War Stories With Old Knudsen

I don't like to talk about the war, mostly because unless you've felt the fear and the adrenaline of losing bladder control during a firefight with Nazi cyborgs from the future you won't have a clue what I'm talking about .... that and the fact I tend to get me wars mixed up, ach so many good times and drunken blackouts.

Old Knudsen once captured one of those Napoleon French Imperial Eagle thingys when he served in the 105th Foot and Mouth Regiment in 1815 which means it was just after dinner for you civvies who can't tell the 25 hour clock time. 
The English Major in charge was well chuffed and thought he was taking it for the regimental museum or something so I says, "away an fuck ya Sassenach cunt" .... according to eye witnesses that is as I was so blootered that day I don't even remember killing yon 38 men with my belt bucket to get the eagle, I doubt the account is true as I'd never use a racial slur like Sassenach to some English cunt.   

I woke 8 days later in a French hoor hoose with just the beak and the wing tip left of the eagle. I used the tip to pay for some wine and a fat syphilitic hoor who was most grateful if you know what I mean. That is why there is a gold eagle beak in the 105th museum at the Catterick Garrison in North Yorkshire in case you were wondering. 

In 1945 I found myself in France again. I had come over in a HORSA glider with 24 other men of the 47th Surplus Brigade. Once the glider was detached from the plane the only thing you could hear was the rushing of air and the squeaking of farts .... it wasn't me I swear, ok It may have been a little. That silence was broken with explosive flak, well they shouldn't have served curry before the op. We landed in a field and rushed out to secure our position. It was a warm spring moonless night, I scanned the horizon for landmarks and pulled a tarp over my head to shine a light on my map .... fuck it smelled like rotten curried eggs in there and I didn't get a fucken medal for doing it either. 

We had to take the Belgium town of Bremon as it overlooked the main river crossings and from what I hear had some very nice Gothic architecture, well it did have the year before now the only architecture that was left was Emo and that sucks dead donkey balls. 

After giving up on the map reading I asked the Sergeant which way to go. We met up with C and D company but A company's glider had been destroyed by anti-aircraft fire and now we were a company short, we would have to put a lot more effort in if we wanted to fill the A hole.... So we had a cup of tea and thought about it a little. 

We advanced on Bremon along the hedge rows in staggered formation, the main reason for the staggering was that I insisted the men drink the case of celebratory brandy I had brought for when we won cos you don't want to have to carry all those bottles into battle, they might get broken. 

When the anti-aircraft guns stopped firing nearby we could hear the Germans talking, "I keel alz die Englisch schweinehund" we were made up from the fodder regiments and were mostly Scottish, Irish, Welsh and a few Poles and even one Lapp ... dancer from Lapland, his name was Sami, amazingly hypnotic hips. We took being called pig dogs no problem but English???? Thems fightin werds. 

We set up the Bren machine guns to give us covering fire as we drunkenly charged forward firing our Sten  guns with scant regard for health and safety. The Germans that survived our initial onslaught hurriedly surrendered. 
We didn't have enough men to be able to hold a large amount of prisoners (my troops kept running in front of me gun, they should have known better) without fear of a rear attack so we did the unthinkable, something I ain't too proud of, we said fuck the Geneva convention and dressed them like pretty French ladies and married them in rushed ceremonies, now they were our wives instead of enemy combatants, one young lad swore that one day he'd be Pope and he'd take his revenge out on our children ... German dirty talk is weird. 

We pressed on as dawn was approaching and we had started to sober up, any Krauts left Bremon rather fast and surrendered to the advancing Russians when they heard all the honeymoon action. I killed 24 men on that horrible night but on the bright side 3 of them were the enemy ..... but I don't want to talk about it.                                

 

The Lidl Has Eyes

 Ghey hipsters love Lidl.

I love Lidl, it's a German store that has good quality and good prices. They very often sell weird stuff that you never knew you needed. I didn't see any of the kilts they said they would be selling for Burns night. While Knudsen isn't a Scottish name he does have many Septs and Clans in his family tree and is tight with money and smells like pee.

Only a real man can wear a skirt, weemen wearing them is just so ghey or something.

I bring to you a Lidl mystery. If you pull up to a store you may see this fella called Stephen Graham from Fermanagh .... it may unsettle you how his teeth seem to follow you as you walk to the store or maybe it's his eyes that can watch two people at a time that un-nerves you. 

I'm watching you.

Just a friendly yet slightly creepy farmer, the whole cuntry is full of them.... well not friendly, just creepy farmers, with guns. 

I chopped up my family .... here, eat them.

Then you get inside the shop and the same fella is Martin Rafferty from Newry. There can't be two guys who look like that, who would think it was a good idea to clone this lad? 

The baldy fella with the eyes and the teeth wants you to taste his beef, how could you refuse? 

Well I don't trust you Mr Rafferty ... if that is even yer real name, once you lie to Old Knudsen yer dead to him.
Is he even a farmer? Leaning on a gate does not a farmer make. I can't seem to look away from him for long, this must be Lidl sorcery, I'm off to write them a strongly worded e-mail in which I will mention how this fella haunts my dreams, maybe I'll get some vouchers. 

World War Knudsen

2014 means it's been 100 years since WWI, ach it doesn't seem that long ago that Old Knudsen was sticking his bayonet into German, Turkish and French soldiers in brutal hand to hand trench warfare. The great war for civilization as it was called was more spectacular than great. Getting to kill loads of foreigners and not get done for it, whats there not to like? it's just so civilized.

Old Knudsen had war wounds from previous engagements that he was still recovering from, the eye he lost during the Crimean war had grown back but was only seeing in black and white, luckily everything was in black and white in those days. The arm he had lost during the Boer war had been found but not sewn on very well, it would suddenly jerk forward when big tittied weemen were around causing my hand to rest on their boobies .....  when you get older it takes longer to heal.

Major Knudsen with Mrs Knudsen ..... probably. 

I had been finishing off my foreign service in Ireland, training new plebs and helping the police collect rents from the bog trotters when I decided that I needed a break and so I left to open a florist shop in Surrey...... England.
The wife had just given birth to our 5th child . Nature is a funny thing, my pale skinned blonde wife must of had some wog blood in her heritage as little Tarquinius was as brown as the Indian servants in the officer's mess, oh how we laughed at that one, well the wife didn't but everyone else did. I think it's called recessive genes, it's lucky that Old Knudsen knows about these things.

When 1914 rolled round all the young men were either running to Wales or signing up to fight the Hun. Old Knudsen had, had enough of war but Ares the gog of war wanted his mighty warrior of death on the field of glory slaying in his name.

Get stuck in there ye boy ye!

It was a matter of pride at the time, weemen whose husbands were already over there were picking on every able bodied man who they thought should be off dying for their king and cuntry just like their fella. Getting attacked by a crowd of screaming witches calling you a coward was something most blokes tried to avoid.

The wife put on a brave face when I told her I had re-enlisted and was going off to die for King and cuntry, luckily Sanjay, a waiter from the Officer's mess at Navan barracks in Dublin was in town and promised to look out for her.

Good ol Sanjay, he raised her spirits at this difficult time for as I was leaving the hoose I could hear her laughter halfway doon the street.

I had the good fortune to have joined with the 69th Irish cannon fodder regiment but only as a sergeant. I soon moved up in the ranks though as the officers kept mysteriously getting shot from behind during our advances across nomad's land ..... those fucking sneaky Arabs no doubt, thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

Well that is the story of how I joined to kill whatever was going during the Great war of 1914 - 1921.... (I didn't quit like those other losers in 1918) I'm not proud of some of the things I did during that time but it was a different era and anything went back then. I was as justified as a molesting British TV personality.

If I can bear the flashbacks and the awful memories I'll try to write about the time when I was scratched by a werewolf and won the battle of Ypres during the time of the full moon and how I reversed the polarity on the German Doomsday device sending 10,000 krauts into the null void.

It was a time of kill first and ask questions later.

White Blonde And Special

 Torn between that ample soft cleavage, that bottom lip being bitten and the beer.

I was mulling over some thoughts in my head just idly day dreaming not even registering the panic around me as my patient pumped blood all over the floor, ach such is the way of modern medicine, they look all healthy and full of life before their toe operation but as soon as you get them onto the operating table and cut them open their frailty becomes apparent.

 

 The son was returned when they realised they were the parents.

As I scrubbed the blood off my arms I pondered the recent cases of the Roma children who got taken away from their parents because they are too white and blonde compared to their parents, plus we all know that gypsies steal white blonde children to use their blood in dark magick ceremonies. 

 

This gormless couple were not the parents of young Maria ..... another Roma couple were, they probably sold her or lost her in dog fight betting ..... just do it.... aye, you'd do him.   

These are Maria's real parents.

These child custody cases are fueled by racism against Gypo's or by people who think they have found Madelaine McCann amongst the savages.

Why are these pale aberrations being born to the dirty Gypos? ..... no offense meant ya pikey fuckers.

Being blonde or ginger and having blue eyes is an adaptation of nature to help mankind handle northern climates, it's a glitch to be honest and nature will someday rectify it if humanity lasts that long.  

These Roma families are producing children with a recessive gene from their ancestors that just popped out ..... assuming some blonde surfer dudes aren't shagging these brutal looking weemen on the side of course. 

Adolf Hitler showed a great interest in genetics. He and his flunkies decided that humans were either in the acceptable Nordic group types or they were in the sub human slave group types. He claimed that some people weren't technically human and so the Geneva convention didn't apply to them, handy reasoning.  Slavs lived up to that name and in Hitler's eyes they were indeed slaves just waiting to be domineered. 

Northern Italians were fine but the rest of the dirty eyeties had too much black blood and Hitler spoke to Mussolini about this ... they also shared an interest in torturing kittens and loved playing dominoes.   

Pseudo German scientists took their troll science to northern India and Nepal to find the Aryan people, these were the people who Hitler believed all pure Germans were descended from. The name Aryan comes from Sanskrit word ārya and in Classical Sanskrit it means 'honourable, respectable or noble'. The name Iran/Iranians comes from Aryan, Iran = land of the Aryans. 

The Aryans were Europeans, Greeks, Germans, Indo-Iranians and believe it or not Celts, Slavs and Balts too as their languages all originate from the same root.

Ya this ist die German three, two in the pink and one in die stink.

So theory time cos Old Knudsen was making monkeys in Africa and was no where near northern India in those days when the Aryans were about. 

These Aryans who were light brown blurted out some white kids the further north they traveled. These white children who were a novelty were seen as being fucking class, every home should have one.

Maybe it's like modern day Mexico and south America countries in which lighter skin is preferable and seen as a sign of status as it means yer more likely descended from the Spaniards than the local Indians. 

So the Aryan children grew and bred with each other and watered doon the darkies thus producing some great mythical race so adored by the Nazis. 

 We are the master race ...... join us. 

Well to be fair they probably didn't know at the time that they were some great white blonde nation, luckily the Germans were able to tell them the truth. 

For some reason everyone in the UK tries at some point in their life tries to be blonde, so many straw haired weemen here maybe they think blondes have more fun.

Who knows what they think?

Why are blondes set up to be the ideal of perfection for the Nazis considering most of the Nazi leaders were dark haired or fat balding types ?

 We kill the leaders and the intellectuals and enslave the people, ya? ...... Ya es ist sweet dude.

The Nazis just liked fucking with people and enjoyed a nice parade with flags so they could go around striking fear into the minorities while they celebrated their culture. The blonde thing was just some homoerotic thing Hitler had going on. 

They were like bored children, lets inject things into their eyes to see what happens or lets cut them open for a look. 

Are blonde jokes anti-weemen or a reaction to anything German after the war? 

We live in a racist world where if you can pass for white then you do it which is funny because many white people are seen as subhuman even to this day .... bloody immigrants huh? ach dirty gypos have no business spewing out blonde kids, have you seen those children? something not right about them. 

In another thousand years the white blonde people will be a thing of the past and brown-ish people will be the main race. 

Any blue eyed blonde kids that pop out will have their heads smashed like the ancient Egyptians did. 

And this will be the vintage look.

This post was about racism and jumping to conclusions with Roma people obviously stealing white children and why has being blonde and blue eyed been so special throughout history? Even Jesus is white with blue eyes now. 

A load of white dudes putting on costumes and uniforms and making laws that others must follow. Imagine having to have to put others doon and show them their place in order for you to feel good. If you don't have colour to complain about them there is their language or even their religion.

It still goes on and on today. Everyone farts, everyone blows their nose and looks at the hanky to see what you got, everyone eats corn just to see it coming out in their shit, everyone gets the odd scary hair sticking out 2 inches long from someplace on their body ... if you don't then you just haven't found it yet, but I bet others have seen it. 

And except for Old Knudsen, no one is better than anyone else. Royalty, the super rich and the overly educated, good looking folk with big tits or huge muscles ... they still bleed when you cut them.

Being white and blonde isn't any basis to be better than anyone. You are all equal so talk to each other as equals, some highly educated snooty folk may not like that so fuck them, at the end of the world when the zombie virus hits or a world wide EMP knocks all technology out, what good will yer degree in politics do ya then? 

Life is too short to live it knowing yer place and doffing yer cap to yer so-called superiors, you might even like them when you realise they are just people and those with underlings, just because you inherited a business doesn't mean you get to treat folk like dirt ..... wise up.  

Old Knudsen wants to kick the fuck out of people on a regular basis because you humans don't know how good you have it, and yer fucking it up by merely existing or treading water. Slap on a fixed smile and get some crazy eyes going on and live life with a chuckle.... find the funny, find the happy and own the ground you walk on. 

Now fuck off! 

   

Knudsen On Tour

I went over to Germany to visit my old mucker Mago. It was difficult as all of those cunts speak some demonic lingo and I couldn't find Franconia on a map.

I stayed at a Bed and breakfast. The woman who was a big fat pig looking type with her hair in braids and said, "There are no watch towers no barbed wire no hot water and breakfast is at 6am sharp, if you are late you shall be executed und laughing and having fun is Verboten."

The AA (Automobile Association for alcoholics) gave the place a good rating. The gallon of beer, sausage and shrewdal made from fresh Shrews was a hearty filling breakfast to start yer day with.

Germany had changed a lot since I had last been there, for one they weren't trying to kill me, they were still goose stepping and acting superior well until you mention the 2 wars and the 1966 world cup result.

I sped back to the UK through the Channel tunnel and up to Killamory for a visit. Those cunts couldn't understand me and said I had gone native when I mentioned how small everything was there, well I was at the fucking Lego village.

My best friend Billy one ear is doing bird for killing some bird I always knew there was something wrong with that fella. Sammy piss stain died in a freak accident, it seems he was knocked doon by a visiting freak show.

So I made my way to the airport before the authorities realised I was in the cuntry and I was surpried to see this.

But glad to see this.
Well that will teach me for trying to visit a fellow blogger without having their address or knowing what they look like. I have no idea why he won't give me his address.


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Maybe A Firestorm Will Give Them Character

On this day 1945

One tactic used by the Royal Air Force and the United States Army Air Force in the second World War was firestorms. This was achieved by dropping incendiary bombs, filled with chemicals such as magnesium, phosphorus or petroleum jelly (napalm), in clusters over a target.

After the area caught fire, the air above the bombed area, become extremely hot and rose rapidly. Cold air then rushed in at ground level from the outside and people were sucked into the fire.

In 1945, British Air Marshall Arthur Harris decided to firestorm the medieval city of Dresden. It had not been attacked during the war and was virtually undefended by anti-aircraft guns.

On the 13th February 1945, 773 Lancasters bombed Dresden. Then the Americans sent over 527 heavy bombers to follow up the RAF attack. Its thought that 35,000 were killed but some German sources say it was over 100,000.
In Hamburg, two years before Dresden, at least 40,000 died, other cities laid waste in such a fashion and though it cannot be excused Britain was fighting for its very existence and had suffered its own blitz's at the hands of the Germans.

Winston Churchill later re-thought the whole carpet bombing strategy and had decided it wasn't worth the destruction as resources were short and how can they rebuild Britain when Germany has nothing to give to them?

People are disgusted that so many civilians were targeted as they are with the bombings of Japan. The Blitz of towns and cities in the UK between 7th September 1940 and 16th May 1941 killed 43,000 if you don't stop yer enemy it would be more and civilians do help with the war effort.

Kill the man who makes the bullets so the soldiers have nothing to fire, so-called innocents get in the way and that is one of the many unfortunate things about war.

If we had pounded the fuck out of the Germans in the first World War instead of just letting the troops go home with their rifles there might not have been a second world war, not the Germans piss themselves if you even say the word 'Nazi'. Would the war in Iraq be unwinnable now if the allies had pressed on and removed Saddam during the Gulf war? pulling out half-way through and leaving potential allies to be slaughtered is one way to fuck up a war 12 years later.

Here is the problem, not wanting to hurt the feelings of the bad guys. The Germans shouldn't have tried to invade the world and the Japs shouldn't have helped them. The Palestinians and the Lebanese shouldn't support terrorists, just because it paid off for Sinn Fein doesn't mean a thing they are white and semi educated and civilised nations abhor killing white people with access to a legal team.

You know in films when the good guy only wounds the baddie then the baddie comes back half-way through and really fucks things up? well that's what life is like, you kill yer enemy twice if possible, leaving wounded is for the weak.

When political correctness infects people common sense gets thrown out the window and rapists are put into open prisons where they can play the lotto and win 7 million pounds. Good things happen to good people because not enough enemies of society are put to death, instead they are let out because someone double booked the jail cell or had a Good Friday agreement .

Well done Air Marshall Arthur 'Bomber' Harris you are a true national hero.

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Ramming Speed.

One of the reasons why you should use a splash guard when you cook sausages in a frying pan while wearing a thong and high heels. I like the gurl in the picture learned the hard way, you don't have to.

I am the mighty Dinosaurous Rex, watch me flail about in the tar pit of life until I'm made ex-stink by hemorrhoids from space . Then the meek shall inherit the Earth.

Some cultures are different yet very similar. American men when they meet other men do the non threatening head tilt, they jerk their heads upwards as if to say " my jaw is exposed to you which shows I mean no trouble."

The same as reaching out their right hand to shake hands, the sword hand is open and shown to be clear and non-threatening.

My people when faced with a male of unknown quantity will nod downwards while keeping their eyes on the male at all times as if to say, " you don't mess with me and I won't mess with you, but I am ready."

The soft as shite Southern English wag their tails and sniff yer hole but thats just their way.

I started talking about the thing that cricket players do when they are about to bowl to the batter, they rub the red cricket ball against their trousers as you may do to an apple before you eat it but it all just sounded so very wrong.

So these guys are rubbing their balls against their trousers furiously and the thing is that they're dressed in white to you see a big red stain near the crotch but they don't care because this has become a habit to them so they stare off while they rub away at their balls getting a good polish on it until its time for the other guy to whack the balls as hard as he can with a solid bat made out of willow.

If I did this sort of thing in the High Street on a Friday afternoon the police would be called, not that I have of course.

Have you heard about those memorial T-shirts? it seems to be an African - American thing amongst the lower classes there, In America not Africa. When someone you know dies (usually by drive thru shootings and the like) you get a t-shirt with their face on it saying something like, "Rest in peace my Homies" or "Word up Cold T in gangsta heaven" you get the idea, "my niggas died and all I got was this t-shirt" I hope when I die (if I ever will) that all my bitches will honour me with a classy t-shirt with my face on it and before you take a swig of that Holsten Pils you dribble some out into the gutter for all the ex Bloggers that have been flagged along the way in Blog related violence.

Lord Milky it seems got a warning at work about logging onto my Blog due to the graphic nature of some of my images. I don't think sitting in the Hoose of Lords among the blue blooded inbreed twats of England is the best place to be surfing with yer lap top but who is going to tell a Knight of the realm that? so I thought for a bit and decided to be more careful with the images I post, then I had a bit of sugar which got my blood sugar level up and wised up. It is my promise to all you good folk out there that I would sacrifice any of you or yer jobs for the sake of my own pervertedness and freedom of speech, if I don't speak up then who will?

There was a bit of a reaction to the picture of the man with the bottle up his arse and as a bottle may be a bit extreme we all know that men like to stick their thumbs up their own arses while they're having a wank and I really doubt that we men are the only ones that buy butt plugs and beads of woe, then again I may just be the only one, ah fuck it.

Mecca or Makkah in Saudi Arabia is the birthplace of the Prophet Muhammad, and where the religion was founded not to mention the burial place of Adam from that famous fucking duo (as long as he was on top) of Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, those are the Uncle and his friend we don't mention. So it peaked my attention when it came up on my shite meter. Could our Saudi friends and allies be interested in the wisdom of my Blog or is it a bitter Muslim counterpart to me with a short fuse? From this holy city came a search for 'Rimjob.' That just struck me as funny, not as good as the search I got from the Vatican city for 'altar boys that like to suck off old men.'

The Pope Dirk Benedict IV turned 80 recently and no I'm not going to mention how he was in the Hitler youth during WWII I mean who wasn't? I just want to wish him a happy birthday and thank heaven for little boys.

Speaking of leopards not changing their spots the German army are in trouble for suggesting that crime in New York, the Bronx I believe is perpetrated by black people. Shame on them maybe in the rest of New York a large percentage of crime is caused by Blacks and Latinos but in the Bronx everyone knows the crime is caused by Irish and Italian immigrants over bootlegging rights so cut Johnny Black fella some slag ya fucking Nazis.

In case you hadn't heard, a German army training video was uncovered that had a shooting instructor shouting at the trainee to imagine themselves in the Bronx, "a black van pulls up in front of you and three African-Americans get out and start really insulting your mother... act!".

The soldier opens fire and shouts obscenities in English, as the instructor encourages him to curse even louder.

It happens to me all the time, my mother tends to break a lot of hearts and robs them while they are sleeping.

You know I am not surprised that the Germans lose all their wars, what ever happened to controlling yer breathing, calm and collectedly counting the rounds you shoot off ? when you make war all personal and kill people out of hate well professionalism just flys out the window. I of course blame the Pope and Hans Gruber from Die hard as played by Alan Rickman, fucking cunts.

Prince Charles Says.

"Well done Old Knudsen another excellent post. Gobbling Granny is extremely fine totty, something I might go for myself."