Old Knudsen Nose

Dear Old Knudsen

I have been living with "John" for 2 years now. At first it was great and he was very attentive and would do those nasty things that pleased me. Now when we make love he puts $10 on the dresser and goes downstairs to play on his X-box. He never cuddles or talks after we make love and I lie there alone listening to his cheering and swearing as he plays his games.

What can I do to rekindle the good old days?

Frustrated in Oregon



Dear Frustrated

I'm not sure what the exact problem is here as your letter wasn't very clear. When yer done yer done and the wee snake has vomited his love custard, anything else until it reloads in 10 -15 minutes is just ghey and a waste of time.

Maybe you should explain to John that $20 is a more fitting amount as what can $10 get you these days?

Oh I re-read yer letter while sober. You mention cuddling and talking after sex ::::sigh::::: ok then here's what to do.
Cook bacon rashers until they are brittle and rub them behind yer ears, keep a few under yer pillow ... yes you can make a wee lacy draw string bag I know what you arts and crafts type are like.

A man will smell the bacon but only enough that he gets interested, he'll keep nuzzling you until you agree to cook for him (men can't cook and you weemen do it so much better, 3 eggs love and some soda bread)

If you want him to talk then take an interest in things like cars, sports or other weemen and then he'll be more inclined to share his precious gaming time with you. A conversation about what you'd like to do to that gurl who werks at the bank can be very healthy for a relationship.

Dear Frustrated, I understand how difficult it is for weemen to compete with gaming, Interweb porn and other blokes that talk about the good things in life. The main thing is to remember that it is nobody's fault but maybe you should try a bit harder.




Any questions about love, life or human trafficking and drug or arms deals please feel free to e-mail Old Knudsen at Happygirl94@hotmail.com and remember that you have to state by law if yer an undercover cop or not.               

Fifty Shades Of Grey Is Next To Godliness

Old Knudsen doesn't go into promoting the works of others very often but this is an exception. The only problem is that you'll have to learn Eyetalian, Spanish, French, Portoguese, Polish or Slovenian to read it as it hasn't been translated into English (the tongue spoken by Jesus) Casate y se Sumisa or in a proper language  Get Married and Be Submissive written by Costanza Miriano is a book of shear genius that every woman should read.
I wonder why only mostly Catholic cuntries have had the book translated ....

A bestseller in Italy it has been translated into Spanish and is becoming hugely popular there. The Archbishop of Granada, Francisco Javier Martinez doesn't mind some extra publicity for the book as he is the one to have had it published in Spain.

Old Knudsen doesn't see eye to eye with all things the Catholic church does like it's support of pedophilia etc but he is shoulder to shoulder with them on this, just like the DUP are with them on abortion.
Many have argued that the book promotes violence against weemen .... poppycock! I doubt many men would read this shite.

Archbishop Martinez said the outrage over the book was "ridiculous and hypocritical" in a society that allows abortion, which he believes to be an example of violence towards weemen which society finds acceptable.

I find that reply to be ridiculous and hypocritical. This is the man who during his Christmas speech in 2011 said that anything Hitler and Stalin did wasn't as bad as having an abortion and that you can rape and abuse a woman who has had an abortion without any limitations as she has committed a sin. 

Since he is still in his job it's good to see where the Catholic Church stands on that.

Miriano who is the mother of four ..... children, claims the book is based on the teachings of St Paul who didn't mind giving an insolent woman the odd back hander.

The book says , "We [women] like humiliation because it is for a greater good."  

I did not think that weemen were capable of such higher reasoning, this gives Old Knudsen hope. 

"When your husband tells you something, you should listen as if it were God speaking"

Just start burning Bibles for we have found a better replacement, I'm sure God spoke to her in order for her to have such wisdom.

Weeman:
Tea, sex, dinner, miscellaneous  .... and all the hoosehold stuff you enjoy like dishes and cleaning, the shopping and looking after the childer, just don't let it interfere with what yer husband wants ... It's easy!

Books are for the weak and even though I'll never read this it'll go doon in my list of favourites.  

The Privileged Sex

 

 
Weemen are not the oppressed sex, throughout history they have been sheltered and protected being kept safe from the bad, dangerous and harsh aspects of life. They have a far easier time of it than men. 

Well thats what Professor Martin van Creveld thinks. The Dutch borne Israeli military historian and theorist thinks that weemen take advantage of being weemen. 

Women want equality in the world of work – yet women also want lighter tasks and "easy, clean" work. Women never want to do all the dirty, heavy stuff: the pulling and hauling, the road-digging, garbage-collecting, truck-driving, firefighting. 
Women may demand equal access to the military and to policing, but seldom are women soldiers or female police officers able to perform the same tasks as their male colleagues – they're just not robust enough.

Aye lad, weemen are pretty useless huh? If they didn't have that gash between their legs Old Knudsen wouldn't bother to talk to them. 

Women at the top of their physical form still only have 80% of the strength of men. Where women are soldiers or police – or even postal workers – they are more protected, and they often choose the easiest roles. From the beginning of history, men have borne the greatest burdens of work and of protecting others, including women and families.

 A typical man.

It was men who built the Great wall of China, it was men who built the pyramids, we build the roads, the cities, the railways and we squash bugs .... men fucking well rock!

During WWI when Germany turned the farming over to the weemen, production dropped as it did during Stalin's time also .... I suspect a supply and demand problem but thats me.
 
Men spend twice as much of their life working than weemen and a third of their life listening to them nag ...... fuckkkkkk  van Creveld may have a point weemen are obviously work shy slackers.

I'm not going to say it to their faces though.

Martin van Creveld is a military historian for the most and I suspect he has some issues about weemen.

Look at him, hes a total playa.

I'll tell ya what you should be thinking Mr van Creveld .... if thats even yer real name. The prof has written 17 books on military history and strategy.
When his mandatory service in the Israeli army came around he chose the easier job of logistics, but he wasn't strong enough for paper work so because he was born with a cleft palate which somehow caused him trouble he was given a special dispensation to leave ..... do you weemen feel safe with him around?

Go on, tell yer nurse you think that weemen are lazy and can't survive without the help of men. Make sure you tell her just as she shoves a tube up yer willy.




Creveld you've gone an fucked up. Yer book  The privileged sex may be a popular read with the low brow misogynists but it's based on a crap theory.
Throughout history men may have been using their superior strength and speed for the hunting but it's the weemen that skins and prepares the animals for eating and the hides for wearing .... not easy or clean work.
Ever skin a large animal? ..... and I don't mean yer toy boy's cock. 

Weemen also supplemented the diet of earlier than now man with gathering berries and nuts, especially when the man had manflu or just had a bad hunting day.  Ever pushed a watermelon out of yer vagina? Thats the kind of nasty gross stuff that weemen do .... ouch! no wonder they shit themselves, aye childbirth is a magical time.
Weemen have more strengths than just the physical ones but some weemen can kick man ass if they had to.

 

Saying weemen are weaker is like saying all men are bastards or in Norn Iron, all Catholics are terrorists and in everywhere else all Muslims are terrorists. It's a general sweeping statement..... all Muslims are terrorists BTW. 

Weemen have not always had men to protect them and shelter them from life, many many times it was the men that the weemen needed protection from, 92% of violent crimes are by young males. Go to the third world and see the weemen working for hours in the fields while the men do important stuff like avoiding werk.
Old Knudsen knew this couple who both wanted to be firefighters. The woman did the entrance tests which are very physically demanding and came through with flying colours. Her husband belittled her by saying 'the female tests are easier than the male so not too difficult to pass.'
The wife was raging, she went and took the male test and she passed. Her husband took three tries before he passed the tests, they nearly divorced over it.

Professor Martin van Creveld, the failed military man who is an expert on the military needs to shut the fuck up. On the whole weemen may be physically weaker than men but they are just as good if not better in other areas and work just as hard and often harder, even looking after the hoose and the screaming brats is work, dirty and hard work.
Belittling weemen and categorizing them as the weaker sex or the damsel in distress who needs a hero means hes getting real life mixed up with his hooker/mother fantasies.  

Stick to yer war stories cunty baws cos you don't know weemen.

 

    

Knudsen In Retrograde

After my night of so so carnal exploration with yon French bird Clair DeLune I raided her fridge and quietly slipped out while she was still snoring away. At least this one was still alive, I learn from me mistakes do I.
Having spider as a safety word wasn't too bright, "I don't care if you see a spider, yer bigger than it so it's more afraid of you now I just need to finish."

I stepped out onto the street and got my bearings, the town centre was that way. I should grab a loaf and a paper on me way home.

I walked past the usual flag protest with them shouting about being victims of oppression and how everyone was out to get them. I'd give a fuck but I gave them all to yon French bird last night.

It was a breezy day, the sun was glaring but giving off no heat but ... at least it was dry .... by nature we're a whiny lot, we complain about the weather, about our health and how my life is soo bad cos my neighbour poisoned my dog even though it wasn't my dog and how the fuck could I eat it now when it's full of rat poison? ..... then we do that uncharacteristic touch of optimism at the end where we look around and then say, "well at least it's dry" I bet if there was a Norn Iron person walking in the long line towards the ovens of Dachau concentration camp he'd look up and say, "at least it's dry"cos hey you wouldn't want to get gassed on a rainy day, that would be fucking depressing.

So I popped into the Spar and got me loaf and me paper, I always get the paper with the half naked gurl on the cover, why they put them on the top shelf is beyond me.

Getting to the lights to cross the road I push the button, aye theres always some cunt who thinks they are too cool to wait for the light and cross during any break in traffic, suddenly a large jeep pulled around the corner and stopped.

The man standing on top of it swung his 50 cal in my direction, screamed something that sounded either like Gaelic or Arabic and started firing.

As bullets bounced off the ugly but trendy art sculpture behind me I had to remember my military training, quick as a flash I dropped to the ground, lay in the fetal position and softly cried. My training had gotten me through Normandy, Vietnam and the Falklands conflict.

After the roar of the gun the silence had a high pitched ring to it only to be interrupted by the sound of the shocked and the dying.
I couldn't lie there in a puddle of piss all day so I got up my eyes darting around for the next threat but the jeep had gone.
Damn those dissident insurgent militants and their cowardly ways.

 Looking around for a rich person or a hot chick to selflessly help I saw something that chilled me very bones.

The dead were coming back to life and feeding off the living.  Damn, fuck, piss says I, how symbolic of a decaying socialist society can you get?

I started to slowly back away but they had seen me, they started to lurch towards me so I started to lurch away from them. I threw some live old people and children at them but it hardly slowed them doon at all.
Was this how Old Knudsen was to die after all this time? What would happen to his blog? Who would tell people what stupid twats they are?

Hey mate ya got a feg?

Just then a fire exit door opened to the side of me and a startled employee stepped out to get a crafty cigarette. I grabbed the fat wee fucker by the scruff of the neck and turfed him into the crowd of walkers.
They grabbed at me as I squeezed through the door pulling it shut behind me, I could hear the screams of the employee getting ripped apart and thought to myself, 'I'd love a ciggie right now.'

I looked doon and saw something that crushed my very soul, the loaf I had gotten was whole wheat, I wanted a normal non-ghey loaf of white bread, can they not have a section of bread for normal people?
I hadn't payed for the bread but that wasn't the point, it's hard enough to shoplift these days without them putting this shite in the way. The only thing for it was to go back to the Spar and complain to the manager.

Old Knudsen was pissed off, hungry and craving nicotine. He flung open the fire door and stared at a hundred soon to be well fucked up zombies ..... at least it was dry.