Prince Charles Will Suck You Dry

Why would Prince Charles visit Transylvania? Well he owns several properties in the wooded region in north west Romania so maybe he was just checking that all the lights were turned off and getting those catalogs that his mummy won't let him have delivered at the palace .... wrong! 

The remote village of Valea Zalanului is where the prince (of darkness) likes to hang out (in bat form) and likes to sample some of the locals local food.  He also practices his dark arts of aromatherapy.

The hardest working yet least likeable royal has been enjoying the remote Romania countryside since 1898 1998.

Camilla hates to travel which is just as well because around the village the local lovelies call the prince, Charles the impaler. I won't go into details as I'm sure that just the thought of Charles impaling someone is enough to make you barf. 
Around the villages of Cornwall Prince Andrew often goes on the prowl for the odd 17 year-old and is known as Andrew the penetrater while Prince Edward is nicknamed Edward the is he or isn't he.

Charles actually goes to Transylvania to get more blood for the royal bloodline. Remember that Philip died during a heart op in 2011, he's been the walking dead ever since. The Tories have been trying to scrap the human rights act in order to fulfill Phil's dietary needs all legal like, the disappearing immigrants are bound to get noticed sooner or later.  Someone is bound to ask, hey all those immigrants that everyone is complaining about ... where are they? Five Slavs working at the car wash is not enough to panic and vote Ukip over.

Until David Cameron can legally arrest, torture and disappear people on British soil within the confines of the law, Prince Charles will have to harvest young runaways from his body farm in Romania.