Christopher Bray has cum out and said that the Twilight inspired chick lit book 50 shades of grey has ruined his life.
"I'm the real Christian Grey" says the sex offender from his home in Devon. I used to have 15 girlfriends who I'd take to my playroom/torture sex den and I'd tie them up and shag em. I do not make love, I Fuck....Hard.
I'd do my dom gaze at them .... they loved that, I'd stare at them, going all slack jawed, breathing through my mouth – cold, hard, and sexy as hell, seven shades of sin in one enticing look. I'd make them beg for a Kleenex or wet wipe and then I'd say.... "sorry haven't been to the shops, just ran out."
Once yon book came out weemen were banging at my door demanding rough sex. It was great at first I'd tell the hoors “I want you sore, baby, every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.” but then it got to the point I was saying "I'm too sore, god knows whose been there but its rubbed raw."
They were in my garden screaming things like " My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves you creepy good-looking bastard pour into me."
Not very good when yer parole officer is round.
E.L.James has destroyed my life.
