The End Is Nigh

Aye it'll fall off while it's in yer ass.

Old Knudsen takes the end times very seriously which is why he asks his psychic fuck buddy from Bulgaria, Baba Vanga what the score is. 

She has predicted that the last president of the US will be black, red money will replace green money, the dragon will put it's paw onto the world and that a blonde woman will help Bulgaria escape the end times crisis. 

 

Some of these prophecies were made in the 90's, disbelieve them at yer peril. The last black president, who can it be? 

Well Obama is only half black so it can't be him. It must be Morgan Freeman, his inspiring memes on Facebook has moved millions .... and he's in everything, worse than Michael Caine he is. I'd vote for him, then again I'd vote Gary Busey for preez just for the lolz. 

Red money taking over from green????? American money is green, so this could mean that maybe money from communist states take over, the Chinese do have a 100 yuan note. China and Australia want to use the yuan instead of the dollar in trading which is a huge blow for the US with it's limp as fuck currency .... Nah lets go deeper. 

Oil is bought using the dollar, it's at $101 dollars a barrel, that price was driven up thanks to all the Bush made wars and so the red money could be blood money.  When the sand savages stop trading oil in dollars then you can really panic.

The dragon putting it's paw onto the world is an obvious reference to Game of thrones, Baba probably watches .... er listens to it, I mean who doesn't? 

I refuse to watch it because it isn't the exact same as the books and I'm a cunt.

If you don't watch Game of thrones or GOT as we coolios call it then go slap yerself. Just remember folks, I liked midget porn long before it went mainstream .... shit, now I'm a midget porn hipster. Ok then Baba, what has the mother of dragons got in store for us? will she get her dragon eggs out for the lads again?

Quality TV, aye sure it has plots, lines, swords an shit but I only watch it for the midget porn and the barbarian rape. 

What blonde woman could Baba mean when she says a blonde woman will help Bulgaria?  Could she mean Angela Merkel the Chancellor of Germany ? Another reference to the Khaleesi? or maybe it's president Hilary Clinton?

Does the rug have to match the drapes? 

Why would someone help Bulgaria? sure it's an EU cuntry but who cares? Bulgaria is looking at a deal to build it's own nuclear power station in order to reduce it's reliance on Russia. 

That's a bit of a slap for Russia who operates 2 nuclear power stations giving Bulgaria it's electricity. 

The Czech Republic, Finland, Hungary and Slovakia, are all 100 % dependent on Russian nuclear fuel. Bulgaria isn't cutting all ties with Russia as it still gets most of it's oil from Russia so they can still call the shots. 

Maybe Russia will impose sanctions to match EU sanctions that went into place for shooting yon airliner doon.  

Baba foresaw the death of Fast and Furious star Paul Walker and if Orlando Bloom wasn't such a pussy he would have slapped that scrawny little canuck doon. Imagine being known for being a dick rather than for his music. 

She also saw Stalin's death date,  The Chernobyl disaster, David Hasslehoff destroying the Soviet Union single handed, Israel getting more space to park their big American cars and you reading this post, she said you've have trouble getting past that Game of thrones GIF but after the application of some lotion and Kleenex you would be victorious ... sorry for the anti-climax.