How To Make The Most Out Of White Privilege

Old Knudsen is white ... I'd say Caucasian but that reminds me of cock which due to a genetic fault makes me giggle so I never say I'm Cauc :::sniggers::: nope I can't do it. Which is the title of yer sex tape ...KA-Chow!

Old Knudsen is also a male, ask yer mom. Around 10,000 BC white people said, "fuck it's hot here in Africa I'm off to Europe to mate with Neanderthals cos I likes em hairy"  and so rode their Velociraptors north and invented civilization. Nature can be cruel at times and so weemen retained the smaller Neanderthal brain while males had big fuck off brains full of smart shit an stuff.

One of the many reasons why white males are so awesome. You give a male child a stick and before long they are using it as a gun, whacking fences and trees with it or sharpening it to a point on the concrete. That's the survival A-Type personality kicking in that helped us survive. A stands for AWESOME of course.

  Pity his wife wasn't so understanding about these blurred lines

White males have privilege, you don't hear about brown or black privilege cos we whites rock! Weemen can benefit from our privilege too like a Remora fish.  

We grab ass, we grab pussy, when you are a white male they'll let you grab anything. Old Knudsen does his old man act. I got up to a young lady and ask her if she knows who my favorite magician is, they usually can't guess so I say David Blaine and grab their arse and we all awkwardly giggle, it's great.  It's all a part of my charm, if they are uppity I tell them I'm old and easily confused by modern day etiquette.

Biden crosses the line and they love it. Look at her body language, totally relaxed 

Thomas Jefferson used to do it and if it's fine for one of the founding fathers then it should be fine for the founder of myDeets .... a social media platform that didn't really take off as people accused me of selling their details. It was a set up!

Luckily thanks to 50 shades of Grey going mainstream weemen are now allowing us men to get adventurous in the torture dungeon bedroom. Be careful never to go too far though, I always tell my lady friends the safety word right before I gag em.

You can call Old Knudsen a feminist if you want as long as me dinner is on the table at 6pm.

Some Libby McLibtardface might be offended that I dare even mention how superior white males are. They might use words like racist, sexist, misogynist or thundercunt. I only date weemen to groom them .... for the glass ceiling obviously. 

We need more weemen in jobs like teachers, nurses, veterinarians and strippers and Old Knudsen is telling young hot chicks to reach for that goal like it's a dish cloth or iron. Someday the werld will be enlightened enough to thank me. 

     

Check out the great value. White privilege gets you the special menu. In every restaurant or fast food outlet the managers all know of the special menu that only us white people get to order from. When Old Knudsen goes to a McDonald's he can get a McRib at any time. Breakfast menu? Get the manager they'll know. 

For a limited time only ... not for us. 

  

Guess what little boy won't grow up with a life of inner city crime and poverty ... ach c'mon how is that racist? There only is one race, go be offended somewhere else. 

Has Old Knudsen crossed the line yet? Well for us white people the line is more of a guideline. 

Before you ask, some very fine people on all sides have asked Old Knudsen to run for president but Old Knudsen doesn't do running which is why he and the military had to part ways. 

I told him he'd shot his eye out, no trigger discipline he got triggered  

When us white people aren't eating kale, dancing badly and being all round douchebags we like to shoot people. 

In the US white males are the top group for mass shootings WE ROCK! ... #1!!!!

When Old Knudsen bought his rifle the man behind the counter was unsure. A bolt action rifle that only holds 10 bullets???? .... sounds gay. 

After a few homophobic slurs and jokes I assured him that I took no pleasure what so ever from sucking cock for beer money. 

I told him my rifle was .303 caliber and could easily tear through a couple of innocent by-standers, of course we both laughed and chanted USA USA! ... like you do. 

We whiteys can sexually harass weemen and become president ... as long as we aren't creepy about it eh Mr Hairy Wankstain? The police don't assume we are criminals which is why you should only shoplift when ethnics are in the shop as a distraction.
Kill someone in a hit and run or car crash, if you have a good reason like you were distracted by a cat video on yer phone or posting to Twitter you'll get away with it eh Bruce Caitlyn Jenner, Laura Bush, Ted Kennedy, Howard Hughes and John Huston? ... what fucken stop sign the crab had a knife it was hilarious. 
If we shoot up a school, church, concert we could shout "Alan Arkin!" while wrapped in an ISIS flag and it still won't be called terrorism* and we'll get a polite letter telling us to surrender to the authorities. Most shooters that kill themselves only do so when they doubt their white privilege. 

The only downside to being white is that you can't rub it in the face of poor unfortunate non-whites, they really do get upset that they are not white going by the reaction I get wearing my white pride t-shirt.

So yes we must give the appearance of modesty and forego our righteous smugness but we know, oh yeah.




Disclaimer:  All views on this blog are satirical, unless it's about Jews and lemurs. Do not try anything from this blog in front of children and or recording devices.

* Killing sprees are only terrorism when deemed so by authorities and when the motive is political or ideology based. If you don't agree with that and want to call every nut-job a terrorist then you are dumb and are the type of person that calls drink and drug addiction an illness, get over it snowflake.   

  

Brock Turner's Only Crime Was Recycling

I'm going to let you in on a secret. White Privilege is real ... it is, we even have a secret handshake and code werds. But it's like Santa, question it too much and it goes away.
We never speak about it we just quietly acknowledge each other with a nod. One time in SoCal I was standing over some bodies, my knife dipping with blood as I looked through their pockets for the crack I was owed a police car pulled up and two officers jumped out, a black one and a white one. The black one was all like 'drop the weapon' as he pointed his gun at me, the white cop said "back off Tay Tay I got this" and he behaved like a white person.

Yes that's where the expression 'act the white man' comes from. It doesn't mean oppress or rape it means to be a nice person ... nothing racist there. They helped me get my crack and gave me a lift home. Tru story bro.

In Sainsbury's when I buy stuff they give me like triple the Nectars points on my next shop or £5 off when I buy dog chews next time .... being white is awesome! At Tesco they don't even charge me, I just walk through the barrier beeping cos Barry the security guard is morbidly obese and can't run but why would you run after white people? 

Life hack: If yer white and running from the scene of a crime just tell the police you are jogging. White people do that kind of shit. 

Even the police here have decided that when most people drive off without paying for petrol at the pump it's an honest mistake and not worth police time, it rocks having only 1% of the people in Northern Ireland being ethnic. They of course drive off without paying on purpose .... duh! 

 George Washington was white but black people stole his name cos he didn't have a TV.

God is white, Jesus is white, most people that win Oscars are white, Obama would be completely white if he could be, he kills brown people with drones like a whitey. 

We stuff and mount African natives and put them on display in Spain, sorta like Planet of the Apes, this was in 1831. We got away with it until some cunt wrote a book about it in the late 90's and in 2000 ended up sending it back to Africa for a burial. We had the last laugh though cos he got a Christian burial. 

Shorty it's yer birthday, we're gonna bury you like yer a Christian. Cause you know we don't give a fuck about yer religion. 

 

Poor Brock Turner, misunderstood, middle class white boy. He is far better adjusted than most men children kids. He knows that you have to value Mother Nature. After a night of partying at a party with a huge amount of leezers cos this playa didn't get any action, even with those swimmer's shoulders. 

 Oh look, someone threw out a white girl.

He passed by a dumpster and saw a white girl lying there. He shook his head in disgust at America waste and thought that maybe he could fix her up. Before going to the effort of carrying her to his pad he wanted to check out if she was still in decent condition. 

 I like.

Here is where the misunderstanding cums in. Two Scandinavians saw him and decided to impose their loose Scandinavian morals upon him.  

Brock Turner isn't a rapist! According to the law in Callyfornia and even here in the UK he is not a rapist as he didn't insert his penis into her. DNA tests came back negative hence the short sentence, he's merely a sex offender but who isn't? 

 So quit judging him you open carry nutters and stay off his fucken lawn!

Yeah he "only" inserted a foreign object into her. by foreign I'm suspecting it said 'made in China' on it ... everything does.    
The poor lad served 3 long months in prison and has to carry this burden with him all his life just because of his beliefs in recycling. 

I blame the parents. Brock is the name of the hyper sexual trainer in Pokemon. "nurse Jenny I'd love to splurge all over your anime titties"  so what else could Brock have become?      

Brock is the victim here.  White privilege is real but the rest of the world is going crazy. 

In the old days Jews from Brooklyn would get Oscar nominations for playing Injuns red skins Native Americans but now all they get is slagged off for race appropriation ... yes I'm looking at you misunderstood wife beater Johnny Depp. 

We'd have movies like Zulu and The Wild Geese that had murderous black men with big knifes after whitey. We had black face entertainers and I never once took offense. Now you have movies like The Revenant which still has murderous savages but if they are played by real natives and white man is just as murderous then it's ok ... the rules are soo difficult these days. 

Just remember, the first rule of white privilege is that you don't talk about white privilege. The next time yer out and there is free WiFi just accept the injustice of it all and appreciate yer privileges as you surf the Internet for cat pictures for free.