Two Startling Facts

The Obama administration has revealed a a survey that reveals gun owning is likely to make you obese than non-gun owners who diet and exercise.
A distressing 64% of gun owners are over weight citing a new (fat tax) on fire arms. Those with "assault rifles" though no one is exactly sure what defines an assault rifle are likely to be even more obese than those with small bore bolt action rifles.             

Shops and other businesses are closing in Northern Ireland protests/riots over the Union flags and new investors have pulled out of Northern Ireland as it is more trouble than it's worth.

As well as ruining Northern Ireland's economy, reputation and anything burnable and smash-able it turns out that flag protests also cause global warming and sudden infant death.

A spokesthug for the protesters commented, "If they didn't make laws and shit we wouldn't have to riot .... er protest, it's the fault of the police and the Fenians anyway."