Friday Ramble

Hydrogen sulphide is a toxic gas generated by bacteria living in the human gut that is responsible for the delightful odour of flatulence.

The gas is also produced by an enzyme in blood vessels where it relaxes them and lowers blood pressure.

I am in no way shape or form making this up but smelling farts is good for yer health. I've been smelling farts for years now and I can still beat midgets to a pulp with me fists.

Ladies when yer man shoves yer head under the bed covers for a 'Dutch oven' he is saying 'He loves you and wants you to be healthy ' so suck him off to show yer appreciation. You would not believe how many ungrateful hoors who would pull out a razor blade out from their hair and slice you just because you want to lower their blood pressure.

Some people just do not know what is good for them so the next time yer in a lift or an elevator as the idiot Yanks would call it even though it lifts you up and doon and to elevate means to just go up let one rip and make them feel the healing.

Not faith healing as that is a load of bollocks but just remember ladies I am skilled in sensual massage and can bring you to orgasm with a rub of yer lumbar its not cheating on yer spouse if he watches (thats extra) welcome to fart healing, cum breathe in my egg and onion sandwich and not only will yer blood pressure be lowered you'll never have to trim yer nose hair again.


A Japanese plant has entered the Blogoshpere. Midori-san has attachments that measures bio-electric signals and these are converted into data by a computer translated into Japanese in the form of a blog.

It says things like, "It was a cloudy day" and "caterpillars are cunts" thats far more entertaining than some of yer efforts, yes you know who I mean. A Spider plant from London plagiarised it with its post ' It was cold today' for fucks sake I commented on that post and now I just feel used and not in a nice way either.

Did John McCain's brother 'Joe' call 911 to complain about traffic?

Operator: 911 state your emergency
Caller: It's not an emergency but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?

Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic? (pause)
Caller: "(Expletive) you." (caller hangs up)

We older peeps can't keep up with the street urchins and their way of talkin and so get confused between 411 and 911. Don't look at this call as an elitist who thinks he is above the law and that being a McCain he can demand and expect an answer from the common pleb look at this as a lonely confused old man who is a reporter and stage actor who served aboard the USS Enterprise under Captain Kirk during Nam. Fucking sailors and their flared trousers full of semen.

Bob the builder popped a question to Barack Obama about illegal immigrants like Handy Manny taking all the building jobs and what would he do about it. Obama said something vague like change, hope and put them on an island and bomb the fuckers.

It turns out that Bob isn't a real builder and is really a member of The Village People and has an over due library book but who are we to judge?


Handy Manny looks extremely worried but who gives a fuck? Hispanics are crap at voting.


What is wrong with this picture?

Segregation in deep south America a time when black people were given their own drinking fountains but now because of cunts like Martin Luther, Spike Lee and Hugh Grant they now have to share a crowded drinking fountains with whitey. Have we progressed or regressed?

I'll tell you what is wrong with the picture coloured is spelled wrong.


Speaking of which I've done a fair bit travel in my life time. I explored the Nile and went up the Wha-tutsi on several occasions. Now folks want to blame aids on the Brits just because we shagged some African monkey eaters 100 years ago.
I liked the idea that the US government invented aids to kill off queers but really the US government are just so incompetent they can't even get enough flu shots out to the public. Bush never knew about 911 in fact he didn't even know about the dangers of pretzels until it was too late.

I blame the monkeys for being so damned tasty they are the true mastermind behind aids. Save a queer and kill a monkey.


Ellen DeGeneres is a leezer with a totally hot gurlfriend Portia DeRossi. I don't know if Portia is also a leezer but it is a waste if she is.
You can have Anne Heche but give us Portia. Ellen was going on about same sex couples and their influence on kids to make them ghey. She said she grew up with heterosexual parents and was surrounded by straight people all her life but still turned ghey. Good point I say.

Americans are flip floppers always trying to reverse laws on abortion or ghey marriage, now here in Callyfornia there is Prop 8 which is to get rid of ghey marriage in favour of traditional marriage. If the gheys want to suffer the slings and arrows of discontentment otherwise known as marriage I say let them.

C'mon right wingers let the gheys suffer too vote NO on prop 8. Marriage isn't taught in schools so it doesn't effect the kids in fact nothing is taught in schools today.
When I went to school which were the happiest 3 days of my life as you don't see the sky often when doon the pit we were taught the 3 'R's reeding, righting and rithmatic anything else I learned at the school of hard knocks but lube is common sense even for us blessed with the patented self lubricating foreskin .
Remember if you were circumcised that means yer parents hated you so you must be a total git.

For fucks sake is it Friday already I'm outta here its United nations day and time to celebrate.


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