She lit her first cigarette around the outbreak of the First World War in 1914 not 1917 as the Americans seem to think.
Now Winne Langley 102 has kicked the habit after 95 years because she "didn’t fancy it any more" five cigarettes a day, giving a total of more than 170,000 in her lifetime.
Mrs Langley, who would share cigarettes with her friends at infant school, reckons she hasn’t contracted cancer because she does not inhale. Much like the old Clinton reason, he also didn't have sex because he came in bathroom sinks and on blue dresses not into fat chicks.
So its ok to share cigarettes at school but if you try to sell drugs? fucking double standard.
The former laundrette worker, who lives in Croydon, South London said: "Everyone used to smoke in those days, you did it to cope. We didn’t know about the health problems. I just don’t fancy it any more."
Another way of coping was binge drinking, a fine tradition that still goes on today .......... its tough being British.
"My eyesight is failing so in a few years’ time I might not be able to see the pack."
Her cigarettes were always to hand during the Depression and the Second World War, in fact she'd have cigarette and tripe sandwiches for tea .
"I lived close to Biggin Hill and you could hear the German rocket bombs engines cut out," she said.
That would be the V-1 rockets or Doodlebugs, guided missiles that would cut their engines and silently glide doon to their targets and explode. People nick-named them 'Bob Hope bombs' you'd bob to one side and hope they wouldn't hit you.
"Some bombs used to land pretty close to me. You needed a smoke after that. We didn’t know if we were going to be alive from one day to the next, so we thought you might as well enjoy yourself while you’re alive."
Mrs Langley has outlived her husband Robert, who died in 1968 after deciding he just didn't fancy it no more, and her son, who died four years ago aged 72.
She said: "I’ve cut down in recent years and only had one every few days after dinner or in my bedroom. I can just about afford it but the price of cigarettes is disgusting, and the smoking ban is disgusting. You should be able to smoke where you want."
Indeed Mrs Langley you should be able to blow yer smoke into the faces of babies because Britain has earned that right.
Mrs Langley’s step-grandson Clive, 53, said: "Her doctors have told her there’s not much point stopping now. If she’s got to 102 without getting cancer I don’t think she ever will."
A poll of 15,000 dirty weemen found that Germans are considered "too smelly and liked to force their way into places they had no right to go".
English lovers came second because they are so lazy which explains why all the main roads in England are built by the Irish, while men from Sweden were branded "too quick to finish" and came third or rather first.
Spanish men topped the table as the best lovers, followed by Brazilians and Italians. Having cum from large families they gain much of their experience from their siblings.
The poll, carried out by a global research site asked sluttish weemen who get around a fair bit from 20 countries to rate nations on their ability in bed and give reasons for their answers.
Germans were deemed to have bad body odour, Englishmen were accused of letting women do all the work, whilst Swedes were a bit too quick to finish.
Men from Holland were "too rough" especially with their fingers and dykes and Americans were accused of being "too dominating" as having seen too much porn they like to direct in the bedroom.
Greek men were said to be a bit too soppy....................... ghey!
Other countries who didn't fare well in the poll were Scotland (too loud), Turkey (too sweaty) and Wales (too selfish).
Russian men crept in at tenth place amid accusations they are too hairy and drunk for the average woman also their judicial system was corrupt having only 2 of the 15 big murder cases over the years solved.
A spokesperson added: ''These results are an eye-opener for thousands of men around the world and female travellers might judge potential new lovers by looking at these results.'' Old Knudsen certainly will.
WORLD'S WORST LOVERS:
1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too rough)
5. America (too dominating)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)
WORLD'S BEST LOVERS
1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada
To defend my beautiful Scotland which I don't really think I have to as I wasn't polled, what is wrong with being loud? Old Knudsen may like to rip off the odd fart as he pumps away but ya can hardly hear them over the sound of ' My sweet Killamory.'
"The old cock crows with a joy to be alive in the land where the sweet heather thrives.
Oh my lass thought it nice when I slipped it in twice on the shores of the Killamory."
Old Knudsen has only made it through all 12 verses once and just got into Scotland the brave before he yelled FFFFRRREEEEDDDOOOMMMM! ask yer Ma.
I see that as having colour and making it a more Scottish experience I mean whatever Spain,Brazil,Italy,France all fuck with their mouths and fight wae their feet. Is Ireland a real cuntry? South Africa yeah right they forgot to add they throw a tire around yer neck after and burn ya alive, Australia is famous for its men and their considerate ways towards weemen and is New Zealand not the same place? Denmark should have done better and my Knudsen blood curdles in disgust and Canada? Everyone knows Canadians are so boring that they fall asleep during sex but hey they are very polite with the wipes. There is only one Canadian that makes the grade and I suspect he may have some Scottish in him.
Gordon Moore a former postmaster flipped his car while driving near Berwick in 1955, a metal plate was wapped onto the big hole in his heed to stop the draught to his brain.
The reckless driver dented said plate in another car accident 3 years after.
Doctors recently operated to treat an infection in his head and found the bone had grown back beneath the metal plate.
Not unusual in a child, whose bones are growing, but rare in an adult especially considering the size of the hole
Mr Moore said the plate had never bothered him, but he was relieved he would no longer "set the alarms off at the airport and maybe the voices will stop that tell him to kill hoors".
Letterman married Regina Lasko in March but they have been together since 1986 he vowed to mend his relationship with her . The couple have a six-year-old son, Harry
He said she had been "horribly hurt" by his behaviour but the affairs were firmly in the past, um not now you dirty dick and how firm is a year ago?
He used jokes in his monologue to gain support from the audience "This is only phase one of the scandal, phase two - next week I go on Oprah and sob."
Blogger is being a cunt, it seems you can't put more than 10 labels on a post and you can't have more than 2000 labels per blog.
What about those serving their cuntry that are actually allowed to blog? Lets take their labels and their freedoms.
Old Knudsen has had it with you idiots, for over 3 years he has put clues and signs in his posts to direct you all to the secrets of man and sometimes woman kind. Old Knudsen is part of a secret society that is so secret we don't even know who we pay our monthly dues too. Its is an ancient group of scholars like meself to whom the truth has been revealed.
Old Knudsen puts at least 10 deliberate mistakes into each post so the chosen can work out for themselves. Well if Old Knudsen's blog was on the history channel they would get experts in to find all these clues and tell you what I was thinking. "Da Vinci loved to paint curly hair which to him represented water which obviously prophesied the tsunami of 2004".
"John the Baptist holds his finger to the heavens in a mysterious reference to God." No old John was extremely proud of his snotters which he'd show to everyone, he'd go shovel some coal for the fire and when the coal dust made his boogers black he'd say it was God's magic.
Have you lot followed the signs or were you distracted by hoors of desire such as?
This!
Or this!
Or even this! Disgusting the way the sheer fabric clings to her ripe perky nipples of her large voluptuous pale white fleshy orbs that defy gravity.
Well this is what God does to demonic distracting hoors.
Even if they do have perfect arses and Old Knudsen thinks its a total waste but God is a closet ghey woman hater obsessed with underage virgins all wise and has a plan ................. sure the plan may fuck you over but you weren't asked.
Old Knudsen has tried to direct you to the bloodline of Christ.
The treasures of the Templars.
The location of the Holy Grail. It only shines for the pure of heart so Old Knudsen has seen it many times.
Fuck lad look at the arse on that, no wait no distractions for Old Knudsen until his friction burns heal up.
Ask God all his secrets when you drink his holy ale. The Vikings called getting drunk in order to talk to the Gods a Blot oh yes those crazy raping and pillaging peaceful explorers were wise. Old Knudsen being Ulsterish and Scottish is also a Gallowglass and so is in tune with all the old Celtic and Norse ways. He drinks to blot out reality and the faces and screams of all those he has killed in war and on his hobby farm, it doesn't help that he has video taped a lot of it and plays them often.
Also Old Knudsen has tried to tell you to wear Levis as a sign to who the lost tribe of Israel really is I mean why the fuck would a star of David be on the Red hand of Ulster flag? its all there people.
Ach Old Knudsen is off to write a book of poetry, he may post when the mood strikes him but I'm counting on me verses to make me lots of money as the Armenians are getting testy and I know I put me Nazi gold in a safe place I just can't remember where. I told Kevork he'd get his loot as I'd rather lose my feet to diabetes than those cunts.
Here is a sample of what my hopes are pinned on:
If I were a tree,
Would you know me,
As I stand erect,
As I stand proud,
As my wood,
Slaps you across the face,
And sap gets stuck in yer hair.
Its a work in progress but pretty good huh? I was going to make the tree a weeping willow but that just came off as disgusting.
UPDATE
Due to threats in the comments and lemur prints in my margarine today Old Knudsen pulled some strings.
Simon Pegg being an X-files fan was happy to oblige, Gillian Anderson wanted to monologue about her vadge as usual and so wouldn't frenchie Pegg . Matt Damon was a right cunt and was shall we say difficult .
I used a PG-19 fast shutter with an enhanced blue optic 6 inch hertigal lens to help with the glare of the sun and Pegg's bright ginger hair.
I think Old Knudsen did pretty well due to time and budget and each star was returned safely home after the deed was done, a happy ending for Pegg and clean shiny hair for Anderson, Damon should be grateful he made it to my blog again, he'd be nothing without Old Knudsen.
Call off the lemurs Sparrow I did what you asked.
What do ya think about those bored academics from the University of Liverpool's School of Biological Sciences who said that Western women find scarring on men attractive and may associate it with health and bravery? Its a rhetorical question as yer opinion matters not to me unless I can get something out of appearing interested.
Women rated scarring as an attractive quality for short-term relationships because they found it be a symbol of masculinity, in other words a bad boy who will get them up the duff and knock them around.
Men without scars are seen as more caring boring types and therefore more suitable for long-term relationships.
Tina Fey who may or not be Sarah Palin has a facial scar. It happened when she was 5 year-old and standing in her front garden, some cunt she didn't know came along and slashed her. Yeah big man with a knife, Old Knudsen gets on like a 5 year-old sometimes cum and have a go if ya think yer hard enough.
Harrison Ford has a scar on his chin, he got it years ago when he worked as a carpenter/puppy killer it seems that one of the mutts had a collar on and when it went into the wood chipper a piece flew out and struck the handsome star, he has hated dogs ever since and even turned doon those excellent Beethoven films, yer loss Mr Ford.
Hollywood has known about scaring for years, a big scar means Bond villain and a small over the eyebrow scar means hunk who has been in a fight but we still want him to look good.
Hey Bruce! Asshole Koocher with 1 million followers on Twatter is fucking yer ex while yer kids call him daddy and he may do a Woody Allen later, do ya wanna cum over for dinner tonight to show how adult and not at all creepy things are?
Remember my fight against Cardinal Ratzinger in 2003? Old Knudsen wore a plaster (Band-aid) over his eye to hide a weeping boil, it wasn't my complete annihilation of the Ratman that got me mostly female gunties through the mail it was the plaster. Yes a lot of tattered, stained belly warmers did cum from Ireland.
I hear the Ratman who is only 82 has been in training for 2010 when it so happens we will both be in the UK .
Old Knudsen challenges any cult a system of religious beliefs and ritual also great devotion to a person, idea, or thing leaders to hand to hand combat and yes you may form a cult just to fight Old Knudsen he will pencil you in for a near death experience.
