Baba Venga Speaks Again

Baba Venga the Bulgarian psychic is on Old Knudsen's speed dial for a booty call but the other day it was she that reached out into the ether and contacted me ... via a mysterious e-mail. Yes she did die in 1996 but that has never interfered with our relationship.

She keeps me up to date with any predictions she has. If you remember she predicted 9/11 ... what do you mean no one was paying attention in 1989 to confirm this? She also has predicted Peter Capaldi would be the Twelfth Doctor and the unknown one wouldn't be known as the Doctor and that Putin would suffer from erectile dysfunction, there would be serious drought and also flooding, some smoking chimneys would blow out um, smoke and the hoor of Babylon would arise and display her greasy arse and her image would be worshiped around the werld by millions.

She has also predicted that Obama will be the last US president so don't bother trying to figure out who'll win Hilary of course  next year.

In 2010 World War III would start and would end by 2014. By 2011 there would be no animals or vegetation in the northern hemisphere and Europe would be almost empty. Uncanny huh?

I can feel you rolling yer eyes, if psychics were real they'd win the lottery or would take James Randi up on his million dollar challenge   to prove supernatural abilities that has been on offer since 1964. Baba Venga would have bought new eyes and John Edward wouldn't need a TV and books.

Nothing is exact and while one psychic said the spirits are never wrong as he demanded that a woman did have a family member kill themselves in the hoose she lived in (it was a rental) they often do make shit up.
Psychics also get confused because they may have visions of movies, did Baba Venga see glimpses of 28 days later or maybe Stonehenge Apocalypse that was out in 2010?  Was her prediction of giant robots that transformed into cars and trucks as a disguise really just a vision of some movie we haven't heard of? ... Old Knudsen has spent years guarding himself against robots in disguise just in case. 

Many of Venga's predictions are way in the future but 200 years from now when we contact aliens I'll make sure to remind you that Baba predicted it. In 5079 the world will end but I'll have a post already written and in the 'scheduled posts' section ready to publish when that happens just to say I told you so.

Here is her latest prediction and of course she did get the royal babies' name correct and the next one too.

   Prince George in the future. 

In the not too distant future, royals and celebs will be offered sponsorship deals if the parents name their children after a company. The next royal baby will be named Hyundai. It will be common place to not only sell yer wedding pictures to Hello magazine but also a video of the wedding night. The names Sky, Verizon and Facebook will become popular baby names and considering Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have already named their kid Apple I don't doubt this prophecy. 

Baby teeth will be sold at auction and if you haven't tweeted about yer child's first steps then they might as well not have happened. People who are not on Tweeter will be shunned by society, perhaps death camps for those fuckers and there will be mass suicides if they miss getting their user name before the trolls get them.  

You will need to have personal references from professional people and pillars of the community and 3 forms of ID and a blood sample if you want to open a new Facebook account, of course Facebook will sell yer information as well as yer DNA. 

 

Following the success of the Richard III funeral, other famous historical people will be dug up to be re-buried with the proper sponsorship deals of course. Soon present day dying people will get in on it too. "This funeral was bought to you by Chevy .... like a rock." ..... "Cremation sponsored by Skittles .... taste the rainbow"

Anna Nicole Smith will be reburied 3 times in total and Kim Kardashian will sign up for a reality show and an early death worth millions .... there maybe repeats of the funeral too.  

CarMax will lose to Allstate to become US president in 2040 ... "You're in Good Hands with Allstate."

Her e-mail ended with the usual war in the Middle east, maybe the Balkans and the Russian clone army crap, yeah tell us something we don't know.    

It's comforting to know that the world has no shocks or surprises for us in the future that we aren't prepared for. This post was brought to you by e-lax, sit back and let the good times flow.  

 

  

Old Knudsen Sees A Psychic

So I went to a psychic medium show last week. It was a small turnout of about 40 people in a side room at a hotel. I got the sense that it wasn't going to be like John Edward when the audience were coming and going to the bar every 5 minutes and vaping in their seats.

The psychic took to the small stage, he played some song to get into the mood about when you need me I'll be by yer side, very sad I'm sure.

Bob Taylor psychic medium dressed in his 3 piece suit sans jacket with his fat belly testing the the limits of his waist coat stood and breathed as he listened to the spirits behind him.

He went off on a story about how he has heard some song about using someone's pillow. I don't think it was the Drake song, 'And if you pillow talking with the women that are screwing you Just know that she gon tell another nigga when she through with you' .... it wasn't that kind of crowd. All white people (obviously) with the old weemen on the right side of the room and the middle aged weemen with about 4 men on the left. 

A woman said her pillow had fallen, hit the electric heater and caught fire and she vaguely knew of the song from when she was young, not good enough.

No one got the pillow thing, a large woman at the front who got ALL the references said she understood the pillow but I highly suspect she is one of his regulars. A bodysnatcher as he explained who takes all the people.

Someone is sucking my psychic juices I cannot speak to the dead today!

No no no, it's all your fault, you aren't paying attention and getting the connections, he berated in a more polite way. Sort of YOU DON"T BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH! Enough to make people politely nod and question themselves. Once they say that they sort of get it he runs with it and it's not like you can say no after that. People's brains make connections naturally and he is relying on us accepting his tenuous links and connections for the sake of his show. 

I only do home parties for no more than 3 people as anymore is just greed and you can't read everyone ... as he stands in front of 40 people. What if 40 spirits came through?

Ballywalter! he called out, which as it turns out is close to where he is from. A woman said, 'yes me' and he asked if she trained horses, when she was young it seems ... that was enough of a link. The lady volunteered the news that her sister had died. He asked did someone get better just before they died? .. um lots of people do that, it's one of the signs that the end is nigh.

After John Hurt's character in Alien got the thing off his face he was eating his dinner like a starving person just glad to be alive and then he died.   

Do you know the song 'Bring me sunshine?' every British person knows it just like Americans know the Mister Roger's theme. Well your sister is saying you brought her sunshine and made her smile, she also sends you rainbows.

Shit! I thought the rainbows were God's promise to not kill us all again, a sort of scary reminder to appreciate that God has let you live another day.  Like a divine raising of a hand.

Well the lady was crying and the younger lady beside her (her daughter?) was crying too. The younger lady (early 20's) had been looking back at me a lot at the start of the night, must have been my manly shoulders though I was actually thinking 'what the fuck is her problem?' aye me mating skills are that rusty, £5,00 in change is usually Old Knudsen's foreplay and yes he expects change. 

Flowers were given .... no not Valentine's day, that would be too easy. Oh flowers at a grave, imagine that. He didn't get the sister's name name though, you'd think that spirits would give that out instead of a KK name or a double barreled name which she didn't get. 

I sense a woman will meet a man, it will be awkward at first but then they will have drunken sex.

I'm getting a beautician or some beauty course that someone wasn't happy about .... silence then 'I work with make up.' None of the things applied to her such as the recent purchase of a Louis Vuitton bag or purse though the woman in front had bought a Louis Vuitton case 3 days ago. I can't even remember who her spirit was but they said she ate a lot of baked beans, which she denied but her man said she did because she was very windy. 
She'd later get an old fella who wore bicycle clips and smoked woodbine and had a wart on his hand .... out of 40 people, 10 of them knocking on Heaven's door you'd expect more to get more on that one.

He keeps saying Cody or codi .... a name of a child or pet? I thought it was a bit of a generation mistake there but it turned out to be Co-codamol, as explained by him that an elderly female relative of hers may be on. She was very quiet during the whole elderly relative part as if that bit didn't match.

If a spirit comes across I'd be validated if they said "aspirin" as sometimes I take those and am defined as a person by those wee pills.

The psychic works with dementia patients by the way .... home help? Orderly in a rest home? He didn't seem overly educated but he had balls of brass the way he told people they were wrong and the spirits were always right ..... BULLSHIT!  Even if the spirits were always right what makes you think that you are interpreting them correctly?

The drinks were flowing rightly and he even asked/told someone to put their glass down as he spoke to them.
'I'm getting a female spirit and someone who uses a nasal spray everyday'   ... the guy with the large beaky nose says, 'I use one everyday, I have it in my pocket now but there are no females involved' ... nope, it wasn't him, moving on, no one got that one either.

Somehow he landed on the young daughter lass, turns out that her grandmother may have used a spray, who knows?

Psychic, 'do you get the feeling of a male presence on your stairs?'

Gurl, 'no but I feel like someone is watching me while I'm in bed and doors I know I have closed will be open when I get home.'        

Since the lass was half decent looking and is renting her place I'd check it for hidden cameras and moved underwear in her drawer ... just saying like.

Psyhic 'It's a male relative , was there someone who killed themselves in the house? I'm getting a man who hung himself.'

Old Knudsen took all of his will power to not stand up and say, "he was not hung unless you count his huge cock, he was hanged, he hanged himself" The fucked kept repeating hung. He also said house like hise.

Psyhic 'Do you use shak 'n' vac maybe you like strong smells and what is this about a cigarette butt collection?'

Turns out she would shake 'n' vac her grandad's home and has OCD and can't stand an ash try full of butts. He also mentioned her coughing fits or maybe epilepsy, a friend of hers mined smoking cigarettes to do with her coughing, he came out with the name Matildir .... sorry Matilda which is the middle name of her sister and found out she has an aunt in Texas ... wow, how vaguely exact.

He then explained that the young gurl (not the sister, that was it with her just a middle name) was sensitive to the other side and should zip herself up in a sleeping blanket and bathe herself with protective light, it was then that the friend who mimed the smoking started asking questions. 'Are you a Christian because you sound like Pastor McConnell at the Whitewell church preaching up there' 


Psychic 'I believe in God' 

He then continued with the gurl and suggested that he came out to check out the spirit if she was worried.

The spirit went from a family member to who knows who lived there before.  


Heckler 'I paid £10 and expected to get something exact for my money instead of this shite.' 

The psychic said that he'd never convince the woman and that he was more open minded and of the importance of protecting yourself from negative people .... yes all veiled passive aggressive remarks as throughout the show.

Another woman said she had a passing recently and it was a strong person who would obviously have come through and she was surprised they didn't. The psychic said his mother had passed 15 years ago and never came to him ... I'm sure John Edward has said that.

I bet if she had paid £30 for a private reading she'd get her ghost or is that Old Knudsen being cynical?

The show ended in chaos with the psychic relying on his regulars for validation with the we are right and you are not kind of thing.

  

Here is what Old Knudsen got from the psychic. He watches the room as people sit and wait, people drinking and not keeping their voices down, lose lips sink ships. His plain wife sits at the back in silence. He's aggressive and bold, not at all shy and retiring and he's been doing this for years, he depends on his bold bluffing a lot.
I'm sure it isn't the first time he has told someone they are special and maybe he should call around to their home. Controlling women seems natural to him, at least the ones who let him control them.

While he may have some talent, not sure if the voices are telling him to say rainbows or not but the things he said could have applied to many people. He may understand humans more than anything.

Middle aged people and old women are likely to get his song references and stereotype people. There was some power in the room but I'm not sure it was from him.

Example of some patter I'd use if I was him, 'I'm getting someone, an older female who has passed connected with someone who went out for a meal or got a takeaway and wasn't very happy about it, could be today, yesterday or a month ago but the spirit is telling me that when you look at the photograph she is by your side..... does anyone know what that means?'      

Old Knudsen wasn't surprised that ALL the readings came from the middle aged people who were drinking while the old dears who have probably lost people that week got nothing.  I took two items that belonged to my parents to the show, if they turned up then I'd get easier validation than nasal prays and pain relief or a job I had 30 years ago.

While I'm sure that Ma Knudsen did turn up, that crazy old coot just danced around on the stage pretending to be some music hall star, never let her spirit around the spirits.

Of all the things, worlds and knowledge that spirits have access to, why do they make vague connections and tell you that they love you etc?  I wasn't surprised I didn't get a reading, I don't have anything much to say to my folks except that I hope they now understand everything better and if they are at peace and at happy.

I Googled the psychic and he has very little online presence except a webpage that isn't kept up to date and 6 testimonials from people who made the connections and were maybe jived that they were voodoo.

We are all voodoo, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay open to possibilities but keep yer skepticism my friends. 

He made a comment worthy of his heckler though. On some site he said about how he paid £60 to see John Edward at the Waterfront hall in Belfast only to have Edwards walk out in jeans and a hoodie, no respect for those who paid their money or for the spirit world.  

Bitchy much? 

   
 

Burn The Witches Of Ireland

Around Halloween I read about a so-called paranormal expert from Northern Ireland named David Fredriks aged 52.
Fredriks claims to be able to communicate with the dead and also foresee events which is why hes always on the Crimestoppers anonymous tip line telling the police about crimes before they happen .... not!

  Stop being such a selfish cunt and become a crime fighter if yer so good. 

Due to being so super-natural hes in big demand when a house or a business needs rid of some unwanted spooks, in fact demand for this is good enough that he gave up his job as a joiner(carpenter) seven years ago to concentrate full time on exorcisms or "clearings" as he calls them. 

He claims to have had prophetic dreams since the age of 4 but a serious car accident in his 20's gave him the ability to see and talk to spirits.  30 years on and you make it to my blog, I think you need more name recognition. 

"They would just come up to me. Many of them came because they didn't want to be stuck here and I was able to help them get back to where they should be."  

 

Maybe he does see them, especially on pension day blocking the shop aisles as they buy their cat food. 

 

  Tiffany Bleason aged 24 is a former Miss Northern Ireland contestant.

People in Northern Ireland seem to age faster than normal, the drinking, smoking and the unhealthy habit of constant masturbation to reality shows catches up to them in their 30's and before they know it they are old at 50 and get called an old age pensioner by mistake when the police beat them up at flag protests .

Back to the spooks!

 

Fredriks claims that witches are being paid to cast spells that conjure up bad spirits to destroy their business rivals.... I thought they were called Fleggers.

"There are over 44,000 practising witches in Ireland alone and a lot of them are in it for the money." 

Oh wise the fuck up, like theres money in witchcraft, no more Game of Thrones for you me lad! They have websites cos they want to sell you stuff with crystals on it.

"Some of them have websites and it is now well known that they are being used by some companies to bring up a spirit with their black magic and put it in a rival firm where it goes on to create havoc."

 My name is Raven Morgana and I'm a very powerful witch into black magic an shit.

Witches with websites, what do ya know, next there will be Christians and oh Jews online. Black magic, seriously Dave?

Hes claimed to have seen books that fly off shelves, children spinning around in their rooms at 4am if for some reason the time is important. Children can get harmed in these places and people wake up to find their clothes have been undone.

Oh no, it's not child abuse or attempted rape ...... it's a witch!!!!!

David doesn't have a website, way too evil for him no doubt, he gets business by word of mouth. Not very professional if you ask me as times are tough.
He is used to sceptics who will scoff at what he does (like Old Knudsen) which is why he is guarded about where he lives and will only say his home is in the north west of the province.... which smells like DerryLondonDerry or rape city as it's called, backwards as fuck, no wonder he sees witches instead of child molesters.

No advertising, doesn't like people to know where he is from ..... running a business while claiming benefits huh? In theory he should be able to know when the fraud squad will be round.

David sends these evil spirits and lost souls to the light and it only usually takes a few minutes to get rid of something that only he can see and hear, ya have to have video of spinning children I mean for fucks sake, get that shit on YouTube.

If you wish to book David and find out what kind of price he charges the gullible you can reach him at  david.fredriks697@googlemail.com  


 

  

Sylvia Browne The Big Faker

Sylvia Browne the famous American psychic didn't see trouble coming her way. On the TV in 2004 she told of the death of Amanda Berry who was abducted in 2003 just before her 17th birthday.

She told Berry's mother, Louwana Miller that her daughter was "in heaven and on the other side" and that her last words were "goodbye, mom, I love you".  Miller died of heart failure in 2006.

More than 10 years later Berry was escaping from a house in Cleveland where she had been imprisoned..... What is harder, knowing yer child is dead or not knowing anything?  

 In 1999. A six-year-old, Opal Jo Jennings was snatched from her grandparents' front yard in Texas. 

Sylvia told the grandmother, "She's not dead. But what bothers me - now I've never heard of this before - but she was taken and put into some kind of a slavery thing and taken into Japan."

Opal's body was found buried in Fort Worth, Texas and a man was arrested for it. The pathologist concluded, been murdered the night she went missing.... Thinking that the child was in some torment was terrible for the family. 

Shawn Hornbeck went missing on October 6th 2002. The 11-year-old disappeared while riding his bike to a friend's house in Missouri.  Sylvia told his mother that he was dead and buried beneath two jagged boulders.

Shawn was found alive four years later living with his abductor.... That case should have broke Sylvia but she just shrugged and said, "only God was 100% right" and her followers kept buying her books because they still believed and hoped she had all the answers.  

Do I believe that Sylvia is a physic? no I don't. I believe she is a people reader and good guesser... maybe a sensitive.  Something is wrong with her that she says such outrageous things that mess with people in an already difficult situation..... it bothers Old Knudsen.   

Any psychic abilities or knowledge are gifts from the gods and should be treated as such not forced to come out or just made up as people believe this shit and believe in people like her.
Old Knudsen himself has moments of knowledge that could not come from anywhere but the gods but doesn't go around thinking hes got the inside scoop to all. 

A man whose daughter Polly Klaas was abducted and killed in 1993 calls these psychics the second wave of predators as they often harass the victim's family for money for information about their missing children often sending police and family in the wrong direction.

Sylvia has done this job for so long now because .... Americans are gullible, almost as bad as the British who still think aromatherapy works.
During her shows she'll shout down anyone who says she is wrong about her facts by saying, "I'm the psychic I am the one that knows!" 

You really don't want to tell a big star in from of millions that you never had an uncle Bob who now haunts yer dishwasher? 

 

Cerebral Diarrhea.

It has happened to me before, the psychic waves of energy that floats around joining us all up to our collective conscious that makes up the universe. Being in contact with people who put their thoughts doon onto a computer not distracted by body language or the glimpse of cleavage who are disembodied voices in our own heads the energy intensifies and becomes more constant.

In older times it was the hunter using his instincts and senses to feel out the animal, like a form of radar, we still have that today thought its seldom used. Ever walk doon a dark street and get the feeling someone is watching you so you stop using sight and sound and just send out waves of thought into the shadows and you fine them?

Those who are bogged doon in the mundane unvisited by the muses of creation and inspiration will no doubt say "huh?" get back to yer one dimensional world of I-pods and bills or to yer loop of self contained misery with you at the centre of the universe.

Recently I have been experiencing a lot of Blogjinx © . I write posts and put them into draft only to have someone mention something weird I've written but not published. Go on discount this as coincidence. I say there is no such thing, maybe saying "we're on the same wavelength" is apt. I'm not saying we all agree just merely tuned to the same station, we are all just energy and impulses right?
I struggle to visit all those in my lists and make sure I get round them at least once a week, there are plenty of slack non-posting cunts out there and will sometimes get missed but every now and again I just hover the cursor over a name that hasn't done anything for a while and find they have posted and it meant something to me. This carrys on to yer real world existence as you have been working out 3rd eye or what ever hippy crap you want to call it. Not thinking but still having thoughts is a way to invoke it.

I believe that people have found my blog for a reason and I find others for a reason, its all about learning. Not just knowledge but about yerself. The meaning of life is to touch other lives recognising and seizing opportunity when it when it shows up .
Learning from past mistakes or trauma is pretty crap but necessary to survive, it makes the difference on sinking or swimming and something from the past may lead to yer destiny in this life.

Yer little gurl was abducted so rather than just drink to blot it out ruining your life and those around you more you set up an organisation in her name and save other little gurls those gurls in turn go on to cure cancer or give birth to a serial killer whatever, thats someone elses lesson to learn, the circle of life with its checks and balances who are we to question the almighty power of the universe?

Like the Charge of the light brigade they saw different cannons from where they stood so based their decisions on what they saw not the whole picture, ours is not to reason why ours is but to do and then eventually die, get used to it. Just do the best with what you have and pray there is order in the chaos, as individuals we are so important and yet so insignificant .

Many go through life in a bubble, they think they are open and self aware but really the dumb shit they have no concept of .People live their life as stagnant as this, the expression "a fool at 40 is indeed a fool" is something to consider not that they see themselves as fools, its everyone else that has the problem or is to blame.

I am in a form of psychic connection with many other bloggers as they are with me. I think this kind of bond or link is what a community or tribe is built upon. I could be a lot more open but it messes with my posts enough as it is.

Yes I know I already posted today but if I don't get this out there then the terrorists have won.