Ben Is So Ghey

The poor gurl has chapped nipples.

In America there is a product called Ben ghey in Britain we call it Deep heat, its been known as a cure all but I'm older than that and in my day we had Calamine lotion. A pink liquid that dries on the skin to stop itching. In the 1950's doctors advised heavy tar cigarettes to cure a chesty cough, a horrible hot lemon drink called Lem sip for colds a cup of tea for any emotional trauma and every thing else was cured by Calamine lotion.

My aunt Bertha on my fathers side died of a heart attack so they covered her in Calamine lotion over night and by morning she was alive again, sure she may have chased doon the neighbourhood pets and ripped them apart with her teeth now and again but the important thing was she was alive again, the family blame her coffee drinking for her strange behaviour.

The famous Scottish missionary and explorer of Africa David Livingstone 1813-73 took a bottle Calamine lotion with him and cured malaria in the continent, the current batch of malaria was invented by the US government to kill off the darkies, he only died when he received a blanket infected with the new strain of malaria from the American reporter Henry Morton Stanley who said the now famous words, "Dr Livingstone, here have a blanket." If only the altruistic doctor hadn't used his last bit of lotion on those worthless blackies who didn't even make good slaves, yes another one of my issues, you give them a meal a day 20 lashes and work to do and still they don't appreciate it.

I've done 2 first aid courses so I'm almost a doctor meself, the best advice I give to people now when they feel poorly is go have a shite, someday it may be the only pleasure left in yer life so enjoy it while yer young too.


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