Showing posts with label sandra bullock naked. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sandra bullock naked. Show all posts

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Turds In Space

First the bus with the bomb on it, Jesse James and now this, I'm so not liking my life choices.


India launched a rocket for Mars in November of 2013, in October of this year it should reach the red planet and go into orbit, just cos it's a cool thing to do.
They may also study the planet's atmosphere and surface probably for colonization so they can build evil robots and build a clone army away from the rules and laws that have prevented them from doing it on Earth . Maybe they'll open call centers and pretend to be typing and fixing yer problem but you know they aren't. 'Just bare with me I just have to run a few diagnostic programs from our end'  plays busy office tape with typing sounds  'Hey Apu, did you see Tru Blood last night? that shit was off the hook.'

Prince Razzi din jam jazzi inspecting his rocket.

Another nation who wants to go to Mars is the United Arab Emirates. These oil rich cunts no doubt want yet another place to argue about religion. UAE's emirate of Dubai, Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum ..... if that is indeed his name and not what he had for lunch said the mission will prove the Arab world is still capable of delivering scientific contributions to humanity rather than just blowing themselves up and burning flags.

I added the last bit. These people don't even eat bacon and they think they can go to Mars? Its unmanned probe will take nine months to travel the 37 million miles to Mars, that's 2 months faster than India HA! In total that is 9 nations with Mars in their space program .... the race is on. 

Muslim majority cuntries such as Algeria, Tunisia, Egypt, Turkey Indonesia, Pakistan and Iran all have space programs ..... not that religion is important or anything.
In 1985 Saudi-born Prince Sultan bin Salman Al-Saud became the first Muslim and Arab to travel to space, he had to fight his natural inclination to take over the cockpit and ram the space ship into the International space station but apart from that he did great. Watching him trying to pray to Mecca while in orbit was fucking hilarious.... Hey Sally you just prayed to Ireland, ya potato lover. 

Muzzle toff Mahmoud, it's a boy! 

Last year Iran sent a monkey up into space for the second time even though they were still cleaning bits from the capsule from the first time.


It will return in 50 of our Earth years and it will bring it's friends.

Of course when the UAE send manned flights and you know they will, there will be strict laws as written down by Allah himself. No kissing or touching! No one gives a fuck that it's a long flight, Indian rockets may have rape as a common pursuit but not on an UAE ship.

No swearing or indecent gestures, even on space walks giving the thumbs up is seen as a rude gesture and you may expect a harsh prison sentence before you are stoned and hanged .... or the other way round.

No taking pictures without permission, that includes snapshots of yer cuntry from space, again with the prison, stoning and hanging.

No disrespecting any religion ..... that happens to be Islam. You'll be beat with a flip flop, stoned, hanged and then imprisoned, just to shake things up .... or sheik things up, see what I did there? oh fuck off.

No sharing private space with opposite sex . In fact no sharing space, death to those who insult Islam or those who just aren't Islamic... or Islamic enough.  


No indecent clothing, again this is not India. Our bodies .... especially weemen's are immoral and indecent and should be covered from head to toe at all times, oh not men because that would be really uncomfortable. 50 lashes for space weemen that show their ankles.


What is Nasa doing? Can we afford to let a load of Mooslims invade and colonise Planet Mars? They don't even speak English for fucks sake how can they be ambassadors for Earth like wot we white .... er western nations are?

Here is what NASA are doing, they are talking ... not doing but talking, about the possibility of life on other planets. Fucking recession, now NASA can only talk a space program.
They say that 10 to 20 percent of stars around us have Earth-size planets in the habitable zone. In just a few years we may have telescopes that can identify planets that can sustain life and that it's very likely that every single star in our Milky Way galaxy has at least one Earth like planet.


Imagine the moment when the world wakes up and the human race realizes that its long loneliness in time and space may be over .... oh and they want YOU to sleep on the wet patch cos yer just a slave meat sack who will serve or die, now roll over and prepare for my love invasion.  


Gone are the good ol days when Charlton Heston would go up into space arrogantly brag about the free cuntry he comes from to a race of platitudians. We were created equal damn it, not to be slaves ... well except for the Mexicans, weemen and anyone who isn't Christian ..... we used to not like blacks but thanks to the liberals we can't say anything negative about them.  Our nation is a shining example of freedom and democracy, a republic? what the fuck is that? 

Aye the US is a republic and yet it wants to make democracies, no faith in the republican brand.  

The American dream were you have the founding fathers given rights to pursue happiness and oil. A big car in the driveway, a wife to have yer dinner on the table for when you come in from lying in yer garden hammock all day, 2.5 children ... aye little Joey probably won't life long. 

We get to own guns in case we need to overthrow the government or shoot up a school and we barbeque where ever the fuck we like, Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam, Somalia, Nazi fucking Germany, aye some barbeques last longer than others but all are left with a pile of burn ambers ...  except Germany who are doing better than everyone else, being the bully does pay off eventually. 

We can't let those damn dirty apes get their hands on the red planet, I say we nuke the fucker or frack it to death.




Wednesday, 23 October 2013

My Milkshake Sends All The Boys To The Showers

Old Knudsen doesn't do sport, he doesn't run and doesn't like to see others running ... unless it's jiggly weemen in slo-mo.
Football/soccer in particular has always seemed more than a little ghey, not that there is anything wrong with fudge packing or bean flicking but why all the anger? football fans are notorious for being angry which is probably due to not being allowed to express their inner princess without their mates making fun of them.

Not knowing that their mates feel the same and so the only way to express themselves is with violence because they can't verbalize their emotions. Many unhappily married Presbyterians are on the doon low too, about 94% if I had to give a figure.

Trust Old Knudsen hes a doctor, well not in this cuntry, over in the Eastern Block but still I've handed out drugs and have given bad health advice so trust him.  

So anyway enough about pent up sexual repression ..... as I said to Edwin Poots the other day as he tried to get ghey men banned from, well just banned.

 Now onto Northern Ireland's world famous 'Milk cup' I don't know what world it's famous on. 

A footie tournament sponsored by the diary industry for the past 30 years. Such a nice event that they let USA win 3-0 in 2010, even Old Knudsen knows that the US suck at soccer. At the end of it the winner gets the trophy and a couple of hot chicks pour milk everywhere, makes sense. 

Then the pizza delivery guy shows up and says, "hey mind if I join in?" and they young white gurls gasp at his huge black cock dripping with semi skimmed ..... did I mention he was black? aye, fuckin immigrants coming over here and bumming our football players with their large unbaptised dicks. 

So anyway the Milk mafia or the Dairy council or whatever (great research Old Knudsen, fuck off one of the many voices in my hed) isn't going to sponsor it anymore. They said it was a difficult decision and it wasn't the sport it was them, time to move on . 

Old Knudsen (not a ghey sports fan) will miss images such as this. Tournament organizers have to find a new sponsor and cum up with a new name. The only interest shown so far has been from the Bukkake Corporation of Japan..... ya didn't see that coming.  Cum cup, nah cum bucket sounds good, I hope yer Ma doesn't sue for copyright infringement. 



 

Monday, 13 May 2013

Bullets Over Knudsen

Do you know what it's like to get a bullet in the mail? Well Old Knudsen does. He laughs in the face of death threats. What a wanker, if you really mean it then you do it, cum at me bro!

Who the fuck could it be? I've covered my tracks with the usual skill learned over the years in consultant and advisory work. I've killed many postmen after they have seen too much being delivered here ...... oh that reminds me, must get rid of the Sky TV man in the shed.

Could it be Alexi Fandangoski? ach she didn't take our breakup too well, they never do. She has tried to kill Old Knudsen before, just means she still cares which is kinda sweet.

Must stay away from angry weemen ..... aye like there is any other kind.

Silly bugger, probably a mix up in translation. I didn't say anyone would pay, must look up Google earth for his hoose and get the drones in on it ..... shaping up to be a busy day. Fuck these weeks that start with the 13th. 

Could it be my ancient enemy the diocese of Leeds? Old Knudsen hasn't said anything derogatory about them since the Savile trend. Their way is more like legal action rather than bullets, Arthur Roche, yer still a cunt by the way! ..... go cleanse yer ranks of pedos and leave poor bloggers alone.

It's ok people, false alarm, like the time I saw Bin Laden at the hospital and pinned him to the ground before I realised it was some bloke with a nasty head wound, well it wasn't my fault, I was as drunk as a doctor.... thats when I was a doctor. We lost some good people that day .... my bad.

Ach I think I know who it's from, I couldn't read the note, the different crayon colours were a right mess an all over the place.

Thanks Ma, yer the best  .... ask any of the blokes round town.
 

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Isn't Sandra Bullock Lovely?

Old Knudsen was just adding pictures to his Sandra Bullock shrine and his thoughts turned back to his Princess Diana shrine, she was lovely wasn't she? ach tugging the lad to the see through skirt picture not at all hampered by the sprogs with her those were indeed the days.

It did take me a while to realise there were kids in this picture.


I came to see that Jesse cunt face dopey looking shite James and the lovely Sandra Bullock are like the American version of Charles and Diana. Not the nit picky details but that he is a twat and she can do no wrong.



The Nazi element is there as it is with the royals, Edward VIII was a close friend to Hitler don't forget and the Royal families real name was Hangover which they changed to Windsor because they like the tie knot so much .


I suppose that makes Camilla Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee in other words some ugly ass hoor that wasn't a trade up.

Just an observation. I just hope it is James that dies in a horrible accident as Old Knudsen cannae take another mental break doon.


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Saturday, 27 March 2010

Sandra Bullock Needs Me



A shout out to Sandra. Things have changed gurl lets get together and bump uglies like the old days. Old Knudsen will do the red carpet stuff and sip champagne on yer yacht. Stop hooking up with losers you deserve the best ............... thats me and you know it 'Multiple Maggie' see I even remembered my pet name for you.


When this happened Old Knudsen said "What the fuck?" not WTF? he actually said it. Sandra Bullock marrying that dick from the whatever show hes on. A dopey grease monkey for fucks sake she must be still hurting for the Old Knud-knob.


Then this happened and Old Knudsen said "What the fuck?" I knew Sandy was too good for him. Shes smart, talented , funny, loyal and extra hot but oh no Jesse James went after this............ among other ugly tramps . Jesse is a gurl's name by the way which must mean yer a CUNT!



Tiger Woods the Bi-Africancockcasianasian cheated on this Nordic Goddess for various prostitutes (he paid them for sex) I don't know the gurl but he definitely didn't upgrade.


When you have steak every night of the week sometimes you just want a cheap out of time burger with messy dressings.

I don't care what his or Jesse's marriage problems are loyalty ranks # 1 with Old Knudsen and sticking yer dick into ugly tramps is more of an impulse control and lack of respect problem.

Scott Peterson killed his lovely wife and unborn child because he wanted out of his marriage and thought he was clever enough to get away with it.

He wanted to be with this................ the mind boggles. He still says hes innocent with a cocky smirk on his face and still needs to be shanked in the prison showers after being powned by Bubba and his troop of Neo-Nazis.


Bill Clinton can sure keep the cuntry out of recession but couldn't keep his bendy cock out of Monica............. yuck!


Monica v Hillary c'mon there is no competition Old Knudsen wants the Secretary of State to take a memo.

Dear Ms Rodham Clinton

I want to make hard rough tender love all night with you entering the oval orrifice then giving you a dirty Sanchez, you may come as often as you want that night which on average for Old Knudsen's lady friends would be 74 times in a period of 6 hours, yes some weemen just can't let go and relax.

After Old Knudsen has explored planet Hillary and all her moons he shall blow his wad all over yer face and leave you there completely satisfied though unable to walk for a while.

Yers sincerely

Blow me.

My post is really only about the beautiful Sandra Bullock . I have fallen in love with many of the characters you have played over the years even the gurl in the 1993 film 'The Vanishing' in which yer role was small but made an impact on me.

Just say the word and I'll let yer private jet pick me up. The title of that cunt's show is/was 'Jesse James is a dead man', I can work with that. I will have yer back .......... front and sides and would only sleep with another woman if that was something you wanted..... think Hillary or Mrs Woods as possible 3-way candidates .

I had hoped that after me Sandy had found happiness but for some reason that big gurl's blouse Jesse has made Old Knudsen angry with his actions and I won't be content until I remove all his tattoos with a chainsaw.


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Friday, 13 July 2007

I'm all tied up at the minute.

I was looking through my photo album when I came across (I wiped it off) a picture of Sandra Bullock . I'd forgotten all about that lost alcohol and drug fueled weekend. My pet name for her was "Randy Bollock" you had to be there, ach we had fun. I'd be on the pot naked playing with me bongos while she'd be gagging on the smell with a gag in her mouth, I'd whip the soles of her feet berating her for making "Forces of nature" with Ben Affleck and "28 days" that had drunks not zombies in it, very disappointing , good times all the same .