Scientists To Probe New Assteroid

Scientists are hoping to land a probe on the giant asteroid 69K/Chekhov-Gryziński. Much in the same way the Rosetta lander did but without ugly ass shirts and with more grappling hooks due to the greasy nature of the asteroid's surface.  

Project scientist Matt Tyler said, "We'll land the Black Mamba lander on the surface of
69K/Chekhov-Gryziński and we'll dig in, yes we'll totally tap that asteroid."

Scientists are hoping that the information sent back will prove how much of the asteroid is made up of photoshop and wet dreams. 

 

Childhood Memories

Old Knudsen was a beautiful baby as you can agree, some wanted to leave him in on mount Taygetos to die from the elements or to be eaten by wild animals as was our way with sickly or disabled babies but it was thought that maybe I'd grow into my looks a bit more as I got older.

In those days we just didn't do disabled people, there was no building ramps or kneeling buses, no awkward moments when you want to stare at them but want to remain cool and so ignore them as you would anyone else but then get accused of discrimination. Should disabled people be treated like everyone else or should everyone else be treated as disabled people? ..... too much to ponder. 

In my day toddler training consisted of tough love, we'd be left alone in dark unfamiliar places for hours, half starved and crying, when me mammy came home from her bare knuckle tournaments she'd wash me in wine that would sting my eyes and tell me off for being so needy.

At the age of seven I was taken away from home to start my military service like all the boys did. We'd learn to be disciplined, not to let discomfort get to us, we learned martial arts and taught to run around half naked in the cold or the heat because the older men to whom we looked to for guidance liked it.
We'd be given lashes of the whip in a display to show how much we could take without crying out in pain, I'd usually win as it takes a while for pain to reach my brain, I also have a thick fuzzy pelt of hair on me back which also helped. I must say that a flogging is a great way to get rid of warts or suspect moles.  

Don't get me wrong it was a great childhood .... when I mean great a loving hug would have been nice and I don't mean from older men trying to guide me. Apart from that it was spot on.

We learned to survive on our wits, to scavenge and steal in order to survive. We had taken a whole nation as our slaves, they had great farm land and so we wanted it. Those people were called the Helots and outnumbered us 10 - 1, always revolting and trying to retake their lands, to show them what cunts we were we'd tell our 13 year-old boys that killing a Helot was a rite of passage.

They were adults and strong from working the land but when faced with a 13 year-old who has spent his life learning to kill with a xiphos which was a sword only 12 -16 inches long they never stood a chance. Stab stab stab in the groin cutting the femoral artery then running off .... that kept the slaves in their place.

Such an upbringing made Old Knudsen into the man he is today, my therapist thinks I could have done without the brutality but she doesn't understand. Back in my day it was, 'fucking Persians, lets kill them all or die trying' .... the die trying bit seemed a little extreme to me and so me back always conveniently gave out before a battle.  
Now it's 'fucking Muslims' same people but in my day it was honest racism, none of that religious shite.

Well it's good to see that children are being taken away from their homes and taught how to kill and die, putting the state, or the cause before themselves. Those children are being taught this by the likes of Hamas and ISIS and so I guess that makes us the Helots now. 

      

You Are All Ready Brain Dead

I am sick of people with their troll science facts yammering on about things that "might" be harmful to their health, "Oh I'd never drink coke, that stuff will rot your insides, you can clean rusty nails with that and it costs us millions in healthcare costs because those who drink coke are fat and who likes fat people?  .... well I only really drink it with my vodka when I'm binge drinking every weekend."

First of all .... FUCK UP CUNT BREATH! there, that had to be said, ya know what Old Knudsen doesn't have in his stomach? rust, that's what and it's thanks to coke. Is this just another excuse to get at fat fuckers? we'll make excuses for drunks, junkies and men in general but fat people .... greedy weak willed wankers eating all the pies and getting power scooters and all the cool drugs like insulin.

You can disguise yer bigotry if you want, I'm sure it doesn't show. They can diet but you'll always be a cunt. Besides fat people, er Obese, Obtuse, Obeast, that's it, obeastity creates jobs in healthcare and in the food industry and fat people are jolly because of their deep rooted fear of rejected and the need to be liked.
Coca cola makes you fat and rots yer teeth, ya know what else does that? food and not brushing yer teeth, people are so judgmental especially those smug cunts with their expensive Apple products, and anyone with a kindle, aye you know it.

Judgmental people ended the brilliant career of bike rider Lance Armstrong. Not only did he land on the moon but he did so with only one testicle, he also won 18 Tour De France races while drunk and high as a kite and still with one nut .... I'd like to see you try that. Old Knudsen can barely ride a bike sober never mind wasted so give it up for Lance. He says that drugs made him a better cyclist, I can understand that as drinking makes me irresistible to weemen and I'm really funny when drunk too... except when someone mentions the war.  We lost some good men, and a few ok ones, I don't wanna talk about it. 

Lets us now explore the brain a little bit more. Ancient man used to think that cauliflowers were brains grown from the mother earth which explains why early brain transplants dating back to 40,000 BC were failures.
Today our brains are under constant attack, from radio waves, microwaves, ocean waves and of course stupid people on the Internet, we don't even realise that we've been attacked as it's on a cellular level but sure enough it's altering yer way of thinking.

Coke = bad, guns = bad, immigrants = bad, double dipping = bad, cheating at sports = bad ... yer brainwashed on a daily basis.

Chocolate, coffee and orgasms give you cancer, I SAID THEY GIVE YOU CANCER, take yer fucking fingers out of yer ears I get it, you'll take the risk .

 

The first mobile phones invented were called "cell" phones, short for cellular as they were developed for the US military as weapons to destroy the enemies brains on a cellular level. Realising that you could make phone calls on these weapons changed it's path however this new generation of youngsters who have been raised with a cell phone experience neuronic degradation because like it or not the signal or "beams" as we in the science community call them are still slightly weaponised in order for them to work.     

Like electricity through water the beams naturally want to pass through the big wet masses we call brains.
As well as the harmful effects of destroying our neural pathways the beams also have an addictive quality hence everyone reaching for their phones every other minute, fat people with phones are the worse, am I right?

Before phones there was masturbation, you should have listened to the warnings about it effecting yer eyesight, now you have to wear glasses to play yer Angry birds.

This was the brain of a cell phone user, he'd have the alert sound turned on for when he got texts but he'd still check his phone without hearing them. He's dead now, it might have been the removal of his brain that killed him though some think it was the cell phone signals rotting his noggin.

On the spot brain health check, if you can't find the 5 obvious differences then check at the bottom of this post for what you should be asking yer Doctor to investigate.

Men and weemen have very different brains, the male brain is bigger and packed with knowledge and hard, solid facts while the smaller more effeminate brain helps weemen deal with living as a sort of expendable sidekick you have sex with depending on headaches and those problems we didn't talk about  .... yuck!
If people knew about the various attacks coming from computers, phones and televisions they would probably break out the tinfoil however with even a just little usage and a bare minimum of exposure to these death rays the addictive qualities and with a degrading brain mass you become yer own worse enemy and focus on things out of yer control like climate change or on troll science like coca cola being used to strip paint and look at this burger, I've had it since 2007 and it stills looks the same ... well except it's dry and shriveled up and changed colour but apart from that it looks exactly the same, no mold .... yeah sure I kept it in a dry hot place and it mummified but still, the evil that is a burger.

The environment needed for mold to grow is the same as in yer Ma's gunties. 

How can I respect my readers when they do not respect themselves? 

Now don't blame me that by reading this post you've become even more dumberer, you were that way to start with. The moral of this post is to stop being a dick just because 50 other people shared these important facts on how burgers, cola and beer are going to kill you doesn't mean that you shouldn't indulge the fuck out of them.
Be like Lance, was he high when he set nut on the moon? he had to have been. The chances are that you do several other things that are killing you just as slowly, what are you going to do, eat healthily? Don't be stupid, you can't eat the vegetables cos Monstanto grows them and genetically alters them with pig sperm so burger it up.

Back in the day Jesus only had 12 followers on Twitter but they got people to re-twit and now millions of twits follow him. He was a sad fucker, he used to play online games so every time he got a request his sound would go and he'd pretend it was an important text and that he really did have friends and things to say, uh blessed are the bakers for they give me free bread which is cool, eat it like it was my flesh, go on man say braaaiiinnnsss!

Life is short so if yer gonna be a confused lump of "who are you, where am I?" drink coke cos it tastes better than water which has more chemicals in it cos you voted in politicians who believe in fracking, do drugs cos they blot out yer miserable existence for a few hours. Life is sweet cos it's packed with artificial preservatives and sweetners, life is also what is killing you.

   

White Blonde And Special

 Torn between that ample soft cleavage, that bottom lip being bitten and the beer.

I was mulling over some thoughts in my head just idly day dreaming not even registering the panic around me as my patient pumped blood all over the floor, ach such is the way of modern medicine, they look all healthy and full of life before their toe operation but as soon as you get them onto the operating table and cut them open their frailty becomes apparent.

 

 The son was returned when they realised they were the parents.

As I scrubbed the blood off my arms I pondered the recent cases of the Roma children who got taken away from their parents because they are too white and blonde compared to their parents, plus we all know that gypsies steal white blonde children to use their blood in dark magick ceremonies. 

 

This gormless couple were not the parents of young Maria ..... another Roma couple were, they probably sold her or lost her in dog fight betting ..... just do it.... aye, you'd do him.   

These are Maria's real parents.

These child custody cases are fueled by racism against Gypo's or by people who think they have found Madelaine McCann amongst the savages.

Why are these pale aberrations being born to the dirty Gypos? ..... no offense meant ya pikey fuckers.

Being blonde or ginger and having blue eyes is an adaptation of nature to help mankind handle northern climates, it's a glitch to be honest and nature will someday rectify it if humanity lasts that long.  

These Roma families are producing children with a recessive gene from their ancestors that just popped out ..... assuming some blonde surfer dudes aren't shagging these brutal looking weemen on the side of course. 

Adolf Hitler showed a great interest in genetics. He and his flunkies decided that humans were either in the acceptable Nordic group types or they were in the sub human slave group types. He claimed that some people weren't technically human and so the Geneva convention didn't apply to them, handy reasoning.  Slavs lived up to that name and in Hitler's eyes they were indeed slaves just waiting to be domineered. 

Northern Italians were fine but the rest of the dirty eyeties had too much black blood and Hitler spoke to Mussolini about this ... they also shared an interest in torturing kittens and loved playing dominoes.   

Pseudo German scientists took their troll science to northern India and Nepal to find the Aryan people, these were the people who Hitler believed all pure Germans were descended from. The name Aryan comes from Sanskrit word ārya and in Classical Sanskrit it means 'honourable, respectable or noble'. The name Iran/Iranians comes from Aryan, Iran = land of the Aryans. 

The Aryans were Europeans, Greeks, Germans, Indo-Iranians and believe it or not Celts, Slavs and Balts too as their languages all originate from the same root.

Ya this ist die German three, two in the pink and one in die stink.

So theory time cos Old Knudsen was making monkeys in Africa and was no where near northern India in those days when the Aryans were about. 

These Aryans who were light brown blurted out some white kids the further north they traveled. These white children who were a novelty were seen as being fucking class, every home should have one.

Maybe it's like modern day Mexico and south America countries in which lighter skin is preferable and seen as a sign of status as it means yer more likely descended from the Spaniards than the local Indians. 

So the Aryan children grew and bred with each other and watered doon the darkies thus producing some great mythical race so adored by the Nazis. 

 We are the master race ...... join us. 

Well to be fair they probably didn't know at the time that they were some great white blonde nation, luckily the Germans were able to tell them the truth. 

For some reason everyone in the UK tries at some point in their life tries to be blonde, so many straw haired weemen here maybe they think blondes have more fun.

Who knows what they think?

Why are blondes set up to be the ideal of perfection for the Nazis considering most of the Nazi leaders were dark haired or fat balding types ?

 We kill the leaders and the intellectuals and enslave the people, ya? ...... Ya es ist sweet dude.

The Nazis just liked fucking with people and enjoyed a nice parade with flags so they could go around striking fear into the minorities while they celebrated their culture. The blonde thing was just some homoerotic thing Hitler had going on. 

They were like bored children, lets inject things into their eyes to see what happens or lets cut them open for a look. 

Are blonde jokes anti-weemen or a reaction to anything German after the war? 

We live in a racist world where if you can pass for white then you do it which is funny because many white people are seen as subhuman even to this day .... bloody immigrants huh? ach dirty gypos have no business spewing out blonde kids, have you seen those children? something not right about them. 

In another thousand years the white blonde people will be a thing of the past and brown-ish people will be the main race. 

Any blue eyed blonde kids that pop out will have their heads smashed like the ancient Egyptians did. 

And this will be the vintage look.

This post was about racism and jumping to conclusions with Roma people obviously stealing white children and why has being blonde and blue eyed been so special throughout history? Even Jesus is white with blue eyes now. 

A load of white dudes putting on costumes and uniforms and making laws that others must follow. Imagine having to have to put others doon and show them their place in order for you to feel good. If you don't have colour to complain about them there is their language or even their religion.

It still goes on and on today. Everyone farts, everyone blows their nose and looks at the hanky to see what you got, everyone eats corn just to see it coming out in their shit, everyone gets the odd scary hair sticking out 2 inches long from someplace on their body ... if you don't then you just haven't found it yet, but I bet others have seen it. 

And except for Old Knudsen, no one is better than anyone else. Royalty, the super rich and the overly educated, good looking folk with big tits or huge muscles ... they still bleed when you cut them.

Being white and blonde isn't any basis to be better than anyone. You are all equal so talk to each other as equals, some highly educated snooty folk may not like that so fuck them, at the end of the world when the zombie virus hits or a world wide EMP knocks all technology out, what good will yer degree in politics do ya then? 

Life is too short to live it knowing yer place and doffing yer cap to yer so-called superiors, you might even like them when you realise they are just people and those with underlings, just because you inherited a business doesn't mean you get to treat folk like dirt ..... wise up.  

Old Knudsen wants to kick the fuck out of people on a regular basis because you humans don't know how good you have it, and yer fucking it up by merely existing or treading water. Slap on a fixed smile and get some crazy eyes going on and live life with a chuckle.... find the funny, find the happy and own the ground you walk on. 

Now fuck off! 

   

An Honest Mistake, On The Hole

Republican congresswoman Michele Bachmann suffers from migraines, I'm sure the investigation into her alleged misuse of funds from her 2012 presidential campaign isn't helping them any. Luckily she has friends that care about her.

Only a dirty mind could think that this looks like a sex toy. 





Rex Elsass, the CEO of the conservative Christian political consulting firm Strategy Group for media






thought he'd give her something that she needed ... a massager, so he sent an employee out to buy one.

The employee bought the Ass-master 3000 vibrating pleasure machine which I suppose in certain lighting may look like a vibrator.... a great choice BTW.   

The offending tool of joy was “intercepted” by the Christian group before Bachmann received it which spoils my little day dreams and her fun somewhat. 

Intercepted? .... that sounds like tampering with the mail, a federal offense with a $2000 fine and up to five years in prison.... Americans take tampering with sex toys very seriously.

Old Knudsen suspects that there is more to this than meets the eye.

Bachmann really needs it, she suggested that Congress should “spank” President Obama and “pinch his ears back” in order to “give the president a major wake up call” regarding immigration reform.

She said “He has a perpetual magic wand and nobody’s given him a spanking yet and taken it out of his hand.”

She also suggested that Obama shove his huge throbbing black cock up her ass while discussing his healthcare reforms.... thats the last time she'll be asked to appear on The view I reckon.  

Fucking gagging for it and Rex Elsass knows it.

I wonder if her husband Marcus knows she is a horny hose beast on the prowl, he spends most of his time on the golf course, if it wasn't for Rex always calling round she'd be lonely too.