history channel recently found one of my old temples, go on use it for an avatar I don't mind.

I wrote this post and then found that Manuel had done one about Time magazine too but as no one reads that cunt I'm posting mine .

I thought this was my year, with all my Blogging success and fame, if you search for "Fossett Found" you'll find my news story at # 3 oh yeah baby I'm big.

Time magazine has named Russian dictator and vote rigger Vladimir Putin its 2007 "Person of the Year." You slack jawed cunts, they humoured me last year by making "all" Interweb users as the people of the year which was just fucked up as I've seen yer blogs and most of you should be given 50 lashes, not awards, *you know who I mean*.

Poor wee Hitler only wanted a little peace, a little peace of Poland, a little peace of France.

Other winners of the award have been Adolf Hitler which is good cos people just always talk shit about the man, you just try being an evil dictator trying to take over the world its hard.

"Don't waste yer time luv hes as queer as a 7 Ruble note."

Joseph Stalin got it twice in a "red tag sale" no wait it was a red fag sale, just check out that moustache he belonged in the village people.

"Don't shoot him Billy, we love him."

Winston Churchill got it twice which is just right, the beautiful Queen Elizabeth II who is the oldest living monarch at 81 also recieved the award and I gave her one too.

Here is Martin Luther at one of his Nazi rallies, his son Rodney was a trouble maker too who can't stay off the crack.

JFK got it for getting shot as did Martin Luther King jr, see how easy it is? and yet I haven't got shot or won the award.

Richard Nixon the definitive US president got it twice and heard about getting it before it happened.

Bill Clinton got it at least twice for tugging his bendy cock over a sink rather than blowing his man-muck all over the face of the fat intern.

Pope John Paul II got it for his "every priest a pedo" program that was a massive sucess.

Rudolph Giuliani got it when he first realised 9/11 could make him big and being a crooked, crude asswipe made him perfect for president.

George W Bush got it twice for shear entertainment value, hey don't blame me for liking him . My Blog will miss his antics when he goes but the Yanks did vote him in twice no matter what they say.

Bono got it who will it be next year Amy Winehoose? nope cos she'll be dead of an OD with any luck by then.

*A comment designed to invoke paranoia about me hating you/or and yer blog being shite which yer lack of confidence already suspects.*

Young People Today Are Morons

By young people I mean under 50.

Heres old Winnie doing his 'W' and representing to all the Nazis in the hoose.

Remember when you used to stand to get a photograph taken and the photographer would say "say cheese?" the very good reason would be to make people look like they are smiling and having fun as they contort their faces into a smile to say the word.

You just know this lad cries when he cums.

Only old farts say "cheese" young uns today frown, push out their chins and make strange gestures with their hands, it doesn't look like yer having fun and not really a pic you'd put up on the wall either. Does a mother hold a picture of her skinny white wigger son doing gang signs and tear up with pride? well unless the mother is Britney she won't.

Churchill was half American but thankfully it didn't show much. Here he is giving the American salute known as "giving someone the bird or flipping someone off," he used this more and more when *FDR* excluded him from the important war talks and hung out at Stalin's hoose more .

Yes I am using this picture again, whats not to love about it?

Winston Churchill, one of my all time heroes used to do the 'V' for victory sign to encourage the people during the time of war, he'd sometimes turn it round so the back of his hand faced the cameras in order to tell them to "piss off" as pointed out by the man from Chicago . No one after the war posed like this to look cool, no it wasn't until the hippies used it for peace and then the Spice gurls revived it in the 90's, those spice hoors, its all their fault, now dopey gurls have grown up doing gurl power peace signs.

Such an attitude and big glasses. Which reminds me I was at a shop yesterday and as usual I was hanging around the famine products, this gurl late teens early twenties followed by an 8 year-old gurl whom I hope was her sister, was standing about talking on the phone as young people do. She turned her back to me and it wasn't those low-rider jeans that make yer arse look terrible that got my attention it was the fact that her top was hitched up at the back and I could see a swirly tattoo (or tramp stamp) on her lower back that went from hip to hip, it looked quite fresh and had Vaseline or something plastered over it, then while still talking on her phone she bent doon and picked up a pregnancy test kit , well that's her business but I do wonder if the tattoo and the test are related , such a fine role model for the younger gurl.

I be the pink pimp and this is my skanky lawyer beeatch, what up G ?

Gang signs I believe the term is for what the young uns do now, what kind of gangs have middle aged losers or upper class snot bags that think being rude to their parent means they are tough?

Its funny when yer young and you think yer cool. You wear black, spike yer hair and wear big ear rings (not me honest) then the same kids who sneer at you and say you don't understand do the same and think they are original, that's always something to laugh at, I say to them "I was piercing my scrotum when you were an itch in yers Da's trousers."
The young uns of today forget that we oldies used to be young and went through everything they did, what would we know about dating boys? hey I know more about that than you think, I've been to Bangkok.

Now I don't get the music or why they wear such baggy clothes, I just assume they've all been raped or something and use their misshapen clothes to hide from the world and not get noticed. (classic victims) the surly behaviour I get, the constant erections I don't get, ah well I do what I can. Gurls and boys seem to be doing more at an early age but don't have the maturity to handle it and the world expects more from them than it did us, unless they are rich they're fucked. I wouldn't trade places or be a youngster again, I was well too stupid.

*FDR was a slimy fella and did more to monitor and control Americans than Bush has ever done, a fucking democrat huh, but it was good use of nukes, well done on that. Truman wasn't much better than FDR but at least he didn't lounge around on his arse all day .*

Thankgod For Yanks

"The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives."