Moronic Monday # 1

Too important to mute.

There is this cunt in the rebellious colonies er sorry I mean America who sometimes calls himself 'The troll' he weighs 340lbs and knows how to handle himself, in fact he just got out on bail on that very charge.

He does this thing called Mute Monday in which he and his disciples post pictures every Monday based on a theme, todays theme is 'March' that could mean anything really so heres my version of it with the volume up because I do like to hear the sound of my own typing.

The name of March comes from, Martius after Mars, the Roman god of war, work, rest and play .

March is the first month of spring and so was the start of the Roman year as well as the start of the military campaign season and when all the shops get their t-shirts in. The colour of the planet Mars is red as is blood and strawberry jam so that is the colour of the month. The word 'marriage' comes from the war god's name because its such a violent affair.

During the month of March, hares can be seen doing strange things like boxing at other hares, jumping vertically for seemingly no reason, hanging wall paper and generally displaying abnormal behaviour. So the expression mad as a March hare was coined even though they do all of that for several months.

In the 16th century a poem containing this came out.

Thanne [th]ey begyn to swere and to stare, And be as braynles as a Marshe hare.

The spelling was fucking atrocious so I tidied it up. (Then they begin to swerve and to stare, And be as brainless as a March hare)

Julius Caesar inventor of a certain salad dressing came to me to have his palm read. I took his hand and stared at it but I couldn't come up with anything, all that shite is made up like horoscopes and I had a hangover so I was proper fucked.

My mate Brutus had wanted me to join his gang 'The Liberators' and they had planned to assassinate Caesar and set up their own Emperor Ranchus Maximus .

I knew the date was the 15th March which we ancient Romans called 'The Ides' so I said "yer going to have sex with a young boy" no shock there and take it easy on the Ides of March as you may experience some chest pain.

On the Ides Caesar summoned the Senate to meet in the Theatre of Pompey for a dress rehearsal of our new play 'Woops you tossed my salad' he was all cocky and said, "Well Knudsen its the Ides." I didn't appreciate his attitude so I said yep but they haven't passed.

All the lads turned up we pulled out our daggers and thrust all over caesar, he turned to me and said, "Et tu Knudsen?" now my French isn't that good but I knew he didn't know me well enough to use the familiar 'tu' so I thrust in deeper and said, "its vous you stupid Latin cunt."

I never knew that I didn't know how to walk properly until I joined the army. They taught me how to 'march' and I still dig in my heels but try not to swing my arms up to shoulder height. I really get annoyed at foot dragging civilians who always have a problem with their balance. If it was up to me I've put all those foot dragging flip flop wearing hippies onto and island and bomb the fuckers but as I have no say in the matter its off to the bell tower with me rifle.

Some of those chappies in the picture look very dark to be Scottish, must be from the east coast.

Latest OBB News Up-Dates