The following story is not made up, it's true.... no seriously it's true. I could just quote the Belfast Telegraph word for word and you' d probably think Old Knudsen still made it up.
Anthony Morris is a 44 year-old man from County Tyrone, Northern Ireland. Hes totally blind in one eye and partially sighted in the other .... poor guy. Don't feel too sorry for him he has had convictions for burglary, firearms, theft and traffic violations also he 'looks' like a pikey.
Morris was discovered by a farmer who had gone to investigate noises in his barn in the early hours of the morning on March 18 last year. Morris tried to hide but the farmer and his brother grabbed him and pinned him doon until the peelers to got there.
Now the crazy shit. While held doon he put on a foreign accent and said: “Me-me-steal-ear-tags. Me-me-look-at-tags."
He had a torch (flashlight) strapped to his head and was carrying blue rope and a pen knife, he was also wearing a body warmer stolen from the farmer’s lorry week before.
He wore a mask and had a wooden pole and rubber glove in his pocket.
You may jump to some sick conclusions but I'm sure he had some perfectly good reasons for having those things.
He wore a balaclava, made from the leg of old tracksuit bottoms, it was really a “face warmer” he had lifted it by mistake instead of a woollen cap ..... cos hes blind you see. The cow was going to be a willy warmer I suppose.
Why was he carrying a wooden shaft I wonder? that was to help him keep his balance because medication made him dizzy. It can be quite difficult wandering around the cuntry in the dark breaking into barns.
The rubber glove was already in the body warmer..... yeah sure it was.
He always carries a pen knife ... thats to open food for his 17 cats ..... WTF? crazy cat man with a penis that smells like Whiskas.
Morris claims he did all of this because some guy with what felt like a gun told him to do it as he claimed that the farmer stole some cattle. Aye thats what you do, you force some bloke who can hardly see to break into a barn to go look at ear tags.
Glad to see Morris' limited vision doesn't stop him from riding his motorcycle though.
None of the cattle were harmed so well done farmer and bro. Really Tony, what the fuck were you going which the pole and rubber glove? ..... we need to know ..... please tell us!
Morris is out on bail until sentenced so lock up yer cattle, the blind ninja of animal love could be anywhere.
