Burn After Death

These days you run the risk of dying as much as you do catching a cold or the clap. Either a hobo hopped on on TCL and the crack will stab you cos he thinks yer Satan or you'll catch Ebola from someone who worked in Africa but couldn't be arsed doing the quarantine or maybe Obama will kill you on a whim with one of his drones, death is everywhere and we need to be ready when it cums.

Ever been to a funeral of some total cunt only to hear nice things about them and what a great person they were? ... How did they manage that? ... Am I at the right funeral?

Damjang, a major software company have created the Burn After Death program. You put all yer dodgy downloads into a file and if you haven't used yer computer within say 24 hrs the program deletes all the BAD files, clears yer Interweb history and deletes those incriminating bookmarked sites.

In life you may have been actively into bestiality, white supremacy or maybe a commenter on the Huffington post but yer family and friends need never know, once they find yer passwords after rooting through all yer stuff.

Damjang are also the creators of the Laugh After Death program in which if you log onto their site every week and if you fail to a letter is sent to the police saying that so and so is a pedophile and killed you so you wouldn't expose them, laugh at their expense from the other side when a friend's life and reputation is ruined because of a rumour, don't worry they'll see the funny side eventually.

We all need to be prepared because death can cum at ...... uuuggghhh, my heart.