Burritos ... Ask Me How

Besides Boojum in Belfast there aren't many places to get a burrito in Northern Ireland. Old Knudsen likes Del Taco and Bakers and he used to like Taco Bell until they cut back on their portions but now he'd even take that.

Gingo friendly Mexican food is what I want, not what they call Mexican food here, it's atrocious ... a few peppers do not Mexican food make.

So after a couple of year without any I went on the hunt for something that passed for gringo burritos and found ingredients that worked. I now share my findings with other Northern Ireland plebs who are sick of potatoes.
It's easy to cook and can be done well within an hour, 30 mins if you aren't stopping to take pictures. 

The ingredients:

I use this as the rice filler because I'm a chicken sort of person. This can be found in Sainsburys.

I prefer flour tortillas which can be bought in various sizes at Sainsburys or Tesco.

An onion and some chicken. I usually get breast meat but I fucked up and got thigh for some reason, ah well it all comes out the same.

Salsa and guacamole from Sainsburys, just any old stuff will not do. Get tortilla chips and use these as dips if you want.

Yoghurt instead of sour cream, this is from Sainsburys. Don't buy stuff called sour cream or guacamole from the makers of Mexican type food brands as they are just easy to pour shite.

You can add peppers if you want, I usually add a small can of diced tomatoes but I forgot them.

Cilantro, otherwise known as coriander.  

Refried beans as found at Sainsburys and Tesco.

The most important part .... hat sass! A burrito is just a means to get hot sauce into my gob. I found Cholula at Tesco, that's the stuff real illegal immigrants would use so it must be nice. If you can't get that then something like Texas pete, if you can't get that then Frank's hot sauce but do try to get Cholula.

So easy to make.  Wash and chop yer coriander and put it in a Tupperware. Then chop yer onion and put it to the side for now. To avoid crying while peeling an onion, do it underwater, many swimming pools frown upon this but if you do it sneakily they won't have a clue. I've made whole stews in local swimming pools.

Then chop yer chicken, obviously you chop that last to avoid cross contamination. I hope you've already washed yer hands before cooking and after handling raw meat. Old Knudsen may not wash his cock for months at a time but he does believe in hand washing and will notice every single time a food handler touches their face or hair. Some of those TV cooks are durty buggers, a 3 second hand wipe on a cloth does not mean clean.      
I also disinfect areas that I've had the packaging of raw meat on before carrying on with the cooking cos I have OCD issues.

Cook yer chicken in a pan (a deepish panwith a lid) with some oil until it's cooked .... I'll assume you know what cooked chicken looks like. I like to cook chicken with paprika cos I like the pretty colour.

Throw in yer onion and other veg if you have it, let that cook then throw in yer rice from the one pan meal, let that cook for 1 minute, stirring of course.

Add 350ml of water, the El Paso sauce and seasoning and stir.

Not very encouraging, it looks like a soup of sorts. Bring to boil then lower the temp to simmer. I put the lid on the pan and set ma timer for 15 mins.

Stir a couple of times while it's simmering.

As if by magic it becomes food. Not very colourful since I forgot the tomato and didn't add pepper but oh so tasty.

I then empty a can of refried beans into a bowl and microwave it for 2 mins. 

If you cook using gas then you can toast the tortilla over the flame for 5 seconds each side or just microwave it.

The rice meal, beans, salsa, guac, yogurt, coriander onto the tortilla. I've under filled this one since I eat like yer lass in the top pic. 

Now you have a burrito, pour yer hat sass onto it as you eat .

Everything can be packed into Tupperware containers and kept in the fridge, the tortillas can get a clamp put onto the package and put in too.... the hot sauce can stay out. 

I'll feed off this for a week just adding everything onto a tortilla and microwaving it for a minute or so.  

Good light food for hot summer days, once the work is done there is no cooking .... unless you run out of beans and have to open another can.


Now you have the secret of Old Knudsen's burritos, use this knowledge with respect, it's all about the ingredients so do try to get them.  




  

The Future Is Now

It's nearly the end of 2013 and everyone is angry about the wrong things as usual.While you cry about people caught in natural disasters or clinging to existence in Syria, Gaza or Larne, ask yerself this, 'did you not want flying cars then?'

Old Knudsen doesn't forget that smug cunts like this yin promised us mobile phones and personal computers and automatic bank cashiers and flying cars! by the year 2000.


Why do you lie so much BBC?   ..... Old Knudsen knows.

Aye show the people this so they won't want to look like a right wab in their flying vehicle parked in the disabled spots at Tesco because only a cunt would buy one of these. 
No space for yer shopping and only one seat but they cost a fortune and are more environmentally friendly than yer Ford Focus so look at me being all elitist and trendy.  Even my farts smell environmentally friendly in my Lexus turbo hybrid bellend.

I want my flying car of the future which is now to be red and shiny that sends the message, I have a small penis, money to waste and a trophy wife, burn in hell you common scum! I also want to be able to sit in my living room and gaze at it in the driveway while I wank ..... is that too much to ask?

I'll tell you why they kept telling us we'd have flying cars, so they could spend as little as possible on infrastructure.
Ever wonder why new roads take so long to build? It's so that you'll fight any plans to build roads cos you don't want to have to put up with months of diggers, noise and dirt thus saving them money, "ach sure we don't need our road widened, I heard a man in Ballymena was driven insane due to lack of sleep as it took 2 years to build a road outside of his house, we're bound to be getting flying cars any day now don't go inconveniencing us for nothing."

It's all a plan I tell ya . I won't say conspiracy as I don't want to sound like a nutjob.

  

Burn The Witches Of Ireland

Around Halloween I read about a so-called paranormal expert from Northern Ireland named David Fredriks aged 52.
Fredriks claims to be able to communicate with the dead and also foresee events which is why hes always on the Crimestoppers anonymous tip line telling the police about crimes before they happen .... not!

  Stop being such a selfish cunt and become a crime fighter if yer so good. 

Due to being so super-natural hes in big demand when a house or a business needs rid of some unwanted spooks, in fact demand for this is good enough that he gave up his job as a joiner(carpenter) seven years ago to concentrate full time on exorcisms or "clearings" as he calls them. 

He claims to have had prophetic dreams since the age of 4 but a serious car accident in his 20's gave him the ability to see and talk to spirits.  30 years on and you make it to my blog, I think you need more name recognition. 

"They would just come up to me. Many of them came because they didn't want to be stuck here and I was able to help them get back to where they should be."  

 

Maybe he does see them, especially on pension day blocking the shop aisles as they buy their cat food. 

 

  Tiffany Bleason aged 24 is a former Miss Northern Ireland contestant.

People in Northern Ireland seem to age faster than normal, the drinking, smoking and the unhealthy habit of constant masturbation to reality shows catches up to them in their 30's and before they know it they are old at 50 and get called an old age pensioner by mistake when the police beat them up at flag protests .

Back to the spooks!

 

Fredriks claims that witches are being paid to cast spells that conjure up bad spirits to destroy their business rivals.... I thought they were called Fleggers.

"There are over 44,000 practising witches in Ireland alone and a lot of them are in it for the money." 

Oh wise the fuck up, like theres money in witchcraft, no more Game of Thrones for you me lad! They have websites cos they want to sell you stuff with crystals on it.

"Some of them have websites and it is now well known that they are being used by some companies to bring up a spirit with their black magic and put it in a rival firm where it goes on to create havoc."

 My name is Raven Morgana and I'm a very powerful witch into black magic an shit.

Witches with websites, what do ya know, next there will be Christians and oh Jews online. Black magic, seriously Dave?

Hes claimed to have seen books that fly off shelves, children spinning around in their rooms at 4am if for some reason the time is important. Children can get harmed in these places and people wake up to find their clothes have been undone.

Oh no, it's not child abuse or attempted rape ...... it's a witch!!!!!

David doesn't have a website, way too evil for him no doubt, he gets business by word of mouth. Not very professional if you ask me as times are tough.
He is used to sceptics who will scoff at what he does (like Old Knudsen) which is why he is guarded about where he lives and will only say his home is in the north west of the province.... which smells like DerryLondonDerry or rape city as it's called, backwards as fuck, no wonder he sees witches instead of child molesters.

No advertising, doesn't like people to know where he is from ..... running a business while claiming benefits huh? In theory he should be able to know when the fraud squad will be round.

David sends these evil spirits and lost souls to the light and it only usually takes a few minutes to get rid of something that only he can see and hear, ya have to have video of spinning children I mean for fucks sake, get that shit on YouTube.

If you wish to book David and find out what kind of price he charges the gullible you can reach him at  david.fredriks697@googlemail.com  


 

  

The Polio Vaccine Made Me Psychic

Yesterday Old Knudsen was told from a Facebook friend (who unfriended him) that Wiccans all worship Satan and push the abortion issue to kill all the children in the name of said Christian invented devil of the underworld.... Hell.  Not to be confused with the underworld Goddess Hel. 

Old Knudsen being an expert in the old ways hit the Internet to find out if these claims were true or just insane rantings from a Christian anti-choice nutter who knows nothing about Paganism or witchcraft.

He found the question being asked: Why are Wiccans so fat and ugly? hardly anything to do with killing fetus' but bear with me. Pastor Sampson had his unique take on this.

Moonbeam Starglow and Raven Sunstroke want to tell you about the Goddess ... then have a threesome to heal the earth with sex magick ... sounds good to me. 

Wiccans in their youth as they join their various covens looking for balance in nature and easy sex from like minded individuals. Mostly left wing type people who unlike Christians don't support war or the fondling of children and go into these religions. You'll find many ex fondled kids and rape survivors who wonder why God lets bad shit happen in these groups. You getting raped by the pastor was all God's plan so be comforted.

Lets keep the poser Satanists to the side, they only want to be individual and to shock people by wearing black and getting their nipples pierced ... no power to be had there.

 

Here is the pretty young Wiccan on the left with the unicorn t-shirt years later. Obviously evil or the constantly telling people you don't wear a pointy hat wears you doon.

The one on the right can no longer wear belly tops either. About that threesome, we can still have it ... just the two of us.

Here Jorge Thunderhorse ... a powerful Warlock uses his tree-fu to get the lotto numbers

After winning the lotto he set about birthing an army of evil minions (like Wiccans do) yer eating for 50 now, doon yer neck.

Old Knudsen's Facebook friend was not interested in learning the truth about the old ways turned new as her mind was made up and unfriended me for pointing out her lack of Christian tolerance for other religions.  It's ok to be a sectarian bigot if yer Christian.

The reason why witchcraft is seen as evil is people like her who demonized other belief systems, and the stealing their ways (Easter, Christmas etc) and places of worship so that Christianity would flourish. 

A battle of imaginary friends indeed but witchcraft has nothing to do with the Devil, it has to do with nature and knowledge, not my fault you fear what you don't understand. If people call themselves a witch and say "all hail Satan" just smile and avoid them .

 Poor Trayvon Christ, all he wanted to do is smoke weed and beat up on crackers.

You have more reason to fear the deluded followers of Christ who don't base their religion on his teachings of peace and love but rather concentrate on the torture bit at the end and what other people should be doing, or not doing.  

Pastor Sampson came to the conclusion that Wiccans are fat and ugly because:  Wicca makes these people fat and unattractive. We have found that it's the hole that Jesus leaves in the soul that the practitioner of evil arts is trying to fill with peanut butter, ice cream and Christian babies.

Ha! Christian babies .... Old Knudsen was wrong? ... how do you know the baby is Christian? In Old Knudsen's opinion they all taste like pork.

Christians are so darned attractive, here Becky Fischer gets busy brainwashing children at her Jesus camp. If you pray hard enough you'll have a good life. Your father diddled you? well you obviously didn't believe in Jesus enough.

I've noticed this a lot.

I liked the story where at a fair in the US an anti-choice tent handed out soft squishy baby fetus' to the children. What the fuck is going on in their more than empty heads? Ya know what Pagans, Witches and Wiccans don't do? .... yep traumatize children with dead baby toys.   

Old Knudsen is made sullen when exposed to uninformed idiocy of this level from grown ups and so will start exposing the real truths such as the robots in disguise Obama has posing as people ... very crafty.
We got wise to Interweb memes (after 15 or so years) and so to find out if we are boxers or briefs the government has to be more clever.

 

Burn Them All

It seems there is a tradition among the Mexicans that every Christmas Witches fly out to patrol the skies to try to stop Santa. Now we all know that Witches are evil vile creatures that would certainly do such a thing and as the King James Blunt version of the bible says "suffer not a witch to live" but more likely its a 3rd world cuntry making up an excuse as to why Santa didn't give them any presents, it seems Santa doesn't give presents to poor kids, either hes a cunt or he doesn't exist, its the Witches stopping him or 3rd world kids are bastards I really don't know.

It was caught on video a few times but no way am I putting up a link to some cunting You Tube.

I shall however put up a link to my news story in witch er I mean which drug dealers killed Santa in Brazil.

Then there is this proof which happened in the states, the body was found in New Mexico which is still Mexico right? just shinier . The body was taken off to be dis-sected, I hope they killed it first.

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