Failed By The System

Lolia Vãduva, 25 recieves £78,000 a year in benefits, has 8 children with 6 different fathers and is hoping for a 9th because she has thought up new babies names she'd like to use. 

Lolia whose family moved to the UK in 1993 from Romania is 462 LBS and says the government should pay her more money if they want her to work.

"People keep saying that I look like Jennifer Lawrence so if the government wants me to work then they need to jump start my modeling career." 

A recent convert to Islam her hobbies are getting her hair and nails done twice a week, day time TV viewing and breeding the rare Nigerian Ebola spider.

She says it's unfair to expect her to look after 8 children when she is trying for a 9th and wants an extra £4,000 for childcare and £24,000 for a boob job, collagen injections and a holiday for her and her new partner in Tenerife.
Under the mental welfare act of 2007 the Liberal council of Clacton will probably give her the extra money as Lolia is being treated for depression and anxiety and it would be a violation of her human rights to withhold anything that might make her happy.      

 I eat junk food and blow strange men in alleyways but on the inside I'm crying, I need more money. 

Lolia lives in a 6 bedroom council house but is on the waiting list for two 6 bedroom houses that will be joined together so she can have more room to have children and to bring some more family members over from her village in Romania, her parents live with her and help look after the children. They run a part time child and dog grooming service but have been hit hard by the recession. 

"I left school when I was 14 to have babies, I ain't educated enough to be a scientist because the system failed me, it's difficult to get healthy halal food and cos I'm eating non-halal junk food me mental health is suffering, I can't cook anyways, no one taught me. I can't even afford to go jihad. People may judge me but that's cos they are jealous as I have got it going on."       

We aren't judging you, we understand. Lolia cannot count change and has trouble telling the time on an analog clock, this disability gets treated with scorn by uneducated people who can't see past the eye rolling and pushy attitude. If the government can spend £3.6 million on burying Margaret Thatcher then it can afford Lolia's tits. 

To help jump start poor Lolia's modeling career go to Sponsorlolia.com to donate.   

Historical Figure Deathmatch

My cloning factory is operating at full productivity, churning out clones of famous dead people at a steady rate. All I need is some DNA and BOOM! a clone is born. Well not boom but still.

We then put them in the growing vat to mature and once at the right age we take them out and train them. Not to rule cuntries or win wars but to fight in a ring.

Yeah yeah yeah moral issue so ghey, just think how we could advance medicine rather than making clones, so ghey.

Firstly the media get all 'yer playing god shame on you' and then it's not exactly legal. I make them in my secret factory in Aberdeen because we also add Scottish DNA too in order to heighten aggression. Old Knudsen sees the bigger picture, imagine what an army of Audy Murphy could be capable of. I really need to get his DNA.  

Eisenhower's catchphrase, "you can start the fight but I'll finish it .... and then I'll rebuild yer infrastructure" not really very catchy. 

Old Knudsen needs money as the cost of food and legal representation has gone through the roof. I can't even afford a crack, I'm doon at Boots buying Radox bath salts instead .

So I'm using these clones to cage fight in order to get into the reality TV market. Who wouldn't want to see Hitler take on Gandhi?

So far it's an all male show, I've put Thatcher in as she was sort of a man right? She really wants to get stuck into JFK and the Popes I've built, she really doesn't like yon Fenians very much. 

I made JFK as a smoothie as I didn't want any distractions. His Da 'Yellow' Joe Kennedy lobotomized his own daughter to cure her mental health issues and when that didn't work he locked her away all her life, looks like he got young Jack Kennedy a head reduction. I mean he had a massive square Irish potato noggin but when I started to clone him it just kept growing, now a lone gunman could hit his head blind folded.
It is thought that the Kennedy clan were the first in Ireland to use helmets during their fights against Viking invaders, some size of helmet must have been used.   

Everyone's favourite Pope, John Paul II. Proof you can support pedophilia and belittle the victims for decades but if you have a smile that can talk yer granny out of her knickers then you'll get away with it and be loved. JP the teflon Pope, no punches stick to him.

I wanted to do a hero of Northern Ireland so I dug up King William of Orange. I had hoped that historical knowledge was wrong but no, King Billy did indeed suffer from Short arse syndrome. I can just imagine when his horse stood in yon mole hole (the mole said OUCH!) and flattened him, he must have popped like a zit.

Well we can either recycle him or use him as a punch bag. Since I know what a Dutch, money digging, marry an English queen to get ahead cunt he was I think he'll make a fine punchbag.  

I have high hopes that this idea will be accepted as a show, stay posted. 

Putting The Witch To Ground

Today is the day of Margaret Thatcher's funeral, a sad day for everyone .... no not really. While Old Knudsen doesn't appreciate the undignified gloating about her death he does have to admit that she was a total dick.

On this blog I celebrated her 82nd birthday and her 87th so why not her funeral? 

She had one banging hot body. 

She destroyed most of the industry in the north of England in order to break the unions, she privatised Britain's utility companies. British gas, Jaguar, British Telecom, BritOil , British Aerospace, British Steel, British Airways, BP, water and electricity were also sold off.

There weren't very many jobs going about then, she and Reagan really did have a lot in common.

She didn't understand Northern Ireland's Troubles. Under her watch the Republican hunger strikers died and became martyrs also collusion between police officers the military and Loyalist paramilitary groups was rife.
She suggested to her cabinet that the Catholics in the north of Ireland be shipped south in order to end the Troubles so yeah she was kinda bias. I guess after the IRA blew her up she lost patience with them.   
While the Loyalist fleggers now call her a saint in 1985 they called her a hoor and wished she was dead as she signed the Anglo-Irish agreement which gave the Republic of Ireland a say in running the north.
Big Ian Paisley was not impressed, he later sold out and went into government with former IRA members so he couldn't have been too angry.

When she deregulated the Stock Exchange she made the financial sector in the south of England very wealthy until the crash of 5 years ago. Most people in the rest of the country never saw any of this wealth as everything was and still is London based. 

The nation was very anti-everyone who wasn't British, the English superiority complex was in full flow.  Don't mention the war ..... even though the media was still saturated with WWII movies which led to baffling most people around the world about the British way of slagging off everyone for things their grandfathers and fathers had done.  Like black people calling anyone white a slave owner. 

The state run television channel the BBC got to get forced taxes paid to them, whether you watched it or not. If you had a TV you had to pay. She had already got Rupert Murdoch and his newspapers on the side of the Tories with you scratch my back deals. 

She beat the Argies in a silly little war and paved the way for a free Russia. She often sided with dictators around the world and even refused to back sanctions on apartheid South Africa.

A mean woman who acted like a matron to her party and matron must be obeyed, she did nothing for weemen's role in the world place as she behaved just like a man when she was serving tea to staff members or micro managing their every move.... she also used her teeth when giving head.

The poll tax was her undoing. One tax too many and her own party fired her. 

Old Knudsen will be out of the OBB office today so I've made a simulation of Thatcher's funeral.

The joyous crowd there to celebrate .... the life of a great Briton. You may not have liked her but for 150 years she ruled she still affects our lives today and not in any positive way.

She had the mentality of a grocer always looking for the cost on pounds and pence but never the cost in humanity, because she just wasn't human. If there is a Hell then I hope she finds it to her tastes.