The Lidl Has Eyes

 Ghey hipsters love Lidl.

I love Lidl, it's a German store that has good quality and good prices. They very often sell weird stuff that you never knew you needed. I didn't see any of the kilts they said they would be selling for Burns night. While Knudsen isn't a Scottish name he does have many Septs and Clans in his family tree and is tight with money and smells like pee.

Only a real man can wear a skirt, weemen wearing them is just so ghey or something.

I bring to you a Lidl mystery. If you pull up to a store you may see this fella called Stephen Graham from Fermanagh .... it may unsettle you how his teeth seem to follow you as you walk to the store or maybe it's his eyes that can watch two people at a time that un-nerves you. 

I'm watching you.

Just a friendly yet slightly creepy farmer, the whole cuntry is full of them.... well not friendly, just creepy farmers, with guns. 

I chopped up my family .... here, eat them.

Then you get inside the shop and the same fella is Martin Rafferty from Newry. There can't be two guys who look like that, who would think it was a good idea to clone this lad? 

The baldy fella with the eyes and the teeth wants you to taste his beef, how could you refuse? 

Well I don't trust you Mr Rafferty ... if that is even yer real name, once you lie to Old Knudsen yer dead to him.
Is he even a farmer? Leaning on a gate does not a farmer make. I can't seem to look away from him for long, this must be Lidl sorcery, I'm off to write them a strongly worded e-mail in which I will mention how this fella haunts my dreams, maybe I'll get some vouchers.