It's A People Problem

Chris Kyle the ex-navy seal was shot dead at a shooting range in Texas last weekend.  According to his book and the Interweb he was the most lethal sniper in US military history.

An American hero killing the bad guy so he doesn't kill you... Well not really, it was his job to kill whoever his superiors told him too, thats what a soldier does .. unless they are a cook or something then they just give people the shits.
   

Mark Wahlberg is also a highly trained killing machine. Well in some of his movies anyway.

Wahlberg had said that if he had been on any of the planes that stuck the WTC he would have stopped it. He got a lot of head shakes and who the fuck does he think he is? Too many tough guy movie roles.

Jesse Ventura was on Piers Morgan's show and said that because he has a firearms concealment permit, if he had been at the movie theater in Aurora Colorado, he would have prevented James Holmes from killing 12 people.   
Ventura is an ex-navy seal and most importantly has been in some movies. 

Morgan then said that what if that only made things worse and there was a gun battle in which more people died? .... fair point and Ventura was unable to answer.

These two wanna be heroes have the advantage of hindsight, doesn't mean that they wouldn't have been taken by surprise like everyone else. 
A fire fight can be as unpredictable and as deadly as a woman with PMS.  

Guns don't kill people, they also don't save lives. It's people who are the key element and as with Chris Kyle you can be a highly trained individual but if yer unlucky then you bite it like everyone else. 

Guns are the great leveler, a child can easily kill an adult, just ask Kony.  

People don't usually get shot on purpose at the firing range but it's a reminder that anything can happen anywhere when people are involved.

Mamoud Is A Monkey's Uncle

Did Iran really send a monkey into space? the footage of the before and after monkey says it didn't, wheres the monkey's mole? ...yeah not so technologically advanced now.

They said "oh one was from training footage, it's a different monkey" oh is it now? got yer story straight now? Check out the mole on it's head. The one on the left is the alleged back to earth monkey. Did aliens do cosmetic surgery on it?

For fucks sake yer monkey died didn't it? .... you just won't tell us in case we get upset , did the mice and turtles you send up last year die too? ..... for the love of Gog, just put them into a bag and throw them into a fucking river like everyone else.
I'm not a scientist .... I only play one on TV but if you strap an already tortured monkey to a rocket and blast it thousands of miles into the air it's gonna have a heart attack.

 

Iran is like North Korea, morons are in charge and they are crazy morons. So desperate to get nukes for energy .... not to destroy the world though. They only want them so America won't mess with them. The US only mess with weaker less advanced nations.

Rocket science is .... rocket science but these idiots can't get it right and so they lie.... Iran, yer a bunch of losers, go build sand castles or something, yer glory days are long over.  

Brits Out

The flag protesters had yet again shown their true colours and they aren't red white and blue, more like a shite colour that needs fiber.
They have gotten ex BNP (British Nazis Party) leader Jim Dowson to speak for them as a sort of anti-cheerleader type. Down with this down with that.

The Scottish bloke has cum over to Northern Ireland to hang around with that moron Willie Frazer .... the one who thought the Italian flag was the Irish flag, yeah that one, and to shout his agenda in the street.
Hes told the police chief of Northern Ireland who is English to go back to England ... yeah hes saying "Brits out" and this fine Scottish fella has told Peter Robinson (who is from Northern Ireland) the First minister to go with him.

The irony is dripping thick and fast here considering the IRA have been trying to get the Brits out for decades.

The reason why Old Knudsen is so amused is that nothing funny ever happens here and the fact that these morons are taking centre stage and and highlighting their stupidity is amazing.

Like when Liam Neeson went to Ballymena, nothing ever goes on there that would interest anyone who isn't a junkie farming sheep shagger. Now that Neeson has gone back to the US we won't here a thing about that place until Ian Paisley dies.

I'm enjoying the fun here while it lasts.   

People Are Burgers

 

Human DNA has been found in meat products in Ireland and the UK, the source has been traced back to Irish meat processor Silverpeak.

Silverpeak which is one of Ireland's main meat supplier for chain stores, the military, schools and the prison system have closed their plants for further investigation. So far horse and pig meat have been found in beef produce and pork has also been found in what was supposed to be Halal food.

Silverpeak rest homes for the elderly and the Silverpeak funeral parlors are open for business as usual.

   

Dr Who Dealing The Drugs

Box of crack?

From the headlines of the LA Times, Doctor who admitted dealing drugs to get his license back I knew we couldn't trust that ugly gangly fucker! 

He gets on like an idiot but really hes selling the drugs.... trust me, I'm the doctor. 

A West Hollywood psychiatrist was selling Adderall which is legalized speed and of all places he was selling it on Craigslist. 15 prescriptions per day.

 
"100 Adderall pills, hardly used, selling because traveling in the time space continuum isn't cheap."

You get crazy fuckers buying off Craigslist when yer selling a table lamp so I can only imagine what kind selling drugs attracts. "Still got the 100 Adderall pills you had advertised?" ..... "Um, you just called me 5 minutes ago to ask me the same question and every 20 mins for the last 6 hours before that."

Many Craigslist people want to talk about how Obama is ruining the country or what about those fucking immigrants?  ...... get a FaceBook account like everyone else.
  
Well drugs would totally explain why the latest season of Dr Who was shite on a stick.

  

Jamie Bryson - Irish Hero

There are some damaging pictures of the self appointed/UVF appointed spokesperson for the Northern Ireland flag protests going around the Interweb. The chosen of god, Jamie Bryson went on holiday one year and posed with some Irish symbols.
You may think that this is no big deal .... well to the mongoloid sectarian bigots this is an issue. Old Knudsen himself would be all Top 'O' The Mornin too if he thought yon gurl in the picture would put out for him.... she looks a little uncomfortable with spidey man's hand there.  

When you go on holiday and go to an Irish pub, guess what they don't have .... red hands of Ulster thats what. No one wants that shite Norn Iron is Irish to the rest of the world anyway. If you want to meet people who speak English and drink yer favourite beer then that is where you go, you tuck yer bigotry between yer legs and drink up.

 

Bryson is a cockhead, it has been said that he only got into the sectarian shit because he broke up with a gurl and got mixed up with the wrong crowd, an ex glue sniffing pastor and paramilitary hoods.
He now calls for peace in front of the cameras and then calls for rocks to be thrown at the Taigs when hes with his big brave mob.

The Protestant mob are paranoid anyway. They call the Police (Police Service of Northern Ireland) PSNIRA, they call the BBC .. BBC-IRA and because FaceBook has their offices in Dublin then they must be IRA too.

The protests have been infiltrated on so many levels because well ..... the prods are fucking stupid. Drug dealing criminals who can't use reason or intellect.... sure there are more moderate and peaceful flag protesters but since they are still all into the flag issue at this late stage then they can't be that bright either.

People who call for peace but will still vote DUP .... away an fuck you moron.... sheeple, nothing more.

Sites that make fun of the various protester comments have been the best thing to come out of the 6 weeks of riots. Unintentional comedy gold.
Like how I was hoping that Romney opened his mouth I want the loyalists to do the same, every time they do they damage their cause. 

It also shows you that what started out as a ploy to destroy a rival political party that was gaining ground from the DUP and went wrong and ended up as anti-Catholic bigotry as usual. Northern Ireland hasn't changed that much over the years ... it all boils doon to hatred.

Yet again the Prods are the bad guys who started all the shit just like the Troubles.

  

2001 A Space Odd Journey

Way back in the year 2001 I signed on to a space mission to test the new rocket computer system the HAL 3000. The computer had a male, ghey sounding voice so the astronauts, hand picked for their homophobia would always be alert.
The system worked well at first, making the tea, ensuring I had things like air, heat, 87 TV channels and toast lightly toasted on one side the way I like it.

Things started to feel uncomfortable when it kept turning on it's cameras when I was taking a dump or in the shower, "would you like me to shave your back Knudsen?" ..... "I like your shoulders, do you work out Knudsen?"
The inappropriate behaviour had to stop after it decided it didn't like me talking to mission control and cut communications.

 I had to find the fuse box.

Oh nothing HAL, I thought this was the way to the cockpit ..... "I like it when you say cock--pit Knudsen."

 

For fucks sake! I wish I had paid attention in flight class, what are all these similar looking buttons for? ach I had better just start pressing them. If they hadn't made me space suit out of air duct pipes this would be a lot easier.   

Oh nothing I was just looking for the um .... seat warmer .... "Just ask me and I'll warm your behind Knudsen."  :::::gulp!::::

I had to do something, this was like yon time I went into that ghey bar by mistake 12 times. 

For the love of Gog! Can an astronaut not have a wank in peace without a creepy ghey computer watching? I'm about to explode I haven't been able to sleep in days. Planet earth is blue and so are my balls!

 

After some fine tuning with a hammer I didn't have anymore problems with HAL ... except for some reason the hot water in me shower no longer worked. 

Tomato Sass

Now every time I see tomatoes, I think of this.

 Needs a shave.

Well said sir!

Makes me feel ..... more British.

 

Did you know that most human bodies contain enough bones to make up a complete human skeleton?  ... true story. 

Obama's Got A Gun

To prove that Obama has held and possibly shot a gun, the Whitehouse has released a picture of the president from 2009 shooting at some paparazzi ..... we do not believe he hit any because not only does he wear old ladies' jeans but he holds a gun like one too.... yer barrel has a leak in it lad. 

Not to be outdone by Obama, the British Prime Minister David Cameron released pictures of him from 2010's peasant shoot.
No that wasn't a typo, it's peasant not pheasant .... sick people on government benefits are the ultimate prey for Mr Cameron.
Fucking over the less fortunate of the UK makes Cameron hard.

     

Movie Stars On A Bus

 

Did I tell you about the time I saw Colin Farrel and Christopher Walken on a bus?  Two of the most boring people you never want to get stuck on a bus with.  I said "Hey Chris, are you not Walken?"  .... oh how I crack meself up.

Woman Shaming

Minami Minegishi a 20 year-old from the cutesie Japanese pop group AKB48 broke her management rule of no dating.
In a display of public humiliation which is the way of those crazy japs she shaved her head and made an apology video.

Minegishi is one of the original members of the group which is about 90 strong.The Japs are very strange about how women are portrayed and are into all that nasty shit, but as long as they can look like a Manga school girl and follow the rules then it's all good.... Fucking Japs, what weirdos. 

You just know we'll be hearing about her suicide soon.    

 

Blonde Sex Bomb Explodes

When I was dipping my head into baby oil I slipped and banged my head on the sink and now I'm .......... if you close your eyes and stick out your tongue you can taste colour. My favourite colour is the smell of a used condom, spermicide and stale jizz telling a story of lust, desire and why are unicorns such hateful racists?

The oil is dripping onto my sexy badie, do you mind if I lie on your bed and look inviting? I swear I don't bite .... well not true when I have my teeth in I can bite soft foods like pre-chewed burger .. you want me, I can tell. Lets get razor blades, cut our arms and let our blood mingle as an act of love, don't worry I'm no longer a junkie hooker paramedic I'm now a mattress monster.

 

Iiight , sounds good to me be-atch! we be rollin on da floor like dices.... scarein the mices with my rhymes. You be sighin cos I'm the sex lion.... gangsta north eastern side!

 

RIP Ron Jeremy

Famous actor Ron Jeremy died after a 3 day glazed donut bender which lead to the 59 year-old having a heart attack.

After suffering from chest pains he drove himself to an LA hospital where they carried out two heart operations. He slipped away early Saturday morning .... "He just went stiff" reported a nurse.

Jeremy seen here giving tennis lessons to a young lady in much need of a father figure. 

Famous for being fat and ugly and for having a huge cock. He gave up a teaching career to focus on his acting when he realised he had enormous talent that made him stand out from everyone else.

Charlie a close friend of Jeremy's said, "Ron was a larger than life person with a huge sense of fun,one time he got me to snort a long line of coke off his big hard sweaty erect cock and then lick off the residue ... ok, maybe that wasn't a very funny example. I'll miss Ron, sometimes he was a pain in the ass but he was very giving and would always crack me up."

Jeremy who is quoted as being president Obama's most favourite all time actor next to Humphrey Bogart will be sorely missed.

Two Startling Facts

The Obama administration has revealed a a survey that reveals gun owning is likely to make you obese than non-gun owners who diet and exercise.
A distressing 64% of gun owners are over weight citing a new (fat tax) on fire arms. Those with "assault rifles" though no one is exactly sure what defines an assault rifle are likely to be even more obese than those with small bore bolt action rifles.             

Shops and other businesses are closing in Northern Ireland protests/riots over the Union flags and new investors have pulled out of Northern Ireland as it is more trouble than it's worth.

As well as ruining Northern Ireland's economy, reputation and anything burnable and smash-able it turns out that flag protests also cause global warming and sudden infant death.

A spokesthug for the protesters commented, "If they didn't make laws and shit we wouldn't have to riot .... er protest, it's the fault of the police and the Fenians anyway."

  

Jamie Bryson God's Chosen One

 

Jamie Bryson AKA The beast from the east is not a wee pussy Spide that thinks hes a big man .... oh no,

 appearances can be deceptive. He is indeed the voice of peace and reason.

While most fleg protesters block roads and throw bricks at the houses of Catholics as they tear up the town Jamie Bryson is different.

Thank you to Loyalists Against Democracy for posting Bryson's support of Catholic intimidation

He goes in front of the camera and calls for peace before he throws bricks at Catholic houses and tears up the town.

Too dumb to know that hes a Paramilitary puppet this vertically and verbally challenged mental midget is the face to today's modern fleg protester.  

This pillow princess is finished before he even begins. God has chosen Bryson .... not to manipulate and become a man of power but he has been chosen to give us all a laugh. Ach if we didn't laugh at morons like Bryson and Willie Frazer we'd all cry. These are Unionists .... sad isn't it?

JFK Mystery Solved

We've just been handed the secret files by someone who will remain anonymous. We now know who killed JFK.
Lone gunman, Mafia, ninjas, US government? ...... nope. 

On Nov 22nd 1963, Fort Worth Texas. A lone .... but very tall boy stood above the crowd.

That boy was ....

Bill Paxton, the star of Twister, Aliens and Tombstone.

Shown here from a different angle. This is obvious proof .... of something.

Heres what happened. Paxton had a rifle doon his long trooser leg, his boy scout training prepared him for the target and he wasn't that far away.
Not accepting the fact that their favourite president was killed by an 8 year-old boy brainwashed by commies they used Oswald who was a failed double agent and no longer of any use to them.

Paxton has been on a secret FBI watch list all of his life. If you ask him about it, he'll give you his big London look grin and remain silent.

Case book closed, another mystery solved.