Historical Figure Deathmatch

My cloning factory is operating at full productivity, churning out clones of famous dead people at a steady rate. All I need is some DNA and BOOM! a clone is born. Well not boom but still.

We then put them in the growing vat to mature and once at the right age we take them out and train them. Not to rule cuntries or win wars but to fight in a ring.

Yeah yeah yeah moral issue so ghey, just think how we could advance medicine rather than making clones, so ghey.

Firstly the media get all 'yer playing god shame on you' and then it's not exactly legal. I make them in my secret factory in Aberdeen because we also add Scottish DNA too in order to heighten aggression. Old Knudsen sees the bigger picture, imagine what an army of Audy Murphy could be capable of. I really need to get his DNA.  

Eisenhower's catchphrase, "you can start the fight but I'll finish it .... and then I'll rebuild yer infrastructure" not really very catchy. 

Old Knudsen needs money as the cost of food and legal representation has gone through the roof. I can't even afford a crack, I'm doon at Boots buying Radox bath salts instead .

So I'm using these clones to cage fight in order to get into the reality TV market. Who wouldn't want to see Hitler take on Gandhi?

So far it's an all male show, I've put Thatcher in as she was sort of a man right? She really wants to get stuck into JFK and the Popes I've built, she really doesn't like yon Fenians very much. 

I made JFK as a smoothie as I didn't want any distractions. His Da 'Yellow' Joe Kennedy lobotomized his own daughter to cure her mental health issues and when that didn't work he locked her away all her life, looks like he got young Jack Kennedy a head reduction. I mean he had a massive square Irish potato noggin but when I started to clone him it just kept growing, now a lone gunman could hit his head blind folded.
It is thought that the Kennedy clan were the first in Ireland to use helmets during their fights against Viking invaders, some size of helmet must have been used.   

Everyone's favourite Pope, John Paul II. Proof you can support pedophilia and belittle the victims for decades but if you have a smile that can talk yer granny out of her knickers then you'll get away with it and be loved. JP the teflon Pope, no punches stick to him.

I wanted to do a hero of Northern Ireland so I dug up King William of Orange. I had hoped that historical knowledge was wrong but no, King Billy did indeed suffer from Short arse syndrome. I can just imagine when his horse stood in yon mole hole (the mole said OUCH!) and flattened him, he must have popped like a zit.

Well we can either recycle him or use him as a punch bag. Since I know what a Dutch, money digging, marry an English queen to get ahead cunt he was I think he'll make a fine punchbag.  

I have high hopes that this idea will be accepted as a show, stay posted. 

So How Is That Independence Thing Workin Out For Ya?

Blah blah fucking blah so what you defeated the British. Yank peasants about to be crushed got saved by the French navy you must be so proud, I remember when the French saved us from the Rainbow Warrior.

Twenty years previous to yer rebellion the French almost aided Bonnie prince Charlie but wanted to see how well he would do. The lad did invade England but lost his nerve when the frogs didn't turn up and then lost his nerve at the battle of Culloden in 1746 when he ran away like the bloody pretend Scottish eye-tie he was.

Yeah ya got lucky and it seems it was the worse mistake you ever made. Just look at the state of the place, no state religion no socialised health care and no foreskins. The blacks get to shit on the white gheys in ghey marriage elections what the fuck? The white gheys should be the ones in power, social order gone mad.

No lords to doff yer cap to as they pass you by and spit on you and half yer leaders are actors and comedians, yeah here is an idea we'll elect yer man with OCD who solves all those crimes every week as president cos he must have the smarts and we'll have that chick who was the terminator from that canceled TV show as Vice president. Old Knudsen would like to perform some of his vices on her.


My Umbi, um um um.......... "Look I pished a puddle"


Old Knudsen has decided that the only thing great about America is it's weemen everything else can fuck off.

If Old Knudsen wasn't a gentleman he'd make a star busting comment about that young lady.





No wonder ya beat us look at the motivation we had.

The real celebration will be on the 11th night and 12th day of July so save some rejoicing for then as you can toast the 1690 victory over the Fenians by the Dutch midget King William III of Lavender.

No not that King Billy.


Old Knudsen was there around 1690 which is 24 hour clock talk, military time for you civvies, we had just beat the Sioux at the river Boyne and Billy said, " Lookin ze there I seez und dyke" and charged off to stick his finger in her as the bloody Dutch are prone to do.

He died later that day with a rope around his neck and his genitals alone in his tent but we gave him a fake death for the history books befitting a Dutchman who only wanted the throne as a source of revenue. We planned to have him go out in a hail of musket and grape shot, no idea why they shot grapes at us.

We tied him to his horse and rode him out to scare the Catholics, maybe it was the rope cutting off the circulation to his dead old bitter balls that had turned purple that really scared the taigs but then the horse 'Old Trippy' stumbled into a mole hole, the mole screamed an unearthly cry as anyone would with a horse's hoof up yer arse and Billy hit the dirt.

The 4th of July? :::::::::: spits on the traitor Denzil Washington::::::::::::: Its the 12th you want, fireworks are for fingerless plebs what you want is the beauty of a petrol bomb spreading over a Land Rover while the Spide who threw it pats out his burning fingers. Bottle rockets? Half bricks tumbling through the air bouncing off a riot shield pure poetry .

I will represent on yer Yank day! With me red hand, crown and star of David ...................

I shall also end this post on the greatness that is America. Can you no smell the freedom?

Sharing Is Good.

Tony: "Did you hear the one about the IRA man who burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe when he tried to blown up a car? sorry Martin was that you?"

DUP leader Ian Paisley and Sinn Fein's Martin McGuinness took office as first and deputy first ministers for a protestant and Catholic power sharing government thus ending direct rule from London.

Tony Blair the British Prime Minister and some paddy named Bertie Ahern stood by incase the two started throwing punches.

Well about fucking time, now we can get doon to the important business of building bonfires for the 12th July celebration commemorating when good King Billy beat the evil catholic army of King James in 1690.

I'll be there this year selling half bricks and packets of gravel to throw at the police, I just love tradition.