Death To The Sheeple

What fucking use is a phone line if the Internet is down? You just don't understand.

What I'm about to tell you will happen in our near future, many of you will die but don't worry cos Old Knudsen makes it through. 

The Segarians are that race of aliens that you probably get mixed up with the Greys but they are taller and meaner .... they WILL anal probe you, not for research but for fun. For centuries they have been interfering in the development of humanity, their purpose is of course world domination but due to funding cuts and other worlds being more profitable their actions are usually seen as meddling in the hope for the long game to change in their favour, to destroy and kill to pass the time. 

 Bush Snr invaded Iraq then pulled out early just for the lolz.

With the aid of human hybrids in high places they have manipulated history and the world with hidden bases everywhere. If you don't believe that some in high places are alien hybrids who care nothing for mankind then look at the world today and think about what some world leaders do. 

Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State traveled the world promoting Fracking saying that shale gas could help rewrite global energy politics. Bulgaria, Romania and Poland being her main targets in Europe with Poland promising nearly a third of it's territory to shale gas exploration.... Fracking has to be alien, what human could sell out it's own planet by poisoning it?  Also secretaries type, file and give blowjobs, this is not the normal state of a secretary. 

 

  

People walking doon a street looking at their phones .... doesn't seem like normal behaviour does it? It isn't, it's addictive and compulsive behaviour. Soon all movies that depict real life will have people looking down at their phones and mumbling their lines like a distracted Al Pacino. 

A 20 year-old woman recently checked her Facebook without realising that some crazy 89 year-old grandmother was going to pick that time to jump in front of her car to kill herself.  Do people not know how difficult it is to check yer kitty porn on Facebook while doing 85 mph? 

I find it difficult to believe that people can have that much to say.

After improving on human technology and giving everyone a pocket sized computer to utter their inane mutterings into from anywhere at anytime, the Segarians relied on our own addictive personalities.

Already weakened by the norms of society and the poisons that are legally put into our food and water we become slaves to a tiny screen and hooked on what instant updates we get, at the mercy of their space rays of doom, seeping into our brains from phones we willingly bought and can't live without. 

Why haven't they replied, it's been at least 4 minutes? What do you mean they might have something better to do? I HAVE NEEDS DAMN IT!

Then it happened. 

      

The Internet went doon, you could no longer hide the fact that yer a moron by blaming autocorrect on every stupid thing you wrote. I think I may be getting dick today cos I am so hot! ... sick, I meant sick. Hope I get cock too. 

After the first three hours of constantly checking yer phone the panic started to set in. The sweating and the fidgeting that couldn't be calmed by drugs fegs or glue had people climbing the walls. 

Then people remembered about the aurora borealis and went outside and did something they hadn't done in years, they looked up. 

The light show which had been set up by the Segarians reacted with the years of Segarian conditioning they had been doing via cell phones. The Internet lull only lasted 24 hrs but became known as the 24 hour year, like OMG.

Within days many people fell into vegetative states, Old Knudsen's love life improved 98%. They could not be awakened and died, one third of the world's population died.... so many unanswered texts, what a waste. 

Distraught, the rest of the world took to social media to meme and twat about it, then Apple (a Segarian company) invented the iBox in which you no longer had to look at the real world ever. You could walk doon a virtual street and even get virtually mugged cos you weren't paying attention .... literally in a figurative way. 

Of course within seconds of being stabbed for yer wallet you could easily put it up on Twatter, I think I've lost a least 2 pints of blood, lucky I'm not in Europe as I don't know what that would be in liters :(

The Segarians like to decimate the Earth's population now and again like with a world war followed by a flu outbreak, then followed by another world war. The Middle East is full of Segarian hybrids which is why the West doesn't seem to do enough to stop them.   

Being a psychic time traveling sex offender, is a great burden and those lucky few who read this warning shall now be prepared. I can't say exactly when it will happen as I've said too much, it's like a month before that giant asteroid full of space Ebola hits us and triggers a new ice age. 

 

      

You Are All Ready Brain Dead

I am sick of people with their troll science facts yammering on about things that "might" be harmful to their health, "Oh I'd never drink coke, that stuff will rot your insides, you can clean rusty nails with that and it costs us millions in healthcare costs because those who drink coke are fat and who likes fat people?  .... well I only really drink it with my vodka when I'm binge drinking every weekend."

First of all .... FUCK UP CUNT BREATH! there, that had to be said, ya know what Old Knudsen doesn't have in his stomach? rust, that's what and it's thanks to coke. Is this just another excuse to get at fat fuckers? we'll make excuses for drunks, junkies and men in general but fat people .... greedy weak willed wankers eating all the pies and getting power scooters and all the cool drugs like insulin.

You can disguise yer bigotry if you want, I'm sure it doesn't show. They can diet but you'll always be a cunt. Besides fat people, er Obese, Obtuse, Obeast, that's it, obeastity creates jobs in healthcare and in the food industry and fat people are jolly because of their deep rooted fear of rejected and the need to be liked.
Coca cola makes you fat and rots yer teeth, ya know what else does that? food and not brushing yer teeth, people are so judgmental especially those smug cunts with their expensive Apple products, and anyone with a kindle, aye you know it.

Judgmental people ended the brilliant career of bike rider Lance Armstrong. Not only did he land on the moon but he did so with only one testicle, he also won 18 Tour De France races while drunk and high as a kite and still with one nut .... I'd like to see you try that. Old Knudsen can barely ride a bike sober never mind wasted so give it up for Lance. He says that drugs made him a better cyclist, I can understand that as drinking makes me irresistible to weemen and I'm really funny when drunk too... except when someone mentions the war.  We lost some good men, and a few ok ones, I don't wanna talk about it. 

Lets us now explore the brain a little bit more. Ancient man used to think that cauliflowers were brains grown from the mother earth which explains why early brain transplants dating back to 40,000 BC were failures.
Today our brains are under constant attack, from radio waves, microwaves, ocean waves and of course stupid people on the Internet, we don't even realise that we've been attacked as it's on a cellular level but sure enough it's altering yer way of thinking.

Coke = bad, guns = bad, immigrants = bad, double dipping = bad, cheating at sports = bad ... yer brainwashed on a daily basis.

Chocolate, coffee and orgasms give you cancer, I SAID THEY GIVE YOU CANCER, take yer fucking fingers out of yer ears I get it, you'll take the risk .

 

The first mobile phones invented were called "cell" phones, short for cellular as they were developed for the US military as weapons to destroy the enemies brains on a cellular level. Realising that you could make phone calls on these weapons changed it's path however this new generation of youngsters who have been raised with a cell phone experience neuronic degradation because like it or not the signal or "beams" as we in the science community call them are still slightly weaponised in order for them to work.     

Like electricity through water the beams naturally want to pass through the big wet masses we call brains.
As well as the harmful effects of destroying our neural pathways the beams also have an addictive quality hence everyone reaching for their phones every other minute, fat people with phones are the worse, am I right?

Before phones there was masturbation, you should have listened to the warnings about it effecting yer eyesight, now you have to wear glasses to play yer Angry birds.

This was the brain of a cell phone user, he'd have the alert sound turned on for when he got texts but he'd still check his phone without hearing them. He's dead now, it might have been the removal of his brain that killed him though some think it was the cell phone signals rotting his noggin.

On the spot brain health check, if you can't find the 5 obvious differences then check at the bottom of this post for what you should be asking yer Doctor to investigate.

Men and weemen have very different brains, the male brain is bigger and packed with knowledge and hard, solid facts while the smaller more effeminate brain helps weemen deal with living as a sort of expendable sidekick you have sex with depending on headaches and those problems we didn't talk about  .... yuck!
If people knew about the various attacks coming from computers, phones and televisions they would probably break out the tinfoil however with even a just little usage and a bare minimum of exposure to these death rays the addictive qualities and with a degrading brain mass you become yer own worse enemy and focus on things out of yer control like climate change or on troll science like coca cola being used to strip paint and look at this burger, I've had it since 2007 and it stills looks the same ... well except it's dry and shriveled up and changed colour but apart from that it looks exactly the same, no mold .... yeah sure I kept it in a dry hot place and it mummified but still, the evil that is a burger.

The environment needed for mold to grow is the same as in yer Ma's gunties. 

How can I respect my readers when they do not respect themselves? 

Now don't blame me that by reading this post you've become even more dumberer, you were that way to start with. The moral of this post is to stop being a dick just because 50 other people shared these important facts on how burgers, cola and beer are going to kill you doesn't mean that you shouldn't indulge the fuck out of them.
Be like Lance, was he high when he set nut on the moon? he had to have been. The chances are that you do several other things that are killing you just as slowly, what are you going to do, eat healthily? Don't be stupid, you can't eat the vegetables cos Monstanto grows them and genetically alters them with pig sperm so burger it up.

Back in the day Jesus only had 12 followers on Twitter but they got people to re-twit and now millions of twits follow him. He was a sad fucker, he used to play online games so every time he got a request his sound would go and he'd pretend it was an important text and that he really did have friends and things to say, uh blessed are the bakers for they give me free bread which is cool, eat it like it was my flesh, go on man say braaaiiinnnsss!

Life is short so if yer gonna be a confused lump of "who are you, where am I?" drink coke cos it tastes better than water which has more chemicals in it cos you voted in politicians who believe in fracking, do drugs cos they blot out yer miserable existence for a few hours. Life is sweet cos it's packed with artificial preservatives and sweetners, life is also what is killing you.