Not again these trousers were clean on today.
The failing eyesight, liver spots and lack of bladder control are all tell tale signs of getting aging I think it all adds to my charm, here are some other things I've noticed as I get on a bit.
1)When an attractive gurl looks me up and doon with that look of lust (happens a lot) I no longer think "yep you like what you see baby" I think, " what the fuck is she looking at?"
2)You buy trousers to cover yer arse and don't care what they look like.
3)Instead of wearing cool black I have started wearing sky blue, trousers jacket and polo shirt, yep I look kewl.
4)The fact that I actually know that Anusol is better than Preparation H on the whole means I'm old.
5)It takes you only 20 seconds of talking to someone under 25 to decide that they must be retarded due to the gibberish they speak, what the fuck is a Wii and is there no cure ?
6)Having a crap is the highlight of yer day.
7)Making it to the toilet on time is a close second.
8)When it snows you don't think "Winter wonderland" and reach for yer gloves, you think about breaking yer hip on the ice and reach for a bucket of salt water for the path.
9)You think about death more and wonder about when you die will you be remembered for the man you were or for the bottle of piss found beside yer chair.
10)Farts are no longer funny, mostly because you don't notice doing them anymore until you feel the wet patch.
1)When an attractive gurl looks me up and doon with that look of lust (happens a lot) I no longer think "yep you like what you see baby" I think, " what the fuck is she looking at?"
2)You buy trousers to cover yer arse and don't care what they look like.
3)Instead of wearing cool black I have started wearing sky blue, trousers jacket and polo shirt, yep I look kewl.
4)The fact that I actually know that Anusol is better than Preparation H on the whole means I'm old.
5)It takes you only 20 seconds of talking to someone under 25 to decide that they must be retarded due to the gibberish they speak, what the fuck is a Wii and is there no cure ?
6)Having a crap is the highlight of yer day.
7)Making it to the toilet on time is a close second.
8)When it snows you don't think "Winter wonderland" and reach for yer gloves, you think about breaking yer hip on the ice and reach for a bucket of salt water for the path.
9)You think about death more and wonder about when you die will you be remembered for the man you were or for the bottle of piss found beside yer chair.
10)Farts are no longer funny, mostly because you don't notice doing them anymore until you feel the wet patch.
34 comments:
Believe it or not, I can completely relate to this. I am no longer known for a alluring perfume, as now I smell like Ben-Gay or Icy Hot. Although I do still paint my toenails, it's just not as sexy with the bunion, ya know? I think about these things too!
Why do the elderly revert to beige and pastels at the point in their lives when they are most likely to soil their clothes in every way you can think of? Black would show stains less, surely. The first sign of dementia ought to be recognised as the donning of a fawn cardi.
"what the fuck is a Wii and is there no cure"
You can cure your need for a Wii by going to the bog.
Hurry to the loving arms of your Gog brother Knudsen.
DBS I'll wash my cock now and then but who am I kidding?
sam problem-child-bride good to see ya again lass. you'd have us in in low riders and assless chaps, I just know it.
fat sparrow the bog as in the place Old Boggy lives?
Gog when I go I'm taking some cunts with me.
6)Having a crap is the highlight of yer day.
It's the only time I can truly call my own. My life is over at 35.
You had a good run lad .
You know it, baby - maybe with a horned helmet too.
On the head! Sheesh! People's minds around here...
I knew I was getting old when I looked on the conveyer belt at the grocery store and instead of rolling papers, sixpack of beer, and bottle of wiskey. There was Aleve, oatmeal, and Beano. A sad, sad, day indeed.
Aging bothers me a lot but what bothers me more is how fucking BIG teenagers are now. So it's not enough to fail to understand what the hell they're talking about, tut at the fact that half of them are pregnant and/or smoking, be saying things like "that's not music", be a bit wary of hoodies etc but now I have to be humiliated about being SHORTER than the cunts.
Looking forward to midget sex item, Knudsen, I may be able to contribute.
Don't worry Knud- by the time I hit 30 I worried about falling on the ice and breaking a leg.
Great post though...had tolaugh at the "what the fuck you looking at?"line.
I thought you were really 25 and just pretending to be old.
3) yes you do you blind fart.
4) for real?
7) hahaahha
9) both
10) hahahahhahahaha, ew.
Sister Bridgit said... "Listen up meat product. Did I say where I was born?"
No, you didn't, foreskin face, and I sincerely doubt your mother birthed you, she probably shit you out and left you to dry and collect flies like a dog turd. But since your Profile says that your location is Ireland, one would think by that you'd have learned something. That last comment ("Hada way and shyte. Is yous all wanking off over this or what? Yous bunch of bandits.") had you sounding like a retarded Geordie that had taken a gob full of jizz from a Dubliner.
Your only as old as the person your feeling babe. Grab a ball gag and an 18 year old.
I wonder whats to happen to me at this ripe age of 31 Old K !
I can identify with most of this. I still think the youngsters are looking at me lustfully but I don't feel able to take them up on it.
11)You use a pun on a Fleetwood Mac track to title a blog post.
there are some very pregnant women who can relate to almost half of those.
azcgI like to buy extra large condoms to impress the cashiers, they don't seem very impressed but I feel better.
fearfink 6ft 12 year-olds is not valid I blame the herbs and spices in the KFC. I got yer midget sex pics and really I can't put those sort of disgusting pictures on my blog.
sister philip hussey JJ GB modo or whoever this time I swear I told you to stay off my blog yer not funny go be boring at yer own blog at least yer good at that.
the ego its bad when a cup of tea replaces sex.
yer lordship I hear they like that.
medbh I'm actually 15 with a mental age of 7.
dickiebo they hated Lucifer and Cassandra too, I'm in good company.
fat sparrow don't bother lass their Kung-fu is weak.
kate Isis I have done, my court case is up next week.
Mrs Cecrux yer at yer peak woman, start posting nudie pics or you'll regret it when yer old. Just trying to help.
tickersoid Going round school yards with raspberry ruffles is just wrong, yer just letting yer self doon.
conan Drumm I thought the song was about a rapist, ach silly me.
sister briget what a lame cumback now off you go and invent another blog. As a wise man once told me, "What does the oak care if the little pig is scratching it's back against it?"
portia Hey I didn't get them that way are you trying to hit me up for child support like that Stevie Nicks?
The product of your and Stevie Nick's sweaty hips should be around 25 now, so fugetaboud child support!
so shes trying it on then?
hehe.. nice compilation of things to look forward too as i get older.. i wasn't feeling quite bad enough yet ;)
And what is with the lame ass comments?? I swear, some people have no life. Maybe you should post something boring for a little while. you know. something from thier pages ;)
They certainly have enough boring shite to post, well one gutted her blog in a huff a very unstable lot. I think I may have to go out and visit.
Fat Sparrow: a retarded Geordie that had taken a gob full of jizz from a Dubliner
Sounds like an ex-girlfriend of mine, though one detail's wrong.
11)You use a pun on a Fleetwood Mac track to title a blog post
Oh dear. Conan, that's actually by Blue Oyster Cult (no misspelling of that last word).
Crusted carpeting full of ferret smells and soup, where is the electric scooter into traffic brandishing your cane like a failed erection?
Aging knitwear...foul untrimmed pubis entertwined with failed dreams, lint and boiled farina, ew. Varicose: the toenails, scientists screaming in the dark, yellowed, forgotton in the telivision which is much too loud are you deaf you fucking nit!
Yes, unzipped which lets freedom ring, yet no one cares to see, hanging....rugose(call me.)
Mr eater I find it hard to believe you are into gurls. I doubted myself on the name of the group, hippies the lot of them.
Ms Blue why would you wipe yer arse? yer a posh lass aren't you.
First Nations ok I'm fully aroused now.
Fat Sparrow made me grin, a shite eating grin.
It was a good smack doon.
Thank you Mr Teater, my memory of the psychodelic outfits isn't what it used to be. At least it wasn't The Greatful Dead.
Hehehehehehehehhehehhhe!
Ive pinched this as it wuz the thing whot made me laugh out loud tonight and wake up the family!
yEaH!
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