Tuesday, 9 June 2015

In Cod We Rust

 Look dad, it's a fucking fish invasion!

A war is raging, yes you may be weary of war but it's here and you either fight or you die. We shall fight them in the oceans, seas and other large bodies of water, we shall fight them in the rivers, lakes and ornament ponds, we shall never surrender! terms and conditions may apply  We shall serve them with butter or sauce made from cocks and tails, their dead unblinking eyes shall see defeat and the skillet, their doom shall be topped with tartar sauce and is a dish best served with chips.

Heavyn Nash (was almost named Destiny) a 14 year-old from Florida was boating with her mother and grandfather on the the Suwanee River when a sturgeon leapt out of the water and knocked her unconscious, it was only a couple of weeks since a sturgeon crashed through a boat windshield injuring the driver.
Police do not think it is the same sturgeon, they are aware of a group of Sturgeons that didn't stay in school and are operating as a gang in the area. 

Fishing boat captain Randy Llanes, 47 was recently killed when a swordfish he was trying to catch by spearing it, speared him.
Some think the attack was in retaliation for a 500-pound marlin Randy had caught the day before others say it was karma .... He is randy no more. 

Namor the Sub-Mariner and prince of Atlantis issued a statement, "For too long you surface-dwellers have destroyed the creatures of the sea and have used up and polluted our water but I say no more! Prepare to die, we will so fuck you up."

Aquaman the king of Atlantis was seen swimming around Houston with a 40oz can of Coors laughing maniacally at the floods and shouting out bad fish puns like, "look at this plaice it's a dump" and "hey baby, ya wanna catch crabs?"

Fishmen are complete assholes.

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