A Tribute To Ian Paisley

It's been a difficult week, first Ian Paisley dying at the young age of 88 (which is code for heil Hitler and he died on the 12th... did the Illuminati kill him?) and now Pope Benedict carking it too. Ian Paisley's legacy has been bandied about in the press as they try to say nice things about him, the Firebrand brimstone minister! which means he was a radical Christian fundamentalist, like calling someone a Hellraiser when in reality he drunks too much, gets into fights and is a bit of a dick.

The self-appointed champion of the loyal Protestant unionists, he was there at the beginning trying to get bridges named after his Protestant hero Edward Carson instead of calling it Queen's bridge ... aye, way too Fenian or was it way too ghey?

In the 50's he formed the loyalist vigilante group Ulster Protestant Action and baited Catholics into riots by attacking peaceful demonstrations.

According to Martin McGuiness the IRA’s Army Council never made an attempt on Paisley's life because he was more valuable alive. Sure the IRA would have thrived but with Paisley and his anti-Catholic hate speech that denied durty Fenians basic human rights, their membership and support soared.

On the other side in 1984 the UFF tried to shoot Gerry Adams but Loyalists are crap at killing and out of 20 shots they hit him three times in the neck, arm and shoulder. Worse than the LAPD. An off duty NCO in the Ulster Defence Regiment and an off duty policeman arrested the three suspects.    

 His favourite road sign was 'No entry' and he loved roundabouts.

Paisley fought a campaign against the legalising of homosexuality with his catchy "Save Ulster from sodomy!" slogan, it was made legal between consenting adults in 1982, we are ever so enlightened in Northern Ireland.

He was also not too fond of other things ..."Line dancing is as sinful as any other type of dancing, with its sexual gestures and touching. It is an incitement to lust" though his wife says that he was a fucking ninja between the sheets... it was as if he had something to prove.  

 Seen here rubbing bats together with his partner Martin McGuinness. 

Did Paisley protest too much about homosexuality? I mean he also said he'd never go into government with Sinn Féin "We are not going into government with Sinn Féin"  .... couldn't be any clearer and "I will never sit down with Gerry Adams... he'd sit with anyone. He'd sit down with the devil. In fact, Adams does sit down with the devil."

 Adams sitting with the devil.

Also "I am not going to sit down with bloodthirsty monsters who have been killing and terrifying my people" So yeah, Paisley probably got a little action on the doon low if you know what I mean .

Holding a big, hard hammer. 

In his last year of life Paisley tried to tell everyone that he was for peace all along and that Catholics were wronged and discriminated against..... um yeah, by you! His recollection grew a bit dodgy when anyone brought up him saying things like "They breed like rabbits and multiply like vermin" when talking about Catholics during a rally in 1969 .... I don't recall saying that. 

Tony Blair and Gerry Adams also have selective memories, it's like political alzheimer's . No one believed the shite that Paisley came out with at the end since this was the man to whom many UVF members devoted their lives to, and were driven to the murder of Catholics in the car of his speeches. 

Get it? driven to ..... ach never mind. 

Just like Adams who has also been called a peacemaker, half the trouble and problems would not have been there for these men to solve if they hadn't have created them. One thing you can say is that they do both get out of the way very quickly when the trouble starts.

So big Ian, for the trouble you've caused Northern Ireland which as been just as bad as what the IRA have done and the hatred you've incited I hope yer afterlife is one that you deserve.