You Weren't There You Don't Know

Young and beautiful with so much life ahead of him ah where did all the years go to?


Around 1415 which to you civvies is 2.15pm or just after lunch if you will I was plodding across Northwestern France. I was on what I thought was an 18 - 30 holiday of piss-ups and drunken gurls or wenches as we called them then.

We attacked many Frenchie cities including Calais and I thought it was all just a bit of a laugh slicing up frogs with Stanley knives and shouting, "cum and have a go if you think yer hard enough" the French press called us 'Ale louts' and weren't very impressed with that aspect of British culture.

All that bread and cheese those foreign mongs eat got to a lot of us and we got dysentery and were weak but still when marching in formation you had better make an effort and get to the front or you'd be wadding through British arse soil .

We had fought the French and missed our boiled bland foods and ugly weemen so we headed back to Calais to catch the ferry. The frogs thinking they had a chance got in between us and dared us to a fight with taunts about our parents being hamsters and smelling of elderberries. It was that after a few farts in our general direction that king Henry V or just V to his friends said something like this.


We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here.

Ok it was longer than that but Shakespeare is just so boring and overrated, he was a Fenian you know but had to keep that hidden because of the Fenian cleansing as ordered by God himself. Not that I'm saying that Fenians are less than people oh no thats not it at all I'm saying they are less than a good Protestant's foot long turd, I'm sure you'd agree. They may have invented anal sex which is an excellent invention but they also invented pedo priests and frigid weemen.

What his majesty Mr V actually said was:

Good brave soldiers, they just called yer ma's dirty slappers, yer ma's may very well be dirty slappers cos I bucked them all last night but are you going to take that from Frenchmen who fuck with their faces and fight with their feet ?

Mr V knew what buttons to press in us for in our culture you can call yer mates mum a hoor and have a laugh about it but you fuck up anyone else who says the same thing. Its all very complicated.

We met the French at Agincourt, it is said that the battle was won by the skill of the British archers who used the 'longbow' but really it was won by 'Strongbow' which is an alcoholic cider drink we all chugged just before the fight to invoke our berserker rage.

I can remember the battle as if it was yesterday which is a silly thing to say as I can't remember what or who I did yesterday all I know is I woke up in a pool of blood and my dick was covered in shite and neither were mine for a change.

Oh my neighbour has lost his wee poodle mix, a little yappy grey thing if you cum across it.



Latest OBB News Up-Dates