Brock Turner's Only Crime Was Recycling

I'm going to let you in on a secret. White Privilege is real ... it is, we even have a secret handshake and code werds. But it's like Santa, question it too much and it goes away.
We never speak about it we just quietly acknowledge each other with a nod. One time in SoCal I was standing over some bodies, my knife dipping with blood as I looked through their pockets for the crack I was owed a police car pulled up and two officers jumped out, a black one and a white one. The black one was all like 'drop the weapon' as he pointed his gun at me, the white cop said "back off Tay Tay I got this" and he behaved like a white person.

Yes that's where the expression 'act the white man' comes from. It doesn't mean oppress or rape it means to be a nice person ... nothing racist there. They helped me get my crack and gave me a lift home. Tru story bro.

In Sainsbury's when I buy stuff they give me like triple the Nectars points on my next shop or £5 off when I buy dog chews next time .... being white is awesome! At Tesco they don't even charge me, I just walk through the barrier beeping cos Barry the security guard is morbidly obese and can't run but why would you run after white people? 

Life hack: If yer white and running from the scene of a crime just tell the police you are jogging. White people do that kind of shit. 

Even the police here have decided that when most people drive off without paying for petrol at the pump it's an honest mistake and not worth police time, it rocks having only 1% of the people in Northern Ireland being ethnic. They of course drive off without paying on purpose .... duh! 

 George Washington was white but black people stole his name cos he didn't have a TV.

God is white, Jesus is white, most people that win Oscars are white, Obama would be completely white if he could be, he kills brown people with drones like a whitey. 

We stuff and mount African natives and put them on display in Spain, sorta like Planet of the Apes, this was in 1831. We got away with it until some cunt wrote a book about it in the late 90's and in 2000 ended up sending it back to Africa for a burial. We had the last laugh though cos he got a Christian burial. 

Shorty it's yer birthday, we're gonna bury you like yer a Christian. Cause you know we don't give a fuck about yer religion. 

 

Poor Brock Turner, misunderstood, middle class white boy. He is far better adjusted than most men children kids. He knows that you have to value Mother Nature. After a night of partying at a party with a huge amount of leezers cos this playa didn't get any action, even with those swimmer's shoulders. 

 Oh look, someone threw out a white girl.

He passed by a dumpster and saw a white girl lying there. He shook his head in disgust at America waste and thought that maybe he could fix her up. Before going to the effort of carrying her to his pad he wanted to check out if she was still in decent condition. 

 I like.

Here is where the misunderstanding cums in. Two Scandinavians saw him and decided to impose their loose Scandinavian morals upon him.  

Brock Turner isn't a rapist! According to the law in Callyfornia and even here in the UK he is not a rapist as he didn't insert his penis into her. DNA tests came back negative hence the short sentence, he's merely a sex offender but who isn't? 

 So quit judging him you open carry nutters and stay off his fucken lawn!

Yeah he "only" inserted a foreign object into her. by foreign I'm suspecting it said 'made in China' on it ... everything does.    
The poor lad served 3 long months in prison and has to carry this burden with him all his life just because of his beliefs in recycling. 

I blame the parents. Brock is the name of the hyper sexual trainer in Pokemon. "nurse Jenny I'd love to splurge all over your anime titties"  so what else could Brock have become?      

Brock is the victim here.  White privilege is real but the rest of the world is going crazy. 

In the old days Jews from Brooklyn would get Oscar nominations for playing Injuns red skins Native Americans but now all they get is slagged off for race appropriation ... yes I'm looking at you misunderstood wife beater Johnny Depp. 

We'd have movies like Zulu and The Wild Geese that had murderous black men with big knifes after whitey. We had black face entertainers and I never once took offense. Now you have movies like The Revenant which still has murderous savages but if they are played by real natives and white man is just as murderous then it's ok ... the rules are soo difficult these days. 

Just remember, the first rule of white privilege is that you don't talk about white privilege. The next time yer out and there is free WiFi just accept the injustice of it all and appreciate yer privileges as you surf the Internet for cat pictures for free.