Happy Trumpsgiving!

Before you get stuck into that turkey let me remind you what you have to be grateful for .... yes for Donald Trump ... me! I shall make America great again like the time we had most of the known world in our empire and when we ruled the waves until the moderate rebels destroyed our Death Star.

Shut up Johnny I'm completely sober, you know what else was a sober .... sight? Seeing those twin towers come down on 9/11.
I was in my apartment at the Trump tower 4 miles away and as I dangled upside down from my sex swing I could see people jumping to their deaths as the planes struck.
I rubbed off the oil and put of some clothes and went to help. It was difficult getting in and out of the buildings to save people as angry Arabs cheering and celebrating filled the streets all shouting, "Death to America" you probably saw them on the news reports.
I had to fight off some illegal Hispanics who were trying to rape a hard working American woman, something's up with that am I right?

As the buildings came down the Arabs all cheered, I wasn't very happy. Then something came floating down from above. It was Muslim passport with a refugee stamp in it from one of the terrorists and the stamp was signed by Obama, even back then he was working to destroy America.

9/11 would never have happened if we had built walls at our borders, unless Obama gave his Muslim friends some advanced ladder technology like he gave the Iranians nukes. 

Shout up Denise I'm talking here! If you look at Obama's real birth certificate you'll see the 'B' in Obama looks like an 'S' and that his middle name is after his god father, a man you may know as Saddam Hussein. Barack is Kenyan for 'son of ' so you work it out for yourselves but I didn't vote for him. Obama is horrible, the turkey is dry and Hilary is weak at making sandwiches and on immigration.

Fuck you Rob I do care about the homeless veterans, I told one in the street to 'get a job' then I charged him $500 for that bit of financial advice.

I saw over on Ellis island a family of Syrian refugees, the parents were strapping explosive vests to their children and telling them to go into churches ..... then they changed their minds because no one actually goes to church in this great Christian nation of ours so instead go into Macy's on Black Friday, that can't be good.

Now Donald, that's a good Thanksgiving rant but it went a little racist with the whole Black Friday thing. We should be grateful that I am the greatest rock 'n' roll star ever! You might be Donald Trump but you ain't Kanye West bitch! That turkey reminds me of my beautiful Kim, my next baby is gonna be named South so he/she can get a sponsorship deal with Southwest airlines.

Cherokee princess Iron Eyes Cody crying because you don't lift up yer trash. 

Thanksgiving is not just about sales and racist rants over turkey, it goes back to the time when white people tricked idiot savages to feel sorry for them and then they used that compassion to take their land and engage on a campaign of genocide against them. 

Let us all be thankful for being white overlords .... it's fucking awesome! Those who aren't, I'm sorry for yer loss.  Lets also be thankful that we have food in our bellies, a roof over our heads and access to alcohol and strong medication, if you don't then you've failed at the game of life, go live in a teepee ya injun hippy. 

Compassion costs nothing and is often long remembered. If you see a homeless person, be they veteran or not, stop for a moment and share a little humanity with them with a kind word, ask them how their Thanksgiving dinner was and what they are doing for Christmas, maybe advise them to wash a little more often as they sometimes forget.     

Obliviously if they are of an ethnic persuasion and yer a cracker don't approach 'those' people for yer own safety. 

Let us all be grateful and ignore those less fortunate than us because it's all about plates of food followed by the traditional bloated self loathing and ignoring the old drunken racist aunt or uncle sitting in the corner. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  .... terms and conditions may apply. 

Kanye West The New Messiah?

Ken Naughton had won 2 tickets to a Kanye West concert, he wasn't very keen on going but his mother who is a big fan insisted. "I wasn't too fused really, I prefer the likes of One direction, The Vamps and of course J Cats, it was me mum who wanted to go."  

Because Naughton has been in a wheelchair for most of his adult due to severe obesity apathetic syndrome he doesn't get out much. Rolling doon to their local KFC every day and then over to the chinkies later on is about it. His only friends are pizza delivery drivers.

 If he is the new Messiah should we not then torture him and nail him to a cross?

While singing his jaunty hit song Good Life, West told the whole crowd to get up and dance. West who describes himself as a married, Christian man with a family stood on stage refusing to continue until everyone had risen. 

Naughton who was feeling slightly uncomfortable as the other fans glared at him was encouraged to stand by his mother who said, "I knew you'd spoil this for me, you've spoiled my whole life even since that day you came crawling out of me tutting and rolling your eyes and going through my purse for money."   

All of a sudden he felt a warm wet sensation, "It must have been a Kanye West miracle cos I was out of me chair body popping away."   

Kanye West has performed other miracles in his time such as turning ego into a career and fathering a child without ever having sex. The rapper later commented, "Disabled people are lazy ... far worse than any brother and that's saying something, you just have to give them encouragement straight from God."   

Did this miracle make a fan of Naughton? After having recovered from a suspected heart attack he said that the concert was rather naff but ok cos it was free.   

 After all these long-ass verses

I'm tired, you tired, Jesus wept.

Caped Fear

A limp useless penis: Not my limp useless penis as mine is super stiff and multi- functional .

The Duke of Wellington once said, "If a man says he is not afraid to die he is either lying or he is Old Knudsen" that was right after I captured Napoleon's eagle during the battle of Watergate. If yer gonna keep a bird of prey you should keep it on a leash even in the park.

Old Knudsen may welcome death as a nice wee rest until the next time the planets align but he is afraid well when I say afraid I don't mean in a stand on a chair just because the floor is covered in cobras way I mean afraid in a way of people seeing me display affection or caring in some way.

Here are things Old Knudsen is slightly afraid nay um nervous of.


Dinosaurs: Too many bad memories from childhood.

Surveillance: Bill Gates is super paranoid, him and his robot mosquitoes. If he ever found out my blogger password you'd have nice posts about saving not killing the hungry Africans.

Surveillance: The Vatican robot spiders looking for a sign of weakness in Old Knudsen.


Killer robots: A terrifying outcum of all this surveillance technology when the Spam bots rise up and finally take over. I blame the I.T. people as they are just not right in the heds.


Jesus: I hope he never returns cos I owe him a lot of money.


Woohoo's parents: Cybil and Burt for they are as crazy and as unpredictable as a serial killer on crack.

Feminists: Lets call a spade a spade..............' Man haters ' with no sense of humour they are clouded by their issues as much as any Neo Nazi is. So are feminists for or against being feminine cos it seems they are just for hating Old Knudsen.

Prison: Serving more time in that jail run by space drag queens, don't get me wrong they were great the showers were warm and soapy but the food was minging.

Losing a loved one: Old Knudsen has lost count of how many times he has had to throw a loved one into a dumpster wrapped in an old carpet (a mark of respect)


Lemurs: Those bug eyed monkey rats will take over the world and no one will see it except crazy Old Knudsen who has been dismissed for years as being nuttier than squirrel shit, enjoy yer cruel lemur Overlords ................. fools!


Erectile dysfunction: See top picture, this um worry is also combined with having my willy drop off which is what my mother said would happen if I didn't stop ............... well you know what boys are like.


Hostile 17: Old Knudsen loses his edge and gives into the bland mainstream and is no longer true to himself. Old Knudsen is The Kevlar Rooster who will stand up for the weak and then drink their blood, his mood is anti-social and his swagger is manly cos he is sure of himself.

Allen Rickman: More and more people are saying what a hunk of a man Rickman is which means they are saying it less and less about Old Knudsen. Rickman is a minger paint him green and he'd look like a wicked witch.


Kanye West: Old Knudsen likes to ................. "I'm happy about your post but the post Manuel had about that ghey bar was the best and most revealing in the world".

Not Again Kanye!

I'm very happy that you are beating this guy up but Rodney King got the best beating in the world!

Damn You Kanye!

I'm happy for you Knudsen but I think MJ has the most filthiest blog in the world!